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Breast Cancer - Struggling to talk to people

Embop
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I've wanted to post this for a while, but i am aware how ungrateful  i must sound.

I am so lucky to have people that care about me around me, who have been so concerned and supportive since my diagnosis.

I am struggling with my feelings at the moment about people constantly asking for progress reports and updates.  I should have said something up front i suppose, but now i receive messages virtually every day asking what time my appointments are, what the doc says, what the next stages are. Even when i respond quite evasively eg "need more information, awaiting appointment " people then push for more information.  Some days i have had 8 people ask for updates, and yesterday i had 4 people asking how my appointment went whilst i was still in the waiting room.  It's so hard seeing the look on their faces when they hear the news.  I have been coping really well with diagnosis, surgery, and now the possible next steps and it is demoralising and upsetting for me to see how upset or scared people are for me - when I'm trying to stay positive myself.

I was at my son's school play yesterday and the mother of my friend's husband was whispering to me wanting to know what type of cancer i have, what treatment I'm going to have, when my next appointment is.  Anther friend's mother asked the same the day before, as i was greeting my youngest child at the school gate.  I just want some normality without being constantly reminded.

My results yesterday  were not as good as i hoped and i have to make some decisions about my treatment. One (wonderful and lovely) friend that asked for an update after the appt has said what she'd do in the same position. I now wonder if people will jusdge me if i make a different decision. I don't really want others to do the same as that isn't helping me. 

 Would i be awful if i told people that i love them for caring and thank you for the suport, but would they mind if i didn't talk about it as it's making it harder for me to deal with?  I am getting to the point where i don't want to leave the house (school runs etc) so that i can avoid the questioning.  I am making excuses not so see people that ask to visit.  It feels really intrusive at this very personal time, even though i know their intentions are only good.  

I am at this point in time more stressed about telling people this next update than about the decisions I'll have to make on my treatment. 

Oh goodness i feel completely awful for typing this. I really do know how lucky am i to have people that care.  Please don't think i don't appreciate it. 

And funnily enough in here i WANT to talk about my progress and next stages! 

Thanks  for reading

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    Hi embop, you've got the right I'd, just politely ask them to give you a bit of space, like you said they do care but you need to have time for you to sort yourself out. Best wishes.... Billy 

  • Offline in reply to Billygoatt

    Hi

    being newly diagnosed is an awful time 

    your going along with your life and it's like someone as thrown a grenade at you 

    I would just say it's a lot to take in and it will be a while before you know exactly what's happening and when you know you will let them know 

    people do mean well but they say stupid things 

    I didn't tell many people because I didn't want to be defined by it or pitied for it 

    I'm older 67 and 3 years down this road

    im well 

    you may have to pull up the drawbridge for a while have  Christmas enjoy your family 

    Friends are important but it's time to concentrate on you and don't feel guilty 

    x

     

     

     

  • Offline in reply to joanieb

    Hi Embop

    It's hard isn't it. But, throughout this, you have to do what feels right for you - whether that's dealing with treatment or other people.

    I was diagnosed with grade 1 oestrogen positive invasive BC at the end of November. I'm self employed and have teenagers so I have just been able to tell close friends and family. However, I too have been a little overwhelmed by keeping everyone up to date and reassured. It has helped to set up 2 WhatsApp groups and everyone has been encouraged to use them. I've also explained that I've turned off notifications and will manage replies as and when. So far so good.

    I'm a little different in that I'm struggling to go out given I'm likely to meet people that don't know about my diagnosis. I'm  finding it hard to act normal when I'm screaming on the inside. 

    It's just HARD! 

    With regard to treatment, it's your personal treatment plan and your diagnosis is unique to you. I like to do research so I can draw up pros and cons and weigh up the risks; I like to look at percentages and then I make the decision. For me, a small chance of recurrence is a risk I'm not going to take. I'm fit and relatively young (in my head) and think I can get over any surgery. But, I have learned that I can't cope with anxiety. I'm already panicked by all aches and pains and I often feel that I'm riddled with cancer. So, my decisions are based on my mental well-being, shaped by my experiences and again likely to be different to yours. 

    Whatever you decide, we've got your back. X

     

  • Offline in reply to Billygoatt

    Embop

    sorry to hear. I know how you feel. Time will make 

    things heal and you should feel better in talking but try not 

    to bottle things in. 

    I had a lump over a year ago. Biopsy showed no 

    Cancer. But it came back this July. So I had more 

    tests done I was in so much pain it grew but it was 

    my lymph node which was removed 3 weeks ago 

    today.  Today I went for consultant appointment 

    and just been told I have cancer. It took them over 

    a year they have made it worse. I got to have 

    an mri and pet scan. Mammogram and then they 

    will discuss treatment plan for me. But already 

    said 6 months of chemo. Radiotherapy which 

    means my hair will come off and I not told nobody 

    just my husband knows. Got to tell my son and elderly 

    parents but everything is just a big blur 

    I can’t talk to anyone. I know how you feel but 

    there’s light after a dark tunnel and it’s wrong side 

    of the year. Emotionally have to be very strong. 

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