Hello J.h,

Mary here. Sorry...this is going to be a long text...just ignore me if I'm waffling too much :laugh:

Yes, I totally get exactly where you are coming from. And, yes, I was terrified - you are not alone.

I think Jenn's advice here is fantastic and really do phone those helplines if you want to- I have used them many times over the years.

That feeling of devastation used to sit on my shoulder like a dull grey dinosaur. It would pop it's head round, into my face every hour or so, and threaten "You're going to die!" I was completely freaked out- I needed to get my feelings sorted because I was not coping at all. My diagnosis was pretty late I'm afraid....
My kids were 14, 15, 17 at that time.
It was terrible! I needed help to deal with it all. I would urge you to ask for professional help with this side of it all too (as Jenn suggested).
If I started over I would have some clear advice for myself:
Firstly, I would tell myself NOT to jump straight to tragic scenarios in my head (the dinosaur). I am sure you know what I mean, because I think we all do it even with the most curable cancers. 
I would tell myself to take only facts and not assume anything until it happened.
Secondly, I would tell myself NOT to pre-empt the diagnosis and treatment plan decisions. This might all seem like a bad dream in a few years as one cannot tell the future. [Ten years on after my own difficult diagnosis (moderately aggressive, oestrogen receptive IDC throughout both my lungs and liver etc) I am still here].
Thirdly, and most importantly, I would tell myself not to panic. I assumed that time was something I didn't have, but I was wrong. We all have time. It takes time to make proper investigations, it takes time to sort out treatment plans, time for questions, time for treatment (which is likely to give more time), and even then cancer takes it's time too. I used to go into a state of appalling frozen terror about once every hour when that blinking dinosaur used to do it's stuff. It was exhausting!
Importantly, I would do my very best to take good care of my health and be gentle with myself in order to make sure to be in the best position I could be to receive treatments and to keep a clear mind to ask questions at my appointments (no question is ever too small- you are important!).

It sounds like you are pretty fit and well placed to embrace the treatments and move forward :wink: :love:

Having a great focus on enjoying your life with your children, and keeping healthy and active, may give you the Hope and Focus you need to stay fit to surf on the wave of new treatments that are bound to emerge in the next few years (that's my plan anyway- and so far so good).

I'm often about and will gladly chat about my own experiences, but I can't give advice as I am not trained.

I hope you get to enjoy some good weather this half term, and get out and about with the children if you can. I am often about, and check on here most days. Over time I have built up an armoury of different ways to approach the anxieties- and I'm still here being a complete pain in the bum to everyone! :laugh:

Over the years I have gained enormous comfort from this chat forum; it has been good for me talk to people who understand what I'm going through. We are a pretty good bunch really :wink::happy:

Sending you enormous Covid safe hugs,

Mary

xxx

Hello J.h,

Mary here. Sorry...this is going to be a long text...just ignore me if I'm waffling too much :laugh:

Yes, I totally get exactly where you are coming from. And, yes, I was terrified - you are not alone.

I think Jenn's advice here is fantastic and really do phone those helplines if you want to- I have used them many times over the years.

That feeling of devastation used to sit on my shoulder like a dull grey dinosaur. It would pop it's head round, into my face every hour or so, and threaten "You're going to die!" I was completely freaked out- I needed to get my feelings sorted because I was not coping at all. My diagnosis was pretty late I'm afraid....
My kids were 14, 15, 17 at that time.
It was terrible! I needed help to deal with it all. I would urge you to ask for professional help with this side of it all too (as Jenn suggested).
If I started over I would have some clear advice for myself:
Firstly, I would tell myself NOT to jump straight to tragic scenarios in my head (the dinosaur). I am sure you know what I mean, because I think we all do it even with the most curable cancers. 
I would tell myself to take only facts and not assume anything until it happened.
Secondly, I would tell myself NOT to pre-empt the diagnosis and treatment plan decisions. This might all seem like a bad dream in a few years as one cannot tell the future. [Ten years on after my own difficult diagnosis (moderately aggressive, oestrogen receptive IDC throughout both my lungs and liver etc) I am still here].
Thirdly, and most importantly, I would tell myself not to panic. I assumed that time was something I didn't have, but I was wrong. We all have time. It takes time to make proper investigations, it takes time to sort out treatment plans, time for questions, time for treatment (which is likely to give more time), and even then cancer takes it's time too. I used to go into a state of appalling frozen terror about once every hour when that blinking dinosaur used to do it's stuff. It was exhausting!
Importantly, I would do my very best to take good care of my health and be gentle with myself in order to make sure to be in the best position I could be to receive treatments and to keep a clear mind to ask questions at my appointments (no question is ever too small- you are important!).

It sounds like you are pretty fit and well placed to embrace the treatments and move forward :wink: :love:

Having a great focus on enjoying your life with your children, and keeping healthy and active, may give you the Hope and Focus you need to stay fit to surf on the wave of new treatments that are bound to emerge in the next few years (that's my plan anyway- and so far so good).

I'm often about and will gladly chat about my own experiences, but I can't give advice as I am not trained.

I hope you get to enjoy some good weather this half term, and get out and about with the children if you can. I am often about, and check on here most days. Over time I have built up an armoury of different ways to approach the anxieties- and I'm still here being a complete pain in the bum to everyone! :laugh:

Over the years I have gained enormous comfort from this chat forum; it has been good for me talk to people who understand what I'm going through. We are a pretty good bunch really :wink::happy:

Sending you enormous Covid safe hugs,

Mary

xxx