Hi Midgemo,

That way lies madness! Your friend was probably trying (and failing) to be nice. She should have known better.
lt is only natural to feel down sometimes - even when you don't have cancer.
Don't feel socially pressured into feigning positivity. It might make them feel better not to hear your problems and worries but if they don't want to know, they shouldn't have asked! 
If you do say that you're fine, someone who really cares will follow it up with "how are you really feeling, you can tell me".

It is almost ten years since I had my last chemo but the genuine threat of recurrence never goes away, nor does the background fear. I have six-monthly scans to check but you do well to remain vigilant - this isn't an irrational fear for either of us but risk awareness. 

We need to enjoy the extra years we've been given, stay as positive as we can for our mental well being  but acknowledge we'll have good and bad days like anyone else.

Best wishes

Dave

I finished treatment for Brest cancer last summer I also have all your feelings  I often don't feel very positive so I take my self off for a walk.  But every ach and pain I  wonder what it is.  I only have Zoledronic acid twice a year for my bones my oncologist Said it was early days and try to pace my self no one really understands when treatment s over    (and fingers crossed and you are moving  )on it's   still always with you I have two wonderful lady's who I message and I met in the chemo suite they know how it is.  Take one day at a time x

Midgemo 

I finished treatment in nov 22 

I was tired up until January end I went on holiday last week of January to the canaries , for some reason I found I needed a full stop for me it was the best thing I could have done I now feel so refreshed maybe a little break could help as I feel brand new now .

I hope you feel better soon sending you a big hug 

love Lara ️

Thank you Lobelia for your kind words and understanding its good to know I'm not alone in feeling like this. Keep strong and well.

Mx

Hello Lara Thank you for sharing your experience. Um glad to hear youre doing well. I am planning a lholiday later this year so hopefully it will help me 'move on' a little more.

 Stay strong 

Mx

Hi Dave thank you for your understanding and kindness. I felt blindsided yesterday by my friends response. Maybe she was going for the 'tough love' approach but I  agree with you that she shouldve known better. I expected her to understand  and that's what made it hurtful. I can cope when people who don't really understand say similar things to me as I  had no idea how it feels to be in this situation prior to my diagnosis. The 'fear' of recurrence is a major aspect for me just now and this appears to be entirely normal from the posts that  I've read on this forum. I'm longing for the days when it will be a bit easier to bear and I will feel more like the normal me again.

Stay strong and well Dave

Mx

Thank you Silver it's good to know that my feelings and experiences are normal. It's so difficult to know whether it's the emotional aspects of the diagnosis, the surgical recovery, the radiotherapy, or the Anastrozole that's causing me to feel flattened and down. Possibly a combination of all really. I think the Anastrozole makes me feel like im wearing a lead coat...my body feels heavy and tired.  I didnt feel like this until I started the tablets. I just just hope that it will get better over time.

I wish you the best of luck and a speedy recovery with your surgery. Take care and stay strong.

Mx

No, you should definitely not feel you have to pretend to feel something you don't. If you wanted to, that would be different; some people prefer to keep how they are feeling private and that's fine, but you shouldn't feel as if you have to put other people's comfort before your own when it comes to your health situation.

Your friend's issues are her issues. Perhaps she is afraid of recurrance and doesn't want to hear of anybody having problems after their treatment is over because it makes her think she could have future problems and she wants to believe treatment over = everything fine. Or perhaps she is worried about you and trying to convince herself you are fine and doesn't like any suggestion otherwise. Or perhaps she has difficulty expressing her feelings and sees it as somehow "shameful" to do so. But whatever her reason, that's her issue and something she needs to work on. You shouldn't have to accommodate her on the topic of your health.

The closest I had was my brother's response when I had a cancer scare (that thankfully turned out to be nothing). I think it his case, it was because our dad had major health anxiety and always got really worried about the slightest thing and my brother was afraid I was developing the same thing and didn't want to have to deal with another number of decades of constantly hearing "I've cut my finger; should I go and see the doctor? Do you think it will be OK? Look at it." 

That was about him and his concerns and the same is true with your friend. Given that she had cancer herself, I am guessing it is related to how she feels about that. 

Only you can decide what is right for you to do. What is right for her may very well not be right for you.

Hello MargaretMary thank you for sharing your insights and experience.. I tend to vary my responses to the 'how are you'' questions depending on who is asking. Im truthful to close friends and family but more likely to say 'im fine' to those I dont know very well. You have given me new perspectives on my friends response that I hadn't considered and this may help me to be more forgiving and compassionate with her going forward. I was annoyed and hurt by her response  but now I feel less so as she may be dealing with her own issues too.

Thank you and stay strong

Mx