I have just been diagnosed with stage 4 secondary liver cancer. I felt I was in free fall whe I was told a few ago. I want to run but I can't.  We are a member of a club we do not want to be in and yet more that a third of people will get cancer. It's terrifying. I'm finding hard it to be the sick one too. I'm the fixer and doer in my family and I can't get used to not being that person any more. 

I wish you good luck with treatment. I also find Maggie's centre invaluable for counseling at the moment they have save me a few times ️

Hello 747, my heart goes out to you, I can feel the free fall you are feeling. Thank you for taking the time to write to me. I wish you the strength to bear this without such anguish and hope you find the support you need. x

Hi Girls,

Good to hear from you both.  I got an Easter egg today!  My daughter delivered my shopping from her Ocado delivery and included an Easter egg she had been given but couldn't eat as she is dairy intolerant,  

My new exercise regime is very Big Brother! I didn't know at first that it has a timer to make sure I do them properly. It certainly makes you scared to miss them because it has "results" which show where you have missed them.  There are things I haven't sussed out yet, too. I wish these things came with instructions!  I don't know how helpful they are, yet, as I'm still taking tablets at night to stop it hurting when I'm at rest. I'm walking ok though, so as long as I can do that I'm happy.

My brother told me he is drinking more while at home all the time. He says he'll look like a drunken yeti by the time this ends and he gets his hair cut.  I think he sometimes wears pjs all day, too! 

Fortunately, I'm not in the habit of drinking as I'm usually the designated driver when I go out with the family or friends. A glass of good wine at dinner in a restaurant and a gin and tonic as the first drink of the evening if we go to the pub is about it, except for Christmas when they come to me and the Bailey's comes out!

Well, some of my mad neighbours decided that we would sing Over the Rainbow when we had our communal clapping for carers. We've just done it and the people from round the corner are putting messages up saying well done. Well done? It was pathetic from where I stood.  It was like at church when they play a hymn no one knows and people just open and shut their mouths and the noises coming out are not exactly musical.

I got a letter about my checkup phone call and the nurse did note the cramp I have been getting in my legs since starting the Letrozole and confirmed my new appointment in July, although we could still be in lockdown by then from the looks of things.

While I was out doing the clapping, I knew Archie was up to something because he didn't follow me out,  I didn't think it could have been much, but when I came in he was chowing down on the ham and salad sandwich I had put to one side when I answered the phone earlier.  I'm hungry now and would have loved that sandwich, but I know I'm going to eat rhubarb crumble instead, or even Easter egg!

Another lovely day today, so I spent the afternoon in the garden, reading, after I'd mowed both lawns and picked rhubarb and made rhubarb crumble for my daughter, my neighbour and myself. I think it's going to change soon. One newspaper said we're in for icy blasts!  Lovely!

Take care, stay safe 

xxx

Love reading you ladies chats.  I have been there with breast cancer but was one of the lucky ones as everything was very straightforward from diagnosis, op, radiotherapy and then discharged.  Started in July 2019 and discharged February this year.  Keep strong ladies, and keep your sense of humour.  My husband and I are unable to go further than our front garden as he suffers from COPD (he is very well at the moment thankfully).  Our garden is looking the best it has for ages as it is getting tended every day. I envy you the walks, shopping trips and freedom.  We get online deliveries from Morrisons which is usually the highlight of the week.  We then spend ages disinfecting it with 'whisky' which is the only alcohol based stuff we have in the house!  Take care, stay safe and all the best on your cancer journey.

Hi Sam and Caroline, and welcome Pandy,

I'm glad our ramblings are interesting someone.  We've got into a nice little support system, here. We, all three, Sam, Caroline and myself have been going through our cancer journey at, more or less, the same time.

I'm like you, Pandy,it's all been very straightforward.  I haven't been discharged yet because  of this horrible Covid19. I have to wait until July for my next face to face checkup but apart from still needing treatment for my seroma/lymphoedema in the mastectomy site, I am doing fine and was almost feeling cocky! (Huh! Breast cancer? There's nothing to It!!)  

But today I  phoned a lovely lady, who just happened to look very much like my mother, who became my friend as we shared a ward, just the two of us, the night before we were to have our mastectomies. We bonded over silly jokes and reminiscing about our youth and have kept in touch on and off since then. She hadn't recovered as well as I had and stopped taking her Letrozole as she felt nauseous and couldn't eat when she was taking it and was losing weight. She was also suffering a lot of pain in her hip, which seemed to be the result of her artificial hip having been damaged or dislodged during her surgery, possibly when she was being moved while anaesthetised.

Today I learned that she died on Monday, not from cancer but from infection in her liver, pancreas and gall bladder, whose symptoms are nausea, lack of appetite and weight loss! The saddest thing is she might have had blood tests to find out what was wrong if everyone hadn't assumed it was the Letrozole that caused her symptoms.  Left untreated it became overwhelming and they couldn't save her.

Her funeral isn't going to happen until 29th of this month and only immediate family can attend. Her poor husband who is well into his 80s now has to self isolate for two weeks as he went in to see her before she died, in ICU, where there were lots of Covid  patients. He doesn't know what to do with himself and is grieving so much all alone.

Huh, Breast cancer? Nothing to it - just watch out for all the other nasties that can sneak up and kill you!

Stay safe, all of you!

xxx

Oh Christine, 

Thats so sad to hear :-( From what I hear at work, there are going to be more deaths from things like this. We have been saying how eerily quiet it is in the hospital and everyone is asking - where are all the cancer/heart attack/stroke etc patients! They suspect that people are staying at home because they are either too frightened to come into hospital or don't want to put pressure on the hospitals. People with lumps etc will leave it too late, surgeries/check ups are all being delayed. This might then result in people being too far down the cancer path to be successfully treated. The clinical lead for Cancer told me yesterday that you wouldn't want to be newly diagnosised right now!!! I'm just hoping that our "lack of effective" check ups is not going to of detriment to us!!! 
But, it's so lovely to keep in touch!!

Sam, your messages always make me chuckle!! When I went for my tattoos, I did ask for flowers or maybe little birds ;-) They told me they aren't that artistic :-0

But you are nearing the end now!! So soon you will have to peel yourself out of your pjs and get back into the real world - oh wait!! Everyone is in their pjs, unable to live in the real world!! ;-)

Well, off to drink my glass of Prosecco. Work in the morning. 
Take care lovelies xx

Christine,

That blummin app would do my head in...its one of the many reasons why I've never succumbed to a fit bit (and can't be bothered to think/learn app stuff..I am a Luddite) luckily have strong willpower when I put my mind to it.  Although my willpower re keeping fit has the potential of being slowly eroded by the numerous aches & pains that I have, I think they've somewhat plateaued now, though that said the knees seemed to be joining in yesterday! Must be in sympathy for you.  

It will be 6 weeks post last op next Thursday when I can (??) ride my bike (per physio instruction), I've been putting small amounts of pressure on duff arm in anticipation, although there's that many people out on bikes suspect may not enjoy it as much as i used to, although yesterday's  walk was good in the rain (numbers of people down by 99%...what a surprise!).  So cycling may be in the rain, the dark (love it!) or early in morning (less likely given my inability to surface pre 8 a.m.).

I'm with your brother, minus the drinking , its nearly midday & still in Jim jams...am so glad that I bought several new sets in anticipation of surgery, obviously just doing this to get value for money from my investment!

Your neighbours have certainly created a great community there, it definitely sounds like a place I'd like to live (there will be similar in Yorks. Am sure), and your neighbours sound determined that you'll get involved (ha!) even if you can't/won't fully participate...fancy not knowing the words!  Love a good sing song, make up the words generally when in church.

That Archie!  On the plus side ham is marginally better than fat balls...I do tell off Adrian for feeding his cats ham & bacon (which he does quite regularly), he thinks he's treating them (he's a real feeder) when he's destroying their kidneys the great big muppet! My cats are also pigs and would make like Archie given half a chance, and its worse as they can jump up, luckily I'm wise to their tricks and never leave food unattended anywhere, this does however mean, with my lack of memory, that I do find somewhat deteriorated food in high cupboards weeks later...doh!

I hadn't realised that you get "discharged" - in a normal world when does that happen?

So sorry to hear of the death of your mastectomy pal, there's so much that gets missed or mistaken for something else unfortunately that could probably be treated, and, as with Caroline, I suspect with cv that this may get worse before it gets better.  It does however remind me to get round to calling BCN re my ongoing aches & pains and will do so Monday (just been too busy doing..mmm..nothing, just for a change!).  And its so sad for her family given the current situation and that of her husband...I think that lack of contact from family at end of life & reduced funeral attendance are among the worst impact of this stupid cv.

Pandy

Hi there, sounds like you've got a very good contamination system on the go, although I have a go I think there's a few holes in my routine.  And am so lucky that it doesn't matter so much in my household as it does in yours...I would hate to have to use any alcohol for anything other than chucking down my throat!  And I'm not even drinking currently.

As Caroline says I think we managed to "time" our cancer well (!!) given the new disease in town, it didn't interfere with our treatment as it is with a number nowadays.

Caroline

I did have to read the end of your note twice to check you hadn't succumbed but am glad to see you're not having prosecco instead of milk on your cereal.  Working on a Saturday eh? Poor you, I am so lucky that when I do actually work that I'm a lazy office worker so just Monday-Friday sat on my bum all day long.

I spoke to an ex colleague this week and we both agree that my return to work will be probably be a bigger shock to my system than my cancer diagnosis (wasn't that surprised or upset).  That said who on earth knows, with the cv impact, when this may actually be.  Suspect I'll be "thinking" about a return to work around July and will do a phased return but who knows what the social distancing & economic situation will be by then eh?  Only time will tell.  And luckily I've got plenty to keep busy with (jigsaws, curtains and about a billion other things as well..).

Keep well ladies & Christine I expect to see you doing your stint on The One World:Together at Home show, maybe sandwiched between Taylor Swift & the Rolling Stones...I'll be looking out for your set.

Sam X

Sam, you are a tonic! 

In my defence, I only have a Fitbit because my daughter gave me the quite basic one I bought her Christmas 2018, her specification I must add.  Christmas 2019 her brother and his partner bought her a newer, more advanced model, and, as usual, I inherited the now defunct tech. It's only defunct as far as they are concerned but I'm quite happy to receive iPhones and iPads etc that were new a few years ago.  The Fitbit does dictate what you do, though. The first thing I check on in the morning is how well I slept. It is surprising how many times it says I have been awake or restless during the night, even when I've had a full 8 hours sleep in my mind.  I'm glad I set my sleep goal for 7 hours, not 8, as I usually manage to reach that and feel ridiculously pleased when it tells me I have achieved my goal. Similarly with the number of steps and exercise. I set my goals a bit lower than I aim for just to get the congratulations when I meet the goals.  Psychology of tech!  You are a strong woman to resist!  

Caroline, The professional opinion at my hospital seems to be that the extra few months before having our checkup and, hopefully, discharge won't make much difference to us as we are, to all intents and purposes, cancer free after our treatment and recurrence or mets take longer than a few months to present themselves. Fingers crossed!

Sam,  when I asked the nurse who called me, for my telephone checkup, what would normally have happened, she said that I would have been examined, given a date for my annual mammogram and, all being well, discharged! Presumably that will now happen in July.  

You are not the only one struggling to get up before 8am, these days.  Under normal circumstances, my alarm sounds at 7am, although I have usually been awake and having a cuddle with Archie for about 20 minutes, as we wake up when the heating comes on. My daughter brings Smudge for day care, Monday to Thursday and they can arrive at any time from 7am  so I always get up when the alarm goes.  I switch off the alarm for the remaining three days but get up at more or less the same time with no problem. Now, the heating comes on and Archie comes for a cuddle and I tell him to lie down because I'm tired, it can then be another hour or more before my brain surfaces to consciousness, despite going to bed the same time as always. If Imdidnt have Archie, I probably would lose all structure to my day.  I would be reading into the small hours and sleeping during the day.

Hi Pandy,  hope all is well with you.

Stay safe, all of you, stay well!

Christine xxx

Hi Pandy,

Just re-reading your message to us and I have a question. Are you disinfecting your shopping externally or internally?  It seems to me that it would be a sinful waste of whisky to wipe your packages with it!  I do hope you aren't being sinful :)!

Christine xxx

Hi Christine 

Just a quick note brens specialist reckons it is brens sleeping tablet that's caused parkinsons.. To say i was gobsmacked is an understatement. 

So sorry about your friend. Hope everyone else is well as can be.. 

Love to all..... Billy xxx 

Hi Billy,

It seems that medical science is as much a guessing game now as it has ever been or perhaps I should say it's a continuous learning curve!  We get too complacent thinking doctors have all the answers, and they don't. It only takes something new like this Covid19 to show us how helpless we really are against everything out there!

xxx

Christine
I have similar hand me downs from the boyfriend who is into his tech so haven't bought a TV, digi box or anything in the past 20 years...he's also, luckily for Luddite me, my tech support, it does however mean that I never apply myself to fix any tech issues..happy days!  Had a terrible incident over the week, managed to drop the freeview remote control into a glass full of drink - oops!- and it wasn't even alcohol-bl00dy-holic! My personal help desk (called ever-suffering Adrian) gave me appropriate instructions (no press 1 for this, 2 for that nonsense when you've got your own IT help desk thankfully).  In addition, like you needed any convincing, I only got a smart (not convinced it is) phone as my old Nokia finally gave up the ghost, the boyfriend does despair. Strong or tight woman re resisting the tech onslaught - take your pick!

Ah so discharge is post first check up once all treatment is complete, so in theory I should be discharged mid Sept all being well.
I love that you and dat daft dog have a morning cuddle, I usually have one cat baying and another nibbling on me in their efforts to get me up quicker and therefore fill their fat bellies.  Can't lie in for too long or would lose a limb and eardrums...dogs are so much easier..

Been out for my second (very cautious) bike ride today and crikey, my bum hurt so much...I knew it would after the initial return, it got to the stage that I couldn't actually leave the saddle for fear of not being able to get back on it!  But all is good & most importantly ark behaved, it was just the hips, back and knees that didn't!  I blame that blummin Letrazole, however talking to my BCN yesterday she tells me the best thing for naughty joints is exercise...mmm.

I did however, on the advice of my mother (whose advice I never take...that's how desperate to try anything I am I guess) start glucosamine yesterday and my morning stiffness & hobbles were noticeably improved this morning...coincidence?  I think not.  It was worth running the Boots queue gauntlet yesterday after all!!

Today is tidy the house day...yes, after over 6 wks the cleaning needs doing, its too grim to contemplate even for my magma low standards.  Whilst the boyfriend is good at hoovering/washing/changing beds he doesn't see anything else so will have to get my lazy ar5e in gear I guess.  So this mail is part of my procrastinating...

Hope all are well and are planning to have a better day than mine (bl00dy cleaning).

Sam X

Christine
I have similar hand me downs from the boyfriend who is into his tech so haven't bought a TV, digi box or anything in the past 20 years...he's also, luckily for Luddite me, my tech support, it does however mean that I never apply myself to fix any tech issues..happy days!  Had a terrible incident over the week, managed to drop the freeview remote control into a glass full of drink - oops!- and it wasn't even alcohol-bl00dy-holic! My personal help desk (called ever-suffering Adrian) gave me appropriate instructions (no press 1 for this, 2 for that nonsense when you've got your own IT help desk thankfully).  In addition, like you needed any convincing, I only got a smart (not convinced it is) phone as my old Nokia finally gave up the ghost, the boyfriend does despair. Strong or tight woman re resisting the tech onslaught - take your pick!

Ah so discharge is post first check up once all treatment is complete, so in theory I should be discharged mid Sept all being well.
I love that you and dat daft dog have a morning cuddle, I usually have one cat baying and another nibbling on me in their efforts to get me up quicker and therefore fill their fat bellies.  Can't lie in for too long or would lose a limb and eardrums...dogs are so much easier..

Been out for my second (very cautious) bike ride today and crikey, my bum hurt so much...I knew it would after the initial return, it got to the stage that I couldn't actually leave the saddle for fear of not being able to get back on it!  But all is good & most importantly ark behaved, it was just the hips, back and knees that didn't!  I blame that blummin Letrazole, however talking to my BCN yesterday she tells me the best thing for naughty joints is exercise...mmm.

I did however, on the advice of my mother (whose advice I never take...that's how desperate to try anything I am I guess) start glucosamine yesterday and my morning stiffness & hobbles were noticeably improved this morning...coincidence?  I think not.  It was worth running the Boots queue gauntlet yesterday after all!!

Today is tidy the house day...yes, after over 6 wks the cleaning needs doing, its too grim to contemplate even for my magma low standards.  Whilst the boyfriend is good at hoovering/washing/changing beds he doesn't see anything else so will have to get my lazy ar5e in gear I guess.  So this mail is part of my procrastinating...

Hope all are well and are planning to have a better day than mine (bl00dy cleaning).

Sam X

Hi ladies,

Sam - i, like you have spent my day cleaning. My eldest son had a row with his dad yesterday so has packed a suitcase and gone to his girlfriend's house. I felt very torn about it yesterday but figure we all need a bit of space. So I have deep cleaned his room!! I keep going back in there now, to marvel at how clean it looks and smells!!!  Also cut son No.2's hair. All I can say is thank god we are on lock down ;-) 

Ive been getting a lot of cramp in my legs and feet. Didn't really twig until was reading about sign effects of tamoxifen and cramps is one!!  Suggests I stretch before bed!! My desire to exercise seems to have fallen off the face of the world!! But I am always busy so not just sitting. Few extra pounds have sneaked on but just need a careful week, not eating chocolate and drinking alcohol :-).

Well, Im off to clean my kitchen then the bathroom to do before I collapse in the chair. Hope you are all doing well. 
Caroline xx
 

Hi girls,

Not a lot to report ​​​​these days. My virtual physiotherapist has given me another two exercises on top of the others to do and was pleased when I said the app behaves like a drill sergeant.  She's a lovely girl who looks to glow with health so I will continue to do as she says.

Sam, I laughed at your description of your aches and pains post bike ride.  Once my son and his partner did a charity bike ride, he just did the one way, 45 miles and gave up, but she went on to do the whole route, 90 miles, tough girl!  When I asked many months later, how the bike riding was going, he said they had never been on them since!  

I used to have glucosamine on prescription on the recommendation of the orthopaedic specialist who gave me my first steroid injection, in my knee, many years ago.  I took it daily for a couple of years, then I got a letter from the NHS to say I couldn't have it on prescription any more as there was no evidence that the stuff worked, however, if I wanted to keep taking it, I could buy it!  Talk about mixed messages!  I don't think one dose would do anything, though, it is one of those things that need to be absorbed over time, so I suspect you have enjoyed a placebo effect!

 I am so used to having aches and pains over the last fifteen years that I don't really know if I'm getting more from the Letrozole or if it's just old age. When I saw what you said that cramps might be a side effect of Tamoxifen, Caroline, I thought about the cramps I have been getting. I thought they might be related to the Letrozole, and seeing the connection with Tamoxifen, I checked to see if there was a recognised connection with Letrozole.  What a mistake!  I found a site for professionals and now believe that anything I EVER suffer in the rest of my life  will be traced back to Letrozole.  The least encouraging  thing I read was that one effect can be secondary breast cancer. I thought I was taking the stuff to stop that! That'll teach me to Google!!  Never again!!

I hope family harmony is restored by now, Caroline. I had to smile when I read about cleaning your son's room.  My son had to be threatened with death before he could see that his room needed cleaning and, invariably, the mess would get to me before the threats got to him. I have distinct memories of finding cups full of fur under his bed. Beneath the fur would be apple cores!!! They had probably been there since the last time I had given in and cleaned. You made me think back to those days of never standing still for a minute, with husband and kids to look after, a job to hold down, a house to clean, meals to cook.  For a minute I felt nostalgic, then I thought thank goodness those days don't last forever or our life spans would be much shorter!!! Nowadays he is a completely different man. He got quite stressed when I went out into his garden in my slippers and trailed wet footprints behind me when I came back in. He was there with the mop before I knew it. 

Today has felt like winter! On Monday I wore a tee shirt, sunglasses and baseball cap to walk Archie. Yesterday I wore a fleece over the tee, didn't need the sunglasses or visor. Today I was back to leather coat and gloves and woolly bobble cap.  No wonder Brits talk about the weather all the time!

Stay safe, stay well,

Christine xxx

Hi there C&C

Friday was day 2 of rads and so far no huge issues.  But crikey I do feel absolutely pooped! I'd expected to feel knackered but further on in treatment, after 5pm all I can do is yawn and today's early morning bike ride was far too much of an effort (and the hurting bum did not help!), that said I did feel better that I did it so will carry on every now & then.

I'm not sure but think my chest is a little sore but no biggie..

And my new daily chores now consist of 3 lots of arm exercises, 5 lots of chest gel/moisturiser application (have gone for R1/R2- sooper expensive, guaranteed to have skin like a baby's bum- moisturiser gubbins) and now 2 lots of arm massage per day - even typing it exhausts me...its a wonder I have time to eat, sleep etc.!
On the arm massage front (sounds a little like what you advised Christine that I had been doing anyway) managed to have a FaceTime call (a new addition there to my very limited tech skills...am proud to be so old-school) with physio (is this how you're doing your virtual one Christine?) Friday which was good and she showed me what I need to do re cording which I think is already easing due to the 5million arm exercises I do every day!!

Exaggerate?  Moi? Never...

So I've decided I actually prefer chemo to rads.  With chemo yes you've got after effects but they get into a routine and you can work round them whereas it would seem that post surgery & rads they're just there with no cyclical break as you get with chemo, also the actual rads sessions are soooo dull...sitting in a time machine with people playing bingo (well they keep shouting out random numbers so they may as well be) and as they're so focussed on not microwaving my organs very limited time for a good chat...chemo was much more entertaining, and I didn't need to keep still. When in the time machine it is quite cold so have taken to wearing gloves too! Only wore gloves once in chemo at the ill-fated paclitaxel one and they were to keep my hands frozen - how times change eh?

So all good here apart from all my aches & pains! Ha! Knee challenge of last week seems better.  Do you think the aches & pains re hormone tablets subdue over time? Based on what I've read am not sure...may give it a few more months and then see if Dr can give me anything to counter the side effects (have read there are drugs available).

Am considering (crazy, mad fool that I am!!) re-introducing my lovely alcohol & pizza (my fave naughty food) to my dietary repertoire....I was (before the cv nonsense) going to do this with pals as a sort of post cancer celebration but can't be bothered waiting for the promise of a lockdown end in the blummin' autumn (I'll have wasted away by then re healthiness!).  If am not too tired to appreciate it D day is Friday - in the 'old days' it used to be (unless I was out tripping the light fantastic) Friday night pizza, washed down with a pint of vodka & Diet Coke (pint as am too lazy to keep going to the kitchen & back to top up drink and failed spectacularly to train those lazy cats to do so).  Quite sad that this is such a momentous occasion currently!!

Caroline,

I hope your son is having fun (??) in his new household, its such a painful time for families and am very glad & lucky that I live alone and have no-one to leave home (as I promise you they would, if the cats weren't so greedy they'd have been off ages ago). Anyway hope you're not missing/worrying about him too much and that he's still in touch.

My cleaning consisted of one day toilets and the next day basins...and that was enough. Note it didn't take me the full day! Am done now for some time until they get sufficiently grim again that they need attention.

I am loving re hair the reports of these subversive underground hairdressers..I imagine its a bit like the French resistance in Allo, Allo.  My hair seems to have developed, as it gets longer, a really annoying wave which makes it look even more like the boyfriends 84 yr old mother's hair - not good on so many levels I think.

Christine,

Yeah, always google very cautiously re health related matters, and bear in mind that I'm sure that pretty much everything and anything can cause cancer.  I have to laugh as have been organic/natural for 15 years, did it mainly to do my bit re the environment and also reduce the amount of nasties in my body - will carry on but fat lot of use it did to avoid cancer eh?  Ha!

And I'm loving the cooler weather - jumpers and less idiots out and about stealing my 2 meters...love it!

Will finish by telling you how glad I am that the online supermarkets have finally got their system sorted so that I can now get a slot (hurrah!), particularly handy during rads time though having to buy the boyfriend all his Charlie Bingham ready meals (I don't believe in ready meals) will bankrupt me if this lock down goes on for many more months!

Sam X

Hiya girls!

Obviously this lockdown has given us less to report. Thanks, Sam for your lovely long message. I didn't realise it has been nine days since you posted it and I haven't replied yet.  Is the radiotherapy still going ok? Are you feeling less fatigued, now?  I hope so.

All is well, here, getting food ok, but miss actually browsing the supermarket shelves. A lovely neighbour knocked on my door yesterday with two tins of my espresso coffee from Lidl and she had got me two of their pretzels which I LOVE, and this was without being asked!!!  Embarrassingly I had no cash to pay her, so I have asked my daughter to bring me some change when she brings my groceries on Thursday. She gets a guaranteed fortnightly delivery from Ocado, and in between we get fresh stuff from wherever we can. Last week I got an Iceland delivery slot and next week she has got an Asda slot booked in, so we are doing well, really.  Her problem is that she gets food for several of her neighbours as well, so it can take ages to keep up with everyone's requests, then she has to deliver their orders, however it means she has got cash from some, who insist on paying as they go. She would prefer not to handle cash so most people are getting theirs on tick. I just push money across to her bank account every month. 

I have just re read what I've written and it is so boring, I'm giving up. I'm only writing to keep in touch, anyway.  

Hope all is well at yours, Caroline, and that you are staying well.

Christine xxx

Hi ladies,

I too apologise for not being in touch!! Life has been very busy at work. I have been responsible for setting up a new telephone service for the palliative care with, with volunteers. We are just going into week 3 so been full on at work. Then home to the usual jobs of feeding the tribe. My oldest son is still over at his girlfriend's house but I think he will be needed back at work soon so not sure if he will then come home. 
Sam, how is the radiotherapy going? The end is in sight!! How are your side effects? I hope the tiredness isn't too terrible?

Christine, good to hear that you are being looked after. I have been calling patients today, to check they are ok for shopping etc. I tried any avoid the big supermarkets and use the little local shops and just get a few bits and pieces. 

I have my 6 month check up phone call on Friday!! I need to write down any questions that I have. I do want to ask about whether I will only have a mammogram on my yearly check up as the cancer didn't show up on there on my last 2 mammogram. 
My scar has started to play up a little at the moment. Very itchy and sore and my top rib seems a bit painful too, so will ask about that too. Any ache and pain fills me with a little dread. I had an achy hip the other week which I then started googling!! Not a good idea. I'm sure I'm just being overly paranoid!!

Well, not much else to report. Just watching a programme about Covid, in a London hospital. I find it fascinating to be honest, as well as a little scary. Hopefully we will start to see some sensible steps towards normality soon. I am missing normality!!!

Caroline xx

Hi Caroline, 

When I had my six month checkup call, the nurse gave me the date of my mammogram, in September, and little else. I did get the ultrasound scan, last week, but it was a waste of time as the doctor couldn't get any fluid out of me. I was left with a bloody bra and softie, as, apparently, I bled like a stuck pig, although I don't think that's the correct metaphor. I am not really hopeful of any success with the lymphoedema clinic, either. I still feel quite sore and tight round the whole top area but expect I'll just have to live with it. 

Your life sounds like the exact opposite of most of the people I know, who are in lockdown, finding ways to fill their time.  I bet you would love to have some time to yourself.

I have been painting. I did a portrait of the lady I met in hospital, who died. It took me a while but I suddenly got her likeness and finished it this week. I'm going to get it to her husband somehow. Perhaps my postman will take it to the post office for me if I prepay the postage, he's a really nice man who gives Archie a biscuit every time he sees him.

Sam,  I hope your silence is just because you were waiting to hear from us and not because there is anything wrong.  I need your cheery irreverence to keep me smiling.

Take care, both of you. 

Christine xxx

Hi both
Sorry - Still duller than dishwater here.  Over half way through on boring rads so that's good, still tired and getting more noticeable re soreness as well as the suntanned area being much more prominent but generally doing fine here.  Caroline - thanks, it would have to be a billion times worse to be classed as terrible for me, all taken in my large northern stride!

Quietness on my part is purely as am a lazy moo...but rest assured love hearing from you both as to what you're up to (that is generally more active than me nowadays!!).  You'll be glad to know that you're making use of the 20 mins that I have after each rads treatment to let goo number 1 soak in..naked top half and, am glad to say, curtains closed.

 Often delayed at the rads appointment which is great as a) annoys the boyfriend and b) gives me a chance for a good gab with the ladies waiting as they're also delayed.  At my hospital they insist you don't turn up early, I've managed to fine tune the walk from back of car park to the rads dept. Its funny but I seem to be in the minority re having chemo as first cancer treatment (always special, me!!) and the ladies are fascinated with my hair growth as they've just finished chemo and have none...and the waves are getting even more pronounced (and oh, so lovely - not!).
The boyfriend is still doing my nut in with his driving/commentary on others driving/seemingly purposefully aiming for pot holes (pains my chest still)...leads to some "interesting" discussions when I have the energy!  And his housework seems to have stopped a little of late...well I'm not bl00dy doing it! I may have to have a word.  He's also taken to changing out of his cycling gear in my kitchen in full view of the neighbours...lucky them..not!

Am actively avoiding people currently so generally just leaving house for rads as don't want to be shortchanged on treatment!  I suspect if it stopped for whatever reason they'd leave it as was.  Felt quite guilty as a pal offered to call in yesterday but knew we'd not be able to manage the 2 meter thing (plus I don't have PPE for her!) so told her not to bother, am sure she understood.

I've also got fantastic neighbours so when Waitrose fails to deliver at my weekly slot the neighbours mop up my undeliverables in their order.  Your systems sound very sophisticated and will be covering the whole village soon...I wonder is there a ££ cap on on-line shopping??

Crikey never worry about being boring...I see myself as supporting the UK arts scene currently which is also at its most boring, probably about the most arty I'll ever be.  Good to hear there's another masterpiece being created Christine. You'll not be surprised but the cushions are not actually yet even a work in progress...
Am glad to hear your postie sounds like a peach, mine's the same (he once delivered my post to the pub garden opposite where I was - now that's service!).

I bought some plants from a local charity as well as some raffle tickets and actually won something, am not quite sure what but I never usually win anything so at this very dull time am quite excited to see my ill gotten gains.  I'll let you also get excited on my behalf!

Caroline - is this the one that you were supposed to have a number of weeks ago by phone too?  Or is this another one?  And thanks for working during this time, I can't even bring myself to think about work (and try very hard not to!).
Christine - your recent attempted fluid removal sounds quite delightful! So they couldn't aspirate? Does this mean they're stumped on the lymphedema front?  My seroma sounds similar in that it's annoying and sore at times but doesn't appear to be going anywhere - I wonder if one day I'll awake and its magically disappeared...

Right yer 20 mins is up!  Time for goo number 2...

Have fun on my behalf - but not too much.

Sam X

Hi lovely ladies,

Just a quick message. Finally had my 6 (8) month telephone consultation today!! Lasted around 5 min. Asked about how I was getting on with my medication. I did say that I'm getting cramp in my legs and feet, tiredness and night sweats and that I'm not brilliant at taking it on a daily basis. She said because my tumour had been a significant size, I did need to stick with it as it was the treatment which will help with stopping recurrence. She asked about exercise, weight and alcohol and how they all played an important factor in keeping cancer free. I told her my scar has recently been very sore and itchy but internally. She said this is common with the type of surgery I had. She also said it was important I checked myself for lumps or symptoms/changes in my boobs. If I do notice anything, I just call them as I have 3 years of open access. She will see me in 6 months time and if all is good, she will discharge me. 
Caroline xx

Hi girls,

Glad to see you are still coping with your treatment, Sam, despite your side effects.  Caroline, it seems that our essential six month checkup is definitely not essential - how can they know of everything is ok from five minutes on the phone. I did, at least, get an appointment for a face to face checkup in July, and my mammogram for September.  it will be interesting to hear what they tell you, Sam, when your turn comes. 
What size was your tumour, Caroline? Mine was 4cm, but I haven't been given the same advice about checking for changes, probably because where it should be flat is one big lump.  it doesn't fill you with confidence when they tell you something that bothers you is common, with no advice about dealing with it.

I've been thinking I'm doing all right on the Letrozole, but I'm beginning to think perhaps these headaches I'm getting might be caused by it  I have never been subject to headaches in the past, apart from migraines when I was working, and now I'm getting them every day and, recently, I'm feeling very stiff with lower back pain  it could be the dreaded exercises from the physio, I tend to tense every muscle in my body while doing them, despite trying to relax the rest of my body, it's hard to tell, Letrozole or exercises(?) and the exercises have done so much to relieve the pain in my knee - I'm walking without the strapping now -  so I need to keep up with them, and the Letrozole is supposed to be keeping the big C at bay so I should keep up with them, too!  Of course it could just be that lockdown is giving me too much time to notice things I would normally ignore  

I eventually took the painting of my friend who died, and left it on her husband's doorstep.  He didn't answer the door and I suspected he was out in his back garden so I left a message on his answer phone telling him to go to the front door.  A couple of hours later I got a call from him to say thank you.  He said he would find a good place to hang it but I think he was surprised by it and  sounded quite subdued. I hoped I hadn't upset him by not telling him about it beforehand.  But then quite early yesterday morning he phoned again, and this time he was really excited to tell me he had tried it in different places but has finally put it on the coffee table next to the television so he can see her every time he sits down. He was really effusive this time, and said it is just her and he loves it and when "all this" is over we must have a coffee to talk about her.  That was nice to hear, I knew I liked it and it looked like her in my eyes but I didn't really know her and the family might have seen her totally differently  I also got a call this week from the young man who was the recipient of his grandparents' portrait, thanking me for it and inviting me to come and see it in place when lockdown is over!  Amazing how a little bit of appreciation makes you feel good! I just hope no one else asks me to do one, it's fine painting for your own pleasure but the responsibility of doing a commission is quite stressful!

I've got to find something else to paint, now  I'll probably do an animal picture or a landscape, next.  

Sam, you have an amazing gift of being able to make me laugh with your observations and  I am not surprised the cushions are still a figment of your imagination :) Only because you are still  having treatment and recovering takes it out of you too much to bother about cushions!

Take care, girls. Sam I hope you are back to full fitness soon, Caroline, don't work too hard and be sure to take those tablets.. I have actually put a reminder on my phone to give a big klaxon sound at 9.30 every night to remind me to take mine.

Christine xx
 

Who hoo...and we're done!  Well the intense treatments anyway.

Am resembling a Robin if they also had red armpits and am tired quite a bit of the time but otherwise all jolly good and will be celebrating with a bottle of meths and a pizza later.  The boyfriend is glad its all done & dusted and is treating me to a new handbag..happy days!  Just wish I could go out with pals & celebrate, but will do twice as much when I can.

Had a mixed week so managed a long walk Tuesday (had to almost crawl back after my hours energy was spent!) and bike ride yesterday (aching bum getting better).

Today would have been a fab day was it not for the more gormless of the cats who caught a baby blue *** earlier..little s**t!  I know its their nature but they're usually so fat & lazy that they can't be bothered other than watching the small wildlife, and they have 2 bells on each!  I think it must have wandered into his mouth while he was snoozing (well thats what I'm telling myself).

Caroline - your check up sounds distinctly lacking re any useful info that you didn't know already! I suspect that your nurse was however still  able to put a big tick in the relevant box and move on...

I wonder is the 3 yrs of open access standard?  And what exactly does open access mean - is it just more of the useless 5 minute discussions?  Also what will she be discharging you from?  Is it returning you to the care of just your GP?

Hope your work isn't too hectic, I know I will be taking it very easy as & when I go back but luckily working in retail that won't be an issue.

Christine - yes I'll be interested to see what happens re my 6 month follow up come September, it may that with things being more 'normal' then that it may be worth my making the effort for...we'll see.  

I would have thought that as we've had full mx then there's nowt to check for re lumps (think Caroline had part removed rather than full) as we have no breast tissue?

Bad news re headaches re letrozole, I find that its the mornings when I get out of bed and getting up when I've been sat for a while that are the killers, I'm hoping that there's no more side effects to come and that if anything they will subside if anything.

Good to hear knee is behaving (and about time too!), I wonder (and am obviously not a physio) but would it help your lower back if you pull your stomach in whilst doing exercises ( I know this as every time I do an on-line exercise class the instructor nags me about it to protect my lower back)??  

Really glad your painting was so well received, nice to put smiles on faces.

On my never ending mission of avoiding making cushions I've now invested in a 1000 piece jigsaw..the saga continues..

Ah so you're a 9.30'er - I'm a 7.20'er - and I have no idea why although I am becoming very adept at hearing the alarm, switching off the alarm and then thinking 2 hrs later 'did I take the letrozole?' So have actually had to write the days of the week on the packet so I can double check...it would of course be an obvious solution to just get off my fat bum and actually take the bl00dy tablet when reminded to do so but practice is somewhat different to theory.

Right, no rest for the (VERY) wicked...off to town now to buy my comestibles for celebratory dinner and have a vitamin run on Boots then may try the MacMillan exercise DVD that my lovely physio sent me.  I haven't been out to a supermarket since rads started, it will be interesting (??) to see how cv prevention has improved (ha!).

Hope you're both good and have something celebratory on my behalf too (Christine - am expecting you to have at least a shot of paint thinner!!)

Sam X