Hey everyone, 

Hope your all okay. 

Struggling to sleep right now. 
Had my meeting with Oncology today, lovely person and talked me through everything. I just feel like it was such a different conversation compared to my post ops. 
Post ops was so positive and it all felt very “you can go for chemo if you want” radiotherapy wasn't even discussed. I was told to check over Predict with the sentiments that my cancer was removed with surgery and due to its stage/grade and as a luminal A its less aggressive/likely to return and if I wanted I could just take my tamoxifen and go but I opted to go for chemo to mop up any strays and for my own piece of mind.

Cut to today’s appointment and its now being referred to by the Onco as “more aggressive” and although in terms of treatment Im HER - it did have HER cells but its still negative and it wont change treatment at all. Il be doing 4 sessions of EC and 4 of Paclitaxel over 4 months. Il also be having some sort of injection for my bones once every 6months for 3 years and being put forward for ovarian suppression now. 
The Oncologist felt Oncotype would just be wasting time as due to my age and it having been multifocal it would likely have scored in the intermediate to high risk bracket and have just merely delayed chemo. He then throws in radiotherapy due to my age even though I had a Mx I should discuss RT. I had to ask if what I was told about it all after surgery was still the case as it just felt like such a different conversation. 
I feel like what positive sentiments I took from my post ops have been shaken a bit. I know its silly to but a part of me clung on to the fact my predict score was good (98% for 5years and 90% for 15 years) for comfort but I was told by my onco to “take Predict with a pinch of salt” although he did go through it with me and got the same result as me but said where as on predict it gave me a between 1.5 - 3% benefit to chemo he felt it would be closer to 10% benefit in reality. A pretty huge difference in my eyes!

I suppose I just feel a bit more scared again which is weird as apart from the bit about HER2 I knew the rest, just felt a bit like today had a more threatening tone to it all. Has anyone else had this kind of difference between their surgeon to their oncologist? Id rather go belts and braces with it but post ops just felt so much more hopeful, reassuring and less threatening than today. 

Sorry for the long vent its just all playing on my mind. 

xxx

Hi Rambleon. Yes I had the same experience between my surgeons and my oncologist. I haven't been given my Predict scores but did do it myself. I am now very sceptical about my surgery and I'm now even wondering if I was given the right advice about that too.  It doesn't help our piece of mind at all. I go back to the oncologist tomorrow for the first cycle review. Xx

You've made me proper giggle hun. Bless ya sweetheart and I'll definitely grab a bag, hugs xxx :-) 

Oh hon, how are you feeling now after cycle 1? Sending you a big hug, it really sucks not trusting our bodies right now. There is no innocent ache or pain anymore as my mind wanders to the “OMG but what if!?”. My right boob actually started aching so I emailed my bcn like “so I know left boob stole the show but just want to double check they took a real good look at righty because I just don't trust her!”.

Hope your holding up okay with wigs and caps. Did you go for a wig like your own hair or trying something new? Ive got 2 blondes and a brown and may get myself something funky as I figure why the heck not! 

Sending lots of love and hugs to you both ladies xxx

I coped with Cycle 1 better than I expected except for the neutropenia.  Due to this they are dropping the dose of the E part of the EC this time. 

I went for one the same colour as my hair but a bit longer as the shorter style looked silly. I wore it for an hour yesterday and was glad to get it off to be honest. I'd had my hair clippered and didn't want to do the school run like that so I took the wig to the hairdresser and then on the school run. I'll just have to get used to it I think. 

When do you start chemo? Xx

so glad its going well so far hon. If your anything like me it just hits you every now and again like “My god this is real and actually happening!” 
we will get used to it I think hon and before we know it our own hair will be back! I totally relate to the school run side of it. Two of the mums down the school knows whats happening with me but thats it. How are you finding having clipped hair? Im tempted to clip mine before it has a chance to fall out. 

I have me pre-checks on the 29th and chemo on the 31st! Its wild how fast the turn around for everything has been but Im really grateful for it. Im doing dose dense so every two weeks 4 x EC and 4 x Taxol. Im not going to lie I am scared but I just keep telling myself that the only way past all of this is by going through it xxxx

It's definitely chilly with clipped hair.  But it's much better than finding the long strands coming out.  It was getting matted too. So it was definitely the right choice. The first clump came out Friday evening. Then more over the weekend. But still overall there was good coverage as I'd clipped it up all weekend. The clumps were coming out from underneath. But it's a relief now as I'm not so worried about it. And yes it will grow back! This is just temporary. And it gives us the best chance of remaining cancer free. 

Your regime is a little different to mine. I am 3 x EC and 3x Docetaxel every 3 weeks. Good luck with your first cycle. Remember to paint your nails (fingers and toes) with very dark colours the day before and keep it on for 3 days afterwards. Then 2 days with only nail strengthening paint. Then repeat. UV light affects the nails while on chemo. I signed up for a Breast Cancer Now webinar on nail care. Xx

Hi Ladies..Rambleon88 so got a phone call this afternoon from the hospital and my planning session is on Friday afternoon, so that means radiotherapy hopefully be quite soon. Gosh my knees were knocking again and I was shaking at my desk...I'm OK now, been for a little walk with the dog to clear my head...your both so brave at this stage of your journey and so pleased you both being so positive. We've come so far since we started chatting on here. I'll keep you posted lovelies...sleep well xxx

Woo thats such a quick turn around!!! Oh hon before you know it you will be the other side of it and bit by bit life will slowly find its normal again :-)!  Ive spotted on some other forums people mentioning Aveeno skin care when talking about RT which may be worth checking out. Boots tend to have offers on aveeno stuff too. 
Im a bit nervous as truth be told it just feels a bit bonkers every now and again but Im just trying to keep myself grounded and get through the next step now. 

Ladies on a separate note MY KITCHEN IS DONE!! Every room in my house is a total poop show right now but whoohoo the kitchen is done. Never been so excited to use my own oven lol! Xxx

Yay that's fab news about your kitchen hun, amazing...bet you can't wait to use the new over lol, so happy for you, sod the other rooms ha ha, they'll take care of themselves...I know what you mean about bonkers to...its all happened so quickly...which is great. Just having my last brew before bed, then the head wobbles again, too much thinking about all this.   Got the appointment at the Maggie's Centre on Thursday afternoon so reading about them online, should be helpful to.....keep going hun...hugs xxx

Yay! I'm glad your kitchen is all sorted now. I have said when chemo and RT is all over we'll look into getting ours done. 

 TM1  I've also heard that the Aveeno moisturiser is the one that's recommended.

Keep strong ladies! Xx

Morning, I have heard that to and although I had got E45 bought for me, I've just ordered Aveeno moisturiser and a body wash to...anything to help...have a good day lovely xx

Morning, I have heard that to and although I had got E45 bought for me, I've just ordered Aveeno moisturiser and a body wash to...anything to help...have a good day lovely xx