Hi Jules,

Just wanted to check in under your new thread.  I'm glad to read (on your old thread) that your grandchildren are keeping your spirits up.  Am continuing to think of you, and I too wish that PM was sorted out.  Take care.  Hope x

Good morning Jules,

Your need to draw a line under the last thread and start a new one is completely understandable and a good idea and the title is so apt.

I did post a reply last night but unfortunately I was writing it at the same time as it was being closed off so I got an error message which I promptly blamed on this new site but an email from the moderators this morning and a helpful link explains everything. The moderators really do a great job here especially when they put up with a rant from the likes of me so, if you are reading Lucie thank you and my appologies again for venting.

To make it short I was told by my Mum that my youngest Neice, Hannah is in hospital and undergoing tests to try and find the cause of intense pain. I was initially annoyed with my sister for not telling me as she had already been in hospital 24hrs and the hospital itself is notorious for poor care so I am worried for her  especially when, at only 19yrs she is being given Morphine for the pain. When I know more I will let you know.

In the meantime I hope all of us can help you a little as you continue your journey.

Lots of love and hugs.

Garf. xx

Hello Jules, im so glad you enjoyed your girlie chatch up will have done you the world of good.The first days in your new life is hard having to  do so much organising and making changes but its good that many people are only to pleased help.I felt a bit like a robot going through the motions but not realy with it ,what was worse for me was driving I realised I couldnt consentrate so didnt drive for two weeks my mind was so full of Tony .Children are an amazing comfort arnt they supporting each other lots of hugs lots of tears ..I think you are so brave hubby would be so proud of you as im sure he always was .The weather is terrible rain wind Rusty and I had an early walk 7 30 ish just drizzle but enough to get us wet lots of branches down pavements in a mess but 11 degs ..The flowers sound lovelyJules  I love *** willows too, I saw catkins out yesterday too Jules somtimes florists seem to get flowers that are out of season just a thought Take care lovely lady and BIG HUG sent ..Sueanne

Hi sueanne

I completely agree with the 'robot' feeling.  I m sure someone turned on an autopilot switch once hubby passed away but somehow all the official calls are made (for now anyway) and as donations come in for our chosen charity (in lieu of flowers) I am now turning to the 'writing letters' phase.  Have had first full day indoors today (weather was lousy anyway!) and by three o'clock all the loaned equipment had been collected.  The lounge suddenly feels a very large space with me plonked in the middle!  Has probably done me some good relaxing in between the housework and have just polished off a fish pie for dinner.

Tomorrow morning I will get back to routine visit for Mum and then am travelling into town with my daughter who has a clinic appointment (routine) but needs Zack to be 'minded' whilst she is seen so I will push him round the shops.

Both the children have suggested I join them on mini breaks in the Spring so will go back to work at beginning of February only to try and book 'holiday leave' but its good to have things to look forward to.

Am really pleased with the flowers and have chosen same colours for hubby and will wear/carry something purple at the celebration of his life (strangely we both had the same favourite colour).

Look after yourself and hope all the family are doing okay too.  Hugs  Jules x

Good morning Jules,

Hope your visit to you mother goes okay. We got a little wet when shopping early this morning. Spent most of yesterday doing paperwork for the wood club. I have designed a new membership card which I can print myself instead of buying the plastic ones which have become so expensive.Will be able to print peoples names on them instead of writing by hand. Still have to update our fire list and membership  directory in the next couple of weeks.

I have to tell you I admire the way you have coped so far and have still found time to respond to others. I also think this forum does help so many;so many amazing people who allthough going through the mill are still willing to offer help and advice to others.

I will have to leave early tommorow morning with regard to my talk as one of the ladies from my local cancer charity Cancervive very kindly wants to come and support me.I have to arrive by 8.30 and have to admit I am looking forward to it. Mrs B looking forward to a peaceful morning ha ha but I told her I will make up for it when I return.

Garage is still nice and dry so the repairs still holding good.

Take care Jules, sending best wishes and hugs, Brian

Hi Jules,

Just thinking of you, I hope you are OK. Hope xx

Good morning Kathy

So pleased your son able to come and see you (and good that he can get jobs done too). Just the kind of support that is so helpful. My son in law has fixed my 'sticking' front door and fitted new security chain and this coming weekend will take hubby's care for total valetting so need to empty the boot!!

Spent a little time with Mum and she has decided (wisely) not to try to attend the funeral (we are having snow flurries just to add to the problems she would possible face).  Have told her I know she will be thinking of us all and hope have put her mind at rest.  Her general mood was a little improved and  think my sadness has perhaps brought her 'mothering' instinct back a bit.  She has bipolar depressive illness and does have varying 'swings'.

Today have 'free' legal adviser coming to explain the way through probate and my daughter is coming along to have an extra pair of ears (that also means another cuddle session with Zack).  We have been totally overwhelmed with the offers of assistance and support during this sad time and I still feel like I am on autopilot and dealing with the practical side has been pretty straightforward so far.  Have finally finished (I think) all official notifications of death and got all the bills into my name which is a bit of a relief.

Yes,Spring breaks will be during April and if I can get the 'holiday leave' I require will have a mini break away at the beginning and end of that month. It will be good for us all to be able to relax and do some lovely walks on the Dorset coast (both with my son's dog on one break and with the grandchildren on the other).

Good to hear that your pets and 'lodger' are accepting of each other and can fully understand why the four legged Houdini come back now that he knows who feeds him.

Have a G'day and sesnding you kind thoughts and virtual hugs  Jules x

Good morning Brian,

Good to read that your garage is staying leak free and hope it continues for you as know it is more like a workshop when the temperature allows. Underfloor heating next . Beautiful start to the day here though some people not so lucky if the TV pics anything to go by. Currently watching cat in the garden desparate to catch a pidgeon (they are running rings round it!!).

Am sure you were well received at your cancer meetings and its wonderful that you can put so much back into this with firsthand knowledge - a positive side to dealing with post cancer diagnosis. Well done.

As a family we are supporting a small charity offering free support and advice, run by volunteers, as part of hubby's celebration of life (and onwards I am sure).  The cover the South of England and though being based in Southampton area they visited us at home at the start of our journey and will never be able to thank them enough for their time and expertise in Mesothelioma (the ladies who run it both having family members who suffered with the disease).  So important to keep these charities 'alive'.

Visiting Mum was good and she is dealing with hubby's death in her own way but was strange to have her emotional imput suddenly and it makes you realise that her bi polar problems suppress true feelings from time to time.  It left me somewhat reflective as you can imagine. 

Certainly, I am going  through the  practical side of things almost on autopilot just now but take great comfort from the fact that hubby had the best care the NHS had to offer and me by his side at his passing.  A love lost but forever in our hearts as a family. The grandchildren gave me drawings yesterday for 'grand-dad to take on his journey to becoming a star' and I will take them to the funeral directors later today as they have said they can be placed with him. The eldest lad (hard to believe he is only just 6) told me that he loved his grand-dad and he needed the picture because he could not take his car with him. Oh to have a child's mind just now.

Hope you and Mrs B are keeping okay. Hugs. Jules x  

Thanks Hope, it means a lot to me that my forum buddies are here to help along the new road I am having to travel. Am coping almost automatically with all the necessary notifications and paperwok. Today have free legal Probate rep coming to the house to explain things to us (daughter being an extra pair of ears as son is working) and tomorrow will be chatting to GP (her request to see how I am) so days pretty full and I am finding it a little  strange at the peacefulness that surrounds me.

Best wishes to you and your family. Hugs Jules x

Hi Jules, you are an amazing lady, and have looked after your husband and mother with such fortitued.

I hope that feeling of peacefulness stays around you like a warm blanket to help you through this time.

love and peace for the future , to you and your family xxTonic

Hi Jules,  I totally agree with Tonic and wanted to add that I hope you get on OK with the legal representative today as well.  Take care.  Hope xx

Hi Jules,  I totally agree with Tonic and wanted to add that I hope you get on OK with the legal representative today as well.  Take care.  Hope xx

Hi Jules,

Hope you had a productive visit with the "legal eagle" today.  I also hope you can deal with someone who can understand what you are going through and helps as much as they can.

I'm afraid there is still no news on why  Hannah is so unwell.  She had a CT scan yesterday, one day later than they said she would, but the results came back clear which is a good thing but they are still no closer to finding out what is going on.  We are now doing the age old past time which is to "wait and see"!

Also just to let you know I took a half day today so I could be at home to receive a pre-arranged assessment phone call.  It is the first part in the next round of demon vanquishing after being reffered by the doctor.  I don't know how effective it will be but let's wait and see --- wait!  I've heard that somewhere before ;)

Thoughts are with you Jules, take care!

Garf. xx

Morning Hope

Have not been so busy in a long time!  Most of the official notifications are in place and have gone pretty smoothly.  Legal advice appointment pretty straightforward to and has lead to a couple of other lines to follow and also have an appointment with independent solicitor later in the month before making final choices as regards applying for Probate. Even in the legal world it would appear its good to make comparisons!!!!  My daughter has been my second pair of ears and little Zack and older brother keeping us smiling. 

Hope all good with you and the family.  Sending hugs  Jules x

Hi Garf

It must be confusing and worrying in equal measure (never mind frustrating) as regards Hannah's symptoms. Good news that the CT scan showed nothing untoward but do hope they can get to the bottom of things soon for her sake as well as her loved ones.

Hope your telephone call assessment is the start of something positive for you in dealing with those pesky demons - you deserve to be able to enjoy life without them poking their noses in.Thinking 'it will be effective' is a first step.  Let me know how you progress my forum buddy.

Free legal advice representative arranged by hubby's bank spent over an hour chatting to us and guiding us the requirements of going through Probate plus the options available to us.  Very interesting and helpful and have a couple of other bits to sort out as regards notifications as well as enquiring about ongoing benefits for me (another long phone call booked with DWP this afternoon!!). We have a further solicitor to 'check out' towards end of the month and then decisions to be made as to the best way for us to proceed (lucky to have two 'on the ball' kids and their other halves.

Lump in the throat moment this morning as I had to empty the car (still had his fishing gear in from his last outing) as its off to be valetted this weekend and then we can arrange sale (useful information we were given yesterday too).

Have also been asked to go on a couple of mini breaks in April (one with each of the children) and work has granted my holiday dates so booking can be completed.  It will do all of us good to have these to look forward to and be a mini step forwards before arranging to holiday on my own (if my Mum could do this as 82 am sure I should follow her lead).

The Isle of Man three should have arrived on the mainland last night and are staying with friends until the funeral on Monday but hoping we can catch up before then (we have had lenghty conversations on the phone). Planning to take the 'dignity' my hubby showed in this respect forward as this would be his wish and they deserve to follow their own dreams in their retirement.

Well, thats a lot of rambling for one morning.  Have a good day.  Hugs Jules x

Good its going okay for you Jules. 

Thinking of you all

xx

steven

Hi Jules, just wanted to touch base and let you know that I'm thinking of you as you take this journey to its' conclusion on Monday. Having said that however, we know that Monday won't be the finish for you or your family, but just the beginning of the next phase. Right now you are busy doing things that need to be done and that occupies your mind and your time. That will continue after Monday as well, but gradually will phase out to the finish. Grieving is a process and even though you saw this coming at some level because of your husband's illness, that grieving will continue, although will be less intense as time goes on. Stay in touch on the forum and let us know how you are. We know that the months/years ahead will certainly be different for you as you adjust to a "new normal" way of life. My thoughts will be with you.

Hugs.

Lorraine

Hi Lorraine

Nice to hear from  you and hope your recover is continuing.

Thank you for your kind thoughts and words.  Feel very much as though I am a 'robot going through the motions' but am pleased to say that all necessary official notifications as regards late hubby are completed to the best of our ability.  The children continue to keep me company where  necessary (extra pair of ears/thoughs very  helpful).  Gp is happy I am managing and sees me again after I return to work.

Monday had seemed a long time away until now!  The celebration of his life is to be well attended and I will be seeing people who had 'known, worked with and loved him' over many years. No doubt more emotional fallout (only to be expected and managed of course). My six year old grandson summed it up beautifully 'A party for Grandad - why when he cannot be there?' - the wonderful innocence of childhood.  We have spent some time with him looking through old photo albums (and envisage doing it some more as it raised lots of laughs). 

The final goodbye is a hard day ahead but my heart is full of memories (42 years long) which I am hoping will carry me forward into a 'different normal'.  The forum has been and am pretty sure will remain part of my coping mechanism.

Sending peaceful thoughts for you and yours.  Jules x

Dear Jules ,I hope grandson goes on ok ,but trying to keep a 6 year  old quiet and still is unheard of ha ha ..I will be thinking of you on Monday and im sure lots of tears will be shed just let them flow ,after 40 plus years its to be expected so let them flow ..Thinking of you and big hugs sent ...Sueanne Xx

Hi there Jules,

I share Brian's admiration of you and the way you are coping with things up to now.  You mentioned how Monday seemed a long way off but now it is almost upon you I at least have some small understanding of the fear and nerves you are no doubt feeling as it gets nearer. 

I am off work on Monday so I will be at home trying to relax, and no doubt failing, but I will also be joining everyone here in thinking of you during that day and sending love and hugs to a very special person.

Lots of love to you Jules for Monday and always.

Garf. xxxxx

Hi Jules,

Like Brian, I admire the way you are coping and am pleased that your legal advice was straightforward. I will be thinking of you on Monday as you have the celebration of hubby's life.  I truly hope that your spirit continues to help you continue coping as well as you have, but rest assured that your forum buddies will always be here for you whatever the days may bring.  Take care.  Hope xx

Jules, thank you for your thoughtful message on my thread. It is so lovely of you to be thinking of others whilst going through so much yourself - you are a truly inspirational lady who many care for deeply. I will be thinking of you on Monday, and always x