Hi,

I am new to the group and BC. I was diagnosed in July. I had  a partial mastectomy with reconstruction 2 weeks ago. Yesterday I went back for the results only to be told that my margins weren’t all clear and I have to go back in on Friday for another op to remove more tissue. I’m also waiting for results of Oncotype test so decide what my treatment plan is. I haven’t been frightened or fazed by anything so far but yesterday I came away really *** off! My wound has just healed and now they are going to re open it. But hey ho. I’m 48 and like you have always been healthy and am crap at being ill. I do hope you don’t become down beat x

Hi Cazrosie - I am currently being offered a lumpectomy (assume same as partial mastectomy) or a mastectomy + reconstruction for a 3.5cm globular tumour. With the lumpectomy they indicated I would go from a B to an A cupsize so offered me a breast reduction on the good side. Size is important to me so I would rather go for a reconstruction to get symetry and also avoid touching the good breast? Are you happy to tell me about your situation? Did you have the same type of cancer? How much of the breast did they have to take? What type of reconstruction did you have (via liposuction or LIDAP)? Di they do the reconstruction at the same time or later after radiotherapy? I am sorry your margins were not clear - did you go for a further lumpectomy? - they suggested that this may well be the case with me due to the globular cancer type that I have. Were you - are you happy with your results? I do hope all went well with you after this post - best wishes Karen

Hey Christine, ladies, 

I thought you had forgotten about me?

How is everyone getting on? I've had a lot going on. Lots of appointments. 

I've had my first treatment. My Chemo was originally for an hour, but I had to have a cannula in the back of my hand. Because of this, it lasted 2 hours. (All explained below).

I was supposed to have a port fitted in my inner upper left arm, as the lump is on my right and the nurse wanted to steer away from the breast where I might need an op to remove sentinel nodes. After 4 attempts, the nurse apologised and said she would have to try the right arm, and she still couldn't get it in. I ended up with 2 badly bruised arms and nowt to show for it. The nurse ordered a chest port, which  should be fitted soon (I hope ) in time for my next round.

All went well after all Chemo was administered, I didn't feel a thing. While waiting for my hubby to pick me up, I felt an immense wave of sickness threatening to splurge out and embarass me in front of all the new found friendly crew (patients and nurses) I'd met and warmed to. But I held it in like a good-un. Everyone was asking "are you alright Vee"? I didnt turn around when I headed for the door on my departure, I could only raise my my hand above my head for a quick wave. 

By the time I got home, I felt so sick, I only had some water, put my pj's on and crawled into bed, and there I stayed until my bladder could take no more. I didn't even wash the conditioner out from having the cold cap. The nausea has continued since  Chemo, but not as bad. Today, I actually felt somewhat human enough to take hubby to dialysis, put washing on after  changing all bed linen, put dried clothes away, washed dishes and put them away cleaned rest of house, washed the car, did homemade soup for lunch and vacuumed. 

I have never felt so ill in my whole life! When I was in bed feeling sorry for myself, I could imagine everything piling up and getting out of hand, so I used the little energy I had to sort stuff out. Someone please tell me it gets a little better. 

Take care ladies

Much love  

Vee xxx

Hi,

I'm sorry, I can't tell you anything about chemo as I was too old to benefit from it.  

You sound as if you are doing too much, though.  Wash the car??? Mine has green mould on the passenger side cos I never see it. I park right outside my front door up against the garden fence.I'm sure you are supposed to rest after chemo!  The search for veins isn't something I have experienced either, mine are only too eager to gush forth when required, and even when not required some times.

it's good to hear you still sound to be facing it as cheerfully as could possibly be expected. I hope Sam, the Yorkshire Wonder Woman gets in touch because she has had the lot and can tell you much more than I can. It must be bearable because she still manages to sound cheerful, although that could be the old Yorkshire grit we hear about. I'm a Lancastrian myself and I think we're supposed to be pretty gritty, too.

Take care, I know it must be hard to let things go, but I would say rest is more important than a clean car

love

Christine xx 

Hi ladies

Sorry its been so long, things are and have been challenging with my father.  Am up in Leyburn currently, was trying to work up here as well as spend time with him and help out my step-mother but the working bit is proving to be an uphill struggle, there’s so much to do to help my step-mother as my fathers condition worsens.  He’s got a friend around currently so am trying to occupy myself rather than reflecting on his condition and inevitable death….its not really working but will battle on all the same.

On the plus side I have FINALLY received the letters of administration in connection with the mothers death last year so there won’t be too much overlap of parental death sorting! Bloody ridiculous eh?  Anyway her house is now on the market so hopefully that will be sold soon (and whilst the housing market is still buoyant).

However still keen to pass on my experts knowledge and see it as my role to share experiences that can often be seen as painful or negative so for our pals who are still going through treatment and surgery…

Vee, 

I too had a PORT fitted, best decision ever!  And like you had to have an annoying chemo the old fashioned way (via cannula) before the port was done.  It is sooooo much easier and less painful with the port…and less fannying around for the poor nurses trying to located often elusive veins too.  Hope you get yours soon, really small & straightforward operation btw and you can’t tell its there other than a small scar.

You really need to tell your BCN about the sickness as they will have you initially on the cheaper anti-sickness drugs that they sent you home with and you may need the more expensive stuff so please do tell them how you were so they can give you the right stuff booth before the chemo & after.  I was very lucky that I never felt sick per se, just nauseous and rough for the week after, but how you feel is very personal and everyone is unique so comparing experiences needs to be done with caution.

For most people (I was on the MacMillan forum too so have read quite a bit about those going through chemo- MacMillan’s online community have a breast cancer monthly chemo thread for those going through it which you may find useful (I did)) they feel rough for the first weeks post chemo (I had mine Weds, took drugs till the Sunday/Monday and felt rough till the following Saturday) so fingers crossed you’ll start to feel better soon.  I was able to work and exercise outside my rough week.

It is generally the case though that as the chemo sessions get towards the end the after effects do get somewhat worse, in my experience they do but are still very manageable.  I had my final chemo (12 in total maybe?) Dec 2019 and managed to eat a large plate of Christmas fodder a week after (I am a pig however!).

And I agree with Christine re trying to do too much straight after chemo, please be kind to yourself, you’re no good to you or your hubby if you overdo it.

Good luck Vee and hope everyone else is well XX

Hello Sam the superwoman,

Do you realise that you never gave us one hint of what you were going through during your chemo etc, I knew you were being stoic about it all but you were just lying to us!  I'm glad you are telling it how it is, now, so that Vee will know what's in store and what to do to make it as bearable as possible. 
I'm sorry you are going through it again with your father.  My parents' deaths were only 14 months apart 
and I was the one who had to sort everything out. My dad had been lured by a local solicitor and the chance of a free will, to make them the executors, who took their permitted year,  and they sold their house through their associated estate agent for half its worth! It's no wonder I ran away then, to an adventure in Central America with a very unsuitable new boyfriend.  I saw the error of my ways after 6 months and came back without him!  Actually, I found a lump in my breast - no relation to my real cancer 25 years later - and was advised to return to zum to get it checked out properly ( and for free).

I hope you don't go mad, like that, when it's all sorted! 
Thank you for taking the time to help Vee in the middle of everything that's going on around you. But, as I keep making it my business to tell others, you need to take care of yourself in the middle of everything! 
I need you to live up to your admission to be lazy, so I don't feel guilty about my absolute slothfulness in cold weather!

Good luck, Vee, I knew Sam would be a count of information for you.

Samneedscoffee21, Good luck, also, I hope you got the advice you were hoping for

Caroline, hoping everything is going well for you and your family, don't work too hard!

Lots of love to you all

 Christine xxx

Hi Sam, Christine and others!

oh Sam, sorry to hear things are getting harder with your dad's illness. Funny (or not really) but have just been listening to a podcast, while at the gym, with Greg Wise taking about caring for his sister at the end of her life. There's also a breast cancer surgeon who had breast cancer who is on instagram and does weekly videos where she answers people's breast cancer questions. She also has a website - Don't Ignore the Elephant where they do podcasts about things we don't like to talk about. Sam, might be worth a listen. They also do one about death. I suppose, working with a palliative care team, I find it all fascinating! 
 

Christine, hi lovely lady. Hope your knee is ok, dog is ok and how's the painting going. How's your daughter? And the puppy?!

Vee, hope you are doing ok. Don't think we've forgot you if we are quiet! I think we just don't pop on here as much as we used to!! Just pop in a message and we will be here! 
Samneedscoffee, hope we've been able to give you some useful advice! I know it's all scary times. But use us for suppprt if you need us.

All good here! Hubby is away in Canada, snowboarding with his mates. Been gone since last Tuesday, back on Thursday this week. It's been bliss :laugh:

Work is busy in many sideway ways, I'm trying to exercise more, as my middle spread tyre needs some serious attention but my mouth isn't getting the message. I'm trying to walk a lot more - less impact on my neck. I should have amazing legs by the end of the year!:wink:

Ive signed up for a Breast Cancer Now 10 mile walk, in May. It's in Oxfordshire and im doing it with my niece. 
Anyway, off to do some hula hooping - good for the waist!!

Take care ladies 

Caroline xx

Hi Caroline,

The old knees are behaving themselves today which tempts me to catch up on my house cleaning. I may resist the temptation, who knows!

Archie has turned into the kindest sweetest dog in the world - sometimes.  He still finds forbidden things irresistible if I have left them within fairly easy reach, I've just learned to be a bit more careful where I leave things.  He did have a chew on my new Christmas bobble hat. It was a Christmas gift, not a Christmas theme. He only made a small hole in the furry lining so it's still lovely and warm and wearable. He does now leave things before he can get to them if I see him and say No. He's just sneaky if I'm not around and he sees something that piques his interest. He waits eagerly whenever I'm cooking because I tend to drop things as I'm chopping etc. If it's ok for him to eat, for example a bit of safe fruit or vegetable I tell him ok and he'll go for it, but if I say no, wonder of wonders he leaves it for me to pick up.  It's only taken me five years to get to this stage! 

Bobbin goes from angel puppy to demon dog at the speed of light, as you probably well remember  from your recent puppy heaven. He was top of the class at his puppy training classes. He thought it was party time when we got there, all those lovely puppies to play with and constant treats being given. I don't think he's quite got the message that there isn't ALWAYS going to be a treat, though as he soon resorts to the unwanted behaviour when he doesn't get one. The classes finished last week, so my daughter has organised puppy playtime at her house, today, with two of the other classmates. She invited me down to watch them but I'm going to be busy doing something else.  The two boys who are coming were dreadful barkers when they first started and I'm sure they will bark for England in a new place. Archie is so kind to Bobbin when he attacks, relentlessly, but I wouldn't inflict three puppies on him.

My daughter is finally coming to after her Covid, ten weeks later, she is going back to work next week, so I will be providing doggy day care, as usual. We had a trial run yesterday, while she went shopping. She was gone a few hours because she could actually mooch round the shops without a mask on. She was dreadfully claustrophobic when wearing one.  (I'm still wearing one when I go shopping. I've bought the FFP2 masks that give the wearer some protection as well as those around them.) I was expecting to have a horrible morning with Bobbin doing his best to make Archie play and poor old Archie trying to escape him all the time.  I was, however, pleased to see that if I told Bobbin, quite sternly, to leave Archie alone, he would do so, for quite a few minutes and eventually he realised what was expected of him and I had quite a nice morning.  I took the dogs round to see one of my neighbours who loves animals but is totally housebound so can't have a dog of his own.  Bobbin sat quietly on his lap for half an hour much to my neighbour's delight, while Archie sat quietly by his side.  I suppose we can put up with a bit of bad behaviour at home when they are so well behaved outside.

The painting is on a hiatus at the moment, this baby's face is still not appearing so I'm leaving it for a bit, hoping that when I go back to it, the face will magically appear!  
Did you expect to get a short answer to your questions?  I'm sure you didn't.  

lots of love xxx

Loved your long response. :happy:

Cheers.  I didn't try hard enough to resist temptation, so I'm now knackered but have a clean house for the first time in what feels like weeks!

xxx

Hi all

Let me reassure you that all is fine but my Dad did die this week (as expected), it was the best farewell as both myself and mother no. 3 were at his bedside and I’d been playing him some of his music in the morning (he has quite an eclectic taste to say the least…glad I get to inherit his music). My father wants a cremation and then to be put in the dustbin ( I kid you not) with no funeral …we will respect his wishes to a point but are considering scattering him on a Scottish beach (he loved it up there). Managed to brave the snow in North Yorks and the wind on Friday to get back home for a break (break the cats out of their imprisonment and chores!) as mother no.3 has relatives visiting/comforting/entertaining her, off back up tomorrow to finish the huge amount of admin that comes with death….am lucky (!!) that the Mother no1’s admin was so recent that its still fresh in my mind (I’ve always been good at finding the silver lining no matter how elusive).  Anyway I’m just glad he’s somewhere better and not lying in a hospital bed with no quality of life and having no choice but to listen to me yatter on at length.

Thanks for your mails C&C, not sure what I told you Christine during chemo (or whether I gave the wrong impression to Vee) but chemo wasn’t too bad…feeling rough isn’t the worst (for me not being able to eat or exercise throughout would have been THE killer). And rest assured no plans to run off abroad with any strange man (the one I’ve got would take some beating re being an oddity anyway).  I am sort of taking it easy but, like Mother no. 3, find it therapeutic to get things sorted and have a plan, believe you me I am planning in future weeks to spend a significant amount of time watching all the drivel that I’ve recorded on TV but haven’t yet had chance to watch.  In North Yorks the local TV aerial burnt down and lots of places are still without TV…its quite nice and archaic at the same time.

Caroline I must say up until now I’d never quite understood what palliative nurses did, you’re a wonder!  We had the loveliest and caring nurses visiting my father daily to fill upon the syringe driver and the nurse who we called when he died couldn’t have been any more lovely, she truly surpassed anything I would have expected from anyone and couldn’t have been more sensitive and helpful…its the thing you hope for but certainly don’t assume.  I do hope you’re as proud of yourself and what you do as I am!  Can’t really apply that to the (exciting..mmm) world of finance in any way shape or form…

The only thing that was very disappointing was the supplier of the hospital beds who were rude, lacked empathy and really gave an exceedingly poor all round service.  Rest assured they are now my new project regarding complaints as I would like to try and avoid anybody else going through the crap that my mother did, not acceptable at all.  Did I mention that re the Mother no. 1 I had complaints with her bank (3 of them!) and her credit card companies….all dealt with successfully and to my satisfaction!  I wonder if its a sign of age that I do actually enjoy a good complaint?

Thanks also Caroline for top tips re Podcasts etc. I may have a listen but rest assured with my natural bluntness there not a lot that falls into the category of ‘things I don’t want to talk about’ regarding death/cancer etc.  I am the proverbial open book, feel sorry for my poor mother no 3…think she’s ok with me asking ‘where do you think he’s gone? and suchlike, will tell her about the podcasts too.

Envious too of your hubby, I do love skiing (despite the fact that I excel at being rubbish at it) but haven’t been due to hip breakage, being unfit, cancer then COVID for over 5 years…next year me and my pal will resume our annual trip…luckily she’s even more rubbish than me (her speciality is skiing uphill).

If you need sponsorship ref your walk let us know how I can help, good cause and all that and hope your week was a good one with lots of walking and no hula hoop incidents (never have the coordination required for such equipment).

On the knee front (Christine) the mother no. 3 is having a knee op end March so it will be interesting to see how that goes (my knees will no doubt go the same way…I blame too much step aerobics!), no driving for 6 weeks after but am glad yours are holding (you) up.  For the mother we’ll set up a rota of who looks after her.  And I think knee annoyance is amongst very good reasons to not clean the house…mine is filthy and will stay that way until I can be bothered (probably next year some time).

Archie sounds like he’s quite well behaved in the scheme of things, my fathers dog (miniature schnauzer) chewed my lovely gloves whilst I was up there (my fault for leaving them in reach of the mutt) and yapps  SO much, when anyone’s at the door, walking past etc.  He also insists on stopping every 2 mins to sniff and pee on every walk…I have no idea where all the pee comes from quite frankly.

Sounds like your daughter had quite a time with COVID, glad she’s getting/got back to normal now, I’m like you in that I am still with mask…for reasons of protection plus I’ve huge stocks that I’d hate to waste!!  So glad the dogs are doing so well together and also cheering up the neighbourhood…well done to them & you.

And you think your note was long mmm….

We’ve had 9 viewing so far at the Mother no. 1’s house since it went on the market last Weds so fingers crossed for an offer soon, good time to sell I’m told and this afternoon the boyfriend and I are sorting the rest of her estate…I can hear Christine telling me to rest but just want it all sorted (it is now 9 months since she died).

Glad all are doing well, and if the universe could just leave Sam shaped challenges be for a bit I’d be ever so grateful…

XX

Hiya Sam

I love your messages!
I am glad/sorry for the loss of your dad, and you will know exactly what I mean. There comes a time when you want their suffering to stop. I fully endorse his views re a funeral.   I keep getting local advertising catalogues promoting, among other things "A Simple Farewell" No frills cremation. I've cut some of the ads out and left them in different drawers for the kids to find when the time comes! I'm not leaving them much, but I don't want them wasting it on a flipping funeral for me!

I hope you get the house sold and the admin over and done with. I only had to do most of it once as there were only fourteen months between their deaths and the ***** of a solicitor did the distribution of the legacies, which were a lot less than my poor dad thought he was leaving us, but I had to organise both funerals, close all their accounts, clear the house and inform the necessary services etc. after the my mother passed.

I was delighted that my daughter actually felt up to swimming on Friday!  It totally zonked her and she had to stop after half a mile because her arms weren't  leaving the water and her legs had stopped moving for the last stretch. She is girding her loins for the return to the office tomorrow and I'm girding mine for a whole day of Bobbin tormenting Archie.   The weather forecast is 100% rain so I won't even be able to chuck 'em out into the waterlogged garden. 

Take care, Sam, and you Caroline, Vee, et al xxx

If I can remember how to do it I might remove Archie on here and put up a snap of the Bobbin monster, he is so cute looking and can be an angel!

 xxx

PS  I did remember and my photo now is a painting I did of Bobbin when he was 10 weeks old  

Hiya Sam

I love your messages!
I am glad/sorry for the loss of your dad, and you will know exactly what I mean. There comes a time when you want their suffering to stop. I fully endorse his views re a funeral.   I keep getting local advertising catalogues promoting, among other things "A Simple Farewell" No frills cremation. I've cut some of the ads out and left them in different drawers for the kids to find when the time comes! I'm not leaving them much, but I don't want them wasting it on a flipping funeral for me!

I hope you get the house sold and the admin over and done with. I only had to do most of it once as there were only fourteen months between their deaths and the ***** of a solicitor did the distribution of the legacies, which were a lot less than my poor dad thought he was leaving us, but I had to organise both funerals, close all their accounts, clear the house and inform the necessary services etc. after the my mother passed.

I was delighted that my daughter actually felt up to swimming on Friday!  It totally zonked her and she had to stop after half a mile because her arms weren't  leaving the water and her legs had stopped moving for the last stretch. She is girding her loins for the return to the office tomorrow and I'm girding mine for a whole day of Bobbin tormenting Archie.   The weather forecast is 100% rain so I won't even be able to chuck 'em out into the waterlogged garden. 

Take care, Sam, and you Caroline, Vee, et al xxx

If I can remember how to do it I might remove Archie on here and put up a snap of the Bobbin monster, he is so cute looking and can be an angel!

 xxx

PS  I did remember and my photo now is a painting I did of Bobbin when he was 10 weeks old