I have just been diagnosed with stage 4 secondary liver cancer. I felt I was in free fall whe I was told a few ago. I want to run but I can't.  We are a member of a club we do not want to be in and yet more that a third of people will get cancer. It's terrifying. I'm finding hard it to be the sick one too. I'm the fixer and doer in my family and I can't get used to not being that person any more. 

I wish you good luck with treatment. I also find Maggie's centre invaluable for counseling at the moment they have save me a few times ️

Hello 747, my heart goes out to you, I can feel the free fall you are feeling. Thank you for taking the time to write to me. I wish you the strength to bear this without such anguish and hope you find the support you need. x

Thank you. Keep in touch and let me know how you are doing too x

Sheltie lady

Welcome!  I am very much in a similar position in that the thought of dying doesn't phase me but that said I'd rather not feel absolutely crap until that time comes, so far so not-too-bad!

I get the impression you're probably an optimist too, and think that is serving me and those who support me well too.

I also had some tears when telling close friends (they should make a movie of when you told your 3 chums - "3 birthdays and a cancer announcement "not sure where Hugh Grant would play a role however), funny when you're the one with the "news" and end up telling them it will be OK.

I do hope that you don't have it too bad personally but also for your poor daughter & families sake by the sounds of things ( I am a perfect patient!).

I only have BC in RHS but want both removed & reconstructed for smaller, more manageable boobs!  I look on it as an opportunity as would have never have done anything otherwise (far too much of a practical, tight, northerner).

Sam 
 

Hey you! Yours was the first post I ever read on this forum and I recognised a kindred spirit although I’m a Lancashire returnee, having worked and lived all over the world but now happily ensconced in the beautiful Lancashire countryside. Still Northern grit!

I love the movie idea!! Hugh would have to be a Sheltie, though. 

I had a surprise just now, as my daughter just admitted she was absolutely shell shocked by my news.  I thought she had been feigning her optimism before my tests to make me feel better but I had no idea she really believed I would be told it was nothing to worry about. No wonder her brother phoned me within minutes of her leaving here. She must have called him from the car before she left my drive.  I feel sorry about that as I hate to worry her.  She’s getting her head round it now and said she’s glad my support network is building but they are only the backing group, and she’s the number one I call. My best friend, the one who burst into tears has been in touch with her, too, offering her support, that’s really pleased me as they probably need more support from each other than I do  

We've decided not to tell anyone else until I have details and after an upcoming family wedding. 

I’m going to start on that film script now. Lol!

That did make me laugh, i had both breasts done, I now have the pert breasts of a 20 year old, ony problem is that I dont have the face to match - i do think this is something the surgeon should remedy at the same time :)

I agree, I can think of a few things I’d like done at the same time!! My sister once got a surgeon to pierce her ears while operating on her neck! 

I like the idea of pert breasts. I was always the one with the big knockers!

Got to say my surgeon was brilliant - tennis sized lumpectomies and no one could ever tell looking at them.  

Sheltie lady

Well, despite you being a "wrong un" from the wrong side of the Pennines given I am stuck down south I'll let you off for now...

Do you really have what appears to be two & a half shelties? If you do I do hope they are looking after you well, what are their names - you can tell a lot about the owner by the names they give their animals in my book (take my boyfriend for example who will name a black cat "blackie"...no hope...).

I have to say I admire your daughters unfaltering belief, until confronted by the facts, that you were to be all clear, I'd much rather that than than doom & gloom merchants, and she appears to be getting her head around the unfortunate news, hopefully the rest of your support network are also doing so.

So you do have a wedding to add to the film - not sure Hollywood will go for such a long title now so a full rewrite is needed.  I don't have a large family and my generation is definitely the last of the line (we're definitely not a maternal lot, preferring instead the company of animals) and all my friends are either married or divorced & scarred so no prospects of any weddings on the horizon here, and I do so love a good wedding so am vvv jealous...am sure you don't have to be told but do have a cracking time.

Hope everyone is having a lovely weekend...off for some culture shortly (I aim to inject some at least twice a year, it can be quite an effort) at some sculpture gardens and then the obligatory pub lunch (let's hope the menu caters for my newly discerning palate!).

Maggie

As long as your boobs and face aren't on show au natural at the same time am sure you'll get away with it.  Alternatively you can do as I am following an explosive outbreak of corking spots and don a bag for life on your head..possibly a bit extreme in your case I suspect...

Sam X
 

Hi!  Yes I do have two and a half Shelties actually, two of my own, Faith and Archie, who are great great great great grandmother and grandson, 12 years between them, and Smudge who I half own with my daughter. He lives at her house and comes to me for day care. He is the Merle and is 9 now. Faith is 141/2 and Archie. 21/2. The photo is actually a pastel painting I did of them and it does have three Shelties in it. The camera must have cropped it.  I don’t know about looking after me, they think they are the bosses.  Yesterday,  I had all three here and decided to groom them, not their favourite activity (or mine but the were in need of a good brushing). When I had done, I popped into the front garden to feed the birds, and blow away the dog hair I was covered in, and the gate at the side of the house didn’t quite latch properly when I went back in.  The dogs were all in the garden. Five minutes later I was busy doing something in the kitchen when I heard someone calling me. It was a couple of neighbours from two doors away returning three runaways. My dogs had left home in protest at the fact they looked like powder puffs!!

The family wedding is to take place in a field in September- we will be deciding what to wear when we know what the weather has in store for us. The bride’s father has spent the last few months building a pavilion large enough to accommodate us all if the heavens open. We are just wondering if we can get away with wearing wellies to get to it.  The dress code is ‘garden party’.

Enjoy you culture!!

Hi!  Yes I do have two and a half Shelties actually, two of my own, Faith and Archie, who are great great great great grandmother and grandson, 12 years between them, and Smudge who I half own with my daughter. He lives at her house and comes to me for day care. He is the Merle and is 9 now. Faith is 141/2 and Archie. 21/2. The photo is actually a pastel painting I did of them and it does have three Shelties in it. The camera must have cropped it.  I don’t know about looking after me, they think they are the bosses.  Yesterday,  I had all three here and decided to groom them, not their favourite activity (or mine but the were in need of a good brushing). When I had done, I popped into the front garden to feed the birds, and blow away the dog hair I was covered in, and the gate at the side of the house didn’t quite latch properly when I went back in.  The dogs were all in the garden. Five minutes later I was busy doing something in the kitchen when I heard someone calling me. It was a couple of neighbours from two doors away returning three runaways. My dogs had left home in protest at the fact they looked like powder puffs!!

The family wedding is to take place in a field in September- we will be deciding what to wear when we know what the weather has in store for us. The bride’s father has spent the last few months building a pavilion large enough to accommodate us all if the heavens open. We are just wondering if we can get away with wearing wellies to get to it.  The dress code is ‘garden party’.

Enjoy you culture!!

Those naughty shelties making a break for it  they obviously fancied an adventure. I hope you live somewhere quiet, always saddens me the thought of animals near cars. You've got quality neighbours, quite an ability to round up your herd I suspect?

Well, like your shelties I've been trying all week to make a break from my confinement, unfortunately not your garden but hospital. Due to be discharged today, the novelty of private room on private ward with lovely staff has well & truly worn off. Am grateful for the  facilities hoewever, one of the benefits of needing protective isolation! It's been like a spa but instead of facials and massages they've stolen blood and pumped me with antibiotics!

Apart from Monday, when admitted, have annoyingly, felt absolutely fine so have had much fun with the lovely nursing staff here and enjoyed visits from friends & family.

The best thing will be getting rid of an extremely annoying cannula in elbow fold of RHS arm, not convenient at all...and comes with equally annoying handbag charms.

Hopefully out for a bike ride later.

Sam x

Oh bummer, you have just reminded me of all the sh1tty stuff to come. My original appointment for my results was brought forward to Thursday just gone and my son drove up from Surrey and my daughter left work early so they could be with me when I was told exactly what I was facing. Unfortunately the needle results hadn't come back, but the core biopsy result was a lot better than it could have been. The nurse made a point of putting on her sympathetic face when she asked what I had been told so far by the doctor.  She seemed a bit put out when I just said, 'he said it was cancer and I told him I thought so.'  She was deprived of the chance to tell me in a sympathetic voice that I had cancer. I'm being mean now!  She continued with her encouraging voice, to tell me it was a primary cancer that was good, and it was oestrogen receptive, also good. It is apparently an invasive globular grade 2. Both my kids immediately picked up on 'invasive' so my nice nurse had the opportunity to explain to them what I had already read about. The sting in the tail is they couldn't tell what stage it is so I have to have a MRI. Well, my son was on it like a terrier, when will we get the needle results?when will she have the MRI?  Poor nurse probably wished she'd taken the day off!

Sadly, my old lady Sheltie was taken ill on Wednesday overnight, but because Thursday had been arranged around my hospital visit etc. I couldn't get a vet appointment until Friday, by which time she was really poorly. She has been there overnight and the prognosis isn't good.  She has a kidney infection but they can't flush it out because of her heart problems. Euthanasia has been mentioned. I'm waiting to hear if there has been any improvement in her bloods since yesterday but it isn't expected. So I may have to let her go to the rainbow bridge today. Now that has got to me.

On a lighter note, my sister has given me a new mantra that she quotes when dealing with medical professionals- she has had a LOT of dealings with them all her life. Whenever a new condition presents itself she tells the doctors - IF YOU CAN FIX IT, GET ON WITH IT, IF YOU CAN'T MAKE SURE I'M NOT IN PAIN ! Pretty good mantra don't you think?

Like yourself, enjoying yourself despite the situation I have to say it has been lovely getting together with my kids and going to the pub with them. We went to visit a relation who had a bad fall recently, she fractured three vertebrae and can't walk without a Zimmer frame but shares our positivity and we had a wonderful three hours of love and laughter. 

Christine

Hi Christine, I think they would have said you had lobular cancer, not globular. This is the same as I have. I was told I had grade 2 lobular cancer in July. Lobular cancer doesn’t show up on a mammogram so often need an MRI. My scan showed it was bigger than the ultra sound showed. I had a partial mastectomy with reconstruction in the middle of August. When I went back for the results, 2 weeks later, unfortunately not all my margins were clear so have had a second op just over a week ago. Now waiting for results again! My surgeon told me that one positive thing about lobular cancer is that it doesn’t respond well to chemo so hopeful that I won’t need any. She did tell me that it responds really well to hormone therapy - so I will need tamoxifen for 10 years. So sorry to hear about your dog xx

Hi,

You are absolutely right, it is lobular. I didn't even notice I had written globular!  Did you choose to have a partial mastectomy? Were you given a choice? How are you doing after the second op? I hope you are not in too much discomfort and I really hope they have got clear margins this time. 

I wasn't told that our kind of cancer doesn't respond to chemo, but I quite like the idea of not needing it. What's ten years of Tamoxifen between friends? I would only be in my eighties by then, lol!  Hopefully I will know a bit more, soon. Needle aspiration results should be back tomorrow although I've been told not to ring until Tuesday. I haven't heard about the MRI scan yet, so I'm still in limbo. The waiting is a bore but at least life is still relatively normal for now. 

Good luck for your results and subsequent care plan. 

Sadly I had to do right by my little Faith yesterday and let her cross the Rainbow bridge.  I changed my avatar today in memory of her.

Christine

Hi Christine, oh I am sorry to hear the news about your dog. We have a springer spaniel who is just like one of my kids!

I didn’t get to choose my op. My surgeon is a specialist in doing this type of breast conservation surgery. She has said though, that if the margins are not clear again then I will need to have a mastectomy, although she seemed very positive that they could get it all out. They went in through my initial wound so has been more sore this time but I am back to work tomorrow. They did sign me off for 3 weeks but I’m going stir crazy after having a week off and need some normality! I’m back on the 24th for results. They also sent off a sample of my tumour to have the oncotype test. It gives a recurrence score which then indicates whether chemo would be beneficial but my surgeon feels quite confident that I won’t need any. Fingers crossed!!  Hopefully you won’t have to wait too long for your MRI

Caroline x

Hi Caroline, 

i can relate to your need for normality. I am the same, it's the potential change to my normality that annoys me about this thing. I am long retired so have built a very satisfactory routine for myself, mostly centred round reading, painting and dog walking. I "work" four days a week looking after my canine grandson, and I have my own Sheltie boy. Of course we are in mourning this week for Faith, but life still goes on. I imagine that, once I get all the results in, that will change for a while. 

I feel that I want a double mastectomy, especially since there is something going on in the other breast. I was told I would need a psychological assessment before I could get permission for this??? I couldn't believe that.  I am old enough to know I can live with a flat chest without going into a despond. It's not as though I need them any more. I've done my breastfeeding 50 years ago and I don't plan to do any more. I don't have anyone else who would miss them, either, so they can go! If I was younger it might be different and I totally agree with conservation in appropriate cases. 

Hopefully I will get some more results this week. I phoned my key worker today to see what's the procedure for getting them as my son thinks I'll get them by phone tomorrow, only to be told she's on holiday and they are not allowed to give results over the phone. I may have to wait until after the MRI scan to get any further information. It's a waiting game, again. I hate to think what that's like for someone who is really worried.   I'm more worried about how much my car insurance is going to go up because I scraped another car in the supermarket car park soon after I renewed (and changed company) last year. There was very little damage to the other car and none to mine but it went through the insurance right at the tail end of my last policy.

Good luck for your next results, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

Christine

Hi Sam,

Are you ok now? I didn't ask why you were in hospital, (self centred b***h that I am) but hopefully you are doing better now. 

I do live in a quiet cul de sac so the occasional doggy visit to neighbours isn't too scary. Sadly, I only have two to keep tabs on, now. The lovely, feisty bossy girl that was Faith went across the Rainbow bridge on Saturday so I'm In mourning this week. You are right about my having quality neighbours, though, one of them came round with flowers for me, yesterday, to cheer me up! 

Christine

Hi Christine,

Your reply did make me chuckle. My boobs are on the small side so if I needed one whipped off, I’m fine about that. The waiting is the hardest part by far!!! I am back at work again but obviously not doing much if I’m on here .  Fingers crossed your get your results and a date for an MRI scan soon!! And I saw that you are a fellow Northerner. I am originally from South Yorkshire but now live in Hampshire, where I have been for 30 years now.

Caroline x

Christine

So very sorry to read about your dog, it saddens me to read, I'm one of those hardened individuals who can cope on the TV with people dying in films but if an animal dies or is injured bring on the tears...and can't watch wildlife documentaries for the same reason. Thoughts with you.

Like your sisters mantra a lot, have been lucky that all hospital staff have been on my level so far so no patronising or going over board, just been good at explaining things, very patient and when I've asked been very blunt! 

Like you I want both breasts removed although only have benign stuff in LHS, wanting some symmetry, think I will however have reconstruction...will add plastic surgery (that would have never had otherwise) on to my cancer adventure list. Using this as an opportunity to have a reduction as the current ones just get in the way of life generally!

Believe me I could give you a run for your money re self centred-ness! Re hospital stay it was just a high temp and neutropenic sepsis, felt fine apart from day admitted though stats said otherwise to had to hang about feeling like a fraud.

And since the Monday admitted 2 wks ago have felt on top of the world (this will not last into next week based on EC no 1 experience however when expect to be a bit up & down with constipation...lovely).

It's great to have lovely neighbours, a very underrated thing I find, I live opposite a lovely couple who are paramedics (may come in handy?) who have offered to help in any way they can which is lovely to hear.

Hope you results materialise soon!

Caroline

Although no one wishes to have cancer bet you feel lucky to have missed the joy that is chemo, it's a pain but does make for a most ' interesting ' time! As am oestrogen positive will be joining you in the tamioxfen next year for lord knows how long.

Am attempting to work during time off for treatment to avoid brain turning to total mush (not sure my strategy is working yet however) proving quite difficult to squeeze things in though, but I pat myself on the back for at least trying so good on you for doing the same in the early days.

Nice to have someone from the motherland on the thread, I'm more north & west yorks but have many pals in south yorks...miss the yorkshireness but plan to return in the not too distant future.  My mother also lives near new forest in Hampshire, you've done like me and defected, any plans to return?

Got PORT fitting next week, as have MSSA (distant cousin of MRSA, who knew & great!) having to be ultra clean ( God its hard work when you've always erred on being a vvv good non-domestic goddess!), hopefully it will go ahead as veins are getting worse and at chemo Thurs the naughty bugg4ars kept collapsing on the poor nurses.

Have MRI Fri to see of pesky lumps are doing what they should be and assuming actually have some hair left (am moulting worse than my cats pre summer) a hairdressing appointment Thurs (have told hairdresser that if he's s not gentle with me I'll not be a good advert leaving the salon bald and all!).

Good to hear all well re cancer shenanigans, keep it up! Have a good week both.

Sam X

Hi Sam,

How are you getting on with your treatment? I had my results yesterday and was so relieved to find I didn’t need anymore surgery and my oncotype test came back with a score of 16 so no benefit from having chemo! So relieved! Got to have radiotherapy so seeing the oncologist on the 8th. Got my prescription for tamoxifen, which I took to my GP’s. Didn’t realise until yesterday, that as a cancer sufferer, we are entitled to an exempt certificate! No prescription costs for 5 years, and then the 5 years after that, I hope! Chemist didn’t have correct pills so needed to get a dr to re do my prescription! Was a proper palaver!! A friend of mine was told that taking tamoxifen while having radio can make the side affects worse, but my surgeon just said I should start taking them straight away! Now I’m unsure what to do and might leave it until I have seen the oncologist, to see what he says. Hope you are doing ok with your chemo?

Christine - have you had any results/MRI scan yet?

Caroline x