Cancer has ruined our lives

I cannot tell you how much the dreaded C has ruined our lives. A happy young late 50's couple starting a new life abroad and then a lump appears. My wonderfull and courageous wife then undergo's chemo, lumpectomy, radiotherapy and continuing herceptin and years ahead of Letrozole. 

Our life was good together, 35 years of marriage, children etc. no money worries and this has ruined us altogether. I cannot blame my beautiful wife at all but she has changed in nearly every way possible. We cannot talk like we did, she never seems  happy like she used to, like we were before all this. Our love life, which was important to us and always has been, is no more. The more I try to cheer her up and make her happy she tells me I am always on at her and that there is nothing wrong. She was on Citalopram but she simply wont take them any more, saying there is nothing wrong and she doesn't need them.

Where do we go from here? I am desperate for us to build our lives together again but struggling. We now live back in the UK again as our dream abroad was shattered by this cancer. Sorry If I seem to be down when there are so many other people in a far worse  position.

 

Parents
  • Hi there ...

    I can only say what is my opinion .. and as with cancer everyone is different ..

    When we get that diagnosis, we change ... life is never the same again ... you seem to be yearning for what you both had ... and keep looking back instead of forward ... it's like a grief for what you had .. your wife has been through one of the biggest traumas anyone goes through ... yes she will change ...

    So you no longer live abroad in the sun and that life that comes with it ... but on the other side , you still have your wife .. life can be what we make it ... you can hate the cancer and what it brought you .. or you can be thankful for all those wonderfull years you had healthy .. you can be thankful for all those memories you did get ... a lot of people never get to know what that's like ...

    You can want her to be the same as before , or you can adore the lady that has come through this trauma ... I'm 20 months post masectomy. . I could have hated what it did .. but l look on the other side .. it made me aprieciate every day ... l look at things with childlike eyes and see the good in those around me, that supported everything l did ... gave unconditional love .. let me change, knew I couldn't do what l used too .. and they've held my hand weather it's a sad or happy day ...

    For better or worse are those vows people take .. if you start looking what you've got instead of what you wish you still had, you may find in feeling o.k with that, you'll slowly get your lovely wife back ... maybe not the same .. but if you support her it maybe an even better though different relationship. . It's amazing by changing your attitude to life, how much better things look ... it's not about waiting for the storm to pass ... it's about learning to dance in the rain ...

    Chrissie ...

  • Chriss....what a beautiful reply....xxxxxx

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