I have just been diagnosed with stage 4 secondary liver cancer. I felt I was in free fall whe I was told a few ago. I want to run but I can't.  We are a member of a club we do not want to be in and yet more that a third of people will get cancer. It's terrifying. I'm finding hard it to be the sick one too. I'm the fixer and doer in my family and I can't get used to not being that person any more. 

I wish you good luck with treatment. I also find Maggie's centre invaluable for counseling at the moment they have save me a few times ️

Hello 747, my heart goes out to you, I can feel the free fall you are feeling. Thank you for taking the time to write to me. I wish you the strength to bear this without such anguish and hope you find the support you need. x

Hi Caroline, 

I find my mood has lifted since my knee stopped hurting so much, but, like you, I feel desperately tired. If I can get my *** into gear and start doing something, I'm ok but I could sit on it all day before it can move. I am sleeping very well, so that's a positive. I'm using a Fitbit that my daughter passed on to me when she got an upgrade. I only use it to see how much exercise I am getting in a day and how much sleep I get at night. My daily step count isn't fantastic but it is improving every week.

i am shocked to hear your Springer is lazy, is it just his age? When I had one I couldn't tire him out. I never knew such an active dog. They are smart though, not like my dozy bones Archie, who isn't interested if it isn't edible or expensive to replace.

You'll be able to rest a bit more when the family are off on their jollies. It sounds like you are really getting your life back together and it's good to hear.  I'm getting there, too. Now my knee is less troublesome I shall be doing far more then I have been.

Christine xx

Hi Sam,

Just wanted to send my love in preparation of tomorrow's surgery! Have everything crossed it all goes according to plan!! Hope the wire thingie went ok today!! Let us know how it all goes and how you are.

caroline xx

Hi Sam, 

Just wanted to send my best wishes for tomorrow, You might already be in hospital as I write this, so get your eye blinds on and earplugs in or you won't get any sleep, as you know. 

Look forward to hearing that everything has gone ok and you are facing the world in your own inimitable way!

Christine xxx

C&C

Cheers ladies, thanks for the wishes, really nice.  Especially on the back of a full day at the hospital, a near fainting incident (apparently it happens quite often) and one boob with wire in it (and outside of it too...its a bit painful when I use LHS) and the other with radiation in it (injection made me swear...so unlike me...yeah right).

So am well pooped after a full on day, on the plus side should hopefully sleep well.  In at 11 for surgery in the afternoon (no idea what time...what's new?).

The next time I write I will be down a DD!  And good blummin riddance. Bring on the morphine (I can but hope).

Sam X

Best of luck.  Have been following you but haven't contributed to chat.  I was lucky, lump found last July. Op to remove just the lump in August.  All clear and limph nodes clear too.  4 weeks of radiotherapy November/December.  Now on Letrozole with no ill effects.  See Consultant next Monday to be hopefully signed off all clear.  Stay positive.

Just a quick note to let you know it all went swimmingly, am now 614 grams lighter!

Pain negligible, drain very annoying as is cold that I have and glad to say constipation appears to be easing (green poo was an interesting development!).

Will write more soon when Mother clears off later on today.

Sam X

Yay!!! Glad to hear it went well. Rest now and we'll catch up soon!

Christine

Oh brilliant to hear from you!!! And that all is going well. I'm sure the drain will be gone soon enough!

Caroline x

Hope your recovery goes well.  I have just go back from hospital after check up.  I am all clear and have been discharged.  Just yearly mammograms and letrozole.

Oh that's brilliant news! You must be feeling very relieved! Got my first check up in April.

Caroline x

Oh that's brilliant news! You must be feeling very relieved! Got my first check up in April.

Caroline x

Good news Pandy - well done to you & your body!  Will be joining you on the big L very soon.

So its my first day home alone, I wonder what damage I can do eh?  Still on regular paracetamol here which seems to be doing the trick.  Under arm does feel a little painful today (like there's a lump of lego stabbing me in the side) but am off for drain removal at 4pm so they can check for any lego pieces I guess.  I will be SOOO glad to be rid of this drain, given the level of yuck has not increased hardly at all since leaving hospital I'm not sure I have as much fluid circulating around my body compared to the average...I think its my bodies way of saying it needs the reintroduction of alcohol (still not fancying it, along with pizza...end of Feb maybe?).

The really annoying thing about my Mother not being here anymore is that I will have to do my own washing up (boo!), cooking I don't mind too much but washing up is quite a chore...may just leave it till the boyfriend comes round to check that I've not managed to strangle myself on my drain tube or fall asleep with a mouthful of strepsils (he really doesn't trust me at all!).

Am still doing well on the exercises, find the last one with arms out to side & behind head the most challenging one and am sure am providing a regular source of great amusement to those smoking outside the pub opposite when doing said exercises (I should be charging you know).

You'll all be glad to know that the green poo has gone and the dulcoease has done its trick, always nice for me & my bowels to be harmonised once again!

Am also doing well on the daily walks, which today will be to the train station & hospital & back...I like a boobless adventure, am at the ready to bat anybody who gets too close to the missing boob site and already find myself wandering along with my right arm at an angle ready to slap those who may get too close! Amazing the things you need to think about with new body challenges...am having to rethink the whole handbag set-up...

I do hope you are all loving the onset of spring, am keeping a close eye on my lovely croci which didn't get too battered by Dennis (as I hope you all didn't), daffs about to pop and can't even recall what I did re tulips so that will be a nice surprise.

And talking of nature sprouting my head hair is growing lots (its about 1/2 cm now), eyebrows are nearly at full capacity and chin hairs are certainly making up for lost time...interesting that all hairs are much whiter than they used to be.

Am still not sure I trust my waterproof dressings to attempt a full shower yet, been having prison washed and lower body showers to far but may go further (get me!), once blummin drain is out.  It will be interesting to see how the drain is affixed as its got caught on doors and things and despite good yanks has managed to stay attached, although I don't want another fainting incident!

Christine - how the knee & are the new hearing aids still free of Archie DNA?

Caroline - hope you're still feeling more chipper.

Sam X

I love your positivity and sense of humour!  I'm sure everything is going to be fine with your attitude to life.  You sound good fun to be around.   All the best with the Hospital trip today.  Will keep following you to see your progress.

Hi Sam!!

So good to hear from you!!! All seems to be going well - hair, poo and removal of drain today!! Have to say I hated the drain as much as you! Like you - I kept getting it caught o various pieces of furniture. I would take some pain killers before you go to have it removed. It's not a pleasant experience!! It's amazing how much pipe they have stuffed inside you!! 
Well done in doing your exercises - they do get easier but don't push it. 
Ive been accepted on to a research trial that has developed an app which is aiming to help give you more guidence/ information and remind you to take your hormone medication.  Be interesting to see how it works!! I'm thinking unless it sends someone round to put the pill in my mouth, it might still be hit and miss with me taking it!! 
Mood wise - ok. Still a bit up and down and still constantly exhausted!

Hope your jolly to the hospital goes ok!!! 
Caroline xx
 

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Hi Sam,

its good to see the loss of a boob has done nothing to change your outlook on life!  I am jealous of your being allowed to cope alone and go for walks. If you remember I was almost under house arrest after my surgery with my 'mother hen' children keeping me 'safe' and daily visits from the district nurse.  Lucky you getting rid of your drain before the need to shower becomes unbearable. Mine was full every day for nearly a fortnight the first time and a full fortnight the second time. I can't say it bothered me all that much, though. I used to sling the bag across my shoulder and hide it under a jacket. My fluid filled protuberance hasn't gone down yet! And that's with a needle drainage being done and daily lymph draining exercises. At least I am clean! The old lick and promise doesn't do it, does it? I was really lucky because it didn't hurt much at all when I had the drain removed, so I hope you find it ok, too.

It is nice to see those brave little harbingers of spring poking their heads out from the  mud that used to be flower beds, before the constant rain. I wasn't feeling up to clearing all my old perennials before the winter came and now the crocosmia leaves are slimy and drooping all across the edge of the lawn and the daffodils and crocuses (croci?) are fighting to be seen above the remains of the cranesbill and the flipping grass and dandelions and other weeds that have taken over. And where has all that long grass come from? it's supposed to stop growing in the winter! I keep waiting to be so disgusted with the state of the garden that I get my *** into gear and do something about it, but that hasn't happened yet. 

So glad your crowning glory is coming back. I had lunch today with the girls who learned about my breast cancer on the day I was diagnosed, one of whom has made a remarkable recovery from ovarian cancer and a lesion on her bowel.  She had to have chemo and lost her hair, and was delighted to find it came back a beautiful grey colour and curly!!  Ten years on she's still teaching PE four times a week and never stays still. Amazing woman!

I'm still putting my ears out of reach of the demon dog, so they are still intact and my knee is not exactly pain free but good enough to do the full gym circuit on Monday including 100 steps which I couldn't do the last time I went because I was in so much pain. I had my NHS physio appointment on Monday and have been given an exercise programme that should really help me, so in the morning, between taking my Lansoprazole and having breakfast I now do my lymphoedema exercises and my knee exercises instead of watching BBC Breakfast TV.

I am still taking the Letrozole without too much in the way of side effects, thank goodness, so I hope you will be ok with them, too.

Caroline, what date in April do you go for your follow up? Mine is 8th. I find taking my Letrozole after my evening meal is quite helpful in reminding me to take it because even if I forget, then, I always remember when I go in to tidy the kitchen for morning and take it then.  I was advised to take it then rather then earlier in the day to reduce feeling sick and I can't say I have felt sick, really.

Pandy, I'm really glad to,hear you're all clear now. That's great news.

It sounds like we're all on the way up, now, don't do too much, Sam, it's early days yet, Caroline I am, like you, still feeling very tired. If I do one big thing in a day, I'm wiped out for the rest of the day, and I give in to it, which I can, so take care of yourself. My mood is getting better now my knee pain is much less, so I think it was the knee that was getting me down more than the Letrozole.

Onwards and upwards, ladies!

Christine xxx

Caroline

Nice pic!  Very strong, like it.  Your trial sounds interesting, I can't say I've looked into what "trials" involve that much despite being told am suitable for clinical trials (need to focus on one or 1.5 things at a time to retain the little sanity that remains) so am surprised and impressed I guess that they extend as far as apps....shouldn't really be surprised in this day & age I suppose.

This trial would however be no use for me as I relish being stuck in the dark ages and will only "do" apps if there really is no other option (i.e. Twitter to complain of shoddy service) and even then I grimace whilst using (if that wind changes I'm in trouble).

Christine

Your garden will amaze you, yes the grass may be a bit rubbish (mine is only green thanks to moss!) but I think that its better for the wildlife for it to be quite unkempt (can I use the same excuse for the house I wonder??). Think of all the wee beasties that have taken refuge amongst the crocosmia...they'll be thanking you.

Get you and your exercise regime eh?  Shall I see you too at the next olympics?  It all sounds very impressive and I'm sure will help your knee (and other bits) well, I always feel better all over when am being healthy & exercising (sometimes easier said than done though!!).  Is it a gym you go to or part of the hospital?  I'm a member of local (ish) gym, was a member of David Lloyds which is 5 mins from my house but fell out with them when they increased their fees one year by 15% - to over £100 per month, cheeky ******** so now go to one that's more out of the way (will always act on principle - even if it inconveniences me!), not that I'll be going there for a few weeks yet though...

Are your April follow ups the first post all treatments to see where you're at with hormone tablets then? Need to know what's to come...

So as you've probably gathered removal of drain was fine, there is a lot in there, you're right Caroline.  I insisted on seeing and understanding how it works, very interesting indeed.  It was a lovely lady who removed but am sure she lied to me about bringing it out slowly and then removing the whole thing so think I missed out on the weird sensation...how disappointing.  The lady who removed drain said all was looking very good so we'll have no more bits of the body falling off unexpectedly I hope.

Still somewhat apprehensive about having a shower, I know the dressings are waterproof but really don't want to get them wet and have them come off before their time.  But then again can't be bothered to have a prison wash everyday until next Thursday!  Ooo what a cleanliness conundrum!!

When at hospital saw my surgeon in passing who stopped to say hello (she may be a no-nonsense South African but is always happy to say hi and seems genuinely interested in my wellbeing) and said, not surprisingly, all went well - I told her as I was still alive she must have done a jolly good job and thanked her (not 100% sure she gets my sense of humour...not that it would stop me of course).  That reminds me, Adrian does make me laugh, when he came to check me out of hospital he was trying to force money onto the hospital staff (that obviously they can't accept) to thank them for not killing me - he's a very generous but daft man!

And hair growth makes me now look less Brian Glover & more Terence Stamp...who next I wonder?  

Right time for morning exercise (not quite at Christine's BBC breakfast time yet but that gives this slovenly wench something to aim for).

Keep well ladies X

Hi All,

Glad your drain removal was painless, well, relatively, Sam. I hope you did decide to trust your dressings to be truly showerproof, they are! That first shower after that long wait, well it wasn't so long for you, is wonderful. I felt like a bag lady after two whole showerless weeks. I imagined people could smell me coming, except my kids wouldn't let me go anywhere until it was removed.

The appointment in April will be the first checkup since my drain was removed. That was two weeks after my last surgery. I suppose it will involve checking that the cancer is still gone, presumably ultrasound, possibly a mammogram, no idea really!   My swollen non boob is getting annoying now. It feels like a tight band under my arm and the skin is a bit tender. I keep thinking my bra is rubbing on it, then I remember I'm not wearing one!  Got an appointment at the lymphoedema clinic next week, but I don't know that there is anything that can be done about it, I'm religiously doing the exercises.every day.  Talking of exercise - the gym is part of the hospital physio department and the exercises are really for strength and balance. I did the full circuit yesterday, and my knee is suffering today because I did the step ups and the thigh stretch, (showing off) which meant bending my legs further than they have bent for months - foolishly I believed it when I was told they would be good for my knees! I had to take 2 paracetamol at 3am before I could get to sleep! I might give the steps a miss next week and not force my leg to bend quite so much.  I've got my X-ray next Monday, at 5.30,  so I'll be at the hospital twice in one day. Such joy!!!

Apart from all that, life is good, or it would be without the eye-watering wind and rain we are all having. Even the dogs are reluctant to go out in it, although that might be because they hate the coats I make them wear, otherwise they smell of wet dog for hours afterwards!

Caroline, or should I say Storm? After boasting about remembering to take my Letrozole, last time I wrote, as I was getting ready to take it last night, I counted them and realised some time in the last week I have forgotten to take one!!!  Duh!!!

Going to do some painting today. I am finally making my faces resemble their owners.  As I expected, the husband was easier to capture than the wife but I'm happy to say I know what to do today to bring her to life, not literally, obviously, but you know what I mean. She really is very pretty and I would hate to fail her. She has such twinkly eyes, once I catch that she will be there! Fingers crossed!

Happy pancake day,

xxx

Hi lovely ladies,

Lovely to hear that our journeys down this path are going in our favour and we are battling through!! 
How are you doing now Sam? Is the wound feeling ok. I have to say I jumped in the shower with dressings and a drain!! I can't function without having a shower and the dressings truly are waterproof ( I did have to stand sideways so the water wasn't running over the dressing too much).

Christine, like you - not totally sure what the April check up will involve! At the moment I'm feeling pretty confident all will be fine!! I can't imagine anything has reaccurred after only 6 months. (Fingers crossed)

Ive now got my trial app! So far it has explained in easy terms, how my medication works and the importance of taking it regularly. Then a section on why people don't want to take it and how to make it part of your routine. 
Ive just returned from a girlie weekend in Iceland (amazing place) but wasn't too great at taking my meds. 
The next section is on side effects but I can't access that yet - concentration - lack off, is a bigger for me!! (Should be working now), night sweats and tiredness. But I need to persevere. 
Nice to see Feb is nearly over and I have a holiday to Tenerife booked for April - although not too sure now as we are booked to stay in the hotel that is now on lock down due to the coronavirus!! Fingers crossed.

Enjoy the rest of your day. Xx

Hi there ladies

All good here, despite not having a full proper shower yet (still only bottom half can profess to be "clean").  Bought a white bra and its now pink inside from the iodine-type gunk that they slathered on during op - nice eh?  Also when I rub back of neck bits of muck fall off...I do feel a bit like Steptoe above the waist.

Am hoping that later on in week can have a proper, full on shower, am just glad my hair is still only 1 cm long otherwise it would be absolutely rank by now!

Would like to be able to use right arm more but am behaving.  I don't have Christine's offspring forcibly stopping me from doing lots so will-power (and the prospect of pain!) is the order of the day.

Christine - Will April be the first time since drain removal that you've seen the support team?  Its going to be odd when I'll not be having appointments every week.

Pants that you still have swelling, presumably as its not draining away they will have to do something about it?  I think I have the same under arm, not a lot but its definitely bigger on one side than other to side of missing boob and wasn't in the days following hospital departure, seems a bit late to be swelling I'd have thought?

Don't overdo those step-ups Christine, step classes in my 20's were detrimental to my knees!  And the rain is getting a bit annoying (even for a Yorkshire lass), as can't do anything apart from walk it does mean that walks get quite soggy underfoot & also in my boots (my socks probably smell like those shelties with no coat on).

Hope the painting of faces (can't help myself imagining kids face painting here - and that's why I'm not artistic) go well and I have Adrian on strict instruction for proper pancakes tonight (he's a right lazy g1t normally who buys for himself pre-made pancake mix...cos its such hard work to mix eggs, milk & flour of course!!)...I can eat quite a few and once won a pancake eating competition vs the then boyfriend at uni (always been a glutton!).

Caroline - I'm really hoping it was Iceland the country and not the frozen food place!  I too would like to go to the country (Kerry Katona put me off the latter) as someone who doesn't like their hols too hot (over early 20 degrees too much for me) I think it would be ideal.

This app sounds like hard work (esp. for a simpleton like me) but I guess that's why you're trialling it. Typical its your hotel that's impacted by the new big C (yep, cancer is taking a back seat for now)....April is someway off yet though so am sure you'll be fine.  Am organising lovely things to do with pals once I think I'm done and recovered enough (June onwards I reckon), can't wait and think a reading holiday somewhere not too hot is in order (usually hide in the shade as well as under a parasol just to be on the safe side...).

Seeing the surgeon & oncologist tomorrow, know the surgeon is re pathology results (fingers crossed no more rummaging around needed for the surgeon eh?), getting dressings removed and also start of discussion re radiotherapy, I think am seeing the onc to discuss trials and maybe oral chemo (joy) but not altogether sure...guess I'll know tomorrow, could ask BCN but she's sooo disorganised.

Sam X

Hi Girls, 

Sam, the appointment in April will be the first time I have seen anyone since I decided to start taking the Letrozole. I only saw my BC nurse before that when she drained my seroma. In fact for a long time the only professional I saw was the physio, then she referred me to the lymphoedema nurse. The swelling in part is lymphoedema which won't be going anywhere, the other swelling is probably fluid build up that should eventually reabsorb but I'm not going to hold my breath. I don't like the fact that it has started hurting, last night I could feel it when I was trying to sleep. I'm hoping the nurse will be able to offer me some advice apart from learn to live with it. 

I'm sorry you are struggling with your arm, I was really lucky in that respect, I could move freely from the start, even after the second op it was ok.
Did you learn anything new at your meeting today? Hope it was all good news.

Caroline, I'm really glad you are getting out and about, Iceland wouldn't have been my first choice to visit in February but a girly weekend sounds great! My son is going to Lanzarote on Saturday, I hope the only Corona he comes across is beer! I should think Tenerife will be fine by April.. 

Christine xxx