Hello J.H.

I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis this week. I'm sure that it was difficult news to hear. It's good to hear that you're trying to keep a positive mindset about things. That will most definitely stand you in good stead for the future but please be kind to yourself and know that it's OK to "emotionally collapse" from time to time. It's a perfectly normal part of processing the information that you've been giving and coming to terms with things. I'm sure those around you will be there to offer you the love, support, and help that you need. 

We do have some information about treatment options for secondary breast cancer that you may find useful to read through. 

We have a number of ladies here on the forum living with stage 4 breast cancer and hopefully, some of them will post to say Hello! soon. I'm going to tag in our lovely [@mare]‍ who has been living for a good number of years with this diagnosis. I'm sure she will pop along to say hello and share some of her experience, advice, and support with you. 

If you've not already had a look at the Breast Cancer Now website I'd strongly encourage you to check out their pages. They have a whole section of information and links to support groups and events for younger women diagnosed with breast cancer. There is a link on their page to a fantastic online support group called the Younger Breast Cancer Network and I know that you'll be able to connect with others who are in the same/similar circumstances to yourself through that group.

They also offer a service called Someone Like Me where they can put you in touch with a trained volunteer who has experience with breast cancer. 

Here at Cancer Research UK, we have a team of nurses available at the end of the phone to offer any advice, information, and support that they can. Please do give them a call. They are a great source of information and will be very happy to help in any way they can. They're available Monday to Friday 9 am to 5 pm on 0808 800 4040. 

I hope I've not overloaded you with too much information! There's a lot of support available out there for you J.H. The journey may feel overwhelming and daunting at times but keep talking to those around you; your friends and family, your oncology team, those here on Cancer Chat, and other support forums who are on the same path. You're not alone. 

Sending my very best wishes, 
Jenn
Cancer Chat moderator 

Hello J.h,

Mary here. Sorry...this is going to be a long text...just ignore me if I'm waffling too much :laugh:

Yes, I totally get exactly where you are coming from. And, yes, I was terrified - you are not alone.

I think Jenn's advice here is fantastic and really do phone those helplines if you want to- I have used them many times over the years.

That feeling of devastation used to sit on my shoulder like a dull grey dinosaur. It would pop it's head round, into my face every hour or so, and threaten "You're going to die!" I was completely freaked out- I needed to get my feelings sorted because I was not coping at all. My diagnosis was pretty late I'm afraid....
My kids were 14, 15, 17 at that time.
It was terrible! I needed help to deal with it all. I would urge you to ask for professional help with this side of it all too (as Jenn suggested).
If I started over I would have some clear advice for myself:
Firstly, I would tell myself NOT to jump straight to tragic scenarios in my head (the dinosaur). I am sure you know what I mean, because I think we all do it even with the most curable cancers. 
I would tell myself to take only facts and not assume anything until it happened.
Secondly, I would tell myself NOT to pre-empt the diagnosis and treatment plan decisions. This might all seem like a bad dream in a few years as one cannot tell the future. [Ten years on after my own difficult diagnosis (moderately aggressive, oestrogen receptive IDC throughout both my lungs and liver etc) I am still here].
Thirdly, and most importantly, I would tell myself not to panic. I assumed that time was something I didn't have, but I was wrong. We all have time. It takes time to make proper investigations, it takes time to sort out treatment plans, time for questions, time for treatment (which is likely to give more time), and even then cancer takes it's time too. I used to go into a state of appalling frozen terror about once every hour when that blinking dinosaur used to do it's stuff. It was exhausting!
Importantly, I would do my very best to take good care of my health and be gentle with myself in order to make sure to be in the best position I could be to receive treatments and to keep a clear mind to ask questions at my appointments (no question is ever too small- you are important!).

It sounds like you are pretty fit and well placed to embrace the treatments and move forward :wink: :love:

Having a great focus on enjoying your life with your children, and keeping healthy and active, may give you the Hope and Focus you need to stay fit to surf on the wave of new treatments that are bound to emerge in the next few years (that's my plan anyway- and so far so good).

I'm often about and will gladly chat about my own experiences, but I can't give advice as I am not trained.

I hope you get to enjoy some good weather this half term, and get out and about with the children if you can. I am often about, and check on here most days. Over time I have built up an armoury of different ways to approach the anxieties- and I'm still here being a complete pain in the bum to everyone! :laugh:

Over the years I have gained enormous comfort from this chat forum; it has been good for me talk to people who understand what I'm going through. We are a pretty good bunch really :wink::happy:

Sending you enormous Covid safe hugs,

Mary

xxx

So sorry to hear you news you are strong and you will get through this you really will!!! can I please ask what your symptoms where if you don't mind I'm waiting for my breast app tomorrow I have a lump and it's slightly painful in my left breast I also have to children age 5 and 8 xx

Hi J.H. 
 

I also just been diagnosed with right breast cancer today. I am 38 and have 1 little boy who is 2yo. I knew when they called me in for the result, something was wrong. My diagnosis so far is high grade DCIS. I need to go for MRI next week to further evaluate the extent of the cancer. Being diagnosed with breast cancer is really scary if we have little ones to look after, wondering how much left we have to be with them (i always think of the worst, i know it's bad!). Let's hope for the best and even how daunting and scary this situation we are in, we have to stay strong  for ourselves and to our lovedones. Sending tight hug your way! I know we can beat this!