I have just been diagnosed with stage 4 secondary liver cancer. I felt I was in free fall whe I was told a few ago. I want to run but I can't.  We are a member of a club we do not want to be in and yet more that a third of people will get cancer. It's terrifying. I'm finding hard it to be the sick one too. I'm the fixer and doer in my family and I can't get used to not being that person any more. 

I wish you good luck with treatment. I also find Maggie's centre invaluable for counseling at the moment they have save me a few times ️

Hello 747, my heart goes out to you, I can feel the free fall you are feeling. Thank you for taking the time to write to me. I wish you the strength to bear this without such anguish and hope you find the support you need. x

Christine

Yeah the swearing stuff did provide much amusement for my friends & family on the whatsup (I've renamed it) group where I keep them abreast of my progress and have a good laugh at me, them and lots of other stuff.  I'm allowed to be as sweary pants as i want on whatsup (I am admin!  I have power)...after all profanities mean prizes on there...

Am loving that you have s strategy for responding to my 20 questions, always important in my book...my cancer learning stopped some time ago, decided that I had more than enough info that my poor brain could cope with so never got onto ductal (that I have) vs lobular, strange no lumps with lobular as that's what many associate with breast cancer.

Re shrinking it so no op...No don't think that's how it works with chemo & surgery, think they take the risk averse route (which am quite happy with) to oik it all out.  Did you know that scans can only pick up cancer lumps more than (and I may have got the wrong number but point still stands) 3mm so best to do away with that unnecessary lump of flesh. Am not really that bothered about the op to be honest, its the drain thing that sounds the worst...yuck I say!  And I get fake boobies for free!!  Now if it was a limb or something "useful" to me I would have a very different point of view.

The MRIs I find fine, the worst thing about them was the fact that the best music they had last time was dirty dancing...am taking some 80's tunes next time of my own.  Though dirty dancing (not a favourite of mine by far) much better than the big band music the first time. I share your views on alternative therapies, they're not yet suitable as an practical alternative to what we're going through although as long as they don't interfere with hospital treatment could be of benefit, if only psychologically.  Its odd that some people still pay lots of money and put their faith in quacks and special diets these days when there's lots of warnings not to and stories of when it all goes wrong, but there's no accounting for some people I guess.

Head is getting better ta, less spotty and more baldy! Its funny, and probably as a consequence of where the cold cap failed but have bald spots predominately above where side burns are (on a man, not me normally!) and also top of head, the back of the head is not bald at all- it would be an interesting look if I had long hair.

If I were you I'd take full advantage of your offspring & neighbours and get them to do whatever you don't like doing, any housework would suit me.  If you don't ask you don't get and I'd really like to see anyone refuse a poor cancer "victim"!!!  That's my joker when I want something...cruel yet effective.

I find the same with reading, I LOVE reading and can do a book in a day but have been trying to read a good Lee Child since I started on **** chemo, just can't seem to concentrate or find/make the time...odd you're the same.  And I hate leaving a book like that as I ****** forget the **** plot!  Again not helped by chemo brain (or chemo Brian as I often find "he's" mistakenly called).

What have you done that your children trust you so little eh?  I think its lovely in a way (though suffocating to you) that they want to wrap you in cotton wool.  When I told the boyfriend about the cancer I had 3 non-negotiables - 1) Respect my decision 2) Don't molly coddle me and 3) don't tell anyone (as I wanted to)...he does have to be reminded every so often but (for once) has listened....

As you can see in note to Caroline week 3 is a goody, am off to see an old work pal in Bournemouth on Sunday so more fresh sea air for my lucky lungs, and lots of yummy sea food too, which will hopefully help the brain fire on a few more cylinders.  Been a productive week work wise too this week so feeling extra good & long may it last.

Its the last chemo next week on current drain cleaner so will have to see what the new post chemo/feeling odd routine brings soon on cillit bang...what fun...

Sam x

Hi Sam & Christine,

Good to hear that you are both being your "usual" up beat  BC gals. Sam - count down now!! Good to hear that the chemo hasn't been too awful an ordeal. Positive attitude see - think it helps!! 
Christine - you've hit the "normal" zone again - waiting for the next ordeal. I start my radiotherapy on the 7th, so the day before your op. I will have everything crossed that those shifty, crafty cancer cells haven't been causing trouble and don't mean you have to have chemo.
My day in London was odd!! I go up there quite often with friends. Might go up on a Saturday for an "unlimited Prosecco" afternoon tea etc and we usually make a proper day of enjoying ourselves! Monday I just wasn't feeling it. I went with an old friend but she likes shopping (I hate it with a passion!) so we spent far too much time in clothes shops for my liking. Had a lovely lunch with her parents, who I always love catching up with. But my heart wasn't in the day. I was glad when we came home. But I have come down with a grotty cold so that might not of helped. Headaches and tiredness. 
Lovely to hear from you both. Keep the positive pants pulled up - I am sure the end is waving a flag in the distance!! Xx

Caroline

C & C (!!)

All good here.

Poo you weren't feeling your London visit Caroline..however am sure there'll be plenty of other opportunities to savour not only the London but the presseco experience eh?

Hope your cold has buggered off (go on cancer research I dare you to tell me off for that...).

You two have got a lot going on early Nov haven't you?  Do hope all goes well.

The only cancer "excitement" I have in November is the move from drain cleaner (EC) to cillit bang (paclitaxel) which promises to be gentler, and have found EC to be so much better than many others, would however like to keep nails intact.

Bournemouth trip was very enjoyable, roads were soooo busy though so the journey took an hour more than it should have done..thanks the south! But beaches are lovely down there and always love a dose of fish (unlike the boyfriend who left most of his battered fish - that boy has no taste whatsoever and I include me in that!).

Blood taking and doctor chat later on today, always a good excuse to chat and amuse others...both in my top 10 so things I love.

Are you both bonfireing this week?  My northern mother (one of many...) is coming to see me this weekend so we're off out with other pals for an extravaganza - as long as its not busy should be fun.  I would however rather have the one that we used to have in the village where I grew up where you would hop on a tractor trailer and everyone would bring & share food, the firework were fun but not the £million ones of today and you could stay after watching the embers burn down and smoke fags with the other kids (we start early oop north!).

Off for a bike ride now, getting a wee bit chilly down here but not yet balaclava weather (its a look believe you me).

Have a good week both.

Sam X

Hi Sam, Hi Caroline,

I'm sorry your day in the Smoke wasn't all you hoped for, Caroline, it sometimes happens like that when you look forward to something  

Sam, Are you sure you're not my little sister? I am exactly the same about reading  I usually finish a book in a day and if I haven't got the free time to read a book to the end, I won't start it  I have been known to read until dawn in order to complete a good book.  I hope your week three turned out as well as you hoped. You are certainly very active!

I am enjoying my time of near normality- I am driving again, grocery shopping, going out with friends, during the day, don't do night driving, and generally pretending this is going to be forever, before the children start looking after me (bossing me about) again. 

Went to a funeral on Friday, and it was amazing. My dear old friend who was almost 99, had defied all our plans for his centenary and passed away. He was a lifelong bachelor who had fought in the Second World War, with no family and not many friends as he had outlived all his contemporaries. I had lived next door to him for seven years and had stayed in touch ever since. My daughter came with me for what we expected to be a very small gathering only to find the British Legion had arranged for him to be given full military honours, with a guard of honour complete with regimental banners and a bugler played The Last Post.  Not only that but about two hundred people who had heard that he had no family turned out on the wettest afternoon imaginable to pay their respects to a complete stranger!!! It was a very moving. It even made my daughter cry, and she never shows tears.

I had to go to the hospital yesterday to give MRSA swabs, prior to my next surgery. A two minute task at the most. My appointment was for 10am and I got there at 5 minutes to 10. After an hour of waiting, made almost unbearable by sitting next to a very smelly man who insisted on telling me his life story at a very slow pace, I went to the desk and asked why everyone who had come after me had already been seen.  The receptionist said she had told two people I was waiting, and she would tell them again. Three minutes later I was called and three and a half minutes later I was done.  What a waste of time!

This  morning I swore at a van driver for parking on the bloody pavement where I was walking my dogs - he was very indignant, probably never thought a white haired old lady would use the f word!

Complaining about having to wait and being rude to people in the street isn't really normal for me - do you think something is getting to me?  I wonder what it could be. Perhaps it's the same thing that stopped Caroline enjoying her day out in London?

i have bought myself a new reclining chair! I finally accepted that my old one was knackered after I realised sitting in it gave me a bad back, probably something to do with the spring sticking up in the middle of the seat. I saw one on EBay, ordered it at 7.45 yesterday and it was delivered at 5pm today. Thankfully my daughter had just come to collect her dog or I would have been stuck with a 48kilo box in the middle of my living room. As it was, the delivery man manoeuvred it into the living room and between us, my daughter and I managed to dismantle to old chair and get it outside, then unpack and assemble the new one, get rid of all the packaging, and put the room to rights in about 40 minutes! I'm sitting in it as I write. Half way through,  we suddenly realised I shouldn't be doing things like that, but carried on anyway!

I plan to take it easy a bit for the next day or two, well, after I've cleaned my mucky house, anyway. My non arthritic knee seems to have become arthritic, probably from too much sitting around and is quite painful. Extra strong Volterol cream hasn't touched it, so I will pace myself for a few days to get on top of it. 

Good luck for the rads next week, Caroline, and with the cillit bang, Sam. Hope you keep your nails!

I mean to enjoy my next ten days, I hope you both enjoy yours, too!

Christine

Hi ladies,

Good to hear you are both doing well and Christine - make the most of the normality. I went out on Saturday with a lady I met on a Facebook group and turned out we were both going for our biopsy results on the same day, same hospital, around the same time!! We were both told that day that we had breast cancer and we have kept in touch ever since.  On Saturday we went out for an afternoon cocktail, that lasted for 9 hours and resulted in a horrendous hangover! But it is lovely to have someone going through the same journey. My friend is around 3 weeks ahead of me, so gives me all the low down on what to expect. 
I am planning on enjoying my last week of normality! Not sure how I feel about the treatment yet - but head on and brave faced, because being Northern means we are tough old birds!! 
Have a lovely weekend ladies. Christine, the funeral sounded amazing. I work with palliative care patients so go to my fair share of funerals!! Never been to one like that though. 
Caroline x

Christine (aka “big sis”)

All good here, yes have been active (not as active as my gob has, not surprisingly).  And I do go out on my bike but still manage to use the gob quite a lot then too, on a recent ride was chatting to mother and daughter shelties, the mother was the naughty one who was just moving in circles whilst I was there…they were both very greedy and the mother was apparently after treats that their owner had.  They are such beautiful dogs, but I do appreciate the more stupid looking dogs more personally (makes me feel superior!).

Good that normality has returned (if only temporarily), and that you’re making the most of it.

That is so lovely re your (very) old neighbour’s funeral, it is really touching when people rally around like that to celebrate someone who really deserves their life celebrating…like your daughter it brings a tear to my eye (doesn’t happen a lot!), really lovely to hear about and that you can pass on to others.

That’s not good is it – an hours wait, I had one of those when had my first proper diagnosis, unfortunately for me was sat next to my boyfriend, the smelly man would have had more to say (the boyfriend was terrified and am not the most compassionate when it comes to him & his phobias/hang-ups, am from the school of hard knocks and passed with flying colours, harsh I know), are you also “attractive” to (mmm) “unique” people who have a habit of attaching themselves to you?  I do often find the same but as they’re not my boyfriend will generally give them time, only fair, as you did…for an hour!

Can’t recall if I told you but discovered from those swabs am one in 3 that carries MSSA (twice removed cousin of MRSA) so had to bathe in horrible (am usually organic and this deffo wasn’t) red gunk, use fresh towels & bathing gear each time and shove some other stuff up my nose…fingers crossed you’re not dangerous to those around you in hospital too!

I think it’s important, no matter, what the response to give feedback to others about their impact on you.  I often do this in restaurants, my expectations when eating out are usually quite low and find that often I’m pleasantly surprised but when my low standards are not met will ask to speak to manager and explain the situation, don’t want anything in return just think it’s fair on them 7 their future business that they’re aware of what they’re selling.  Did it when we went to beachy head, a nice looking pub there (The Beachy Head) but food rubbish, apparently the manager was having problems in the kitchen…whereas the boyfriend will never say anything is wrong even if the food is inedible as can’t face doing it, and will even leave a tip (I just shake my head…he’s paying after all).  Anyway van drivers are becoming a bit of a scourge aren’t they?  I appreciate they may find parking challenging but should apologise if inconveniencing pedestrians ( who after all are meant for pavements).  It does always amuse me when van drivers do something irresponsible when the number of head office is emblazoned on their van, yes I do phone up to complain re poor driving in particular so am with you 100%.

I wouldn’t be surprised if we were all more angrier than usual, we have good reason after all!  You do need an outlet for anger otherwise it could/will drive you mad and result in health (mental/physical) issues so think this was a healthy out-letting, I wouldn’t worry about it.  My outlet is the active stuff I do, as well as being beastly to the boyfriend (poor, poor man).

Well done re assembly of new chair..40 mins not bad at all, I would fail with that as have found out in the past with ikea furniture, it’s never quite as easy as I thought it would be and consequently have wardrobes that threaten to collapse whenever the door is opened, it’s a risky business getting ready in my house.

Hope your time was relaxing and your knee is not being quite as naughty now, need to do the same in my house (and I can assure you my house will always be muckier as I clean it as infrequently as I can get away with) given the Mother’s impending visit, that’s a job for this afternoon, post chemo when the steroids make me a little bit more manic than normal – good use for them I think.

Keep well and I will enjoy your next 8 days, make sure you do too!

Caroline

Am most impressed with your 9 hour session, well done, though am jealous as don’t have the taste for cocktails or any alcohol due to blummin’ chemo…Fevertree elderflower tonic is my (sad) pub go to now.  I do hope the red wine & vodka industry is doing ok.  Am intrigues as to how many cocktails you managed, and you were surprised you got a hangover?  I’d like to think that all the rubbish we’ve been pumped with would at least counteract hangovers.

Good luck with next week’s radiology..I’m interested how you find it given in March it will be me!  Seems quite daunting to have it every days for weeks, at least you get a rest between chemo sessions.  I have heard it’s nothing compared to chemo so fingers crossed it’s not too bad eh?

Sam X

Will definitely let you know how it goes!! I didn't think I was worried but I do keep dreaming about it at the moment so must be worried internally. And no, shouldn't be anywhere near as bad as chemo. Have a lovely weekend ladies. I will be watching my alcohol consumption this week!!!  

Caroline x

Hello Sam, hello Caroline,

Well I have almost worn myself out, behaving normally, this week. I'm quite tired by it all and almost looking forward to having an excuse to not accept invitations or do housework for a week. My bag is packed and larder stocked but I can't find my toiletry bag that I used last time. It had to have come home with me because I've got al the contents except my comb!  Ah well, it'll turn up when I'm not looking for it, that's for sure.

Caroline, good luck for tomorrow's venture, I look forward to getting your opinion of the radiotherapy. And Sam, I hope your new chemo drug is tolerable. You seem to have a high tolerance, or you just make the best of it.  I was talking to a neighbour the other day who had prostrate cancer that has metastasised to his bones and liver. He was going for a brain scan the next day. As another neighbour walked by and asked how we were, we both answered, "Not so bad, thank you!" Then we looked at each other and laughed. He said, "You're just like me, tell 'em nowt! I can't stand the sympathetic faces on 'em if you say how you really feel" Poor chap is years younger than me and is really suffering but only showed his true feelings to someone he could relate to " we're in't same boat, you and me, smiling for t'others 'cos it's easier than seeing their faces if they knew the truth". I didn't like saying I hoped we weren't in the same boat because I knew how poorly he is.

Off to have my last evening of normality for a few days, catch you later!

Christine

Hi Christine, 

Good to hear you are all organised and ready for Friday!! Let's hope it all goes well! oh that's sad re your neighbour. A few of my 'cancer' friends are hitting blips at the mo. One friend has just been for her 1st yr mammogram and they found something in the other side. It seems like we can underestimate this ***!! I had a bone density scan today. All pretty painless but my bone density is on the low side for someone of 49 so she said I will need calcium supplements to take alongside the tamoxifen. My radiotherapy appointment is at 8:45 so should be done and dusted pretty quickly!! I will let you both know how it goes! 
Sam, hope you are doing ok? 

Hi Christine,

How are you doing after your op on Friday?

Caroline xx

Hi Christine,

How are you doing after your op on Friday?

Caroline xx

Hi Caroline, 

I'm ok, thank you.  I stayed in overnight again, but only because the weather was so cold that night that I decided it was better to stay put in my warm bed! 

I'm sore on my side, where they went into my original scar and where the new drain is coming out, but I have taken the painkillers and it's bearable. It wasn't quite done how I imagined it. I pictured the surgeon going in and digging for individual nodes, and pulling them out but they don't do that.  I had it explained on the morning before my operation that they know where the nodes are even though they are too small to identify individually so they just cut out that whole length of tissue where they know them to be. I went to theatre at 11am and woke up in the ward about 2pm, as I take a while to wake up.  

My son and daughter have been here all day, feeding me and looking after me and the dogs but I have finally persuaded them that they can safely leave me.  I'm glad of the peace and quiet. With three dogs and a budgie all competing for attention it gets a bit noisy around here. 

How did you find the radiotherapy? How often will you have it and for how long?  I'll be interested to know in case I need to have it. 

Christine xx

Hi Christine,

oh I am glad you are ok and home. Radiotherapy has been ok so far. Have had 2 sessions. The radiotherapy it's self only lasts 10 min. I'm in and out in half an hour. It involves lying very still in a set location on the bed, with my arms above my head.  So far no side effects. In fact during my first treatment, when the staff all left the room, I wasn't even sure if the machine was even on! I have got to have 15 sessions, which is every week day for 3 weeks. So next week will be a full on 5 sessions. Be interesting to see if I get any effects by next weekend. 
Make sure you look after yourself and don't over do it. When do you get the results? 2 weeks?

Caroline xx

Hi Caroline,

i hope the radiotherapy is still going ok with no side effects. As I just  wrote in my reply to Sam's latest message I am really not doing too much, or even much at all.  I felt quite liberated, today, when I went out to the front garden with food for the birds.

I am resting most of the day but still sleeping well at night. I will be able to do a bit more this week now my main jailer has gone home, although I miss the food he was cooking for us. He wouldn't allow me to even put the kettle on without a fight!  

Roll on Friday when I get my results

Christine xx

Christine

These drugs can't keep a good northern idiot down for long! 

Your surgery sounds delightful, how would you say it compares to the mastectomy?  I do want to carry on going to the gum & cycling as much as I can now am back on that band wagon (its sooo easy to slip off & become a couch potato and am an extremes kinda gal...now half measures for me) but am also trying to be realistic (ish!) given an operation looms in Feb.

I think (!!) I'm glad that your jailers are looking after you well, sounds like your son is a feeder (my boyfriend is the same, he thinks I eat like a 6'5 builder). And draining again...I feel drained reading about what you're going through!  Still not looking forward to that part.

Re Friday - what else could be in store? You've already had the naughty boob removed and they refused the other one...good luck for Friday and hope that this is now it.

Caroline & Christine

Had blood test & saw head honcho onc doc yesterday and was told that good results from 2nd MRI...I am low officially less dense, always knew the day would come! 

So to see how things are progressing in future MRIs will need boob markers, I believe that given the reduction/reduced density of lumps/nodules that there may be a big boob bang where they implode at some point in the future, will need to find a sturdy bra when that happens, I did share this theory with the onc doc, not convinced that its a common phenomenon.

Ooo and also getting a date to start discussing surgery, the doc was saying about DIEP and having natural boobs, told her I've already decided plastic & smaller thanks, think she was a little taken aback (strong decision maker me, not always the right decision though...).

So all set for tomorrow, the ever suffering boyfriend has ordered cold socks & gloves to avoid peripheral neuropathy and have started applying a home made (get me!) concoction of jojoba & avocado oil to nails to save them.  In old times they'd be dunking me for being a witch I suspect.  So rather than look like a Russian cosmonaut as I did with cold cap will now be looking equally glamorous in the chemo unit with my freezing extremities.

You know one very good side effect of the timing of all this?  The fact that I can't & can't be bothered to listen or get interested in all the politic shenanigans currently...its a blummin blessing!

Oh and didn't mention I had my look good, feel better session Friday - really enjoyable, lovely group and ladies trying to turn us into sooper models (some hope).  Lots of lovely goodies now adorn my dressing table, however the time I've saved by having no hair is now taken up by several more steps in my make up routine - the eyebrows seem to have reduced in size so timing is great.

Right enough keyboard action, time to mess about with spreadsheets & need to tidy house (would rather have chemo, not a domestic goddess) for next chemo companion visitor (from the north, of course).

Caroline - please do update re radiology, I hear its much better than chemo (which I've found fine so far), particularly interested in what it does to the skin and what you're applying/been given to manage any associated issues/pain.

Sam X

Hi Sam,

I started to reply to you then lost everything somehow, then thought it was probably a good thing because I am getting grumpy. I am still tired even though I haven't taken any drugs today. My armpit is really sore and my underarm still feels like it has been scraped from armpit to elbow. The exercises are beginning to feel a chore as the muscles tighten up. Plus, I'm still draining more than 50mls. The nurse says they will probably remove it on Friday at the hospital. I told you right at the start that my good humour might disappear when pain appeared! 

Compared with the mastectomy- this has been harder, as was expected, but I think I'm grumpy because I heard my surgeon talking to his assistant on the morning of my last surgery and he said that he thought he had felt something in one of my sentinel nodes, but when it was sent away they couldn't find it. He repeated "I really thought I felt it"  This makes me feel I'm going through this part of the journey unnecessarily !! My sensible head tells me it was better safe than sorry, but if my results come back all clear I might just punch him!!!

You are sensible to take precautions against peripheral neuropathy, my neighbour's mobility was severely affected by it, he could not write because of it and in later life he was continually falling because he couldn't lift his affected leg properly.

I also can't be bothered with the political situation at the moment, which is weird for me as I have been a passionate activist in the past. Now I just delete the emails calling on me to join in the campaigning and ignore the News.

Worst of all, comfort eating has deserted me!  I don't get any pleasure from chocolate any more, but show me a plate of broccoli or cauliflower and I salivate! I hope my ice cream addiction doesn't abandon me, it has got me through most of the bad times in life!!! I am going to make some strawberry and mango tomorrow just to check!!

Caroline,  here's hoping your rads are not getting to you xxx

Christine

Hi Sam & Christine,

Good to hear we are all positively plodding along! Christine - I really hope your nodes come back clear as even though it may feel like a wasteful op, it will be a positive result if it means you can avoid chemo. And we are all entitled to be grumpy! I, like you have a craving for green veg - more so sugar snap peas but wrong time of year! I did make a green veg soup the other day though.

Sam, good to hear you are still plodding along with the chemo and hopefully the next few will all be kind.

I am now 9 treatments done, 6 more to do. All been fine until Monday and the tiredness has hit me like a sledge hammer. It may also be because I went on a girlie weekend at the weekend and recovering from that just seems harder than normal. My skin is still fine but I do have boob ache - like a toothache in my boob. The daily appointments are a bind and as lovely as the staff are every day, I'll be pleased when I don't need to go anymore. I had a spot of food poisoning last week, which laid me up for a day and I missed my treatment so have now got it added on the end. Should finish on Thursday 28th. Still working and doing my normal busy life but it's getting a bit tougher. They said the tiredness shows its working. One of the nurses I work with, died this morning of stomach cancer. She was only diagnosed 2 weeks ago so it has knocked everyone at work for 6! She has been a wonderful support to me during this journey so it's just hit me like a sledge hammer. 

Christine - please let us know how it goes on Friday. I have everything crossed xx

Thank you, I will. All you can do is succumb to the tiredness, hard as it will be. Feet up and mindless telly is doing it for me, sends me to sleep in no time!

So sorry to hear about your colleague, that is such a shock  it makes you wonder what she went through before seeing a doctor.  Being stoic isn't always a good thing  

Cx

Hi Sam and Caroline,

i got my results today and as I suspected my nodes were clear.  I was less thrilled than perhaps I should have been because of my thoughts on having had unnecessary surgery. My daughter asked me just a little while ago if I had realised yet that this was good news. 

The nurse who gave me the news was great, she said "Of course you know you'll need to take a tablet" to which I answered that was up for discussion. I explained my feelings on quality of life being more important than length of life and that I would not be taking a prescription for hormone tablets today as I wanted to consider and discuss all my options with my family, including the option to refuse any further treatment.  She explained what had been decided at the team meeting but accepted that I needed further discussion before beginning any therapy.

She is referring me to an oncologist that she thinks I will get on with, a straight talker, to discuss the benefits of further treatment versus the problems associated with possible side effects. In reality I am a wimp!  I am rarely ill, and if I do get poorly for more than three days I am as grumpy as can be. As I explained to my daughter, if I had to go through a five year menopause, if it was anything like the last one, she would kill me because I would drive her insane!

My drain was removed today, hooray! I am free! I celebrated by having lunch with and provided by three of my best friends then taking the dog out for a short walk!

I am thrilled that there was no residual cancer in my lymph nodes which does bode well for the future and I haven't closed my mind to further treatment, I'm just not going to accept what I'm told without careful consideration.

Bolshy Northerners, what would you do with 'em?

Christine xxx

Christine, 
Its so s£££ that you've had to go through another (and more challenging) op for no blummin reason, you have every right to be annoyed (and grumpy!), I certainly would be.  If its any consolation your experience will help others...perhaps me? And give confidence to those challenging medical professionals.

And I need to ask did you punch the surgeon?  I have a vision in my head...

From chocolate to cauliflower is quite a jump in those taste buds, they do say that every cloud has a silver lining!  Am sure the hankering for chocolate will return.  Amazing what these crazy treatments do to us isn't it?

Please can I ask why the negative thoughts re hormone tablets. as you've probably figured out by now I deal with things very much on the immediate horizon and hormone tablets are in the future (as am ER+) so am interested in your views.  I'm not sure if am peri or post menopausal ( I've been told both based on blood tests!) though am having tropical sweats but not sure if these are chemo related!  I guess its that hormone tablets will suppress oestrogen therefore creating menopausal situation again??

Glad you are now ex drain and celebrated that.  And I think you've got every right to question treatment, sometimes I think I accept expert advice too readily.

Caroline,

Crikey, sorry to hear about your colleague, particularly painful given her support to you.

Glad you're getting through the rads ok, how on earth are you managing to work at the same time?  They're full on and you're feeling knackered.  Food poisoning eh, not a recognised form of cancer treatment but effects very similar to chemo I have found! 

So am now 3 days post 1st paclitaxel and am quite disappointed as EC was quite a breeze and expected paclitaxel to be the same.  My side effects are nothing compared to many but have really achey hips, legs & feet, am walking & feeling like I've just done a 24hr gym session with no warm up and feet are tender to walk on.  I have concerns (as have read horror stories) about peripheral neuropathy which sounds like a f$$$^^^ nightmare.  Used some cold mitts & socks at chemo session but they defrosted too quickly (now have several sets thanks Mr Amazon).

I will be seriously annoyed if this bl00dy cancer lark leaves me with lasting damage (I can forgive one less boob!) impacting my quality of life. If am unable to exercise/move without pain there will be trouble....

Off to have hot bath now to smooth my aches.

Hope you're both having a good weekend, despite my "challenges" have managed to re-do bedding plants around outside of house yesterday so feeling quite virtuous (felt better for moving around, I think, and wet weather is ideal Yorkshire gardening weather in my book).

Sam X

Hiya Sam,

No I didn't get the chance to punch him, he wimped out of coming in to the meeting, leaving it to the lovely nurse to tell me the good news. I know he was in the building because the nurse had to go and ask him whether she should leave my drain in or take it out.  

The change in my taste buds is a mystery because so far I've only had surgery, no chemicals.

I am post menopause, as you can imagine at my age and I had a very short but horrendous menopause that cost me my relationship (actually that was probably a good thing) due to suddenly stopping my HRT after a report about its relationship to breast cancer. The thought of night sweats and mood swings again is what puts me off, especially as my chances of being alive after five years only goes up by 2% over doing nothing more.  I have started a discussion about it hoping to get some real life experience from women my age.

I'm sorry you are finding this new drug harder to deal with than before, it sort of lowers the mood, doesn't it. Keeping busy does help, and now, thank goodness I'm allowed to be busy, back on doggy daycare duties now, yay!!! I'm hoping the will to start painting again will come back, then I'll know I'm really on the way to recovery!, I actually started to design my Christmas card before the second op, and I really must hone the design and get it finished before it's too late. My neighbour across the road put up her Christmas lights yesterday!!!

Feel better soon!!

Christine xx