Hiya girls!

Obviously this lockdown has given us less to report. Thanks, Sam for your lovely long message. I didn't realise it has been nine days since you posted it and I haven't replied yet.  Is the radiotherapy still going ok? Are you feeling less fatigued, now?  I hope so.

All is well, here, getting food ok, but miss actually browsing the supermarket shelves. A lovely neighbour knocked on my door yesterday with two tins of my espresso coffee from Lidl and she had got me two of their pretzels which I LOVE, and this was without being asked!!!  Embarrassingly I had no cash to pay her, so I have asked my daughter to bring me some change when she brings my groceries on Thursday. She gets a guaranteed fortnightly delivery from Ocado, and in between we get fresh stuff from wherever we can. Last week I got an Iceland delivery slot and next week she has got an Asda slot booked in, so we are doing well, really.  Her problem is that she gets food for several of her neighbours as well, so it can take ages to keep up with everyone's requests, then she has to deliver their orders, however it means she has got cash from some, who insist on paying as they go. She would prefer not to handle cash so most people are getting theirs on tick. I just push money across to her bank account every month. 

I have just re read what I've written and it is so boring, I'm giving up. I'm only writing to keep in touch, anyway.  

Hope all is well at yours, Caroline, and that you are staying well.

Christine xxx

Hi Caroline, 

When I had my six month checkup call, the nurse gave me the date of my mammogram, in September, and little else. I did get the ultrasound scan, last week, but it was a waste of time as the doctor couldn't get any fluid out of me. I was left with a bloody bra and softie, as, apparently, I bled like a stuck pig, although I don't think that's the correct metaphor. I am not really hopeful of any success with the lymphoedema clinic, either. I still feel quite sore and tight round the whole top area but expect I'll just have to live with it. 

Your life sounds like the exact opposite of most of the people I know, who are in lockdown, finding ways to fill their time.  I bet you would love to have some time to yourself.

I have been painting. I did a portrait of the lady I met in hospital, who died. It took me a while but I suddenly got her likeness and finished it this week. I'm going to get it to her husband somehow. Perhaps my postman will take it to the post office for me if I prepay the postage, he's a really nice man who gives Archie a biscuit every time he sees him.

Sam,  I hope your silence is just because you were waiting to hear from us and not because there is anything wrong.  I need your cheery irreverence to keep me smiling.

Take care, both of you. 

Christine xxx

Hi both
Sorry - Still duller than dishwater here.  Over half way through on boring rads so that's good, still tired and getting more noticeable re soreness as well as the suntanned area being much more prominent but generally doing fine here.  Caroline - thanks, it would have to be a billion times worse to be classed as terrible for me, all taken in my large northern stride!

Quietness on my part is purely as am a lazy moo...but rest assured love hearing from you both as to what you're up to (that is generally more active than me nowadays!!).  You'll be glad to know that you're making use of the 20 mins that I have after each rads treatment to let goo number 1 soak in..naked top half and, am glad to say, curtains closed.

 Often delayed at the rads appointment which is great as a) annoys the boyfriend and b) gives me a chance for a good gab with the ladies waiting as they're also delayed.  At my hospital they insist you don't turn up early, I've managed to fine tune the walk from back of car park to the rads dept. Its funny but I seem to be in the minority re having chemo as first cancer treatment (always special, me!!) and the ladies are fascinated with my hair growth as they've just finished chemo and have none...and the waves are getting even more pronounced (and oh, so lovely - not!).
The boyfriend is still doing my nut in with his driving/commentary on others driving/seemingly purposefully aiming for pot holes (pains my chest still)...leads to some "interesting" discussions when I have the energy!  And his housework seems to have stopped a little of late...well I'm not bl00dy doing it! I may have to have a word.  He's also taken to changing out of his cycling gear in my kitchen in full view of the neighbours...lucky them..not!

Am actively avoiding people currently so generally just leaving house for rads as don't want to be shortchanged on treatment!  I suspect if it stopped for whatever reason they'd leave it as was.  Felt quite guilty as a pal offered to call in yesterday but knew we'd not be able to manage the 2 meter thing (plus I don't have PPE for her!) so told her not to bother, am sure she understood.

I've also got fantastic neighbours so when Waitrose fails to deliver at my weekly slot the neighbours mop up my undeliverables in their order.  Your systems sound very sophisticated and will be covering the whole village soon...I wonder is there a ££ cap on on-line shopping??

Crikey never worry about being boring...I see myself as supporting the UK arts scene currently which is also at its most boring, probably about the most arty I'll ever be.  Good to hear there's another masterpiece being created Christine. You'll not be surprised but the cushions are not actually yet even a work in progress...
Am glad to hear your postie sounds like a peach, mine's the same (he once delivered my post to the pub garden opposite where I was - now that's service!).

I bought some plants from a local charity as well as some raffle tickets and actually won something, am not quite sure what but I never usually win anything so at this very dull time am quite excited to see my ill gotten gains.  I'll let you also get excited on my behalf!

Caroline - is this the one that you were supposed to have a number of weeks ago by phone too?  Or is this another one?  And thanks for working during this time, I can't even bring myself to think about work (and try very hard not to!).
Christine - your recent attempted fluid removal sounds quite delightful! So they couldn't aspirate? Does this mean they're stumped on the lymphedema front?  My seroma sounds similar in that it's annoying and sore at times but doesn't appear to be going anywhere - I wonder if one day I'll awake and its magically disappeared...

Right yer 20 mins is up!  Time for goo number 2...

Have fun on my behalf - but not too much.

Sam X

Hi lovely ladies,

Just a quick message. Finally had my 6 (8) month telephone consultation today!! Lasted around 5 min. Asked about how I was getting on with my medication. I did say that I'm getting cramp in my legs and feet, tiredness and night sweats and that I'm not brilliant at taking it on a daily basis. She said because my tumour had been a significant size, I did need to stick with it as it was the treatment which will help with stopping recurrence. She asked about exercise, weight and alcohol and how they all played an important factor in keeping cancer free. I told her my scar has recently been very sore and itchy but internally. She said this is common with the type of surgery I had. She also said it was important I checked myself for lumps or symptoms/changes in my boobs. If I do notice anything, I just call them as I have 3 years of open access. She will see me in 6 months time and if all is good, she will discharge me. 
Caroline xx

Hi girls,

Glad to see you are still coping with your treatment, Sam, despite your side effects.  Caroline, it seems that our essential six month checkup is definitely not essential - how can they know of everything is ok from five minutes on the phone. I did, at least, get an appointment for a face to face checkup in July, and my mammogram for September.  it will be interesting to hear what they tell you, Sam, when your turn comes. 
What size was your tumour, Caroline? Mine was 4cm, but I haven't been given the same advice about checking for changes, probably because where it should be flat is one big lump.  it doesn't fill you with confidence when they tell you something that bothers you is common, with no advice about dealing with it.

I've been thinking I'm doing all right on the Letrozole, but I'm beginning to think perhaps these headaches I'm getting might be caused by it  I have never been subject to headaches in the past, apart from migraines when I was working, and now I'm getting them every day and, recently, I'm feeling very stiff with lower back pain  it could be the dreaded exercises from the physio, I tend to tense every muscle in my body while doing them, despite trying to relax the rest of my body, it's hard to tell, Letrozole or exercises(?) and the exercises have done so much to relieve the pain in my knee - I'm walking without the strapping now -  so I need to keep up with them, and the Letrozole is supposed to be keeping the big C at bay so I should keep up with them, too!  Of course it could just be that lockdown is giving me too much time to notice things I would normally ignore  

I eventually took the painting of my friend who died, and left it on her husband's doorstep.  He didn't answer the door and I suspected he was out in his back garden so I left a message on his answer phone telling him to go to the front door.  A couple of hours later I got a call from him to say thank you.  He said he would find a good place to hang it but I think he was surprised by it and  sounded quite subdued. I hoped I hadn't upset him by not telling him about it beforehand.  But then quite early yesterday morning he phoned again, and this time he was really excited to tell me he had tried it in different places but has finally put it on the coffee table next to the television so he can see her every time he sits down. He was really effusive this time, and said it is just her and he loves it and when "all this" is over we must have a coffee to talk about her.  That was nice to hear, I knew I liked it and it looked like her in my eyes but I didn't really know her and the family might have seen her totally differently  I also got a call this week from the young man who was the recipient of his grandparents' portrait, thanking me for it and inviting me to come and see it in place when lockdown is over!  Amazing how a little bit of appreciation makes you feel good! I just hope no one else asks me to do one, it's fine painting for your own pleasure but the responsibility of doing a commission is quite stressful!

I've got to find something else to paint, now  I'll probably do an animal picture or a landscape, next.  

Sam, you have an amazing gift of being able to make me laugh with your observations and  I am not surprised the cushions are still a figment of your imagination :) Only because you are still  having treatment and recovering takes it out of you too much to bother about cushions!

Take care, girls. Sam I hope you are back to full fitness soon, Caroline, don't work too hard and be sure to take those tablets.. I have actually put a reminder on my phone to give a big klaxon sound at 9.30 every night to remind me to take mine.

Christine xx
 

Who hoo...and we're done!  Well the intense treatments anyway.

Am resembling a Robin if they also had red armpits and am tired quite a bit of the time but otherwise all jolly good and will be celebrating with a bottle of meths and a pizza later.  The boyfriend is glad its all done & dusted and is treating me to a new handbag..happy days!  Just wish I could go out with pals & celebrate, but will do twice as much when I can.

Had a mixed week so managed a long walk Tuesday (had to almost crawl back after my hours energy was spent!) and bike ride yesterday (aching bum getting better).

Today would have been a fab day was it not for the more gormless of the cats who caught a baby blue *** earlier..little s**t!  I know its their nature but they're usually so fat & lazy that they can't be bothered other than watching the small wildlife, and they have 2 bells on each!  I think it must have wandered into his mouth while he was snoozing (well thats what I'm telling myself).

Caroline - your check up sounds distinctly lacking re any useful info that you didn't know already! I suspect that your nurse was however still  able to put a big tick in the relevant box and move on...

I wonder is the 3 yrs of open access standard?  And what exactly does open access mean - is it just more of the useless 5 minute discussions?  Also what will she be discharging you from?  Is it returning you to the care of just your GP?

Hope your work isn't too hectic, I know I will be taking it very easy as & when I go back but luckily working in retail that won't be an issue.

Christine - yes I'll be interested to see what happens re my 6 month follow up come September, it may that with things being more 'normal' then that it may be worth my making the effort for...we'll see.  

I would have thought that as we've had full mx then there's nowt to check for re lumps (think Caroline had part removed rather than full) as we have no breast tissue?

Bad news re headaches re letrozole, I find that its the mornings when I get out of bed and getting up when I've been sat for a while that are the killers, I'm hoping that there's no more side effects to come and that if anything they will subside if anything.

Good to hear knee is behaving (and about time too!), I wonder (and am obviously not a physio) but would it help your lower back if you pull your stomach in whilst doing exercises ( I know this as every time I do an on-line exercise class the instructor nags me about it to protect my lower back)??  

Really glad your painting was so well received, nice to put smiles on faces.

On my never ending mission of avoiding making cushions I've now invested in a 1000 piece jigsaw..the saga continues..

Ah so you're a 9.30'er - I'm a 7.20'er - and I have no idea why although I am becoming very adept at hearing the alarm, switching off the alarm and then thinking 2 hrs later 'did I take the letrozole?' So have actually had to write the days of the week on the packet so I can double check...it would of course be an obvious solution to just get off my fat bum and actually take the bl00dy tablet when reminded to do so but practice is somewhat different to theory.

Right, no rest for the (VERY) wicked...off to town now to buy my comestibles for celebratory dinner and have a vitamin run on Boots then may try the MacMillan exercise DVD that my lovely physio sent me.  I haven't been out to a supermarket since rads started, it will be interesting (??) to see how cv prevention has improved (ha!).

Hope you're both good and have something celebratory on my behalf too (Christine - am expecting you to have at least a shot of paint thinner!!)

Sam X

Hi Sam and Christine,

Sam! Fantastic news!! It must feel like this has been an endless journey but now you have finally reached the finish line and truly deserve your pizza and meths!! :silly: I will take great pleasure in having a drink to celebrate with you!!! Just be aware that the tiredness/sore skin may continue to worsen for a few weeks, before you start to feel more normal again. But Brilliant, fantastic news.

Re the open access - not to sure if standard but I think it generally means if you are worried about new symptoms or anything breast related, you just call the breast unit rather than have to go through your GP. And I suppose they will be discharging me from this episode of cancer.

Christine, your poor aches and pains!!! But you are both doing more exercise than me!!! I did tell my surgeon, during my check up, that I walk the dog but I wouldn't  really class that as exercise. Your amazing painting must have been a real sense of wonderment for your neighbour. And I'm sure that it was the shock and grief that meant he took a couple of days to thank you. What a wonderful gift you have.

I received a letter from my surgeon, summarising my 6 month check up, phone conversation. Reiterating the importance of exercise and maintaining a healthy weight. She has booked me an appointment to see her on the 2nd December. I also have a mammogram booked on the 7th October. She did also send me an information booklet of things to keep an eye out for, which is quite scary reading as I know from experience that most of the symptoms on there are a sign of secondary cancer!! But my aim is to just check for lumps and bumps and not worry too much about aches and pains. 
My husband has decided to put some of my critical illness money to good use and has bought an air con unit to go in our bedroom!! The thought of having to sleep with the window open (he's terrified of spiders) and next to a sweaty person for the next 10 years pushed him over the edge! I have to say I'm quite excited about it!! 
Work is calmer at the moment and today - being my day off, has me sat in the garden, reading a book! Bliss!! Housework can wait till tomorrow when the weather isn't predicted to be good. 
Enjoy your Bank holiday weekend and let's hope the weather stays kind.

Caroline xx

Hi girls,

Sam, paint stripper didn't do it, but my daughter and I sat at distance in her garden and shared a can of Strongbow, and raised our glasses to the end of your treatment. Now all we can do is to hope that we are all now free of our unwanted guest for the foreseeable future!

I believe the mammogram I'm booked for in September is for the other breast, to make sure there is no recurrence in there. If there is, and I have to go through the nuisance of mastectomy again I will definitely want to crown my surgeon! I all but offered to pay him to do them both at the same time!

I suppose we will have to keep an eye on things in the future, but I honestly can't imagine myself worrying about it coming back, either another primary in the second breast, or secondaries elsewhere.  What I do foresee is my saying "F*** this" and stopping the Letrozole if I get too many pains.  I am aware that the side effects can appear further down the line, Chriss has written about the aromatase inhibitor she was on destroying her bones, I'm not having any of that!  I'll take my chances and deal with the future in the same way I've dealt with it up to now.  "If you can fix it, get on with it, if you can't, just keep me pain free!"  
 

It hasn't got to that yet, a few headaches and achy bones are not going to get me down,  I'm hoping this beautiful early Spring will be followed by an equally beautiful Summer and I have still more than a thousand ebooks to read in the garden. If, as I fear, we get the usual wet season I will stay indoors and paint!

it feels like we have come to the end of our journey together, now you have finished the worst of your treatments, Sam.  I suspect we will not be posting on here with the same regularity now we are all getting on with the rest of our lives, but I would like to think I will still get the odd email saying "someone has commented on a thread you are following" And, needless to say, I will be reporting anything new from this end.

Have a great future! Stay safe, for Dog's sake don't go getting the dreaded Covid now, after going through your cancer adventure!

lots of love

Christine xxx

Hello ladies
All is good here, still sore and tired but hopefully at or approaching peak of post rads side effects.  So odd to think the merry go round of cancer related appointments/meetings/treatments is broadly done and dusted...I wonder how long the monthly zolodex injections will last (until my ovaries are so prune like you wouldn't believe it I reckon) and also have to start the 6 monthly bisphosphonates...chasing that tomorrow when have next zolodex.

I've been (surprisingly for me) reflecting back as things pretty much draw to a close and I consider myself "lucky" in that due to CV there isn't a "normal" life to be thrust back into so certainly don't feel pressured to do so.  I am going to take a month to fully recover, have some me-time and clean what is a disgustingly mucky house! The latter may well take all month actually...
So I'll start thinking about work return, the old routines and arranging celebrations with pals (though do wish this one could be bought forward) after MY month.

I'm definitely more emotional, particularly when I reflect how much friends & family really rose to the occasion (despite the distance for a lot of them) to provide whatever support they could, sending me lots of gifts and rude cards as well as all the laughs emanating from the whatsapp group I set up at the beginning to keep everybody updated, chucked everybody off the latter Saturday night...my sister commented that it was like watching Annie slowly drop into the molten metal in terminator as 1 by 1 friends & family were removed..ha! And thinking about the support, sharing and welcome I got on-line in these forums makes me quite happy in a teary kind of way too (thanks to you both for this, its really much appreciated)...its really important. Bloody hormone tablets...giving me emotions!!

I do understand it is very personal but I am not concerned about recurrence, I do think I'm well in the minority here (and Christine is too) and am odd in this and many other respects too (what was I saying about Christine?? Ha!).
 

Caroline - hope your cancer funded air con is being put to good use, I've had my bedroom windows fully open for last 2 weeks (they're sash so can let a lot of air in and are broken so once they're open it need 2 armed strength to shut again!) which has been very welcome and will be vvv jealous of you when we get the 30+ degree days later on (thanks global warming).  

My equivalent of your post treatment "gift" is (or will be) a handbag from the lovely boyfriend. As need to touch & feel such purchases will need to wait till retail is up & running but its not like the new arm candy is missing any fabby nights out is it? I do hope the hospital & supermarket appreciate the boyfriend's investment/help to the economy.

Good work is calm, lets hope it stays that way eh?  Love a good book, just started reading one about mudlarking on the Thames, not my usual choice but fascinating and highly recommended (think in my old age am getting interested in things that I should like history & stuff...makes a change from serial murder/crime fiction!).

Christine - hope your headaches have subsided and achy bones are more behaving themselves, as well as those naughty knees of course!  I bet you're spending quite a few hours outside eh?  I'm in the garden a bit but the whole palaver of sun cream, sun brolly etc combined with a right hand side that still isn't where it should be means am often indoors...and probably better as am bra free! I do like my neighbours and don't want to terrify them too much.

Don't worry re CV, think that would be a breeze compared to cancer!  But will still be careful...promise!! Mainly as the boyfriend is still convinced it will kill him (100% hypochondriac)...and I'd be sort of guilty if I killed him that way, plus can think up so many better ways to despatch of him...

So next "meeting" is the open access follow up one mid Sept (my expectations are low!).

Wish my body would hurry up and heal...there's window boxes and hanging baskets that are not going to plant themselves!

Hope you're both doing well and I will be in touch....I'll let you know when the cushions are finished (!!).

Thanks again to you both!

Sam X