Is my partner lying about possible cancer?

Hello, I'll try and keep this short. 

I have identified a lot of red flags in the below story, but it would be great to have someone else's opinion on this.

I told my husband I wanted to leave him yesterday, lots of arguing followed and then he told me he had been to A&E that day and has been told he might have cancer. To be fair to him, he has had some symptoms of anal cancer but has been refusing to go to his gp. Now all of a sudden he has taken himself off to the emergency department and within 2 hours has given a stool sample, had a biopsy, blood tests and had a camera in his anus to look at his issue. This just seems like a lot to me in a very short space of time. He said they would email him the results in 2 weeks.

I asked why he didn't take anyone with him, why he didn't call while he was there, why it took 6 hours to tel me etc.

Can someone please clarify if any of the above sounds believable?

Thanks 

Parents
  • I really don't think these things are as simple as people make them out to be. For example, there are various ways to get your results. Residents in England can access their NHS app and get information from there, GP's can access results, you can receive them face to face, and yes, you can receive this news over the phone. They do prefer the face to face method, but my wife has received news over the phone as have many others on here. I'm not sure about the email thing, though. But if requested, it doesn't seem like they can refuse such a request.

    Red flags that i picked up on. Getting a colonoscopy requires preparation. It's not something you can just turn up and get randomly. Your large bowel needs to be free from waste, hence, why people getting one need to do the prep the day before. But there are different types of camera procedures up the backside. Some look at the entire bowel, some just look at the first part of the bowel. A&E being what it is, scans etc outside of your normal xrays require a good reason. He'd have to have been having a decent prolonged bleed for that to have even been a thing. So that sounds a bit off

    You're in a decent position as to find out whether it's the truth or not. He has given you a timeline of 2 weeks. So in 2 weeks, ask him to show you a hospital letter, the email or whatever. Everything from the hospital will have a header on it. Usually will also contain a PDF file containing a copy of the letter. He's not obligated to show you any of this, but actions will speak louder than words in the case. If he's coy once he says he has the results, then it doesn't take a genius to add 2+2 together. You can also ask to go to the hospital with him. but that on it's own means nothing. I hate people going to hospital with me, and rarely have anyone tag along. I get really irritated with others in a hospital setting due to nerves. I prefer to quietly stew in the corner.

Reply
  • I really don't think these things are as simple as people make them out to be. For example, there are various ways to get your results. Residents in England can access their NHS app and get information from there, GP's can access results, you can receive them face to face, and yes, you can receive this news over the phone. They do prefer the face to face method, but my wife has received news over the phone as have many others on here. I'm not sure about the email thing, though. But if requested, it doesn't seem like they can refuse such a request.

    Red flags that i picked up on. Getting a colonoscopy requires preparation. It's not something you can just turn up and get randomly. Your large bowel needs to be free from waste, hence, why people getting one need to do the prep the day before. But there are different types of camera procedures up the backside. Some look at the entire bowel, some just look at the first part of the bowel. A&E being what it is, scans etc outside of your normal xrays require a good reason. He'd have to have been having a decent prolonged bleed for that to have even been a thing. So that sounds a bit off

    You're in a decent position as to find out whether it's the truth or not. He has given you a timeline of 2 weeks. So in 2 weeks, ask him to show you a hospital letter, the email or whatever. Everything from the hospital will have a header on it. Usually will also contain a PDF file containing a copy of the letter. He's not obligated to show you any of this, but actions will speak louder than words in the case. If he's coy once he says he has the results, then it doesn't take a genius to add 2+2 together. You can also ask to go to the hospital with him. but that on it's own means nothing. I hate people going to hospital with me, and rarely have anyone tag along. I get really irritated with others in a hospital setting due to nerves. I prefer to quietly stew in the corner.

Children
  • Yes they are. I’ve known medics face disciplinary action for communicating with patients via email - it is several years since most hospitals met the 4 hour waiting time target and that’s only the waiting time to be seen by anyone, let alone prepped and shoehorned into a busy endoscopy department’s schedule. My own wait for that was six months.  
    Even NHS to NHS emails are only permitted using secure emails - with end to end encryption. 
    The NHS app is secure but he stated “by email” which should never happen. 

  • That may used to be the case, but the NHS does use encrypted emails. At least in Scotland they do. I work on the GP (practitioner services here in Scotland) side of the NHS, and we have received data from hospitals via email, and we have sent sensitive emails to customers who have requested things via email.

    Even the NHS website should state this is the case. You as the patient have a huge say in how you receive any information.

    In fact, straight from the NHS site: "Health and care providers use encrypted emails which means that no one can see or tamper with the data while it is being transferred across the network or internet. Your own emails to them may not be encrypted"

    https://transform.england.nhs.uk/information-governance/guidance/email-and-text-message-communications/.

    Emails can be made secure.

  • Edit: I used the term "customers" for some reason. That should have read "patients".

  • Different country, slightly different rules and guidance (see below), different NHS organisations very different rules.

    Yes, emails can be made secure but most private email accounts are not secure with frequent data-breaches by hackers who sell on usernames and passwords. Anyone reading this can check their own at https://haveibeenpwned.com my own has so far been compromised 11 times! 

    GP-hospital emails (and vice versa) are fully encrypted NHS-patient emails aren’t - which is why the patients need to sign a disclaimer. 

    The English NHS cancer centre I use has a blanket ban on clinician-patient emails. I know because they refused to email me some information and instead posted it to me! 

    www.england.nhs.uk/.../Using-email-and-text-messages-for-communicating-with-patients.pdf

  • I'm not really up on the English rules, or the disclaimer side of things because i don't deal with either. I suspect that's handled at the GP surgery or hospital. However, to give you an example, what i do deal with commonly is abused partners. Some patients will only communicate with any health service via email. They do not want texts, phone calls or letters because they can be intercepted by the partner. They also can't guarantee they can make every appointment because their partner controls their movement. Emails are easier to hide, and can also be accessed from internet cafes, libraries etc when they do get out the house. 

    Some doctor or NHS jobs worth can not decide how you get that information. Refusing such a request can be putting the patient at risk. nor are you legally obligated to disclose your reasons.  I can only assume you were refused because it's not the norm, thus they couldn't be bothered looking into it properly.

    Anyone that asks for all communication to be email only will get everything sent via email.