I am six years in remission so not sure if it’s okay for me to post. I am broken in so many ways and not able to share how I feel with my family and need to know it’s okay for me to share knowing I won’t be judged. 
I was diagnosed with primary breast cancer at 36, when I quit my job to start a family and about to move abroad for a few years. My ex husband had secured a role for a few years in Hong Kong. We couldn’t go after the diagnosis. 
I was able to undergo one round of IVF and have three embryos frozen before treatment. After two years of treatment I was able to try for a family. I had a miscarriage after the egg implant. With very low chances of a natural conception, so we tried the egg donation route. Again I miscarried. Then we divorced. 
We went from a stronger couple during my treatment to a resentful angry couple during our time trying to conceive. There was so much pressure for me to try and keep going. We were broken but didn’t know. We divorced 3 years ago and I broken. I can’t get over how broken I am. I don’t know how I can stop feeling so sad from the loss and grief. I am now perimenopausal which is devastating for me. I really considered adoption but really doubt I can do it on my own without a support network. I am probably overthinking but I want to give a child a decent home and I don’t think I can on my own at the moment.
I know my ex-husband found someone else whilst we were still together. which was a big factor in our breakup.
I am so sad, all the good times we had together feel like a lie now. I know everything we went through was traumatic and it broke us but ultimately we were not meant to be. I am so sad. about it.
I am so sad and feel like I can’t get over all this. I am getting therapy and trying to live my life and functioning day to day the best I can but I am so broken inside from the loss and grief it’s hard to think I will ever be okay ever again.