I'm not sure I was too far from your state of mind this time last week. Absolutely sick with worry and convinced I had lukemia or lymphoma.

A week, some blood tests and a good chat with the doc later and I'm doing much better.

I hope you're asleep now but if you're not drop me a message, take care 

Thank you so much for replying. I was looking for someone to tell my story. I passed the stage now of If I have a cancer. My symptoms are very bad. Worsenig bad throat, needing  a lot of water, stomach pains. I'm gone. Tests dhould have been done a year ago.

I will be sedated for the endoscopy and who knows my heart might let go. I will try to be ready from the religious point of view. 

I'm really happy you are well. Just have that feeling for everyone to do well and be healthy.

Believe me my symptoms appeared to be worsening over the course of a few weeks and I was 100% convinced. 

Don't lose hope, wait for results/diagnosis/prognosis, it may all be much much better than you fear, even if it is cancer 

Hi

i feel I've an understanding of what you're going through I feel similar at the moment, I've got ct scans this afternoon to investigate a pain in my abdomen, I've had it a year, had an ultrasound last year and they found a gallstone so although my symptoms weren't really gallstone symptom they thought that might be it. I had my gallbladder out in January and the pain is still there/worse. My Gp checked my ultrasound and saw they hadn't been able to see all my pancreas so that's what they're looking at today. I'm convinced It will be  pancreatic cancer  and am terrified of the results, I haven't told my daughters yet and don't know how I will, I'm very weepy today and certain I know what the results will be, just wanted to let you know you're not alone with these feelings 

Meg x

Hello GKGio, 

I just wanted you to know that we are there for you. It is completely understandable that you are feeling this way as you are waiting to have this endoscopy. The wait can be one of the hardest things but it won't be long now before you have some definite answers. It's good though that the doctor was reassuring about the CT scan - so I try and take one day at a time without anticipating what it might be as this will only make you feel more anxious. 

You did well too to call Samaritans when you were feeling really low. Don't hesitate to get in touch with them at any time of day or night. Keep strong as you say for your children. Whatever happens after the endoscopy, you will be in expert capable hands so try and focus on that. Don't feel bad because you didn't go to get this checked out earlier - covid has made everything so much more complicated! The important thing is that you have taken steps to get this investigated now and it won't be long now before you have answers and a treatment for your symptoms. 

We're all here for you GKGio anytime you need to talk. Many on the forum will understand what you are going through at the moment.

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Thank you for your good words Meg. What made it worse for me is that when I discussed the CT scan results he told me that we can exclude large cancers, metastased and all that. And now I discover that actually this is not really the case.

I wish you all the luck today, you will be in my thoughts, as I said I have that feeling for everyoone to be healthy and that urge to help people. It's something that unless someone experiences it does not understand it. I have children too. So I understand that side too which is my drama.

Thank you so much; trying to hang on. This forum is great.

I thought the worst part of my life was after my heart attack, I am so thankful that this was years ago and this now gives me courage to continue but I have the pains, and and all the symptoms, my body does not work well, stool is not right, throat painful to speak. This endoscopy is just to see if there is a chance whether there is a hope for a little bit more of life. And I do not know how ready I am for this.

My children is the factor that tells me to try but I am weak and I do not want a painful death, this is why I keep thinking a fatal heart attack might be a blessing.

Thank you again. This forum is just about the only place I can say write what I feel and to know that someone reads it and responds and shows care means the world to me and restores my faith in  humanity. Thank you.

Thankyou for the good luck wishes and I'm sending the same to you for your endoscopy x

At the moment my biggest worry is leaving my daughters- they're in their 20's but I wanted to grow old with them- but I imagine that if the worst is confirmed I'll realise there will be a lot more to worry about too, I just wish none of us were going through this x

Meg

Mine are one in the 20s and one is just 19. Hearbreaking, can't think about it. The only thing that relieves my pain somehow is that if I go first is better than lose a child. I see so many parents going through health issues relating to their children and I say better me than them.

X