Hi

i had a similar visit 5 days ago, except I've never been through this before, I'm still waiting on CT as my lymph nodes were also affected 

I don't know how I'm meant to feel, I just feel like I need all the results now and the wait is excruciating 

I have a 3 week wait for CT due to coronavirus although I am on an emergency cancellation list

i would welcome any advice at all on how best to deal with this, I'm 43 and have 3 young children 

xxx

Hi AMil,

I am sorry to hear you are joining the club no one wants to join!! I think my advice would be to always try and remain positive. Medicine has moved on so much that breast cancer has a really high survival rate - in the 90%'s. Talk to people - friends/family or even us. I found that people who had been through/were going through BC had a better understanding of what I was going through but my friends and family were still amazing. Try and keep busy, between appointments. Waiting for scans/results is definitely one of the hardest parts!!! 
Remember, this is just a 'blip' The 3 of us all had very different journeys but we were there to talk about it and share worries and advice. Happy to do the same for you.

Caroline

Hi Sam and Christine!

Sam - how did it go yesterday?? You got a lovely new boob now? How are you feeling? Have they let you go home? And what a lovely friend! I would of gladly given her the keys and told her to crack on!! :laugh: So you just need to take it easy now - hope you've got all your Christmas jobs done so you can veg and just watch naff Christmas films!! 
Christine, I hope you are feeling brighter? How did you appointment about your knee go? Hopefully they can do something to help ease the pain. Such a debilitating pain to have, especially if affecting your sleep.

All is good with me. First one of the first times ever, I am more or less ready for Christmas - or I've just forgotten lots of things. My brain has been struggling a lot, recently. Feels like it's surrounded by cotton wool!!! The puppy is growing - fast!! We had to cut down on his food portions as he was gaining weight at a rate of knots. Still a bit bity but calmed down most of the time. Not sure I'd want to do it again!! 
Not sure if you have read it, but I've just finished reading Victoria Derbyshire's book about her breast cancer journey. It's called Dear Cancer, Love Victoria. I binge read it. She talks about her mastectomy, chemo, radiotherapy and how she feels/copes along the way. I think people who have had cancer will read it differently to those who haven't been along the path.  
I have settled back into  "normality"  Cancer isn't crowding my thoughts and I don't really think about it or worry about it very often! Long may it continue! 
Work is keeping me busy - I am having to test myself for Covid twice a week and report it to work. It's not too pleasant but reassuring to get the results.

Anyway - I had better crack on with some work. Take care ladies - let me know how you both are.

Caroline xx

Hi Caroline 

Yep, all really good here. Told the team this morning that I was looking to leave Friday and luckily for them they've agreed!

New boob is very healthy though does feel a little odd given was used to having nowt there, funny how quickly we get used to things I guess, and am amazed at how little stomach I have left (they removed 444 grams FYI!).

Having a great time here as the team are all lovely but will be glad to get home, even if its with the mother nursing me!  Been told several times by plastic surgeon to slow down...me, impatient??

Managed to wean myself off the oxycodone fine as don't want constipation for too long (jury's still out on that one) so just on ibuprofen & paracetamol now. 

Oh believe you me I have tonnes of crap awaiting my viewing that needs clearing from the TV recorder, it will be consumed over the progression of the next weeks. The TV and tonnes of pillows will be very close pals of mine indeed.

I'm glad you're sounding so upbeat and are ready for the onslaught of the festive period.  I try & avoid cancer books/films etc, find them quite depressing (not surprisingly!).  I generally only watch read funny/horror or murder stuff...forget real life stuff!

Twice a week covid testing...that's quite full on isn't it but given you're in the profession makes sense. 

So tomorrow get my final drain out and have to try & squeeze myself into stupid support pants...really looking forward to that!  Am however looking forward to being waited on hand & foot of course and going round to a pals of Adrian's (who are great cooks) for Christmas so belly may not be quite as flat come the eve of 25th Dec...

Sam X

Hi girls,

I'm delighted to hear you are both doing well. I hope your recovery is continuing well, Sam. if you are in pain, take the Oxycodone, you can always take stool softeners to counteract the constipation. I just eat liquorice if I have that problem!

Caroline, you sound to be well on the way to normality, as much as 2020 would allow, anyway.  I'm so glad!   I think my dodgy knee stopped me thinking about cancer a long time ago.

My visit to the orthopaedic surgeon was mixed. I really liked him and his manner, but he hadn't seen my X-rays so couldn't really give me a definitive recommendation. He had an old MRI scan from 2017, which showed my cartilage damage was at stage 3 and the only higher stage was four which meant bone on bone.  He said he was quite sure that in three years it hadn't got any better but wanted to see the recent X-rays before advising me one way or another.  He then proceeded to list all the dangers associated with replacement surgery, about a dozen I think.  I told him I just want to be pain free and if he can do that without surgery I'd be more than happy. He said he could give me a new injection in the right knee because the last one didn't take, so I don't have to wait another four months, which is great and I have an appointment with him on 16th. Hopefully he won't change his mind and tell me to go for surgery once he's seen the X-rays.  

I have been really sad this week, though. My lovely next door neighbour has lost her eldest son, not to Covid, but suddenly, to pneumonia and sepsis. I want to give her a hug but can't. He was only in his forties. So sad!  

Is it my imagination or have people started their Christmas preparations early this year as an antidote to Covid misery? I was even driven to drag out some lights and a small artificial tree this week and I'm supposed to have sacked Christmas!  They won't be switched on until nearer the time, though.  I've always waited until the weekend before to put up decorations because I get fed up of them by New Year.

Take care, both of you!  Sam, rest!!!  Let yourself be taken care of.  
 

lots of love

Christine xxx
 

Christine,

Thats really sad re your neighbours loss, 40 is so young, I'm sure they know how much you'd like to support them and know that you care...and that counts for lots, and you'll be able to go mad with hugs, as we all will before Easter I reckon (don't forget my Nostradamus tendencies!).

Totally agree with you re people definitely upping their game on the festive front, I've been making the most of my very short and exceedingly slow shuffles around my neighbourhood to be the nosy old crone that I am destined to be and have a top and bottom 5 of tasteful decorations, in and outside houses, thankfully most houses have done a nice job, the more  'interesting' festive displays have been reserved for other, less celubrious neighbourhoods ...ha!!! I've had mine up since mid November, more to get personal value for money and to get it out of the way well before the op, and it does amuse me that the female cat likes to marmalise the tree...bl00dy idiot.  So I am glad you've seen all the festive light and have seen fit to go a wee bit Christmassy...well done!!

Im loving my mother (the agency staff as she's now referred to) being here and seeing to my every exacting need, she's quite rubbish at following directions though and can't make a cup of tea for toffee but beggars and choosers and all that.  My main issues remain, in order, being vvvv painful when coughing/sneezing (why is it so difficult to stop yourself coughing?), the annoyance of having to plan to go to the loo (the support pants are soooo cumbersome and if the band rests on where the magician tried to saw me in half I certainly know about it), our old friend constipation ( thus was also one of my worst aspects about chemo, maybe the worst actually) and now lack of sleep, hence sending this early on a Sunday morning. Sleeping in my back is not a natural position, and neither is being surrounded/elevated by 57 pillows....my lack of much needed beauty sleep will start to show soon.

So as you can tell am actually doing very well! First appointment with nurse to remove bandage next Friday.

Hope your knee injection works this time Christine, I'll be thinking of you whilst gassing with the lovely chemo unit nurses as having my zolodex shot that day....nice to get out but not relishing the need to wash my hair ...it's developing an 'interesting' look day by day...much like some of the dodgier Christmas decs above.

Id like to think that come the 20th Dec your house will be adorned with flashing lights, inflatable snow men, life size reindeer and one of those Santas climbing up the wall, oh and tonnes of icicles that light up from top to bottom....the whole 9 yards and a little bit more. I would personally be so worried about my electrical bill, such a tight northerner!!!

Stay safe but go mad.

X

Hi Girls,

I hope yesterday's news from BoJo hasn't knocked your Christmas plans into touch.  My daughter and I are not being affected by it, I'm pleased to say and we have our Chinese banquet booked for delivery on Christmas Eve, for us to zap the next day for our Christmas Day dinner. 
I was actually, very lucky to see my son the other day. He had to drive North to make a delivery to a customer so carried on to sunny Lancashire. Strictly he shouldn't have been allowed in, nor, God forbid, given a hug, but he was and I did!  He has been extremely careful during the pandemic because his partner is quite vulnerable.  I felt like my Christmas had come early because my daughter came round, too. We are in a bubble so that was quite legal, and sitting in my lounge with both my kids and all three dogs felt wonderful.

I'm going to make a confession to you guys, because I know it won't get back to them, but I lied to my kids.  I wanted to give them money for Christmas as my bank account was a lot healthier this year than last, due to not having done anything enjoyable and they had both had a lot of expense this year. My daughter had to have a new roof on her house and my son had had to spend a lot of money on trips to his in-laws to help out with a sick parent.  I spent quite a few sleepless nights thinking how to give it to them. I knew that they wouldn't accept it if I just tried to give it to them, so I lied.  I had a small lottery win, the week before, so I showed them the email announcing a win, but exaggerated the amount ( £3 became £3000) and paid a thousand pounds into each of their bank accounts. We have always shared any windfalls, so they were delighted to think this was lucky money!  I'm still smiling about it! I even switched on my Christmas lights while they were here!

I hope your discomfort post surgery is lessening, Sam,  the thought of that, alone, would be enough to put me off having reconstruction, fortunately I can use my age as an excuse for not going down that route. I don't like to try to sleep on my back, either, but find it helps if I have to, to put pillows under my knees as well as under my shoulders/head, to give a sun lounger effect.

My knee injection seems to have worked, I just get the odd twinge now, but am walking without limping! Yay!!!   Just before I had it my daughter reminded me that I had gone mad doing housework and gardening after the last one, while the local anaesthetic was still working, and she's convinced I bu@@ared it up, so I had to promise to rest up for a day. I did a grocery shop on my way to the hospital so I was able to just go home and take it easy after the jab.  I'm now trying to ease myself off the painkillers- no easy task. I've reduced the codeine to twice a day, and so far so good. I had a bad headache the first day, but not so bad subsequently, I'll go down to one a day from tomorrow. I have never been one for taking tablets and it has freaked me out taking15 a day with my Lansoprazole and Letrozole. I might hang on the the Amitriptyline, though, I love the way it helps my sleep!

Today is Smudge's tenth birthday! He still looks like a puppy but is slowing down a bit now, although you wouldn't think so if you saw the delight he showed when he got his Rupert Bear birthday present. He has chased it and chewed it all morning. He didn't appreciate my singing Happy Birthday on FaceTime though. 

Caroline, I'm sure you are busy with Christmas preparations, I was always quite a last minute person when the kids were young, working full time doesn't help, as well as being the family driver, so as well as getting everything organised I was the one going to pick up grandparents etc.  Christmas has got smaller and smaller as years go by and families get smaller, and this year I have really cut down on preparations although it was nice to sit down and organise my donations to my charities. I gave a bit more  to a few more, this year, rather than buying and posting dozens of cards and gifts people didn't really want and certainly didn't need, just from habit.  I did warn people that I was only giving to charity this year, and I hope they don't end up buying me something and make me feel guilty.  Not being able to have visits helps that, actually, 

Have a lovely Christmas despite the restrictions, and here's to a 2021 with a bit more normality!
 

lots of love

Christine xxx

Hi Christine 

You are like me in so many ways, I too am a darn good and consistent liar and quite inventive with it too.  I mean I'm honest about lying, I tell the boyfriend quite regularly about my lieing prowess, he tells me that he really doesn't want to know...he's far too good and principled for me you know! But that's a lovely thing to do for your kids and so glad you got to see both of them.  Bring on some more, larger wins eh?

Boris has indeed ruined my Christmas plans...what a surprise!  That man is no good at managing expectations, something I tell the boyfriend is very important to me.  We were due to go round to some friends of his (who are very good cooks) for the day and dinner but alas no more...boo!  Not quite sure what we'll do now...I mean even if I was fighting fit I couldn't be bothered with the cooking palaver so the onus is on the poor, ever suffering boyfriend...I'd be quite happy with a pizza just be nice to be out of these (tier) 4 walls for a bit.  Christine your Chinese banquet idea is becoming more appetising as the days pass, late Boris news will no doubt mean that such opportunities have been snapped up but we'll see...

Recovery still doing really well, had the thick bandages off Friday and was told my scars are amongst the best ever seen, love to be teachers pet! The surgeons work is very neat & tidy and barely a scab to be seen. Am still slow and its cumbersome to move but getting quicker and easier every day. Thankfully sleeping better of late and bowels back in good order (nice!).  My father reckons I have his very quick healing genes, that may be so but I reckon my healthy lifestyle is a large contributory factor too.

Good news re knee, how long will the good news  last? Will it need topping up every so often? I think its a good idea to wean self off pain killers, I'm not a fan of drugs per se and made a point of stopping oxycodone soonish in hospital and am now also free of ibuprofen and paracetamol...luckily I have a very high plain threshold anyway so paracetamol does buggar all anyway.  And some of the heavy hitters cause my worst nightmare...constipation!  I think I may be on the lansaprazole too but want to kick that into touch too (not altogether sure what its doing but no energy to be that interested!).

Happy Birthday fluffy Smudge, am hoping Rupert was from Archie too or is Archie going to be giving his pal a special gift? You whatsapp'd a dog...am impressed with Smudge's grasp of technology.  Its taken me 2 weeks and the help of boyfriend and sister in Taiwan to fathom out how to post photos on facebook (for my DIEP group pals to see plastic surgeons fine work & needed to cover up body parts not permitted)....it was a technology challenge too far but finally succeeded.  I put up before and after photos and not one person questioned how the plastic surgeon managed to improve on perfection!! Ha!

Like you my father (who is doing well) gave money to McMillan rather than cards, its actually a blessing as his card includes an annual 'poem' which is always terrible but he thinks is quite good.

Caroline - hope naughty Eddie is good and not marmalising Christmas decorations (like my female cat), I think you're outside tier 4 so hope your plans aren't too affected for the festive period.  I was debating going to see the mother near you Boxing Day but Boris has put paid to that too (probably just as well, saves her cooking and the boyfriend worrying that we've passed on something).  How's your positivity? its crap that all that's going on is battering it and hope that the Christmas announcement hasn't further impacted it, I know how important it is as its carried me through since diagnosis.

Hope your decorations are filling you with festive cheer, I'm loving the extra effort made in my neighbourhood (well apart from some..), my effort is comparable with previous years, don't want to overdo it plus just more for the boyfriend to take down in Jan (see, I'm thoughtful like that...yeah right!!).

Right, have a good festive Chinese with the daughter Christine and Caroline with the family (and maybe others - you lucky lady!) XX

Hi ladies,

Lovely to hear how well you are both doing - knee wise, new boob wise!!! We are tough cookies aren't we!!

Sam, yes we are narrowly avoid being in tier 4 by the skin of our teeth, half a mile up the road are not so lucky. My mum and dad made the decision a while ago, not to come down for Christmas, which I am gutted about but understand. Haven't seen them since New Year. My sister lives in South Wales and was due to come and visit on Boxing Day for the night but that has now been cancelled. I thank my lucky stars that I do have my kids and husband here so not alone. 
Eddie is ok but we had a major scare on Thursday when he had a funny turn. Lost his sense of balance, had the shakes and lost bladder control. Came on very suddenly. So we rushed him to the vets and they suspected sepis/meningitis and told us he was in a very bad way and to prepare for the worst. We had to rush him to a specialist neurologist vets near Winchester, for tests and an MRI. They rushed him in and then came back out 20 min later with a normal looking dog!!! Walking normally, tail wagging! They didn't do an MRI as couldn't see any reason to do so!! And touch wood, since then he has been his normal little *** self!! 
I feel very sad that everyone has had Christmas plans cancelled but I think a quiet Christmas / New Year will be time for us all to appreciate what we have. I feel sad for people who will be alone and whose mental health is going to suffer. I think if you need to break the rules in order to help someone's well being - so be it! My friend's mum has terminal cancer and might not be here next Christmas. I've told my friend to go round to see her - just maybe stay in the garden.

Christine, what a lovely gesture to your kids!! And very crafty!! 
Well, I need to crack on with some housework - so if don't catch up before Christmas, have a lovely, quiet and chilled one. Lots of walks and pj days I reckon. And a peaceful New Year and to hopes we can party again next year!!!

Love Caroline xx

Hi Girls,

Happy New Year to you and yours. I'm working on the belief that it must be better than last year, but actually last year was better than 2019 because that's when we all got cancer!

I hope you had a nIce Christmas and New Year's Eve. It was my birthday yesterday and it was just me and Archie because my daughter was snowed in. I planned a lovely quiet reading day as I am so over the rubbish TV we've had over Christmas. Did I manage that? No! The world and his wife decided to telephone or FaceTime or text me. I felt like I'd been to a party by the time night came. Then my neighbours decided they were going to have drinks at the end of their drive at midnight and put it on our friends and neighbours Messenger group, so People were replying and commenting and making jokes all night. Each time another one replied my iPad would ping, so even though I went to bed at my usual 10 - 10.30, I couldn't get to sleep. Then the fireworks started. Fortunately Archie isn't bothered by them but sleep was totally out of the question for another hour or so. 
My daughter lives in a small village on a quiet, narrow road where houses only line one side opposite a fishing lake. She phoned me about 9.30 to tell me a police car had cruised slowly up and down her street. We laughed our socks off because most of her neighbours are pensioners older than me and they never see a police car from one year to another. I bet the police were cruising all the quiet areas looking for parties they didn't want to find rather than where they would be guaranteed to find someone breaking the rules. I don't blame them but I warned my neighbours that they were about.  That would be the worst end to the worst year, wouldn't it, getting fined for having a drink at the end of your drive!

I have my next checkup on Tuesday. I got the letter yesterday telling me not to go to the hospital, it would be a telephone checkup. Whoopidoo! I am supposed to be going to the gym at the hospital to continue the keep fit course I started last year before lockdown. I suspect I'll be getting a phone call cancelling that, too.  

Sam, I hope you are more comfortable now, and up for your usual active life, and Caroline stay safe, it is harder for you to stay home, I guess, so be really careful. 
 

Love

Christine xxx

Hi Christine and Sam,

Happy New Year!! Your New Years Eve story made me chuckle!! We are in tier 4 here so more or less locked down and then one of the boys tested positive for Covid on the 27th after losing his sense of smell and taste. So we have ended up in isolation!!! We are locked up until the 6th. But it's not been too bad. We have a big garden and a field that we rent at the back, so have been able to walk the dogs daily. We had spent Christmas Day with my in laws and sister in law, so they are also having to isolate. 
We had a lovely New Years Eve. We played on the wii, darts, pool and family fortunes with all the boys, but then I crashed and burned just after midnight. 
Well, let's hope this is the year we can all get back to seeing friends/family and travel again!! I wish you lots of happiness for 2021. 
Have to shoot off, as my sister's birthday is today and we have a zoom quiz to attend!! 
Caroline xx

Hi Caroline,

Sorry to hear you're having to isolate, but at least you're all together. It sounds like you're really making the best of it. Hope no one else tests positive! Enjoy your quiz!

love

Christine xx

Hi Caroline,

Sorry to hear you're having to isolate, but at least you're all together. It sounds like you're really making the best of it. Hope no one else tests positive! Enjoy your quiz!

love

Christine xx

Hi and happy new year & all that!!

I'll just be happy to keep my body fairly intact this year and not lose the odd (albeit mainly naughty) bit to the surgeon's scalpel...that said will hopefully be having symmetry surgery to the god given boob at some point but that will be a walk in the park vs ops in 2020.

Christine - glad you had such an eventful new year & Happy Birthday!  Am quite jealous all round of your virtual social life, probably just as well those coppers are patrolling the quiet backwaters around you...ha!

Hope your hospital appointment goes as well as it can and that face-to-face is soon resumed, its so annoying isn't it.  I'm lucky in that I have pretty much a full week of hospital appointments mid Jan which all require me being there in person so get it all over & done with, hopefully no side effects from 2nd bisphosphonate and good school report/sign off from plastic surgeon, suspect will need some physio however and not sure that will be face-to-face but we'll see.

Caroline - glad you're ok with isolation and you have sizeable garden/fields at your disposal, always a big plus of living out of the big city - and something I hanker for..

Hope you haven't got any symptoms, I've got a couple of pals whose kids at school have contracted the lurgi and are now self isolating, its no wonder the covid rates are going through the roof re schools.

All good here, moving better and think I am actually upright now at times though still have an Ozzy Osbourne stance & shuffle after sitting down.  It will be 4 weeks post op on Tuesday and am getting decidedly antsy here...will try some gentle yoga gubbins next week to break the monotony of my daily walk.  I love walking but with the amount of people walking down here who generally have no respect for one another its not as enjoyable as it should be, it would get better when schools return of course but god knows when that will be mmm..I have however, as am a positive and proactive person, invested in some well-sexy gaiters enabling me to walk the REALLY muddy footpaths that others tend to avoid...love it! And only fallen over once ( well it was a very slow slip but did end in quite an impressive muddy ar5e!), no wet socks yet so hurrah.  And as I look so 'interesting' with my gaiters, 20 yr old lavender ski jacket (now with a muddy bum), pink leggings and hair that is now a mash-up between Nicholas Parsons & Jeffrey Howe's spitting image puppet lots of people naturally avoid me...happy days!

So its Dullsville here, I do need to finish a really good book (Mudlarking) as the neighbour who lent me it in July 2019 (you know how long it took me to make my initial cushion cover--these things just can't and shouldn't be rushed!!) is moving house on Thursday...so inconsiderate these good neighbours leaving, he provides me with veg from his allotment, brings my bins in and always stops for a good chin-wag...I'll have to explain my expectations to the new lot early doors to make sure they're fully up to speed in a timely fashion.

Good to see you're both in good spirits, are you both classed as extremely vulnerable by govt?  I am as it was early days post chemo when first list pulled together that the govt doesn't seem to have updated ( I do wonder how they are adding new people to it who are going through chemo & other treatments now), my GP has told me to stay as is given soon after surgery so I now want to join Lionel Blair at the Epsom racecourse vaccination centre...nice to know I'm in good company...

Sam X