Hello GKGio, 

I just wanted you to know that we are there for you. It is completely understandable that you are feeling this way as you are waiting to have this endoscopy. The wait can be one of the hardest things but it won't be long now before you have some definite answers. It's good though that the doctor was reassuring about the CT scan - so I try and take one day at a time without anticipating what it might be as this will only make you feel more anxious. 

You did well too to call Samaritans when you were feeling really low. Don't hesitate to get in touch with them at any time of day or night. Keep strong as you say for your children. Whatever happens after the endoscopy, you will be in expert capable hands so try and focus on that. Don't feel bad because you didn't go to get this checked out earlier - covid has made everything so much more complicated! The important thing is that you have taken steps to get this investigated now and it won't be long now before you have answers and a treatment for your symptoms. 

We're all here for you GKGio anytime you need to talk. Many on the forum will understand what you are going through at the moment.

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hello GKGio, 

I just wanted you to know that we are there for you. It is completely understandable that you are feeling this way as you are waiting to have this endoscopy. The wait can be one of the hardest things but it won't be long now before you have some definite answers. It's good though that the doctor was reassuring about the CT scan - so I try and take one day at a time without anticipating what it might be as this will only make you feel more anxious. 

You did well too to call Samaritans when you were feeling really low. Don't hesitate to get in touch with them at any time of day or night. Keep strong as you say for your children. Whatever happens after the endoscopy, you will be in expert capable hands so try and focus on that. Don't feel bad because you didn't go to get this checked out earlier - covid has made everything so much more complicated! The important thing is that you have taken steps to get this investigated now and it won't be long now before you have answers and a treatment for your symptoms. 

We're all here for you GKGio anytime you need to talk. Many on the forum will understand what you are going through at the moment.

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Thank you so much; trying to hang on. This forum is great.

I thought the worst part of my life was after my heart attack, I am so thankful that this was years ago and this now gives me courage to continue but I have the pains, and and all the symptoms, my body does not work well, stool is not right, throat painful to speak. This endoscopy is just to see if there is a chance whether there is a hope for a little bit more of life. And I do not know how ready I am for this.

My children is the factor that tells me to try but I am weak and I do not want a painful death, this is why I keep thinking a fatal heart attack might be a blessing.