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Waiting on breast biopsy results - heads a mess

Rambleon88
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Hello everyone.

Ive never really posted on anything like this before but I just feel so lost and scared right now I thought Id see if there is anyone else out there feeling the same. 
Im 36, beautiful son and hubby. Couple of weeks ago was doing my fake tan, noticed just the slightest of dips in my left breast (bottom outer corner). I was due on my cycle so left it a few days encase it was something related and when it didnt go I made an appointment with my GP. They couldn't feel anything but made a referral to the breast clinic based on asymmetrical breasts. 
So I head to the clinic, consultant has a feel and agrees on the dip and can feel a lump underneath it. This then leads them to book me in as urgent for the following day but for a biopsy, mammograms and so on. So I have the mammograms done, they take multiple images. Wait again to head into the consultation room with 2 student nurses, the consultant, a Ultrasound tech and a nurse. They start talking about the lump and identify another one but at this point Im a bit numb and not really taking it all in. I have the biopsies done and then the consultant speaks to me, here is where Im upset at myself as I cant remember the exact wording (my head was and is a mess) but something along the lines of “Concerned” or “Suspecting” malignancy. It was all so fast though. I had titanium chips popped in over the two lumps tested then sent back out for another mammogram to confirm their placement and booking me in for an MRI. During the last mammogram I felt so stupid, I was almost literally frozen as every muscle was so tense and I just couldn't stop trembling. The poor technician was trying to get me to relax but I just couldn’t 
I feel so lost, so scared and to be honest completely blindsided and I don't know if Im just being a big baby or if this is a normal reaction to it all. Has anyone experienced something similar and its come back as benign? Im praying it comes back benign but their reaction and way they are speaking has made me feel like they already know it’s cancer. Then I spiral thinking oh god what if its spread already? And the littlest pain anywhere is making me so paranoid.
Im so grateful to my GP and hospital for moving so quickly, the other half just feels terrified. 
Sorry for the long rambly post and thank you for reading, I just feel like Im free falling right now x

  • Offline in reply to RedRuth84

    Hi Ladies.. so got a phone call this afternoon from the hospital and my planning session is on Friday afternoon, so that means radiotherapy hopefully be quite soon. Gosh my knees were knocking again and I was shaking at my desk...I'm OK now, been for a little walk with the dog to clear my head...your both so brave at this stage of your journey and so pleased you both being so positive. We've come so far since we started chatting on here. I'll keep you posted lovelies...sleep well xxx

  • Offline in reply to TM1

    Woo thats such a quick turn around!!! Oh hon before you know it you will be the other side of it and bit by bit life will slowly find its normal again :-)!  Ive spotted on some other forums people mentioning Aveeno skin care when talking about RT which may be worth checking out. Boots tend to have offers on aveeno stuff too. 
    Im a bit nervous as truth be told it just feels a bit bonkers every now and again but Im just trying to keep myself grounded and get through the next step now. 

    Ladies on a separate note MY KITCHEN IS DONE!! Every room in my house is a total poop show right now but whoohoo the kitchen is done. Never been so excited to use my own oven lol! Xxx

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

    Yay that's fab news about your kitchen hun, amazing...bet you can't wait to use the new over lol, so happy for you, sod the other rooms ha ha, they'll take care of themselves...I know what you mean about bonkers to...its all happened so quickly...which is great. Just having my last brew before bed, then the head wobbles again, too much thinking about all this.   Got the appointment at the Maggie's Centre on Thursday afternoon so reading about them online, should be helpful to.....keep going hun...hugs xxx

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

    Yay! I'm glad your kitchen is all sorted now. I have said when chemo and RT is all over we'll look into getting ours done. 

       I've also heard that the Aveeno moisturiser is the one that's recommended.

    Keep strong ladies! Xx

  • Offline in reply to RedRuth84

    Morning, I have heard that to and although I had got E45 bought for me, I've just ordered Aveeno moisturiser and a body wash to...anything to help...have a good day lovely xx

  • Offline in reply to TM1

    MooGoo Udder cream is very good and comes highly recommended by my pharmacist for use on skin throughout radiotherapy. You can buy this on line from the MooGoo website and I believe Holland and Barrett stick this. I've also started to use their skin wash and deodorant too and can't praise it highly enough.

    You've got this girl.x

  • Offline in reply to Fiadh

    Thank you so much, appreciated. Hope your doing OK....x

  • Offline in reply to TM1

    Early days for me in my journey and currently waiting for results from pathology. Just trying to deal with one thing at a time otherwise my mind would be like a runaway train.x

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

    Just wanted to say thank you ladies, I have found this chat so helpful. I felt something not right at the end of August and was diagnosed with grade 2 IDC & 4 lesions last week. Mastectomy and sentinel node removal booked in for late November and then, if they think they’ve removed all the cancer and the lymph node is clear (bit nervous about that as it’s swollen but looked ok on the ultrasound) 5 years of tamoxifen ahead. Waiting for the biopsy results has been by far the worst bit so far, no tears since the actual diagnosis (didn’t need the emergency toilet roll I brought to hospital for eye mopping/nose blowing). My aunt also had breast cancer in her 40s and died of it so I was very scared.

  • Offline in reply to BF1

    hello  

    Well done for listening to your instincts and getting checked!!! 
    Im so glad you have found it helpful lovely! Its a rollercoaster of an experience being diagnosed and that space in time between biopsy and results had me feeling like I was losing my mind its so tough. I had a mastectomy and have chosen to stay flat on that side. Its a shock initially but recovery was smooth and as a small busted lady I found the softie fine to use. Primark and matalan both sell really reasonable and comfy post surgical bras too. 

    Tears are super natural so if they do fall just know that we are here to chat you through it or just to be a digital shoulder who gets it.
    I was teary yesterday as after a successful pre-chemo assessment they raised that Id still not had my heart scan (booked for the 6th) but said as I was young this shouldn't delay it to then calling me 3 hours after Id left to say how I must have the heart scan first to its delayed. Emotions certainly can creep up, Ive found my pms so much worse since being diagnosed!

    Rubbish as it all is there are some awesome people out there, you arent alone lovely xxxx

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