Hello Lorraine 

Yes everyone is so kind on here - yourself included. It really makes you have faith in humankind to see that despite having battles of their own, people can still take the time to be so supportive to others.

I hope you’re still enjoying your garden despite the weather getting a bit colder now. It’s the simple things in life that don’t cost a fortune that are the most important when it all boils down to it isn’t it?

Take care

Helen xx

hi warrior well I'm on my own got divorced met my second partner 15 years ago he died I got on perfect with him sadly he had heart failure my mum is 80 in early dementia when I can't go and see her i call her every day to say I'm coming down etc or meet at her bus stop I go into town once a week with mum do her shopping she has her wee chihuahua she got a clip board you wipe gp appointment etc her pills in a pill dispenser 7 days marked mon to sun so she knows she's taken them I only allowed my mum once up to hospital when I was first diagnosed she was shaking as she has hardening of the arteries in her head arthritis she's not able I had to get a porter to take her along with me when I knew I was getting second operation my sister in st.andrews took her for a week to keep her calm my mum and I are close up to now she's coping but very forgetful and she had a good neighbour too which makes all the difference my breast is still tender bruised inside but if it's not raining this Sunday cut some dead shrubs down I have white heather seeded roses fern tree weeping willow tree daisies lots of different shrubs I can't spell lol but it's beautiful spring summer I'm glad you like the site it's been a god send for me too lorraine xx

Oh my goodness Lorraine. You have known some sadness in your life - I’m so sorry, but you are clearly a warrior too and am sure a godsend to your mum. I do hope she is ok too - it sounds as though she has support around her too which is so important, and she’ll know too that you’re supporting her in the ways that you’re able to at the moment.

Your garden sounds beautiful- and you sound too as tho you know what you’re doing in it. I’m really glad it gives you so much pleasure & that you can enjoy it next spring & summer when it’s at its best. I hope you get good weather on Sunday. Xx

ty my sister has a 3 bedroom house in st.andrews all her family drive as I'm not seeing treatment doctors until the 18th of November my niece is taking myself and mum for 10 days I cleaned all the house washing up to date etc case packed think it's just what I need mum too I will do garden when I come back yes love working in my garden think once you reach 40 no more discos lol bars you get a hobby I feel alone at times but yet I like being on my own now can do what I like miss Tom every day but I have very good memories of him just want like you to be health6 I'm 58 but looking at your photo your only 40s nice photo I hope all goes well for you email you when I come back not talking my iPad arthritis in fingers would break it lol but you can chat to your friends you made good luck next week you will be fine take care lorraine xx

Hi Helen,

I'm glad to hear that Steve accompanies you to all of your appointments and, asks most of the pertinent questions. Many of us also find it helpful to write down questions before each appointment. Both you and Steve could draw them up together. This ensures that you don't forget to ask important questions.

I used to go armed with two copies of the questions - one for myself and one for hubby. As I asked the questions he wrote down the answers. It's a well known fact that we only manage to retain a small amount of information from any consultation and, it's all too easy to come out not sure of what has been said. The consultants are quite used to this.

I am glad to hear that you have already begun to re-evaluate the important things in life and, that you  have friends who are looking out for both of you.

It is always difficult getting to grips with the terminology. If we can help in any way, you only have to ask. Don't be afraid of asking your consultant anything you don't understand. Sometimes they get so used to dealing with cancer routinely, that they can forget that it is all new to you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

I’m so glad you’re going to spend some time with your family Lorraine. I’m sure that will be really lovely for you & a great distraction. Your home will be all ready for you to return to, too - how organised you are! I’m sure your loving memories of Tom will help you through this very difficult time in your life until your 100% healthy again. It’s nice of you to say I look as though I’m in my 40s! I’ve just turned 52. The lighting was good in that picture! Will catch up with you when you’re back home again, but you’re in my thoughts. Xx

Thank you Jolamine, this is really good advice. I think at the moment it’s the consultations that I fear over everything else, expecting bad news to be given each time. I know I have to try to be positive & not think like this, but it’s almost like a preparation I feel is necessary. To cut out this train of thought is a work in progress & one that I’m working hard on every day, with Steve’s continuing support. 

The consultants & the nurses we’ve seen have all, without exception, been fantastic. It’s reassuring in a way though that they have seen this before so many times. I don’t feel that they are minimising our experience by doing that, as they’re certainly not dismissive. Their clinical skills are essential, obviously, but the emotional understanding they have, and what I have found on this forum too, are invaluable. 

Thank you so much for your support. I do hope things are ok for you. I’m not knowledgeable enough yet I don’t think to reciprocate the advice you’ve given me, but if there is any support I can offer you, please just say. Xx

Hi Helen,

It is virtually impossible not to feel overcome by fear at this stage. You will feel much more positive once you get your operation behind you and, find out exactly what you are up against. It is so much easier to feel better once you know where you are going and how you are going to treat it.

It makes such a difference when you have a good care team behind you. My mum had breast cancer too. She had it for 12 years, before she was diagnosed with secondary breast cancer in her brain, bones, liver and lungs. She died 21 years ago. At that time there was virtually no aftercare and no organisations to deal with all of the associated emotional problems. When I was first diagnosed 10 years ago, I was amazed by how this had all changed. There is just no comparison between the diagnosis, treatment and after care that she received and that which I have experienced. The good news now is that more people are living with cancer than dying with it. Who knows what research will come up with in another few years?

As you travel further down the line, you will find other organisations which run courses to help you to deal with your diagnosis. There is a wealth of support out there. You just have to know where to find it.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hey 

hope the drain came out. They took mine out on  wed but I'm still leaking so maybe a bit too soon . Also suspected infection and wound not healing perfectly so on another round of antibiotics. I think I've had all the antibiotics for his year. If it doesn't improve they may admit me to keep an eye on me, Pray to the wound goddess that it improves. Got my appointment a week on Monday for the results......

Hope you are doing ok. Lots of love. Wl

Hi

I'm the same, I prepare myself for bad news every time. I'm convinced they will say it's spread even though I've had all the scans to say it hasn't'! Even when they give me positive news I can't believe them, which is where my hubby comes In. He reminds me to take the positives and deal with each day as it happens, and the kids do the same they live in the moment which acts as a good reminder. 
WL