Hey everyone, 

Hope your all okay. 

Struggling to sleep right now. 
Had my meeting with Oncology today, lovely person and talked me through everything. I just feel like it was such a different conversation compared to my post ops. 
Post ops was so positive and it all felt very “you can go for chemo if you want” radiotherapy wasn't even discussed. I was told to check over Predict with the sentiments that my cancer was removed with surgery and due to its stage/grade and as a luminal A its less aggressive/likely to return and if I wanted I could just take my tamoxifen and go but I opted to go for chemo to mop up any strays and for my own piece of mind.

Cut to today’s appointment and its now being referred to by the Onco as “more aggressive” and although in terms of treatment Im HER - it did have HER cells but its still negative and it wont change treatment at all. Il be doing 4 sessions of EC and 4 of Paclitaxel over 4 months. Il also be having some sort of injection for my bones once every 6months for 3 years and being put forward for ovarian suppression now. 
The Oncologist felt Oncotype would just be wasting time as due to my age and it having been multifocal it would likely have scored in the intermediate to high risk bracket and have just merely delayed chemo. He then throws in radiotherapy due to my age even though I had a Mx I should discuss RT. I had to ask if what I was told about it all after surgery was still the case as it just felt like such a different conversation. 
I feel like what positive sentiments I took from my post ops have been shaken a bit. I know its silly to but a part of me clung on to the fact my predict score was good (98% for 5years and 90% for 15 years) for comfort but I was told by my onco to “take Predict with a pinch of salt” although he did go through it with me and got the same result as me but said where as on predict it gave me a between 1.5 - 3% benefit to chemo he felt it would be closer to 10% benefit in reality. A pretty huge difference in my eyes!

I suppose I just feel a bit more scared again which is weird as apart from the bit about HER2 I knew the rest, just felt a bit like today had a more threatening tone to it all. Has anyone else had this kind of difference between their surgeon to their oncologist? Id rather go belts and braces with it but post ops just felt so much more hopeful, reassuring and less threatening than today. 

Sorry for the long vent its just all playing on my mind. 

xxx

Hi Rambleon. Yes I had the same experience between my surgeons and my oncologist. I haven't been given my Predict scores but did do it myself. I am now very sceptical about my surgery and I'm now even wondering if I was given the right advice about that too.  It doesn't help our piece of mind at all. I go back to the oncologist tomorrow for the first cycle review. Xx

It's definitely chilly with clipped hair.  But it's much better than finding the long strands coming out.  It was getting matted too. So it was definitely the right choice. The first clump came out Friday evening. Then more over the weekend. But still overall there was good coverage as I'd clipped it up all weekend. The clumps were coming out from underneath. But it's a relief now as I'm not so worried about it. And yes it will grow back! This is just temporary. And it gives us the best chance of remaining cancer free. 

Your regime is a little different to mine. I am 3 x EC and 3x Docetaxel every 3 weeks. Good luck with your first cycle. Remember to paint your nails (fingers and toes) with very dark colours the day before and keep it on for 3 days afterwards. Then 2 days with only nail strengthening paint. Then repeat. UV light affects the nails while on chemo. I signed up for a Breast Cancer Now webinar on nail care. Xx

Hi Ladies..Rambleon88 so got a phone call this afternoon from the hospital and my planning session is on Friday afternoon, so that means radiotherapy hopefully be quite soon. Gosh my knees were knocking again and I was shaking at my desk...I'm OK now, been for a little walk with the dog to clear my head...your both so brave at this stage of your journey and so pleased you both being so positive. We've come so far since we started chatting on here. I'll keep you posted lovelies...sleep well xxx

Woo thats such a quick turn around!!! Oh hon before you know it you will be the other side of it and bit by bit life will slowly find its normal again :-)!  Ive spotted on some other forums people mentioning Aveeno skin care when talking about RT which may be worth checking out. Boots tend to have offers on aveeno stuff too. 
Im a bit nervous as truth be told it just feels a bit bonkers every now and again but Im just trying to keep myself grounded and get through the next step now. 

Ladies on a separate note MY KITCHEN IS DONE!! Every room in my house is a total poop show right now but whoohoo the kitchen is done. Never been so excited to use my own oven lol! Xxx

Yay that's fab news about your kitchen hun, amazing...bet you can't wait to use the new over lol, so happy for you, sod the other rooms ha ha, they'll take care of themselves...I know what you mean about bonkers to...its all happened so quickly...which is great. Just having my last brew before bed, then the head wobbles again, too much thinking about all this.   Got the appointment at the Maggie's Centre on Thursday afternoon so reading about them online, should be helpful to.....keep going hun...hugs xxx

Yay! I'm glad your kitchen is all sorted now. I have said when chemo and RT is all over we'll look into getting ours done. 

 TM1  I've also heard that the Aveeno moisturiser is the one that's recommended.

Keep strong ladies! Xx

Morning, I have heard that to and although I had got E45 bought for me, I've just ordered Aveeno moisturiser and a body wash to...anything to help...have a good day lovely xx

MooGoo Udder cream is very good and comes highly recommended by my pharmacist for use on skin throughout radiotherapy. You can buy this on line from the MooGoo website and I believe Holland and Barrett stick this. I've also started to use their skin wash and deodorant too and can't praise it highly enough.

You've got this girl.x

Thank you so much, appreciated. Hope your doing OK....x

Early days for me in my journey and currently waiting for results from pathology. Just trying to deal with one thing at a time otherwise my mind would be like a runaway train.x

Just wanted to say thank you ladies, I have found this chat so helpful. I felt something not right at the end of August and was diagnosed with grade 2 IDC & 4 lesions last week. Mastectomy and sentinel node removal booked in for late November and then, if they think they’ve removed all the cancer and the lymph node is clear (bit nervous about that as it’s swollen but looked ok on the ultrasound) 5 years of tamoxifen ahead. Waiting for the biopsy results has been by far the worst bit so far, no tears since the actual diagnosis (didn’t need the emergency toilet roll I brought to hospital for eye mopping/nose blowing). My aunt also had breast cancer in her 40s and died of it so I was very scared.

Just wanted to say thank you ladies, I have found this chat so helpful. I felt something not right at the end of August and was diagnosed with grade 2 IDC & 4 lesions last week. Mastectomy and sentinel node removal booked in for late November and then, if they think they’ve removed all the cancer and the lymph node is clear (bit nervous about that as it’s swollen but looked ok on the ultrasound) 5 years of tamoxifen ahead. Waiting for the biopsy results has been by far the worst bit so far, no tears since the actual diagnosis (didn’t need the emergency toilet roll I brought to hospital for eye mopping/nose blowing). My aunt also had breast cancer in her 40s and died of it so I was very scared.

hello BF1 

Well done for listening to your instincts and getting checked!!! 
Im so glad you have found it helpful lovely! Its a rollercoaster of an experience being diagnosed and that space in time between biopsy and results had me feeling like I was losing my mind its so tough. I had a mastectomy and have chosen to stay flat on that side. Its a shock initially but recovery was smooth and as a small busted lady I found the softie fine to use. Primark and matalan both sell really reasonable and comfy post surgical bras too. 

Tears are super natural so if they do fall just know that we are here to chat you through it or just to be a digital shoulder who gets it.
I was teary yesterday as after a successful pre-chemo assessment they raised that Id still not had my heart scan (booked for the 6th) but said as I was young this shouldn't delay it to then calling me 3 hours after Id left to say how I must have the heart scan first to its delayed. Emotions certainly can creep up, Ive found my pms so much worse since being diagnosed!

Rubbish as it all is there are some awesome people out there, you arent alone lovely xxxx

Thank you! I was terrified of tears being triggered at work by people saying 'how are you' in the 10 days when I was waiting for those results (had my escape route to toilets/a meeting room planned). Will be back in the office on Friday but think it will be ok now. I am also not over-endowed with cleavage and going for the no reconstruction option. So glad to have a date for surgery even if I'm not looking forward to the after effects and then the fear before the next set of results. It is heart warming to see the kindness of strangers in this forum and a real comfort to know there are others going through the same thing. 

Oh hon, I think I spent about 3 weeks looking like one of the blues brothers as I just kept sunglasses on all the time to hide puffy teary eyes. By the sounds of it you have done a incredible job at keeping it together. If they fall like I said its totally natural, understandable and we are all here. 
I can totally relate, having a surgery date is so helpful as its a step forwards again and another move to putting this behind you. Its a scary time but before you know it you will be the other side of surgery. Any questions you think I can answer around mastectomies and going flat please don't hesitate to ask I cant promise Il know but happy to help. 
I hope Friday goes well lovely, I work remotely but will be back in work next week now as I cant afford not to work during chemo but grateful I can work from home. Xxx

 BF1   I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. I'm glad that you have found our chat helpful though. Certainly I found chats in this forum helpful.   The waiting  for news is the worst part and having a plan Certainly did help me focus and cope. 

Keeping everything as normal as possible helped in the run up to the surgery.  

I lost my mum to breast cancer in 2019 (her original diagnosis was in 2004 when she was 56 and we got the news it came back I  2016) so I understand your worries but treatments have changed a lot since these times. So please remain positive. A positive mindset makes such a difference psychologically and has actually proved to have a physical impact too! Xx

Thank you and I’m so sorry you lost your mum to this. You’re absolutely right about  treatment advancing all the time. Sending very best wishes.

HiBF1 Rambleon88 RedRuth84 ladies, sorry not been on lately, just had a *** week. BF1, we understand what your going through and crying well I still can't seem to stop. 

I've got dates for Radiotherapy, starts Monday 11th Nov every day for 5 days...I had already booked Wednesday to Thursday off work months ago, so I decided to book the Monday and Tuesday off as well. As I've said before I don't get the support from work apart from about 3/4 colleagues so I thought you know what I'm using holidays for that week as there is no way I'm travelling to and from work in between Radiotherapy appointments...I'm giving the *** of a boss a two finger salute...I'm so fed up. Don't want wrapping in cotton wool but for **** sake a bit of genuine support would be nice. Just get treated like there's nothing wrong with me...rant over. How are you all doing? Rambleon88 aww hun, heart check? what is that for? Sorry I sound ignorant don't I, you know I'm not being ignorant, hope your OK lovely. 

I've got my tattoo dots too ladies lol, hmm had to grit my teeth a little but I did find it ok. Apparently I did great holding my breath (the radiotherapy nurse practices the technique with you first). It was daunting being in the scanner but looking back it was ok. The nurses were amazing and understanding and talked me through it all. Still waiting for the blood results to come back to decide what tablets I'll be on...worried how long that's taken even though I've chased up....off to Wales at weekend, Paul Weller in concert, can't wait as it will be a fab little break. Sorry it's long post ladies....and it's late...chat soon lovelies and BF1, we are all here for hun....xxxx

Hi BFI,

I'm glad to hear that you now have a date for surgery. I had a double mastectomy 14 years ago and stayed flat. If you want any information about that, feel free to ask.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Oh hon!! Im so glad you have some time off for RT (obviously wish you were off for nicer things but still) your work havent been very supportive at all during all of this and god bless you, you really have tried your best with them!! The two finger salute lol!! 
Yup I have to have a echocardiogram before starting chemo, apparently its standard so Im waiting on that now but that will be done on the 6th so hoping things arent delayed too long. 
oh bless you with the tattoos, had you had any tattoos before? 
Have they said which tablets they are considering? 
Ive been told Il be on tamoxifen for 10 years which Im a little bit scared of as my mood can be so effected by hormones! Hope you have a fabulous weekend at the concert hon xxxx

Hi hun, only just seen your reply, well I got the call today off my absolute lovely breast cancer nurse, appears I'm post menopausal so I'll be on letrozole, be about two weeks when it's ready for me...and I've got to have a bone density scan....ffs scan for this, scan for that lol. Well if my mood gets any worse working here, God help em !!!! Lol. Never had tattoo before although my son, jesus he's got too many for my liking and my daughter had them to, although hers are quite subtle and not on show...found myself looking at breast cancer tattoos the other day.. omg lol, dare I....

Yeah took time off as I explained for radiotherapy but wish I didn't have to but hey piece of mind and not rushing back and forth....

Have a lovely weekend to hun. Xxxx

Thank you so much for the Primark tip - I had a very successful trip there after work today. Felt a bit low/scared by ‘bad boob’ looking weird when I saw it in the changing room mirror but cheered up a huge amount by the post surgery bras looking and feeling good on.