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Waiting on breast biopsy results - heads a mess

Rambleon88
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Hello everyone.

Ive never really posted on anything like this before but I just feel so lost and scared right now I thought Id see if there is anyone else out there feeling the same. 
Im 36, beautiful son and hubby. Couple of weeks ago was doing my fake tan, noticed just the slightest of dips in my left breast (bottom outer corner). I was due on my cycle so left it a few days encase it was something related and when it didnt go I made an appointment with my GP. They couldn't feel anything but made a referral to the breast clinic based on asymmetrical breasts. 
So I head to the clinic, consultant has a feel and agrees on the dip and can feel a lump underneath it. This then leads them to book me in as urgent for the following day but for a biopsy, mammograms and so on. So I have the mammograms done, they take multiple images. Wait again to head into the consultation room with 2 student nurses, the consultant, a Ultrasound tech and a nurse. They start talking about the lump and identify another one but at this point Im a bit numb and not really taking it all in. I have the biopsies done and then the consultant speaks to me, here is where Im upset at myself as I cant remember the exact wording (my head was and is a mess) but something along the lines of “Concerned” or “Suspecting” malignancy. It was all so fast though. I had titanium chips popped in over the two lumps tested then sent back out for another mammogram to confirm their placement and booking me in for an MRI. During the last mammogram I felt so stupid, I was almost literally frozen as every muscle was so tense and I just couldn't stop trembling. The poor technician was trying to get me to relax but I just couldn’t 
I feel so lost, so scared and to be honest completely blindsided and I don't know if Im just being a big baby or if this is a normal reaction to it all. Has anyone experienced something similar and its come back as benign? Im praying it comes back benign but their reaction and way they are speaking has made me feel like they already know it’s cancer. Then I spiral thinking oh god what if its spread already? And the littlest pain anywhere is making me so paranoid.
Im so grateful to my GP and hospital for moving so quickly, the other half just feels terrified. 
Sorry for the long rambly post and thank you for reading, I just feel like Im free falling right now x

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

    Hi hun, now I'm at home I'm OK, been a long day and been yawning like Bagpuss this afternoon lol. Your right it is still raw and all very new to us all. Going to a Cancer hospital was hard to, seeing everyone at their different stages...gosh you have got a lot going on, be lovely when the new kitchen is finished hun, oooohhh wish I could revamp mine, I've got a list of wha needs doing lol. I know what you mean about every ache or pain, it's like what's that, then you have to remind yourself we still just out of surgery and it's repairing now. My boyfriend keeps reminding me I've done the worse bit...I did spot the moving forward booklet today, annoyed with myself I didn't pick it up. I've got that Maggie's appointment on Thursday so maybe they will have one. Nurse today said it was great that I'm going as they get company's dropping off different moisturiser and skin cream and they hand it out so ill get a goody bag she said. I know it's a means to an end and that's what I'll have to focus on....xxx

  • Offline in reply to TM1

         also look into the Someone Like Me service from Breast Cancer Now. I've found it really helpful. 

    I totally understand the fear of any new symptoms. I am living that right now. 

    I've got chemo cycle 2 on Wednesday. I went for blood tests today to confirm the cycle can go ahead and I've been and had my hair clippered short and now wearing my wig and caps. Quite a step, but my hair started falling out rapidly on Friday and throughout the weekend so it was necessary. Much better to take charge of it. 

    Keep on being strong ladies. You've got this!   Xx

  • Offline in reply to RedRuth84

    Aww thanks lovely will definitely look into that as well. Sorry to hear about your hair loss so quickly. You sound quite strong and took charge of it, which is fantastic. Good luck for Wednesday, we've got this indeed and thank you all for the support it means so much...have a relaxing evening xx

  • Offline in reply to TM1

    OMG get all the goody bags you can hon! Ive heard this too about companies giving away products and lord knows we have all been/going through it so if there is a freebie silver lining to be found girls we have to lasso it!!

    Your exactly right hon, its a means to an end and as horrible as it all is as far as treatment goes your on the home stretch now and you have done so well :-)!! Xxx

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

    You've made me proper giggle hun. Bless ya sweetheart and I'll definitely grab a bag, hugs xxx :-) 

  • Offline in reply to RedRuth84

    Oh hon, how are you feeling now after cycle 1? Sending you a big hug, it really sucks not trusting our bodies right now. There is no innocent ache or pain anymore as my mind wanders to the “OMG but what if!?”. My right boob actually started aching so I emailed my bcn like “so I know left boob stole the show but just want to double check they took a real good look at righty because I just don't trust her!”.

    Hope your holding up okay with wigs and caps. Did you go for a wig like your own hair or trying something new? Ive got 2 blondes and a brown and may get myself something funky as I figure why the heck not! 

    Sending lots of love and hugs to you both ladies xxx

  • Offline in reply to Lyns21

    Hey lovely, how's your husband? Hope your feeling OK in yourself to. Xxx

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

    I coped with Cycle 1 better than I expected except for the neutropenia.  Due to this they are dropping the dose of the E part of the EC this time. 

    I went for one the same colour as my hair but a bit longer as the shorter style looked silly. I wore it for an hour yesterday and was glad to get it off to be honest. I'd had my hair clippered and didn't want to do the school run like that so I took the wig to the hairdresser and then on the school run. I'll just have to get used to it I think. 

    When do you start chemo? Xx

  • Offline in reply to RedRuth84

    so glad its going well so far hon. If your anything like me it just hits you every now and again like “My god this is real and actually happening!” 
    we will get used to it I think hon and before we know it our own hair will be back! I totally relate to the school run side of it. Two of the mums down the school knows whats happening with me but thats it. How are you finding having clipped hair? Im tempted to clip mine before it has a chance to fall out. 

    I have me pre-checks on the 29th and chemo on the 31st! Its wild how fast the turn around for everything has been but Im really grateful for it. Im doing dose dense so every two weeks 4 x EC and 4 x Taxol. Im not going to lie I am scared but I just keep telling myself that the only way past all of this is by going through it xxxx

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

    It's definitely chilly with clipped hair.  But it's much better than finding the long strands coming out.  It was getting matted too. So it was definitely the right choice. The first clump came out Friday evening. Then more over the weekend. But still overall there was good coverage as I'd clipped it up all weekend. The clumps were coming out from underneath. But it's a relief now as I'm not so worried about it. And yes it will grow back! This is just temporary. And it gives us the best chance of remaining cancer free. 

    Your regime is a little different to mine. I am 3 x EC and 3x Docetaxel every 3 weeks. Good luck with your first cycle. Remember to paint your nails (fingers and toes) with very dark colours the day before and keep it on for 3 days afterwards. Then 2 days with only nail strengthening paint. Then repeat. UV light affects the nails while on chemo. I signed up for a Breast Cancer Now webinar on nail care. Xx

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