I wish I could hug you in person. 36 is so young to be begin going through all that and I'd judge your ex on the face of it but I know life and cancer is more complicated than that. I've not had cancer but my partner has and I think I'm welcome here so you definitely are. The ups and downs of cancer with the desire and attempts to start a family are so complicated. Have you considered fostering? We had our children just before cancer so I'm not able to relate properly to that loss but I can empathise. Having young children is physically demanding and having older children is more complicated but that doesn't preclude doing it alone. Sometimes I've felt alone as a parent and carer but I've never been in the position where I couldn't nip to the local shop alone for a minute. I know women and men who are doing it though and they've found support that wasn't in place when they started as parents. Adoption is complicated emotionally so research it. It's changed since my dad was adopted. He didn't even know till he was an adult with his own family and his parents were long gone.

I think you deserve a family if that's what you want. I think elective families are so scrutinized but I'd try not to be put off with that. We're all just muddling through.

I doubt your life with your ex was a lie at all. We're just messy creatures whose commitments are offset with how short and stressful life can be. I do think he failed you, though, and you deserved better, and still deserve better. None of us know what's round the corner but chase your own happiness x

Thank you for your considered message and empathy it has meant so much to me. Thank you. 

I felt so strongly after reading your post that I reached out to the forum to request special permission to join, as I’m currently living outside the UK. Your story truly moved me, and I want you to know — you are not alone.

My own journey shares many painful parallels. I was just 28 when I was diagnosed with cervical cancer. At the time, I was living in Singapore. It had already spread to my lymph nodes, but the doctors did everything they could to preserve my fertility. I even underwent two pioneering surgeries that led to media interviews, including Singapore Women’s Weekly, because of how rare and hopeful they seemed.

After chemo and internal radiation, my womb lining miraculously grew back — something they called a medical marvel. I held on to hope, believing that after everything I’d fought through, motherhood would still be possible. I truly believed I would be one of the lucky ones.

But the emotional toll of the diagnosis, and later the grief of being told my chances of having a child were minimal, pushed me into a deep and consuming depression. I struggled with chronic anxiety, and at the same time, my marriage fell apart. My husband was unfaithful, and within five months of our separation, he had moved someone else into our home. She was pregnant, and became part of the life I once had — the friends, the house, the future I imagined.

Their seemingly perfect life is everywhere — children, wealth, happiness.
And here I am, 14 years on, still feeling broken.
Mentally. Physically. Financially.

I’ve just restarted grief counselling — my seventh attempt. I’m praying this time it finally helps, because I’m exhausted. I don’t know how much longer I can keep carrying all of this alone.

But reading your post reminded me that I’m not alone. And neither are you.

Thank you for sharing your story — it gave me the courage to share mine.

I'm so sorry. I wish you had both had more courageous men in your lives. You deserve better too.

I will never understand the way men's friends in these situations don't challenge their friend's dishonourable behaviour. I would if it were someone in my life. They get off with it too easily. I hope they all feel shame and both your ex and partner know they did you terribly wrong.

Offering a virtual hug to you too. I hope the counselling helps but your grief will always be valid. Cancer stole too much from you both.

Thank you for sharing your story and letting me know I am not alone. I want to let you know that understand how much courage it must have taken for you to share your experience and what happened to you. 

It’s so sad that we’ve had to share such sad parallels and experiencing continued grief and loss from ‘surviving’ cancer. The juxtaposition from fighting and surviving for our lives and subsequent loss, disappointment and emotional toll is really had to equate to ‘winning’ that tough fight. 

I really hope we and others like us are able to find a balance between what has happened and a future where all that has happened to won’t weigh so heavily on our sense of wellbeing. I also hope your grief counselling will bring you the help and relief you need. 

Thank you for your empathetic response. Cancer has indeed stole so much, it makes the default response I get that I am lucky I am still here so difficult to accept, even though I know it’s supposed to mean well. 

Hi Camvo your post touched my heart.  I have had three ectopic pregnancies.  My husband and I tried IVF for six round.  First one worked and then I miscarried.  Never worked after that.  We tried adoption and the birth mother changed her mind the day we were due to finalise everything.  In truth this broke our marriage and we eventually divorced.  We have since remarried.  I used to dream at night that I was pregnant and when I woke up and realised that I wasnt I used to cry.  It is so hard to see other people with their babies.  I think I would have made a good Mom and all as I ever wanted was to have children.  You are right about cancer it changes everything, your life and your partners life.  I had cancer twelve years ago and now have incureable cancer.  I hate that'  you are lucky to be here,' yes but sometimes not at the cost it has taken.  Please know that you are not alone.

Lee x

I’m so sorry to hear your story Lee. Do you get much support? I think I’ve isolated myself with my grief, and I think that’s why I struggle so much. It feels like a very lonely road and it seems like everyone is having such a lovely time with their babies and partners whilst I am still very much alone. In fact I’ve shared more on this forum than I’ve shared with any of my friends or family. 

Sending you love ️