Oh my, that's a difficult one for sure. He is in denial isn't he but the really sad thing is whatever this is may well be treatable...if only he would take that first step. How many are there in the family? I wonder how he would react if you all came together to let him know how you feel? But I expect you've already done that....

How about writing it all in a letter? How scared you are and you'd do anything to help him and will be there beside him....I really feel for you love, I do hope you can get somewhere with him....

Another thought is phoning the Samaritans ( or similar) to get it all out...this will be building up inside you and I can guess your feeling pretty useless.

I do hope and pray your dad seeks the help he needs ....xx

Just seen your username is onlychild... ️

Hello and thanks for posting

I am sorry to hear about your dad. It does sound like he isn't very well and definitely needs to be checked out by his doctor.

I appreciate this must be very difficult for you and your mom to see him like this and not wanting to go to the doctors. As you say he is of sound mind so there is little else you can do but express your concerns and encourage him to make an appointment.

Failing this you could contact your dads GP and express your worries with them. Read more about this here. The doctor may also be limited in what they can do and clearly without your dad's permission they will be limited with what they can say to you but it may be worth considering.

Do try and find a time to sit down and have an honest chat with your dad and see if you can get him to understand how him being unwell isn't just affecting him but you and your mom as well.

I hope he see's someone soon to find out more.

All the best

Naomi

Hi Marlyn and thank you so much for taking the time to reply. Yes I am an only child, though I did bless my parents with 4 grandchildren so there's never been a quiet or dull moment My dad is quite hard to talk to as well, also if he doesn't want to do something he won't.  he is a very private man. Looking at him and listening to him I'd say this is not treatable, he is so poorly. I cry every time I leave their house because every time I see him he looks worse than the last time. Even My youngest son has made his feelings known (he's 14) I read out a message to my dad that he wanted my dad to hear about getting help and my dad just glared at me and never said a word. We are all at a bit of a loss really, but my mom is on the verge of calling the doctors even though they can't really do anything without my dads consent, I just worry that when the time comes my mom will feel guilty that she felt like she didn't do enough. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it though eh.  I love your idea about a letter though, words don't come easy to me and neither to my dad. This could be the way to go. Thank you again xx

Hi Naomi and thank you for your reply. I posted here because I'm not sure what else to do. We're letting my dad just go his own way at the moment, and because he's being a stubborn so and so the one thing I can do is support my mom. I've been too scared to approach the subject with my Dad if I'm totally honest, we're both quite private people and struggle to talk about anything that's out of the norm, like serious issues and feelings etc, especially to each other. That effort has now got to be made and it's something I've got to do, I'll regret it if I don't. A call to his doctor is definitely on the cards, my mom mentioned it a couple of days ago so we'll see what happens there. 

I wonder if your eldest son would write too? Sometimes it's much easier to fill a page, at least that way you'll never look back and be sorry that dad never knew how you felt. Once you've committed your emotions on paper I know you'll feel a little more relief, then the ball is in dad's court....I wish you all the best in this love, I know it's not easy for any of you xx

Dear onlychild

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this and I'm not entirely sure if this is ethical or not, but when you dad is having a reaction can you not call for an ambulance - they may be able of persuade him that hospital is the place he needs to be for tests - dam the consequences of a fallout with him - your actions may well save his life. 

As I saythis advice may not be ethical or a route you want to take but if Mohammed won't come to the mountain etc etc

Anne

Hi Anne. 
The problem with that is I don't live with them, just for the record I'm 46 I dont go as much as I should due to being frightened and hate seeing my dad so poorly. Unfortunately this would be down to my mom as she is with him the most. What you say makes total sense and sounds like the right thing to do, but I think this won't happen until he takes a turn for the worst. I'm hoping when my mom does call the doctor she'll be put on the right track. 
Thank you so much for your reply, 

Hi Marlyn, thought I would pop on to give an update. My dad got quite poorly yesterday, he couldn't drink fluids which resulted in him telling my mom to call the doctors, he wasn't poorly to the point where as he needed an ambulance but we've had a chat today and my Dad admitted that he could feel himself going down hill the last few weeks and he'd had enough of feeling so poorly. So the doctor came out today and assessed him and said it's 'possibly' cancer in his throat, he refered to it as a mass. There's a small passage where liquid can pass so my dad should still be able to drink. He weighed in at 6 stone and has been given fortisips to help with that and antibiotics for his chest which the doctor recons is the onset of Emphysema. He's got to have a camera and a chest X-ray and bloods to be taken too. Sorry for all that information but I'm really happy that things are happening now. He admitted today that this should have been done sooner. Which ever way this goes, I'm just glad he's seeking help now. Thank you for your lovely words too xx

Oh gosh, so much happening so quickly. Your poor dad was scared to seek help earlier but at least finally he knew he needed something to happen and it's got you all talking, the relief for your mum also must be massive. Like you say, whatever happens from here at least things are being done and with your dad's consent....he made that decision in the end and that's a huge relief for you all.....

I wish you all the best in whatever happens...thanks for the update...you've passed through my mind a few times since you posted... ️ ️ ️ ️ ️