I have just been diagnosed with stage 4 secondary liver cancer. I felt I was in free fall whe I was told a few ago. I want to run but I can't.  We are a member of a club we do not want to be in and yet more that a third of people will get cancer. It's terrifying. I'm finding hard it to be the sick one too. I'm the fixer and doer in my family and I can't get used to not being that person any more. 

I wish you good luck with treatment. I also find Maggie's centre invaluable for counseling at the moment they have save me a few times ️

Hello 747, my heart goes out to you, I can feel the free fall you are feeling. Thank you for taking the time to write to me. I wish you the strength to bear this without such anguish and hope you find the support you need. x

Hi girls,

Not a lot to report ​​​​these days. My virtual physiotherapist has given me another two exercises on top of the others to do and was pleased when I said the app behaves like a drill sergeant.  She's a lovely girl who looks to glow with health so I will continue to do as she says.

Sam, I laughed at your description of your aches and pains post bike ride.  Once my son and his partner did a charity bike ride, he just did the one way, 45 miles and gave up, but she went on to do the whole route, 90 miles, tough girl!  When I asked many months later, how the bike riding was going, he said they had never been on them since!  

I used to have glucosamine on prescription on the recommendation of the orthopaedic specialist who gave me my first steroid injection, in my knee, many years ago.  I took it daily for a couple of years, then I got a letter from the NHS to say I couldn't have it on prescription any more as there was no evidence that the stuff worked, however, if I wanted to keep taking it, I could buy it!  Talk about mixed messages!  I don't think one dose would do anything, though, it is one of those things that need to be absorbed over time, so I suspect you have enjoyed a placebo effect!

 I am so used to having aches and pains over the last fifteen years that I don't really know if I'm getting more from the Letrozole or if it's just old age. When I saw what you said that cramps might be a side effect of Tamoxifen, Caroline, I thought about the cramps I have been getting. I thought they might be related to the Letrozole, and seeing the connection with Tamoxifen, I checked to see if there was a recognised connection with Letrozole.  What a mistake!  I found a site for professionals and now believe that anything I EVER suffer in the rest of my life  will be traced back to Letrozole.  The least encouraging  thing I read was that one effect can be secondary breast cancer. I thought I was taking the stuff to stop that! That'll teach me to Google!!  Never again!!

I hope family harmony is restored by now, Caroline. I had to smile when I read about cleaning your son's room.  My son had to be threatened with death before he could see that his room needed cleaning and, invariably, the mess would get to me before the threats got to him. I have distinct memories of finding cups full of fur under his bed. Beneath the fur would be apple cores!!! They had probably been there since the last time I had given in and cleaned. You made me think back to those days of never standing still for a minute, with husband and kids to look after, a job to hold down, a house to clean, meals to cook.  For a minute I felt nostalgic, then I thought thank goodness those days don't last forever or our life spans would be much shorter!!! Nowadays he is a completely different man. He got quite stressed when I went out into his garden in my slippers and trailed wet footprints behind me when I came back in. He was there with the mop before I knew it. 

Today has felt like winter! On Monday I wore a tee shirt, sunglasses and baseball cap to walk Archie. Yesterday I wore a fleece over the tee, didn't need the sunglasses or visor. Today I was back to leather coat and gloves and woolly bobble cap.  No wonder Brits talk about the weather all the time!

Stay safe, stay well,

Christine xxx

Hi there C&C

Friday was day 2 of rads and so far no huge issues.  But crikey I do feel absolutely pooped! I'd expected to feel knackered but further on in treatment, after 5pm all I can do is yawn and today's early morning bike ride was far too much of an effort (and the hurting bum did not help!), that said I did feel better that I did it so will carry on every now & then.

I'm not sure but think my chest is a little sore but no biggie..

And my new daily chores now consist of 3 lots of arm exercises, 5 lots of chest gel/moisturiser application (have gone for R1/R2- sooper expensive, guaranteed to have skin like a baby's bum- moisturiser gubbins) and now 2 lots of arm massage per day - even typing it exhausts me...its a wonder I have time to eat, sleep etc.!
On the arm massage front (sounds a little like what you advised Christine that I had been doing anyway) managed to have a FaceTime call (a new addition there to my very limited tech skills...am proud to be so old-school) with physio (is this how you're doing your virtual one Christine?) Friday which was good and she showed me what I need to do re cording which I think is already easing due to the 5million arm exercises I do every day!!

Exaggerate?  Moi? Never...

So I've decided I actually prefer chemo to rads.  With chemo yes you've got after effects but they get into a routine and you can work round them whereas it would seem that post surgery & rads they're just there with no cyclical break as you get with chemo, also the actual rads sessions are soooo dull...sitting in a time machine with people playing bingo (well they keep shouting out random numbers so they may as well be) and as they're so focussed on not microwaving my organs very limited time for a good chat...chemo was much more entertaining, and I didn't need to keep still. When in the time machine it is quite cold so have taken to wearing gloves too! Only wore gloves once in chemo at the ill-fated paclitaxel one and they were to keep my hands frozen - how times change eh?

So all good here apart from all my aches & pains! Ha! Knee challenge of last week seems better.  Do you think the aches & pains re hormone tablets subdue over time? Based on what I've read am not sure...may give it a few more months and then see if Dr can give me anything to counter the side effects (have read there are drugs available).

Am considering (crazy, mad fool that I am!!) re-introducing my lovely alcohol & pizza (my fave naughty food) to my dietary repertoire....I was (before the cv nonsense) going to do this with pals as a sort of post cancer celebration but can't be bothered waiting for the promise of a lockdown end in the blummin' autumn (I'll have wasted away by then re healthiness!).  If am not too tired to appreciate it D day is Friday - in the 'old days' it used to be (unless I was out tripping the light fantastic) Friday night pizza, washed down with a pint of vodka & Diet Coke (pint as am too lazy to keep going to the kitchen & back to top up drink and failed spectacularly to train those lazy cats to do so).  Quite sad that this is such a momentous occasion currently!!

Caroline,

I hope your son is having fun (??) in his new household, its such a painful time for families and am very glad & lucky that I live alone and have no-one to leave home (as I promise you they would, if the cats weren't so greedy they'd have been off ages ago). Anyway hope you're not missing/worrying about him too much and that he's still in touch.

My cleaning consisted of one day toilets and the next day basins...and that was enough. Note it didn't take me the full day! Am done now for some time until they get sufficiently grim again that they need attention.

I am loving re hair the reports of these subversive underground hairdressers..I imagine its a bit like the French resistance in Allo, Allo.  My hair seems to have developed, as it gets longer, a really annoying wave which makes it look even more like the boyfriends 84 yr old mother's hair - not good on so many levels I think.

Christine,

Yeah, always google very cautiously re health related matters, and bear in mind that I'm sure that pretty much everything and anything can cause cancer.  I have to laugh as have been organic/natural for 15 years, did it mainly to do my bit re the environment and also reduce the amount of nasties in my body - will carry on but fat lot of use it did to avoid cancer eh?  Ha!

And I'm loving the cooler weather - jumpers and less idiots out and about stealing my 2 meters...love it!

Will finish by telling you how glad I am that the online supermarkets have finally got their system sorted so that I can now get a slot (hurrah!), particularly handy during rads time though having to buy the boyfriend all his Charlie Bingham ready meals (I don't believe in ready meals) will bankrupt me if this lock down goes on for many more months!

Sam X

Hiya girls!

Obviously this lockdown has given us less to report. Thanks, Sam for your lovely long message. I didn't realise it has been nine days since you posted it and I haven't replied yet.  Is the radiotherapy still going ok? Are you feeling less fatigued, now?  I hope so.

All is well, here, getting food ok, but miss actually browsing the supermarket shelves. A lovely neighbour knocked on my door yesterday with two tins of my espresso coffee from Lidl and she had got me two of their pretzels which I LOVE, and this was without being asked!!!  Embarrassingly I had no cash to pay her, so I have asked my daughter to bring me some change when she brings my groceries on Thursday. She gets a guaranteed fortnightly delivery from Ocado, and in between we get fresh stuff from wherever we can. Last week I got an Iceland delivery slot and next week she has got an Asda slot booked in, so we are doing well, really.  Her problem is that she gets food for several of her neighbours as well, so it can take ages to keep up with everyone's requests, then she has to deliver their orders, however it means she has got cash from some, who insist on paying as they go. She would prefer not to handle cash so most people are getting theirs on tick. I just push money across to her bank account every month. 

I have just re read what I've written and it is so boring, I'm giving up. I'm only writing to keep in touch, anyway.  

Hope all is well at yours, Caroline, and that you are staying well.

Christine xxx

Hi ladies,

I too apologise for not being in touch!! Life has been very busy at work. I have been responsible for setting up a new telephone service for the palliative care with, with volunteers. We are just going into week 3 so been full on at work. Then home to the usual jobs of feeding the tribe. My oldest son is still over at his girlfriend's house but I think he will be needed back at work soon so not sure if he will then come home. 
Sam, how is the radiotherapy going? The end is in sight!! How are your side effects? I hope the tiredness isn't too terrible?

Christine, good to hear that you are being looked after. I have been calling patients today, to check they are ok for shopping etc. I tried any avoid the big supermarkets and use the little local shops and just get a few bits and pieces. 

I have my 6 month check up phone call on Friday!! I need to write down any questions that I have. I do want to ask about whether I will only have a mammogram on my yearly check up as the cancer didn't show up on there on my last 2 mammogram. 
My scar has started to play up a little at the moment. Very itchy and sore and my top rib seems a bit painful too, so will ask about that too. Any ache and pain fills me with a little dread. I had an achy hip the other week which I then started googling!! Not a good idea. I'm sure I'm just being overly paranoid!!

Well, not much else to report. Just watching a programme about Covid, in a London hospital. I find it fascinating to be honest, as well as a little scary. Hopefully we will start to see some sensible steps towards normality soon. I am missing normality!!!

Caroline xx

Hi Caroline, 

When I had my six month checkup call, the nurse gave me the date of my mammogram, in September, and little else. I did get the ultrasound scan, last week, but it was a waste of time as the doctor couldn't get any fluid out of me. I was left with a bloody bra and softie, as, apparently, I bled like a stuck pig, although I don't think that's the correct metaphor. I am not really hopeful of any success with the lymphoedema clinic, either. I still feel quite sore and tight round the whole top area but expect I'll just have to live with it. 

Your life sounds like the exact opposite of most of the people I know, who are in lockdown, finding ways to fill their time.  I bet you would love to have some time to yourself.

I have been painting. I did a portrait of the lady I met in hospital, who died. It took me a while but I suddenly got her likeness and finished it this week. I'm going to get it to her husband somehow. Perhaps my postman will take it to the post office for me if I prepay the postage, he's a really nice man who gives Archie a biscuit every time he sees him.

Sam,  I hope your silence is just because you were waiting to hear from us and not because there is anything wrong.  I need your cheery irreverence to keep me smiling.

Take care, both of you. 

Christine xxx

Hi both
Sorry - Still duller than dishwater here.  Over half way through on boring rads so that's good, still tired and getting more noticeable re soreness as well as the suntanned area being much more prominent but generally doing fine here.  Caroline - thanks, it would have to be a billion times worse to be classed as terrible for me, all taken in my large northern stride!

Quietness on my part is purely as am a lazy moo...but rest assured love hearing from you both as to what you're up to (that is generally more active than me nowadays!!).  You'll be glad to know that you're making use of the 20 mins that I have after each rads treatment to let goo number 1 soak in..naked top half and, am glad to say, curtains closed.

 Often delayed at the rads appointment which is great as a) annoys the boyfriend and b) gives me a chance for a good gab with the ladies waiting as they're also delayed.  At my hospital they insist you don't turn up early, I've managed to fine tune the walk from back of car park to the rads dept. Its funny but I seem to be in the minority re having chemo as first cancer treatment (always special, me!!) and the ladies are fascinated with my hair growth as they've just finished chemo and have none...and the waves are getting even more pronounced (and oh, so lovely - not!).
The boyfriend is still doing my nut in with his driving/commentary on others driving/seemingly purposefully aiming for pot holes (pains my chest still)...leads to some "interesting" discussions when I have the energy!  And his housework seems to have stopped a little of late...well I'm not bl00dy doing it! I may have to have a word.  He's also taken to changing out of his cycling gear in my kitchen in full view of the neighbours...lucky them..not!

Am actively avoiding people currently so generally just leaving house for rads as don't want to be shortchanged on treatment!  I suspect if it stopped for whatever reason they'd leave it as was.  Felt quite guilty as a pal offered to call in yesterday but knew we'd not be able to manage the 2 meter thing (plus I don't have PPE for her!) so told her not to bother, am sure she understood.

I've also got fantastic neighbours so when Waitrose fails to deliver at my weekly slot the neighbours mop up my undeliverables in their order.  Your systems sound very sophisticated and will be covering the whole village soon...I wonder is there a ££ cap on on-line shopping??

Crikey never worry about being boring...I see myself as supporting the UK arts scene currently which is also at its most boring, probably about the most arty I'll ever be.  Good to hear there's another masterpiece being created Christine. You'll not be surprised but the cushions are not actually yet even a work in progress...
Am glad to hear your postie sounds like a peach, mine's the same (he once delivered my post to the pub garden opposite where I was - now that's service!).

I bought some plants from a local charity as well as some raffle tickets and actually won something, am not quite sure what but I never usually win anything so at this very dull time am quite excited to see my ill gotten gains.  I'll let you also get excited on my behalf!

Caroline - is this the one that you were supposed to have a number of weeks ago by phone too?  Or is this another one?  And thanks for working during this time, I can't even bring myself to think about work (and try very hard not to!).
Christine - your recent attempted fluid removal sounds quite delightful! So they couldn't aspirate? Does this mean they're stumped on the lymphedema front?  My seroma sounds similar in that it's annoying and sore at times but doesn't appear to be going anywhere - I wonder if one day I'll awake and its magically disappeared...

Right yer 20 mins is up!  Time for goo number 2...

Have fun on my behalf - but not too much.

Sam X

Hi lovely ladies,

Just a quick message. Finally had my 6 (8) month telephone consultation today!! Lasted around 5 min. Asked about how I was getting on with my medication. I did say that I'm getting cramp in my legs and feet, tiredness and night sweats and that I'm not brilliant at taking it on a daily basis. She said because my tumour had been a significant size, I did need to stick with it as it was the treatment which will help with stopping recurrence. She asked about exercise, weight and alcohol and how they all played an important factor in keeping cancer free. I told her my scar has recently been very sore and itchy but internally. She said this is common with the type of surgery I had. She also said it was important I checked myself for lumps or symptoms/changes in my boobs. If I do notice anything, I just call them as I have 3 years of open access. She will see me in 6 months time and if all is good, she will discharge me. 
Caroline xx

Hi girls,

Glad to see you are still coping with your treatment, Sam, despite your side effects.  Caroline, it seems that our essential six month checkup is definitely not essential - how can they know of everything is ok from five minutes on the phone. I did, at least, get an appointment for a face to face checkup in July, and my mammogram for September.  it will be interesting to hear what they tell you, Sam, when your turn comes. 
What size was your tumour, Caroline? Mine was 4cm, but I haven't been given the same advice about checking for changes, probably because where it should be flat is one big lump.  it doesn't fill you with confidence when they tell you something that bothers you is common, with no advice about dealing with it.

I've been thinking I'm doing all right on the Letrozole, but I'm beginning to think perhaps these headaches I'm getting might be caused by it  I have never been subject to headaches in the past, apart from migraines when I was working, and now I'm getting them every day and, recently, I'm feeling very stiff with lower back pain  it could be the dreaded exercises from the physio, I tend to tense every muscle in my body while doing them, despite trying to relax the rest of my body, it's hard to tell, Letrozole or exercises(?) and the exercises have done so much to relieve the pain in my knee - I'm walking without the strapping now -  so I need to keep up with them, and the Letrozole is supposed to be keeping the big C at bay so I should keep up with them, too!  Of course it could just be that lockdown is giving me too much time to notice things I would normally ignore  

I eventually took the painting of my friend who died, and left it on her husband's doorstep.  He didn't answer the door and I suspected he was out in his back garden so I left a message on his answer phone telling him to go to the front door.  A couple of hours later I got a call from him to say thank you.  He said he would find a good place to hang it but I think he was surprised by it and  sounded quite subdued. I hoped I hadn't upset him by not telling him about it beforehand.  But then quite early yesterday morning he phoned again, and this time he was really excited to tell me he had tried it in different places but has finally put it on the coffee table next to the television so he can see her every time he sits down. He was really effusive this time, and said it is just her and he loves it and when "all this" is over we must have a coffee to talk about her.  That was nice to hear, I knew I liked it and it looked like her in my eyes but I didn't really know her and the family might have seen her totally differently  I also got a call this week from the young man who was the recipient of his grandparents' portrait, thanking me for it and inviting me to come and see it in place when lockdown is over!  Amazing how a little bit of appreciation makes you feel good! I just hope no one else asks me to do one, it's fine painting for your own pleasure but the responsibility of doing a commission is quite stressful!

I've got to find something else to paint, now  I'll probably do an animal picture or a landscape, next.  

Sam, you have an amazing gift of being able to make me laugh with your observations and  I am not surprised the cushions are still a figment of your imagination :) Only because you are still  having treatment and recovering takes it out of you too much to bother about cushions!

Take care, girls. Sam I hope you are back to full fitness soon, Caroline, don't work too hard and be sure to take those tablets.. I have actually put a reminder on my phone to give a big klaxon sound at 9.30 every night to remind me to take mine.

Christine xx
 

Who hoo...and we're done!  Well the intense treatments anyway.

Am resembling a Robin if they also had red armpits and am tired quite a bit of the time but otherwise all jolly good and will be celebrating with a bottle of meths and a pizza later.  The boyfriend is glad its all done & dusted and is treating me to a new handbag..happy days!  Just wish I could go out with pals & celebrate, but will do twice as much when I can.

Had a mixed week so managed a long walk Tuesday (had to almost crawl back after my hours energy was spent!) and bike ride yesterday (aching bum getting better).

Today would have been a fab day was it not for the more gormless of the cats who caught a baby blue *** earlier..little s**t!  I know its their nature but they're usually so fat & lazy that they can't be bothered other than watching the small wildlife, and they have 2 bells on each!  I think it must have wandered into his mouth while he was snoozing (well thats what I'm telling myself).

Caroline - your check up sounds distinctly lacking re any useful info that you didn't know already! I suspect that your nurse was however still  able to put a big tick in the relevant box and move on...

I wonder is the 3 yrs of open access standard?  And what exactly does open access mean - is it just more of the useless 5 minute discussions?  Also what will she be discharging you from?  Is it returning you to the care of just your GP?

Hope your work isn't too hectic, I know I will be taking it very easy as & when I go back but luckily working in retail that won't be an issue.

Christine - yes I'll be interested to see what happens re my 6 month follow up come September, it may that with things being more 'normal' then that it may be worth my making the effort for...we'll see.  

I would have thought that as we've had full mx then there's nowt to check for re lumps (think Caroline had part removed rather than full) as we have no breast tissue?

Bad news re headaches re letrozole, I find that its the mornings when I get out of bed and getting up when I've been sat for a while that are the killers, I'm hoping that there's no more side effects to come and that if anything they will subside if anything.

Good to hear knee is behaving (and about time too!), I wonder (and am obviously not a physio) but would it help your lower back if you pull your stomach in whilst doing exercises ( I know this as every time I do an on-line exercise class the instructor nags me about it to protect my lower back)??  

Really glad your painting was so well received, nice to put smiles on faces.

On my never ending mission of avoiding making cushions I've now invested in a 1000 piece jigsaw..the saga continues..

Ah so you're a 9.30'er - I'm a 7.20'er - and I have no idea why although I am becoming very adept at hearing the alarm, switching off the alarm and then thinking 2 hrs later 'did I take the letrozole?' So have actually had to write the days of the week on the packet so I can double check...it would of course be an obvious solution to just get off my fat bum and actually take the bl00dy tablet when reminded to do so but practice is somewhat different to theory.

Right, no rest for the (VERY) wicked...off to town now to buy my comestibles for celebratory dinner and have a vitamin run on Boots then may try the MacMillan exercise DVD that my lovely physio sent me.  I haven't been out to a supermarket since rads started, it will be interesting (??) to see how cv prevention has improved (ha!).

Hope you're both good and have something celebratory on my behalf too (Christine - am expecting you to have at least a shot of paint thinner!!)

Sam X

Hi Sam and Christine,

Sam! Fantastic news!! It must feel like this has been an endless journey but now you have finally reached the finish line and truly deserve your pizza and meths!! :silly: I will take great pleasure in having a drink to celebrate with you!!! Just be aware that the tiredness/sore skin may continue to worsen for a few weeks, before you start to feel more normal again. But Brilliant, fantastic news.

Re the open access - not to sure if standard but I think it generally means if you are worried about new symptoms or anything breast related, you just call the breast unit rather than have to go through your GP. And I suppose they will be discharging me from this episode of cancer.

Christine, your poor aches and pains!!! But you are both doing more exercise than me!!! I did tell my surgeon, during my check up, that I walk the dog but I wouldn't  really class that as exercise. Your amazing painting must have been a real sense of wonderment for your neighbour. And I'm sure that it was the shock and grief that meant he took a couple of days to thank you. What a wonderful gift you have.

I received a letter from my surgeon, summarising my 6 month check up, phone conversation. Reiterating the importance of exercise and maintaining a healthy weight. She has booked me an appointment to see her on the 2nd December. I also have a mammogram booked on the 7th October. She did also send me an information booklet of things to keep an eye out for, which is quite scary reading as I know from experience that most of the symptoms on there are a sign of secondary cancer!! But my aim is to just check for lumps and bumps and not worry too much about aches and pains. 
My husband has decided to put some of my critical illness money to good use and has bought an air con unit to go in our bedroom!! The thought of having to sleep with the window open (he's terrified of spiders) and next to a sweaty person for the next 10 years pushed him over the edge! I have to say I'm quite excited about it!! 
Work is calmer at the moment and today - being my day off, has me sat in the garden, reading a book! Bliss!! Housework can wait till tomorrow when the weather isn't predicted to be good. 
Enjoy your Bank holiday weekend and let's hope the weather stays kind.

Caroline xx

Hi Sam and Christine,

Sam! Fantastic news!! It must feel like this has been an endless journey but now you have finally reached the finish line and truly deserve your pizza and meths!! :silly: I will take great pleasure in having a drink to celebrate with you!!! Just be aware that the tiredness/sore skin may continue to worsen for a few weeks, before you start to feel more normal again. But Brilliant, fantastic news.

Re the open access - not to sure if standard but I think it generally means if you are worried about new symptoms or anything breast related, you just call the breast unit rather than have to go through your GP. And I suppose they will be discharging me from this episode of cancer.

Christine, your poor aches and pains!!! But you are both doing more exercise than me!!! I did tell my surgeon, during my check up, that I walk the dog but I wouldn't  really class that as exercise. Your amazing painting must have been a real sense of wonderment for your neighbour. And I'm sure that it was the shock and grief that meant he took a couple of days to thank you. What a wonderful gift you have.

I received a letter from my surgeon, summarising my 6 month check up, phone conversation. Reiterating the importance of exercise and maintaining a healthy weight. She has booked me an appointment to see her on the 2nd December. I also have a mammogram booked on the 7th October. She did also send me an information booklet of things to keep an eye out for, which is quite scary reading as I know from experience that most of the symptoms on there are a sign of secondary cancer!! But my aim is to just check for lumps and bumps and not worry too much about aches and pains. 
My husband has decided to put some of my critical illness money to good use and has bought an air con unit to go in our bedroom!! The thought of having to sleep with the window open (he's terrified of spiders) and next to a sweaty person for the next 10 years pushed him over the edge! I have to say I'm quite excited about it!! 
Work is calmer at the moment and today - being my day off, has me sat in the garden, reading a book! Bliss!! Housework can wait till tomorrow when the weather isn't predicted to be good. 
Enjoy your Bank holiday weekend and let's hope the weather stays kind.

Caroline xx

Hi girls,

Sam, paint stripper didn't do it, but my daughter and I sat at distance in her garden and shared a can of Strongbow, and raised our glasses to the end of your treatment. Now all we can do is to hope that we are all now free of our unwanted guest for the foreseeable future!

I believe the mammogram I'm booked for in September is for the other breast, to make sure there is no recurrence in there. If there is, and I have to go through the nuisance of mastectomy again I will definitely want to crown my surgeon! I all but offered to pay him to do them both at the same time!

I suppose we will have to keep an eye on things in the future, but I honestly can't imagine myself worrying about it coming back, either another primary in the second breast, or secondaries elsewhere.  What I do foresee is my saying "F*** this" and stopping the Letrozole if I get too many pains.  I am aware that the side effects can appear further down the line, Chriss has written about the aromatase inhibitor she was on destroying her bones, I'm not having any of that!  I'll take my chances and deal with the future in the same way I've dealt with it up to now.  "If you can fix it, get on with it, if you can't, just keep me pain free!"  
 

It hasn't got to that yet, a few headaches and achy bones are not going to get me down,  I'm hoping this beautiful early Spring will be followed by an equally beautiful Summer and I have still more than a thousand ebooks to read in the garden. If, as I fear, we get the usual wet season I will stay indoors and paint!

it feels like we have come to the end of our journey together, now you have finished the worst of your treatments, Sam.  I suspect we will not be posting on here with the same regularity now we are all getting on with the rest of our lives, but I would like to think I will still get the odd email saying "someone has commented on a thread you are following" And, needless to say, I will be reporting anything new from this end.

Have a great future! Stay safe, for Dog's sake don't go getting the dreaded Covid now, after going through your cancer adventure!

lots of love

Christine xxx

Hello ladies
All is good here, still sore and tired but hopefully at or approaching peak of post rads side effects.  So odd to think the merry go round of cancer related appointments/meetings/treatments is broadly done and dusted...I wonder how long the monthly zolodex injections will last (until my ovaries are so prune like you wouldn't believe it I reckon) and also have to start the 6 monthly bisphosphonates...chasing that tomorrow when have next zolodex.

I've been (surprisingly for me) reflecting back as things pretty much draw to a close and I consider myself "lucky" in that due to CV there isn't a "normal" life to be thrust back into so certainly don't feel pressured to do so.  I am going to take a month to fully recover, have some me-time and clean what is a disgustingly mucky house! The latter may well take all month actually...
So I'll start thinking about work return, the old routines and arranging celebrations with pals (though do wish this one could be bought forward) after MY month.

I'm definitely more emotional, particularly when I reflect how much friends & family really rose to the occasion (despite the distance for a lot of them) to provide whatever support they could, sending me lots of gifts and rude cards as well as all the laughs emanating from the whatsapp group I set up at the beginning to keep everybody updated, chucked everybody off the latter Saturday night...my sister commented that it was like watching Annie slowly drop into the molten metal in terminator as 1 by 1 friends & family were removed..ha! And thinking about the support, sharing and welcome I got on-line in these forums makes me quite happy in a teary kind of way too (thanks to you both for this, its really much appreciated)...its really important. Bloody hormone tablets...giving me emotions!!

I do understand it is very personal but I am not concerned about recurrence, I do think I'm well in the minority here (and Christine is too) and am odd in this and many other respects too (what was I saying about Christine?? Ha!).
 

Caroline - hope your cancer funded air con is being put to good use, I've had my bedroom windows fully open for last 2 weeks (they're sash so can let a lot of air in and are broken so once they're open it need 2 armed strength to shut again!) which has been very welcome and will be vvv jealous of you when we get the 30+ degree days later on (thanks global warming).  

My equivalent of your post treatment "gift" is (or will be) a handbag from the lovely boyfriend. As need to touch & feel such purchases will need to wait till retail is up & running but its not like the new arm candy is missing any fabby nights out is it? I do hope the hospital & supermarket appreciate the boyfriend's investment/help to the economy.

Good work is calm, lets hope it stays that way eh?  Love a good book, just started reading one about mudlarking on the Thames, not my usual choice but fascinating and highly recommended (think in my old age am getting interested in things that I should like history & stuff...makes a change from serial murder/crime fiction!).

Christine - hope your headaches have subsided and achy bones are more behaving themselves, as well as those naughty knees of course!  I bet you're spending quite a few hours outside eh?  I'm in the garden a bit but the whole palaver of sun cream, sun brolly etc combined with a right hand side that still isn't where it should be means am often indoors...and probably better as am bra free! I do like my neighbours and don't want to terrify them too much.

Don't worry re CV, think that would be a breeze compared to cancer!  But will still be careful...promise!! Mainly as the boyfriend is still convinced it will kill him (100% hypochondriac)...and I'd be sort of guilty if I killed him that way, plus can think up so many better ways to despatch of him...

So next "meeting" is the open access follow up one mid Sept (my expectations are low!).

Wish my body would hurry up and heal...there's window boxes and hanging baskets that are not going to plant themselves!

Hope you're both doing well and I will be in touch....I'll let you know when the cushions are finished (!!).

Thanks again to you both!

Sam X

Caroline

Just so you get notified re my most recent post!

Sam X

Ladies,

I just want to say, we are damn tough cookies who have whipped cancers ***!! I too, have loved your support, hearing your tales of what you have been up to in your life and journeys. 
Now it is onward and upwards!! Keep enjoying life, doing the things you enjoy and look after yourselves. 
Sam, take it easy. Good to hear you are taking a month to recover and clean (!!) and getting a lovely new handbag - can never have too many bags or shoes.

Christine, keep your painting going, watch the hearing aids don't get left near the dog!! I hope your aches and pains ease and you are enjoying your garden/neighbours and family (still makes me smile how they wouldn't let you do anything!)

You will be pleased to know that my air con is amazing but poor hubby usually wakes up freezing. I turn it on before we go to bed, to cool the room down, then switch it off. But I've had to set the timer so it comes on around 1:30am as my hot sweats seem to be starting earlier! Oh how I crave a decent nights sleep! 
Please do stay in touch!! I already miss seeing your messages!! Enjoy the summer, let's hope CV doesn't scupper too much. 
Much love

Caroline xx

Hi girls, Yorkshire_defector1 and cazrosie 

Nice to hear how you are both doing as we approach normal life post cancer, shame about the normality being a bit cockeyed because of Covid19. 

I am glad you are apparently recovering well from the rads, Sam, I hope being emotional isn't too hard for you, it seems to be a common result of taking all the hormones. I think it's a perfectly reasonable thing to feel a bit more emotional than usual after what you have experienced over the last months. Note I said experienced, not suffered, because as you say, some things have been lovely, like the support you had from your family and friends, so it hasn't all been bad.  Let me know how you go on with the Bisphosphonates, I've refused them so far.  I'm not worried about the Covid, but I'm again the victim of my children's fears, so I won't be going anywhere soon, even if lockdown is easing.  Actually, there was something in the news recently saying the R rate is increasing here in the North West, so I will stay put until it is really safe to go out and about.

Caroline,  there is nothing cosier than being wrapped up warm in a room that is cooled by an air conditioner. We had them for many years when living abroad and my daughter has them in her living room and bedroom.  I would have welcomed one over the last week or two but I had to make do with an open window and a fan. 

I'm glad to say my headaches and other aches and pains seem to be in remission for now.  I am like a different person when I'm pain free. I happened to say to my daughter a week or so ago, that I'd forgotten to tell her my headaches had eased, but she said she knew. When I asked how, she said because I'd stopped moaning about them! The knees are doing well, too. I am walking without pain because of the exercises, and it's nice to be able to take Archie out more than once a day, now, although the pain still comes and bites me sometimes at night. If it is bad enough,  I get up and take a pill but usually I'm too lazy to get up and fall asleep again.

I am being very good about locking the hearing aids away when I take them out, so Archie can't get them, no accidents, yet, although I have been known to forget which of the four boxes I put them in, as I go from room to room searching for them!

I am still painting, Caroline, I have done a colourful landscape with heeland coo, (highland cow) in acrylics this week. It only took a couple of days because the paints dry so quickly.  I suspect it is one I'm going to lose to my daughter because she never usually says much about my paintings, but the ones she does comment on usually end up at her house and when I showed it to her on FaceTime this morning she was very complimentary about it.  I have finally succumbed to the pleasure of listening to an audio book while I do my painting. It's great not having to choose between my two favourite pastimes. I listened to The Brightest Star in the Sky, by Marian Keyes, a hilariously funny book with the strangest of plots! The narrator was excellent, which is very important.  I have abandoned a few audio books because the narration was not to my taste.

I have an appointment booked for next month at the breast clinic, presumably, the delayed six month checkup, so I will definitely report to you both when (if) it happens.

Stay safe, stay healthy and stay happy!

Love

Christine xxx