I have just been diagnosed with stage 4 secondary liver cancer. I felt I was in free fall whe I was told a few ago. I want to run but I can't.  We are a member of a club we do not want to be in and yet more that a third of people will get cancer. It's terrifying. I'm finding hard it to be the sick one too. I'm the fixer and doer in my family and I can't get used to not being that person any more. 

I wish you good luck with treatment. I also find Maggie's centre invaluable for counseling at the moment they have save me a few times ️

You sound so like me, the doer and fixer. I don't even know how to do being an invalid!. "free fall and wanting to run describe me perfectly too. This week I have been diagnosed with secondary breat cancer. I have no idea whether it's treaable, although I undrestand it's not curable. Iam terrified and just want a bit more time. It's awful how many of us are in the same situaton. xx

Hi Pandy,

that's good to hear. It's the waiting that's always the worst! 
caroline x

Hey Caroline,

Nice to hear from you. You may have had your results by now! and if your hospital is anything like mine you only get a swift result if they want to get you in their clutches again, so I am assuming all is well. I had a scary day at the hospital myself, last week. I had noticed a pain, like a bruise, and a slightly tender lump under the skin, in my right calf and thought it was something new that I should perhaps keep an eye on. Of course I forgot about it for a week and when I checked again it wasn't there! Yay!! However, I then noticed my thigh felt tender and when I investigated I found a Long lump that went from a few inches above my knee, to just below my groin. I showed it to my daughter and she could see a long blue line where it was sore. I decided to phone the doc the next day. I rang at 8 am and was lucky enough to get through bu 8.15. I told the receptionist I thought I had a varicose vein starting and she promised the doctor would phone me some time in the morning. I was very surprised when she rang at 9.o'clock and I described what I had found and very casually she said that if I could pop down there and then she would be able to see me and find out what I was describing.  I assumed she meant that she didn't have any other patients until a bit later. I just grabbed my keys, gave Archie a piece of carrot and told him I wouldn't be long and drove off. The surgery is only five minutes away and the doctor came and got me straight away. After looking and feeling my leg she said she thought I'd better go to the blood clinic at the hospital.  I asked when I should go and she said, "NOW!!" and almost pushed me out of the door.  I didn't know whether to go home and grab my phone or to dash down to the hospital to get there before it got crowded. I needed the loo, so instead I dashed round the corner to my daughter's house and told her what was happening.

I was at the hospital by 9.30 and when I got through the Covid questions and temperature test, I went to reception, being very pleased to see an almost empty waiting room on the way. When I got to reception, I could see the receptionist had a paper with my name on it and thought I would get seen soon.  No!  The young lady demanded paperwork, which I didn't have!  Apparently I should have picked up paperwork from the desk at the doctor's, but the new system since Covid meant you didn't pass the desk on the way out because of the one way system!  The young lady told me that I would have to wait until the paperwork was faxed over before anyone could see me.  By this time the empty waiting room had only one seat left that didn't have a Do Not Sit Here notice on it. So I sat and waited. At 11.o'clock I got up and asked at the desk if my paperwork had come through and she said it had just arrived and to go back and sit down until she found a nurse. At 1pm my name was called for triage- absolutely no complaints there, a lovely nurse took bloods and measurements etc and told me to wait (Agh!!!) for the blood test results.  I asked if I could nip home and get my phone, only to be told that I couldn't leave the hospital in case I had a blood clot. She did get my daughter's phone number for me and I was able to phone her. She had an appointment at another hospital for pre-ops for her gall bladder removal  next week. I  innocently said if I was out before she got home I would pop in and get Smudge and take him to mine. Smudge is recovering from a big operation to remove a soft tissue sarcoma and the wound is taking a while to heal, so he needs quite a lot of supervision in case he licks or scratches the wound.  What an optimist I am!  I waited another two hours before my name was called again, this time I had an ultrasound scan of my whole leg. I asked if I could phone my daughter and God bless her, she was already on her way to my house to pick up Archie, who had been alone since 9.00 am.  I now had to wait to see the doctor!  Yep, another hour!  When I did eventually see him I swear I was out again in five minutes and he accompanied me to the reception desk, where there was a whole new team on duty. He told me that I didn't have a deep vein thrombosis (hooray!) but I did have a superficial vein thrombosis that was 20 cm in length and I was to take one tablet a day for 21 days, he repeated that about three times, and three days before the 21 days are up I have to go to the blood clinic for blood tests and I must go back to see him after the 21 days!!!  Fortunately they gave me a normal green prescription so I didn't have to wait again at the hospital pharmacy, and I creaked my way to the car and set off for my daughter's via our local pharmacy where I got in just as they were about to close to pick up my anti-coagulant tablets. So I now have one more tablet to remember to take!  
Of course my kids went into over-protective parent mode. She insisted I told her brother, and they both then forbade me to do anything that could incur a cut or graze. (As if I would listen!). Then on Monday, after I had spent two hours trimming the very prickly mixed hedges on two sides of my front garden, leaving the trimmings in the flower beds until I had the energy to pick them up later in the day when I planned to also mow the lawn, I was collapsed on my recliner in my dressing gown, clothes having been removed as they were saturated with sweat, my doorbell rang.
I cussed like a sailor because the footrest takes ages to go down so I couldn't just jump up from the chair, I couldn't see my keys so went out of the back door to see who was disturbing me and probably trying to sell me something, and there was my son and his dog, Charlie.  I was delighted to see him, of course, but when he saw all the hedge clippings I had cut that morning he told me off for doing something so dangerous. The good news is, he finished the job for me, and mowed the lawn before taking me to the pub for food!  He took his sister out that night, to the village local and got her drunk! She was alert enough to take him breakfast in bed the next morning, though, as she is back working in the office two days a week and that was one of her days. 
They both said they had planned his visit before my new problem had arisen but I think they were ganging up on me again because I am so old and feeble and need their supervision!

Sorry this is such a tome, I was never any good at précis!

I hope you realise that is the most I have had to write about in months!  I have my 2yr mammogram next week. I'm hoping they don't find any more calcifications that will require me to sit at the mammogram machine having my breast stapled to the base again, like last year. 
i am smiling at the joys of being fifty!!!  Wait until you are 75! Then you'll know what exhaustion is.. God! I'm turning into one of those old dears who  add a year to their age as if 74 isn't old enough. I have three months and a bit before the next year goes on. I like 75 it's a nice solid number. 
i hope your neck feels better. The calcium tablets I take are sweet, lemon flavour suckers, but I still forget to take them.

Sam, I hope you get the email so you  an read this, as well as Caroline's post. Hope you are ok. 
 

Love

Christine xxx

Hey all!

I'm here, fear not, all good(ish) at my end. My main challenge regarding replying is that I'm doing this on my phone which is a right royal pain in the ar5e. The lovely Adrian bought me a shiny new iPad and keyboard/stand thingy recently for my birthday but it won't connect to the bl09dy router...blummin useless Apple products!!...so am awaiting the tech support Adrian to resolve ( could take some time).

I love that Christine after her full on blood story decided to tackle a thorny hedge... typical!! And well done, I do believe quite often in throwing caution to the wind (is that the saying! I'm forever getting sayings confused...causing much amusement). I like to think of you verging on three quarters re your advancing age, it's the accountant in me! Anyway glad you survived a potential blood-letting!! And Archie eats carrots? good eyesight as a result I hope.

I also got an all clear re annual mammogram, luckily I'm not a worrier as it took a mere 6 weeks to find out - due to holidays apparently!! I've my bone scan end of the month, think they're doing ok as no cracks yet when I regularly fall off my bike...oops.

An amazing time in sunny Donnie eh Caroline? That's a first on me . Glad you've finally got to fully celebrate your 50th. Am curious as to what you had to drink if it took you a week to recover, must be good stuff..

I've just returned from a long weekend at my father's, he's quite fragile now with mobility issues and sleeps all the time as the terminal cancer continues to progress, good to see him (and the north, of course) but sad also. Hopefully he'll make it to next year as would be remiss to lose 2 blummin parents in one year mmm??

 You'll be glad to know that my mother's 2 cats have integrated just fine with my 2 furry beasts, still a little hissing but nothing significant. I am the cat whisperer...or mad old cat woman? 

Just sent off the myriad of forms re my mother's intestate estate and paid the tax... joy. Hopefully be able to sell her house soon. 

So all fine health wise and an now trying to plan, for Dec, phase 2 of reconstruction (nipple on new boob, filling in where had lumpectomy plus lift, removal of underarm displaced fat!!), Hope surgeon can fit me in  as work are being a bit funny about time off.

And work is ok but just keeps getting in the way of much more fun activities!! I want to retire...

So other than having a very bruised (we're talking deep purple) bum (ref bike falling off!), am doing well. Glad to hear you're both fit and healthy (ish!). 

Keep well...and Christine stop giving your offspring palpitations!

Xx

Oh I've missed you, Sam!  
 

You make me laugh out loud. While it's really good that we are getting on with our lives post cancer trauma, it's lovely to catch up with you and Caroline, as you were with me from the beginning.. Sorry to hear your dad is going through so much. I lost my parents within fourteen months of each other and it was hard!  Good news about the cats, though. 
Glad your mammogram was clear but I don't envy you having the reconstruction.  I feel your pain re wanting to retire. That has been my daughter's mantra since the day I retired, nearly fifteen years ago! Her day is getting closer, though. She's an accountant, too, so has it planned almost to the day, dependent on her health not getting any worse. She is having her gall bladder out next week, on the same day that I have my mammogram.  Hopefully that will take care of one of her big problems.  
I forgot about the bone scans, I should be getting one soon, I suppose. Hopefully the calcium and vitamin D tablets I've been taking have kept them at the strength they were last time. They said I had osteopenia then, but no more than is expected at my age. You'll have to stop falling off that bike, though. That is pushing your luck!

I have been giving Archie pieces of carrot instead of more fattening treats on the advice of a vet last year when his weight was up.  This year his annual checkup was with a different vet and he had lost a whole kilo. The vet sounded concerned when she said he had lost weight but I told her it was the result of a year's effort on my part. He is now a perfect 7.5 kilos. He is also a sweetheart now  it was a long slog but he has turned into a well behaved, loving, polite little chap who is a pleasure to take out.

I hope you do get your reconstruction in December and that you recover from it well. Keep well, keep smiling, and get your iPad online  I can't imagine having to type these long missives on my phone.

Lots of love to you both, keep checking in now and again, please. 
 

Christine xxx

So lovely to hear from you both! Christine - wow! What an experience re your leg! And then cutting the hedge! Tough cookie. Hope your daughter's op goes ok. And my dogs love carrots too!! And cucumber! 

Sam, good to see your are doing ok too and not lost your sense of humour. Prosecco seems to be my downfall! And I still don't learn! Had a night out last night - which didn't end too pretty. Seems my health anxieties are not as under control as I thought and I ended up crying on my friend's front lawn, telling her I didn't want to die! ‍♀️. But happy to say that my mammogram results came back today and are all clear! Huge sigh of relief! But I'm sticking to the soft drinks this evening. 
Glad to hear the cats are settled and I'm sorry to hear that your dad is deteriorating. And maybe get some stabilisers for the bike . 
Speak soon.

Caroline 
 

Morning both,

Am (finally) on the new iPad…its so much easier to babble on (unfortunately for you two).

Thought I’d drop you a note as I approach another, and hopefully my final, operation to with this very annoying cancer gubbins!

All going really well here in spite of all the challenges out there!  Work is ok, still getting in the way of what I want to do with my life (cycle, gym, not work basically!), probably doesn’t help that there’s days are so blummin’ short. So last work day Monday and will be in central London for 7.30am (yay!) Tuesday morning for a new nipple, scar revision on stomach, reduction of new boob and fat grafting to old boob.  It will be a much more straightforward op than last Decembers and should only be 2-3 hrs…a walk in the park!  I get a night in hospital (as am private don’t mind this at all, its like a nice hotel only with not quite as good food).

Am all set for Christmas (ha!), all presses bought (despite the fact that I won’t see some pals till 2022), tree up (none of the 4 eejit cats have mounted it yet but there’s still plenty of time) and house looks as festive as I can be bothered making it look. I have yet to write my cards but am saving that for a chore during my recuperation (hopefully a couple of weeks).

I have a lift back from hospital by a pal who’s over from Ireland, not sure how skilled a nurse she is (she isn’t) but as long as she doesn’t poison me then that’ll have to do!  Adrian will be providing domestic assistance though his idea of ‘cleaning’ is quite different to mine - he’s more of a low standard but frequent whereas I am high standard of cleanliness but VERY infrequently!

Idiot cats have integrated really well, we have 3 fatties who make such a cacophony pre morning feed and little pretty Sulla who’s a real grazer and prefers to loiter upstairs but is very fierce! The latter makes feeding time every more challenging.  I need to make sure my eardrums are not pierced by the noise, I don’t lose a limb in the feeding frenzy and that Sulla actually gets to eat her food.  Hope both your hounds are in fine fettle, as are you of course (humans generally behind animals in my thoughts at the best of times).

My sister is over from Taiwan currently visiting my ailing father up north so will get to spend some time next weekend (and have her wait on me!) before she flies back.  My father is ok but is just on the slow steady decline energy and health wise that you’d expect with terminal cancer.  I’ll go up and see him in January after my recovery.  It would be nice to finish dealing with my mother’s estate before having to think about my fathers! The fact that he’s married will much simplify matters though. Still waiting for the nod from the probate office (so I can liquidate the mother's stuff) and am hoping her house is ok in Southampton (the gardener keeps an eye on it thankfully)

Christine - hope your daughter’s bladder op was ok and that you’ve arranged a bone scan (mine showed my bones have got better in the past 3 years - must be all that exercise!), I should have them every 3 years (as am osteopenic) - you may be the same? Tell your daughter to get a retirement countdown app (2 yrs, 7months…)!  Was your mammo ok?

Caroline - glad your mammo results all good. And its good to have a good (if alcohol induced) cry once in a while, I’ve been at the receiving end of some of those recently (for reasons a lot less impactful that cancer), I’m more of a loud and obnoxious drunk who thinks everyone loves her & is her pal and who falls into people/garden hedges/ponds….a joy to behold so I am told. And I don’t think no there’s been any bike accidents of late though did get 5 (a new record) punctures on a ride the other day and had to walk home in the snow for 90 mins (there was a confusion over inner-tubes, am usually very well organised to deal with such matters when out & about! Am now much better planned for this eventuality I hasten to add).

I hope you’re both behaving well and can therefore expect a good visit from Santa shortly

Sam XX

Loved reading your spiel.  Hope the op goes well and you have a speedy recovery.

We have a cat who has been in the Christmas tree before but so far this year she just gazes at it.  Biding her time no doubt.

It's been 2 years since my breast cancer op.  Had 2 mammograms since which were both clear.  Consultant said he no longer needs to see me - I'm just under the care of the Breast Care Nurse if I need any advice.  I have also had 2 bone density scans.  One was 2 years ago the other a month ago.  Slight improvement in osteopenia.  Was told I would have another in 2 years time.

happy Christmas 

Hi Sam, hi Caroline,

I don't think I could have gone through everything you have, Sam, even if I was 25 years younger, when I still cared about my boobs, ie before they went south.  
I have been on the verge of writing to you both several times in the last few weeks but stopped myself regaling you with tales of woe.  
My breast nurse called me for my telephone checkup a month ago, and during our conversation I told her about my adventure with the thrombosis in my thigh, and asked if she thought it could be anything to do with the Letrozole, because on the long list of side effects, it said on the Letrozole leaflet, if you feel any heat or pain along a vein to contact your doctor immediately.  She was quite surprised by that and said to stop taking it, for now and she would check if there was any relationship between the two things.  She also said she would organise a bone scan for me as it is more than two years since the last one. I got my copy of the letter she sent to my GP saying she would get back to me, but, since then I have heard nothing. After the fuss I made about not wanting to take the stuff in the beginning I am now feeling a bit uneasy about not taking it for a whole month and then some.  I rang the breast unit last week and spoke to the secretary who put me through to the nurses' phone, where I left a message asking Emma to call me about it. I still haven't had a call!  I have to go to my GP on Tuesday, it's that time again for injections In the old knees, so, if I haven't had a call tomorrow I shall ask my doc to follow it up for me.  That feels like telling tales but it's too easy to slip through the net these days.

Since my last message on here my daughter has recovered from her surgery, but has lost Smudge! He was diagnosed with a soft tissue sarcoma, which was removed with good margins, but he never really picked up afterwards.  To cut a long miserable story short he became very poorly and started fitting. He was kept at the vets overnight and the next morning the vet rang asking permission to stop resuscitation. He had crashed and started vomiting blood and there was no chance for him.  You can imagine how distraught we were.  We were able to go and see him although he had died by that time but we needed to say goodbye to him. We loved that little chap so much, I'm tearing up now, writing about it.  It turned out he had a tumour on his spleen and it was suspected to be in his brain and lungs,too.

While we were at the vets, my daughter's best friend came with her dog, and we were all crying on each other's shoulders. Three days later,  my daughter and her friend both tested positive for Covid. I had a few hours of feeling very ill with blinding headache and very high temperature. but was fine the next day. I did a lateral flow test, negative, then had to do a PCR test as a contact of the two girls but that was negative, too. The only difference between me and them was that I had my booster jab two weeks earlier!  My poor daughter then had to spend ten days isolating in her empty house feeling like death herself while grieving Smudge's death.  Fortunately I could get anything she needed and as soon as she was allowed to mix, I took her Archie to cuddle.  
Right tale of woe over!  
Last week I finally convinced my daughter that the only cure for her misery was to get a puppy and last Friday we were lucky enough to meet a breeder of miniature poodles who had two puppies ready to go. She wasn't overcharging for her KC registered pedigree pups, who had already been  chipped, had their health checks and both vaccinations. After a lovely couple of hours, surrounded by 2 mother poodles and 6 puppies, plus the rest of the canine household (and getting the third degree re our suitability as prospective owners) we brought home a sweet little apricot coloured boy. He just wanted to be cuddled that first day, an angel puppy.  Now a week on he's turned into devil dog! Not really, he's just a puppy and likes to play. Archie was curious at first, then a bit scared as Bobbin got more lively and bouncy, then, wonder of wonders, he started playing with him.  They race around like mad things, taking turns on who's chasing who. I can hardly call myself Sheltie lady any more when Archie is the only one, now.

My daughter has been signed off work until January as she  is still struggling with her chest, but she's getting better, thanks to having Bobbin, and I don't think she would have without him.

Sorry this has turned into a tome, as usual. I'm impressed by your preparations for Christmas, Sam, I will probably decorate this year, I didn't last year, but I only put the decs up the weekend before the event. My neighbour opposite has had a full set of lights up and populated her garden with all kinds of illuminated ornaments, since the beginning of November and her Christmas tree looks to fill her living room from here.

I really hope your recovery from the surgery is easy and the results worth it, Sam and for both you and Caroline,  If I don't hear from you beforehand, I wish you and yours a wonderful Christmas!

Lots of love

Christine xxx

Hi lovely ladies!

sorry for late check in. Firstly I hope you both managed to have a truly lovely Christmas - covid free I hope?! 
Sam, how did your op go? Have you managed to stay rested over Christmas? How is your dad? Did you manage to see him at all? Or are you booked in during the New Year? Did you manage to see your sister too? And did you get lots of lovely gifts for Christmas?

Christine, how is your daughter doing after her op and sadly losing her doggie :-( Also how is she getting on with the new puppy?! Did you manage to avoid the dreaded Covid after your daughter had it? And how are your doing with medication and your knee??

Life is good here. Christmas has been busy, 9 of us on Christmas Day. Lots of lovely gifts - including a robot hoover which I have fallen in love with! It had hoovered the downstairs yesterday, before I'd even got out of bed!! Today I have my family descending for New Year so there will be 13 of us and they are all here until the 3rd/4th when I will be totally exhausted just in time to go back to work!! 
Health wise, I am good!! I'm taking my tamoxifen - most days but still rubbish with my Adcal. I have an appointment with the breast nurse in March - check up I presume. I don't tend to worry much these days - but do still check myself regularly. Life has moved on!! 
Anyway - lots of jobs to do before the whole family arrive - fingers crossed covid doesn't decide to join the celebrations! 
Have a wonderful New Year and here's to another cancer free year!!! 
Love Caroline xx 

Good morning,

Happy New year to Sam and Caroline and anyone else who happens upon this page.

Lovely to hear from you, Caroline. Sam, I want to ask the same questions that Caroline has already asked, so no point in repeating them. I'm just hoping all is well. 

In answer to your questions for me:- my daughter is much improved but not back to her pre-Covid self yet (and that was far from healthy with her ME and constant migraines) Her doctor signed her off work until tomorrow and she really doesn't feel well enough to go back to her own job, which will have a backlog of work, plus, if colleagues have fallen ill too, there will be pressure to get their work done, too. However, the demon puppy has helped her mental health enormously.  As you know from your own recent puppy experience with Eddie, they are hard work but so much fun. I have told her to see how she feels in the morning and if she is still unwell ( as I know she will be) to call the doctor for another sick note.
Bobbin is a lovable monster!  He torments Archie, who is remarkably kind towards him, and only pretends to be growly with him. He has had a sleepover here, and just expected to sleep on my chest. Archie was a bit jealous, then, and he slept on my legs. Not a lot of sleep, that night, but it was surprisingly pleasant to have a tiny warm body snuggling up to me.

I am delighted to say that I did escape the dreaded Covid. I put it down to timing.  I had my booster just about two weeks before coming into contact with it, and it did its job of protecting me. The local daily rate in my post code area is 1884! I must be the only person who doesn't have it! My friend and her husband have it, half my neighbours have it  I think I'll dig in and keep myself away from everyone.

I am back on the Letrozole, I finally heard from the breast nurse. She said she was surprised I hadn't received a letter from my consultant to explain things, so he must have sent it to my doctor. I was at the doctors the next day for my knee injection and the only letter they had received was the one from the breast nurse on November 2nd!!!  Anyway, the risk of blood clots from the Letrozole is, apparently, very small so I should continue to take it. I was happy to do so, but now I'm back to hot flushes and night  sweats. The sweats are really annoying. I am sick of changing my bed, daily, so I now spray the damp bedding with a spray disinfectant that smells quite nice, then I switch on the dehumidifier for an hour or so, which makes everything feel clean and dry. 
I had a big birthday on NYE, so I am going backwards from now on.( 75 is for old people, not for me!)

Your Christmas sounds wonderful.  We went to my daughter's friend for Christmas Day- five people and five dogs - it was great. Robot hoover? Everyone should have one!  Might be next year's request.   I got a new printer, ( requested), from my son, but also a new IPad! I wasn't expecting that! It has some lovely new apps already installed, half of which I haven't investigated yet but I have found the measuring app, love it, not that I need it, but it was fun to play with it. There is also a band app with instruments to play. I have been thinking about getting myself a keyboard as I have always had one until recent years, I have played with enthusiasm if not style since I was a child. Up to now, the only thing stopping me was the fact there are only 24 hours in a day and reading and painting and sleeping already take up most of those. Having this little keyboard means I can have a little play with it without wanting to spend too much time on it. 
 

 I have finally got into a natural routine with my tablet taking. I have to take tablets in the morning, which I always remember, so I now put my evening ones out on a kitchen shelf at eye level when I take my morning ones, and, so far, I have seen them every evening when I get Archie's supper and I take them!  There is no way I would EVER be allowed to forget Archie's supper! I don't have AdCal, I have Calcichew, same ingredients but Calcichew is just like a sweet that dissolves in the mouth  it is vaguely lemon flavoured and I don't find it unpleasant at all. I suck it after washing the others down with water.

i really hope Covid didn't join in your New Year celebrations, Caroline, and I hope you are getting fit and well after you surgery, Sam.

Ditto to your wishes for another cancer free year, and lots of love to you both  
 

Christine xxx

Good morning,

Happy New year to Sam and Caroline and anyone else who happens upon this page.

Lovely to hear from you, Caroline. Sam, I want to ask the same questions that Caroline has already asked, so no point in repeating them. I'm just hoping all is well. 

In answer to your questions for me:- my daughter is much improved but not back to her pre-Covid self yet (and that was far from healthy with her ME and constant migraines) Her doctor signed her off work until tomorrow and she really doesn't feel well enough to go back to her own job, which will have a backlog of work, plus, if colleagues have fallen ill too, there will be pressure to get their work done, too. However, the demon puppy has helped her mental health enormously.  As you know from your own recent puppy experience with Eddie, they are hard work but so much fun. I have told her to see how she feels in the morning and if she is still unwell ( as I know she will be) to call the doctor for another sick note.
Bobbin is a lovable monster!  He torments Archie, who is remarkably kind towards him, and only pretends to be growly with him. He has had a sleepover here, and just expected to sleep on my chest. Archie was a bit jealous, then, and he slept on my legs. Not a lot of sleep, that night, but it was surprisingly pleasant to have a tiny warm body snuggling up to me.

I am delighted to say that I did escape the dreaded Covid. I put it down to timing.  I had my booster just about two weeks before coming into contact with it, and it did its job of protecting me. The local daily rate in my post code area is 1884! I must be the only person who doesn't have it! My friend and her husband have it, half my neighbours have it  I think I'll dig in and keep myself away from everyone.

I am back on the Letrozole, I finally heard from the breast nurse. She said she was surprised I hadn't received a letter from my consultant to explain things, so he must have sent it to my doctor. I was at the doctors the next day for my knee injection and the only letter they had received was the one from the breast nurse on November 2nd!!!  Anyway, the risk of blood clots from the Letrozole is, apparently, very small so I should continue to take it. I was happy to do so, but now I'm back to hot flushes and night  sweats. The sweats are really annoying. I am sick of changing my bed, daily, so I now spray the damp bedding with a spray disinfectant that smells quite nice, then I switch on the dehumidifier for an hour or so, which makes everything feel clean and dry. 
I had a big birthday on NYE, so I am going backwards from now on.( 75 is for old people, not for me!)

Your Christmas sounds wonderful.  We went to my daughter's friend for Christmas Day- five people and five dogs - it was great. Robot hoover? Everyone should have one!  Might be next year's request.   I got a new printer, ( requested), from my son, but also a new IPad! I wasn't expecting that! It has some lovely new apps already installed, half of which I haven't investigated yet but I have found the measuring app, love it, not that I need it, but it was fun to play with it. There is also a band app with instruments to play. I have been thinking about getting myself a keyboard as I have always had one until recent years, I have played with enthusiasm if not style since I was a child. Up to now, the only thing stopping me was the fact there are only 24 hours in a day and reading and painting and sleeping already take up most of those. Having this little keyboard means I can have a little play with it without wanting to spend too much time on it. 
 

 I have finally got into a natural routine with my tablet taking. I have to take tablets in the morning, which I always remember, so I now put my evening ones out on a kitchen shelf at eye level when I take my morning ones, and, so far, I have seen them every evening when I get Archie's supper and I take them!  There is no way I would EVER be allowed to forget Archie's supper! I don't have AdCal, I have Calcichew, same ingredients but Calcichew is just like a sweet that dissolves in the mouth  it is vaguely lemon flavoured and I don't find it unpleasant at all. I suck it after washing the others down with water.

i really hope Covid didn't join in your New Year celebrations, Caroline, and I hope you are getting fit and well after you surgery, Sam.

Ditto to your wishes for another cancer free year, and lots of love to you both  
 

Christine xxx

Let me start by wishing you all a very Happy New Year!!

Hellooooo Christine, Sam and Caroline,

I have followed your posts from the beginning up to now, and I literally feel as though I've known all three of you all my life. Your upbeat vibes, humour and outlook on life in general, is everything I found I needed for 'good reading'. The more I read, the more my anxiety relaxed.

I was diagnosed with Grade 3 IDC triple negative, lymph nodes clear on 1st Dec 2021. I have no history of breast or ovarian cancer in my family from maternal/paternal side, so this was a shock (I know it has to start somewhere). 

After 3 ultrasounds, a biopsy, 3D imaging and a second biopsy, I'm currently waiting for my treatment plan on 14th Jan. It has already been cancelled once before, so fingers crossed I will know then when surgery/chemo will start. It seems like an awful long wait, considering my type is aggressive, but I can only put my faith and trust in the NHS. 

As i mentioned earlier, when reading your posts, I am relaxed so much I almost forget I have BC, as I get so wrapped up with your every day lives. But as I read on, I'm noticing all three of you don't post as often as you did. How come? 

It's great that as a trio, you have each other to bounce off and keep one another grounded with honesty (love this especially).

I don't sleep very well lately (hence, the time of this post) and my hubby berates me about my sleeping patterns, although he was on this very same cancer ladder 7 yrs ago, only it was contained in his kidney, which he ended up having a nephrectomy. The remaining kidney only had 24% function, but when he got Covid, it bought the function down to 2%!! He is now end stage renal failure, and has 4 hourly dialysis 3 days weekly. He is stable and has been for 5 yrs, but he forgets he didn't either sleep, eat or think rationally all through worrying about the "what if's". I researched and absorbed as much info as I could about his condition and supported him in the best way my newfounded knowledge would allow. I don't worry about him now, as I know he is fine.

He says he understands where I'm coming from....Hmmm I wonder, he (as far as I know) hasn't researched my type of BC. He only knows what I've told him, but when telling him anything re my BC, it seems like it's too much information overload....so I don't say much.

Anyhoo!  Take care ladies and hurry back! Hope this post finds you all as well as can be expected.

Much love xx :love:

Vee

Hello Vee,

Happy New Year! Thank you for joining our little conversation. It is lovely to hear that our conversation is enjoyed by someone else. As you have read from the start, you will know that we started our cancer journey at a similar time, and we know we were lucky to have been treated before the dreaded lurgy invaded our shores.

I feel for you having to wait so long for action. You are at the worst stage of all, mentally. Waiting for information and action is the scariest time of all, I remember it well, even though I was a bit too blasé about it for my children. I am so glad you have felt more relaxed about things by following our experiences.  I have had it the easiest of our trio, that's the benefit of age, I think. Being told that chemo wasn't likely to do me much good because of my age and I didn't need rads because I had the mastectomy was the best news ever. Still being left with a dangly boob isn't so good, but my kids have made me promise on pain of permanent imprisonment that I won't go for another mastectomy. "Don't put us through it again!" Put THEM through it! Sheesh!
 
Like you, I found a stream to follow by a lovely lady who wrote on here a daily blog, and she has been searingly honest about her daily life, too.  She has a husband with terminal cancer and she has logged her daily trials and tribulations with humour and honesty that made me feel it was a friend telling me her story.  Alas, it sounds as though her journey may be near the end as her husband is very unwell, in hospital, now.

I think it is normal that the frequency of posting on here becomes less the further away we are from the thing that brought us here in the first place. We are the lucky ones who have been given respite from the constant thoughts of what, when, how about cancer and can start thinking about living a normal life.  There are some lovely people, on here, who kindly respond to new people posting to put them at ease, somewhat,  and, occasionally, I will look at 'newly diagnosed' messages and respond if I feel I can help but as life has returned to normal I forget to log in and just come on when I get an email to say someone has responded to the not so new member of the family! I suspect that is also why Caroline and Sam don't come on as frequently, they have even more going on in their lives than an old Sheltie lady. 
I will be delighted to hear from you if you care to join our little team and will always reply. It may not be an immediate reply like this one, but I will get round to it within a day or so.

i really hope you get your action plan on the 14th, it's amazing how that helps. I wouldn't expect too much support from your husband, as he is probably going through his own kind of hell and learning about your cancer is more than he can cope with. He's only a man, after all!  I hope he's on a waiting list for a transplant, when life gets back to some kind of normal. 
 

Good luck for the 14th, and beyond. We're here for you to moan, whinge or shout at if it helps you get through it.

love,

Christine xxx

Hi Christine,

Thank you for your prompt reply. 

Aww, of course I'd like to join your happy team. Your family makes me smile. They mean well, but forget their compos mentis mother can't possibly know what she wants. Mine are the same, where I end up saying to them " So what am I? 5?". 

I've read in a few of your posts that you talk of your age, where you state if you were 20 yrs younger, you would have that implant/reconstruction? What have you (not your kids! Lol) decided on? I am not scared of losing a breast, as they are pendulous (my consultants words) and have been the bane of my adult life (58 yrs). I have always wanted a reduction, but could never afford/justify spending the amount of money required just to make me feel good physically. I did start saving, but something more important was needed, and I'd have to dip in my 'boob fund', knocking me back, making my goal further out of reach.

It's good now that I no longer have to save, but its a shame when I look at the circumstances why I no longer have to save. Is this where the saying (be careful to what you wish for) comes from?

I have decided I would like to have a diep flap immediately after my mastectomy and sort the other breast at the same time, if possbile. I did ask for a double mastectomy, as I couldn't face going through all scans, biopsies, dreaded waiting times etc....if I anything sinister appeared in the other boob, but as there is nothing to suggest I would get it again, they told me they are reluctant to remove a healthy breast.

Well I've gone on long enough....don't want to to scare you off!

Much love xx :love:

Vee x

Hi Vee,

It was lovely to read that our conversations have helped you. I suppose we forget that our thread is available for many to dip into and read! Like Christine said, we all met on here in the summer of 2019, when we all started our journeys with breast cancer. We all had different journeys but it was lovely to know you could chat about your fears etc with people who could understand. 
I suppose now we are further down the line and back into "normal life" again, we don't tend to need each other so much, but just catch up every now and again. I found that friends and family are amazing and really do want to offer you support but don't truly understand what you are going through. You are now at the beginning of your journey - a scary, worrying time. Appointments/results/ops - it will feel like you are on a merry go round that you want to get off but you will put your head down, your super woman pants on and get on with it. The hardest part, I found was afterwards. When everything went quiet. No more appointments/results. Just left to get on. Then you process your journey and that for me, was the worse part. But use us to support you! We can offer any words of wisdom :wink: - possibly! But we can offer support.

Keep us informed!! Now I must go to bed - have a son off back to uni in the US tomorrow and we are still fussing about at 12:50pm!! 
Caroline xx

Hi Vee,

I see you have had a reply from Caroline, who can give you advice that I can't, as I got off lightly with just a mastectomy and lymph node clearance, plus I'm retired and I live alone, except for Archie, so don't have a job to think about or a family to to feed and care for on a daily basis. You need to hear from Superwoman Sam, who has gone through the whole gamut of pre-surgical chemo, and the whole reconstruction thing and still makes us laugh when she tells us about it.
I, like you, asked - make that begged, pleaded, and cajoled - to be given a double mastectomy because being left with one pendulous ( your doc's word) and ample ( my doc's word) breast is worse than having none.  I was told the same thing you were, but I was also told that if I had counselling I would be able to get the second boob removed after a few months.  By the time the few months had passed, apart from my daughters horror at the thought of it, I decided not to bother. My dangly boob can stay. It has affected the way I dress, though.  I had some seroma after my surgery and the tissue around my very long scar still feels quite tight so I only bother to wear a bra if I am going out and don't want anyone to feel embarrassed by my one sided look. I wear a close stretchy vest with bra like cups and stick my soft prosthesis inside the empty cup. If I really want to wear something nice for going out, although that hasn't happened often in the last 2 years, I wear my silicone prosthesis. This gives a better shape and fits better inside a bra. The soft ones ride up and need to be pinned into place!  Sometimes I still see it peeping above my vest! At my first mammogram there were some micro calcifications visible in remaining boob so I had to go through the biopsy under mammogram procedure. That was unpleasant, I felt like I was being stapled to a desk by my boob. After doing that twice they weren't able to actually get a piece of tissue with a calcification to examine, so they decided to leave me alone.  I wished then that I'd gone for the second mastectomy a few months after the first but I'm resigned to things now. Tony can stay! (Tony named by my friend as it's "t'ony one"

i hope we hear from Sam soon, but she has a lot going on at the moment, so I'm just keeping  my fingers crossed that all is ok with her.

Let us know how you go on on the 14th and don't get too freaked out by everything in the meantime.  Hopefully in two year's time you will be sitting writing to some woman who has just been diagnosed and needs your kind words to feel better about things.

lots of love

Christine xxx

Hello Christine,

Hope this post finds you well.

Ahhh yes the second of the three musketeers contacted me. Just waiting for our third, Superwoman Sam! I'm sure she will be in touch when she is ready. I'm like, take your time Sam, but hurry up! (Joking).

With re to removing my healthy breast, I'm taking that I will be offered counselling? I can only think  the reason for this is the medical profession requires it so (where there's a blame there's a claim, people) can't sue their a**** further down the line? They making sure that individuals wanting/insisting on having any healthy body part removed, has the capacity to cope after the dotted line is signed.

I had started experiencing sharp stabbing pains in my defected boob around mid Dec. I called my BCN who told me everything will be magnified now I know I have BC, and that I will think every twinge/pain is where the cancer is spreading.

I haven't contacted my BCN since then as I don't want her to render me one of those (uh oh, we got another one ere) patients. Since then, the boob where the tumor is, feels warm, whereas the rest of boob is cool. Not sure what's going on there?

Im trying my hardest (and it is very trying...I'm sure you know) not to get too freaked out, but I swear Christine, all this is testing my super everlasting patience and turning me into a miserable breastzilla bird!! :laugh:

Caroline,

It is indeed a very challenging time. 

I've tried on the Superwoman pants so many times since my diagnosis, and have taken them back off again as they not working for me. Oh I'm not giving in, I will approach them again when I start my treatment and can begin to relax. I know I will have chemo (not nice I hear) and surgery, so I will need my pants firmly in place for this time.

I hope your son had no delays, got his flight on time and had a safe journey. 

Much love xx :love:

Hello all

I'm alive!!  One LONG message for all.....

I should get the formalities out of them year despite being very late to the party…Happy New Year, not really a huge fan (overly commercialised celebration of the 1st of the month…bah humbug!).  But a big (and again delayed!!) Happy Birthday Christine, 75 is impressive, hope you had good celebrations and were festooned with fab pressies (no masks, lateral flow kits etc.)

Operation went well but took it out of me (in many ways more than the first), not being able to walk was a real set-back, my thighs looked like they’d been in a collision with a bus and were really painful (never seen bruises like it), getting better now and now have ‘normal’ looking bruises, thankfully able to walk fine now which is helping lots.  Christmas really quiet, was well fed at Adrians friends (very good cooks) and had a nice time despite being incapacitated.  Was so glad to be able to stuff my face this year (last year newly reduced stomach nearly popped).

I’m glad to say I did however manage to take down all my Christmas decorations before twelfth night (any later and I could disappear into a post Christmas/apocalyptic black hole I believe).

Other than that all quite dull here, avoiding that blummin’ covid well and soon will be on my last zolodex (blood test needs to confirm if ovaries are sufficiently withered).  So one less thing to contend with, hurrah!

My father is now bed bound and sleeping for all but an hour, he is having one issue after another so think its nearing the end, hope so for his sake.  Hoping to go up north to see him when I can.

Glad all are doing well cancer-wise, hopefully 2022 another clear year, they rack up quickly…thankfully!

Christine - glad your legs/letrozole issue got sorted, yep the sweats are a pain aren’t they, I find its better when I’m exercising and really noticed them again whilst convalescing.  

So sorry about Smudge, hate it when animals are in pain/die (and given he was ill am glad his illness wasn’t more drawn out)…but their living more than makes up for the tears, hope the new puppy is helping her (and you/Archie) get over the loss, am sure he’s keeping everyone on their toes!  Hope your daughter is copping ok with her chest and glad she’s feeling better(am sure Bobbin is helping!!).  I grew up surrounded by poodles, we had one of every size but only black & white (cheaper license for tight northerners!)…love them and they’re bonkersness!

I love that Bobbin & Archie are good together, your sleeping arrangements sound great, I usually have at least two furry idiots on my bed pinning me to one position, quite difficult to shift them given their size and my painful areas!  Am sure they’re ‘helping’..mmm.

I’m on my new iPad here, hope you’re enjoying yours, I’m sure I only use about 10% of its functionality….ah me and my Luddite tendencies.

Caroline - robot hoover eh? Not sure me or the cats could cope with that level of tech, plus it would probably need emptying every day with all the cats hair round here (or does it empty itself?? Now that would be  both clever and somewhat worrying at the same time), glad your Christmas was good and your presents useful (sad but I am also a fan of practical presents…a sign of age I think!), I got some lever arch files & clippits (thrilling eh?) amongst other stuff.

Pandy - hope your Christmas tree survived, mine & the cats all survived, think they’re too old and fat to consider scaling the tree now thankfully.

Vee- hi, good to hear from you (despite it being cancer related, of course), am glad that our chats show that a good, happy life awaits post surgery/treatments…which it does! It’s funny though that very soon after recovery from cancer your ‘normal life gets in the way of doing the stuff that you have time to do during treatment (with lots of time on your hands), plus coming onto this site was initially for support and information which I certainly don’t really need now, having gone through it all.  I am really glad Christine’s thread is of use to others- who ever thought my blabbering on would actually serve a good purpose eh?  Must tell the boyfriend!

As usual Christine is a lot more eloquent than me in addressing your queries (she does have years on me though!! Much more experienced at such matters I like to think).  And I too hope that the 14th happens, I do feel for those going through cancer stuff now, selfishly makes me glad I dealt with the treatment side pretty much pre-COVID, its just another blummin’ challenge that you really don’t need in your life.

And I’d certainly recommend, given what you outline re your current boobs, a DIEP, I’m 52, not far behind you…there are some quite lengthy NHS  waiting lists though ( I was lucky enough to have private insurance through work).  Happy to answer any questions you may have as am the DIEP expert now!  Worth adding that I was quite happy with just one boob, but am now happier with 2! And had (as you’ve no doubt read in the thread) quite a good time (sounds odd, but true) on treatments compared to many. As I put on weight pre op to ensure there was enough fat to be liposucked and am still swollen my new boobs are certainly impressive (nice rack - as my sister tells me!) despite the new nipple still being encased in a ‘donut’ (even more impressive eh?  I won’t explain, it will take all the fun away….

I did also want both boobs removing (more for symmetry than the fact I was worried re cancer in the other…am not a big worrier when it comes to cancer) but was told I’d have to wait (surgeon was not a fan of my request at all), and to be fair am glad I only had one side removed/DIEPed as it would have made recovery from mx and DIEP so much harder (I had one good working arm throughout that was a real bonus).  There are quite a lot of ladies who do manage to get a healthy boob removed at the same time so worth progressing I reckon.  And do contact your BCN when you need to, they are used to many calls and am sure they would rather (as would I!) you called as something may need addressing.

Love that we still have this thread and that it helps others!!!

Superwoman  (well I will be once am back on the bike/to the gym!!) Sam XX

Hi All, 

I'm sorry to gatecrash your post but I've been up since 4.30am panicking and doom scrolling! 
I'm booked in for surgery on 24th Feb, mastectomy with immediate DIEP reconstruction and removal sentinol nodes (not sure if that is right term or something I picked up from the matrix ) But I m worried about everything, what to pack for hospital, my bmi was over but consultant said it was fine, but will it really!? When I'm home how will I sleep with drain etc? I live with fibromyalgia, osteoporosis and chronic pain so I'm obsessed with sleep or lack of it what happens to the drain when you're at home? If anyone can spare a minute for any advice I will be extremely grateful  

Many thanks

sam

Hi Sam,

So sorry to hear you are going through this awful time. But there is light at the end of the tunnel!!

So let's go through the practical things. When I went into hospital I knew I was only going to be in for the day but there may be a possibility I would have to stay in, so I packed pjs, dressing gown, slipper, toiletries, something to read (lots of waiting), I had been out and bought some soft material type bras, a shirt to wear to come home (so I wouldn't have to lift my arms to get dressed). I came home with a drain fitted but the hospital did give me a bag to put it in, which I wore across my body. At home I hung the bag with the drain over the headboard at night. Luckily I'm not someone who moves around much at night so it didn't cause me too many issues. The drain tube is pretty long. I did stock up with pain killers so had plenty for when I got home.

I think anxiety is the thing that makes the whole thing feel worse but I had a partial mastectomy and actually it wasn't as bad as I had been worrying about. 
Just make sure you listen to your body and rest when you can.

Good luck xx

Hi Sam,

Caroline has given you the practical information you need. I also took an MP3 player and listened to my favourite music in the hours before my surgery. I am embarrassed to say, I didn't realise I was singing along to most of the tracks, to the amusement and possible annoyance of the others in the ward!

I had a full mastectomy and, honestly, the drain didn't bother me at all. I slept with it in its little bag by my side.  The district nurse came every day to empty the receptacle- a little plastic bag holding the contents. It was no trouble, I could have done it myself if I hadn't had two overprotective children who just wanted someone to check me every day. To be honest, I found recovery from the mastectomy to be very easy, BUT,  I didn't have the DIEP, so, hopefully someone else will be able to advise you on that.

The sentinel nodes will be taken at the time of your mastectomy and you won't know anything about them until you hear if they were clear or not, a couple of weeks later. Don't worry if they say they found cancer cells in the sentinel nodes, because they will book you in for another operation to remove the axillary nodes, I.e. the ones in your armpit to  make sure they get rid of every sign of cancer.  To be honest that is a bit more annoying to recover from but nothing unbearable.  
 

Good luck! If you have read this thread from the beginning you will know that two years on, Sam, Caroline and I are getting on with our lives cancer free and happy!

Christine xx