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My Dad won’t seek help

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Hi all. I’m posting here because I don’t know what else to do. We think my dad has cancer, from the symptoms he has we think it’s Esophagus cancer. The problem is he will not see a doctor! He is 67 and is of sound mind but we are all so very worried that he’s not got much longer left. He can’t swallow, my mom has to blend his food, he’s constantly being sick or spitting into the sink. His voice is getting harder to understand, it sounds like someone has their hand around his throat (sorry that’s the best way I can describe it) and he’s lost a massive amount of weight, you can see his bones through his clothes. He lost control of his bowels last week in his sleep and then stayed in bed for the day but seemed to recover from that ok so I think that may just have been a bug. Im so sorry for the long post I just don’t know what to do. Im so worried for my mom too, She still works and is also taking care of my Dad when he needs it. She’s told him she wants to get doctors involved but he’s warned her off. Any advice would be gratefully received.

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Parents

  • Hello and thanks for posting

    I am sorry to hear about your dad. It does sound like he isn't very well and definitely needs to be checked out by his doctor.

    I appreciate this must be very difficult for you and your mom to see him like this and not wanting to go to the doctors. As you say he is of sound mind so there is little else you can do but express your concerns and encourage him to make an appointment.

    Failing this you could contact your dads GP and express your worries with them. Read more about this here. The doctor may also be limited in what they can do and clearly without your dad's permission they will be limited with what they can say to you but it may be worth considering.

    Do try and find a time to sit down and have an honest chat with your dad and see if you can get him to understand how him being unwell isn't just affecting him but you and your mom as well.

    I hope he see's someone soon to find out more.

    All the best

    Naomi

  • Offline in reply to CRUK Nurse Naomi

    Hi Naomi and thank you for your reply. I posted here because I'm not sure what else to do. We're letting my dad just go his own way at the moment, and because he's being a stubborn so and so the one thing I can do is support my mom. I've been too scared to approach the subject with my Dad if I'm totally honest, we're both quite private people and struggle to talk about anything that's out of the norm, like serious issues and feelings etc, especially to each other. That effort has now got to be made and it's something I've got to do, I'll regret it if I don't. A call to his doctor is definitely on the cards, my mom mentioned it a couple of days ago so we'll see what happens there. 

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  • Offline in reply to CRUK Nurse Naomi

    Hi Naomi and thank you for your reply. I posted here because I'm not sure what else to do. We're letting my dad just go his own way at the moment, and because he's being a stubborn so and so the one thing I can do is support my mom. I've been too scared to approach the subject with my Dad if I'm totally honest, we're both quite private people and struggle to talk about anything that's out of the norm, like serious issues and feelings etc, especially to each other. That effort has now got to be made and it's something I've got to do, I'll regret it if I don't. A call to his doctor is definitely on the cards, my mom mentioned it a couple of days ago so we'll see what happens there. 

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