Hello Bubbles,

I can completely relate. I have crippling health anxiety. Currently writing this from my bed as I've tried getting up this afternoon and felt so ill from.the anxiety that i decided my bed is my safe place! Ive recently been given an urgent 2 week referral too. I found a lump in one breast which is very painful but wasnt too worried..at the time! As soon as my doctor felt my other breast and found another lump I didn't know i had, I immediately went into shut down mode! Barely eaten in the three days since. Not even thirsty. I feel frozen with fear and imagining all sorts (hair loss, death etc!). Im already scared if death and now i just feel debilitated and desperate. Ive tried borrowing some money to book privately but ironically, they're all closed at the weekend, which has made me feel worse. My mum died of ovarian cancer but no ine else in my family has Cancer history so im trying to calm down but instead my brain is on overdrive.

Feel so scared and alone. 

Im thinking of you. Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on. Hugs x

Hi Danni your not alone lovely. I’ve been the same in bed unable to get up. Literally crippled with fear. It’s debilitating isn’t it  I would call them Monday to be asked to go on the cancellation list. I’m going to call back too. Let’s try and help each other get through the wait. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum, the trauma of that won’t help your anxiety either. Sending you so much love xxx

Thank you danni. I’m really trying to hold on to that to keep me going. im so sorry to hear about your mum. I can’t comprehend the pain you felt and still probably feel. Since that time I’ve had a fear of loosing loved ones and convinced myself I have something wrong with me. I’ve had multiple tests for other things which were all ok. In this time frame I convinced myself I had all sorts. I went multiple times about my boobs and all examinations were fine. Went again last Thursday and that’s when she mentioned about a thickening. My partner god love him paid for me to have an ultrasound and she said I had a harmless swollen node (I’ve got a viral thing atm) and a small fibroadenoma and still go to clinic. In my head I’ve got something awful that’s spread. I know I sound absolutely ridiculous as I had this scan but I know in my heart they’d have to biopsy to confirm and scared they’ll find something else. Sorry I’m rambling now lol xx

You're absolutely not rambling at all! Amd thank you..ive had a hard time losing people too..mum eas first.. step dad had leukemia but didn't tell anyone, best friend died and my dad committed suicide. Had many years of Cbt, talk therapy, anxiety/panic disorder meds but years of health anxiety, just like yourself, means I'm a regular at my doctor's..i cringe every time im there but every time i go, to me, is valid as im convinced ive got something life-threatening.. again like you, tests, scans, bloods have more or less come out fine but it doesn't seem to stop me from worrying the next time! Im very pleased you have a lovely, understanding partner as i think it helps to have someone close to you that just gets you! He sounds very supportive. Im blessed that mine is the same.. feel awful if he pays for something but im desperate. You honestly don't sound ridiculous at all... It's your body and you only have one! Totally natural for you to keep looking out for yourself (fight or flight!) and definitely good that you're cautious. Xx

Oh danni you’ve had such a difficult time.you sound like your a real fighter and you should give yourself credit for everything you’ve been through you have found the strength to keep going. I’ve had every illness going these past few months and completely relate I cringe every time I go up. Hopefully everything goes positively at the clinic and I’ve told myself I’m not going to worry anymore. It’s hard because I worry about everybody’s health too. Mums got her follow up soon with the clinic and I’m worried about that. I’ve lost my grandparents which was hard as grandad was a father to me and nan had esophagal cancer and it was heartbreaking seeing her so poorly. My mum fell Ill years ago with imflammatory arthritis  and lost her mobility almost over night. It was heartbreaking seeing her loose her independence but I keep reminding myself that although she’s in pain it’s not a terminal diagnosis. It’s just hard to see when you want to take the pain away. I’m pleased you have a supportive partner too. It sounds like you have a great support network. My partners trying to be patient bless him. He’s a bit peeved as he spent all that money on my ultrasound and I’m still stressed xxx

Good luck today Vickie x

I’ve accidentally put report to moderator!! I didn’t mean to I just randomly clicked a button. Can I un report? X

Good luck Vicki xx

Don’t worry Nhj91 if this disappears I will start a new thread lol x

Hi Nhj91,

Not to worry about reporting the post - we saw this report but have ignored it based on it being done in error, so all OK.

Thanks,

Ben
Cancer Chat moderator

Thank you :)

Hi Dannii how are you today? I’ve gone completely down the rabbit hole as today my boob looks like orange peel. This 3 week wait is a complete joke. Not heard from the NHs at all. Have you managed to find anything quicker today x

Hi Dannii how are you today? I’ve gone completely down the rabbit hole as today my boob looks like orange peel. This 3 week wait is a complete joke. Not heard from the NHs at all. Have you managed to find anything quicker today x

Hi Bubbles

Heart palpitations and feeling sick all day. Im pleased ive found a clinic that will see me tomorrow but equally feeling sick and faint as ive decided what they'll say and the words they'll use, everything. Work will be tough in the morning. Just full of panic and trying to do breathing exercises a lot. Ive also convinced myself that my nipple now looks more red but everytime i check..i find another lump. Its like im obsessively looking prodding and poking. I really hope you get an appointment very soon!!! Xx

Fantastic news that you will see someone tomorrow, will be routing for you. Keep doing those breathing exercises and will keep everything crossed that you are back on tomorrow with good news xx

Thank you so much. Im definitely convinced and fearing of the worst though. I wish i could think about something else xx

Hello Bubbles, sorry, me again... I'm really surprised you've not heard from the NHS at all?!! This wont be helping your anxiety at all..when did your Gp refer you? Hugs xx

Is anyone else panicking a lot, in fits and starts? I can't move. Feel frozen with fear and imagining horrific things (funeral, being cremated, buried, sock, bald, frail and going downhill until black and nothing..which is what I'm so scared of). I cant seem to get myself out of it .does anyone else have these thoughts at the moment? Im boiling hurt and hurt all over so convinced it's cancer and its spreading all over my body with every niggle and pain. I keep thinking of the consultant asking me if i want anyone with me... Giving me the results and me just being sick... I know i shouldn't but now i can't eat again. X

Oh Dannii I’m so sorry you are having to go through this too. I definitely go through times when I’m panicking and then I distract myself again, then back to panicking 

I’ve convinced  myself today that it’s IBC as the symptoms have changed and feel so stressed as know it’s really invasive. I also had Covid a few weeks ago and my first symptom was this horrific dry mouth, which has never left me so now I’m considering all sorts as to whether the cancer is already elsewhere.

this is so tough. Try to keep calm, I shouldn’t say it as it’s not always helpful but can you have a glass of wine, or a bath , watch something funny on tv. Something you’ve watched before that doesn’t take a lot of thought xx

Bubbles I can’t believe your appointment hasn’t come through :( as danni said Is there anyone you can contact to chase? Xx

Me again! It was only Thursday the NHS referral but bearing in mind they are targeted to see you within two weeks, time is ticking! 

I think I will stick to my private one on the 13th, I can’t see the NHs coming back to me and seeing me before then but if they do I will jump at it x

Yes I feel you!! I’ve been on the sofa all day. I’ve been sick and crying constantly. I thought about my family and how I may never see them again. It’s breaking me. I feel guilty I’m seeing this consultant tomorrow now as my poor mum had to wait admittedly they got her in within two days of receiving the referral. I still feel guilty. My mental health is truly broken, I’m consumed with fear. Xx