Debbie - we are all different and are able to recover in different ways. When I had mouth cancer in 2014 followed by radiotherapy I found that the radiotherapy really affected my energy levels. I couldn't believe how tired I felt all the time - I was only 64 then. I was lucky that some time after the finish of radiotherapy I was able to get back to normal, but as I said we are all different and I believe that having cancer once it is never quite out of your mind that 'it may come back'. I would not be surprised to find that could be affecting you in ways you might not expect. Anyway, you're entitled to feel sorry for youself now and again! It would not do any harm to explain to your daughter that despite the time since your operation and radiotherapy that you are inexplicably more easily tired out. Try to keep strong and looking forward to a good future.

Hello Thankyou so much for replying to my post and thankyou for your understanding it really helps. I will talk to my daughter I feel sure she will understand. My husband said he read somewhere that it could take a year for the effects of radiotherapy to abate phew!!! long time. Once again I'm very grateful for your help and advice

kind regards Debbie

Debbie - good luck in the future - try to keep smiling (it isn't always possible!).

Tony

Thankyou Tony, your right it's not always possible but I think it helps when there are people like you in it who take time out to help and advise someone

kind regards Debbie 

Hi Debbie,

I don't think any of us 'know how to feel' after treatment and the general 'support' from both professionals and friends and family fades away. Once treatment stops it seems like everyone decides. 'Oh well. She's through that then'?!! (Do they think we are robots I wonder??!!) I was shocked initially how rapidly everyone 'forgets' it was a life threatening illness I had been diagnosed with. Then the uphill struggle of getting through the treatment.... .... it's no picnic that's for sure. 
 

I am not trying to win sympathy and like you I largely DO get up and get on with life but I AM still affected by the diagnosis. The fear the word 'recurrence' engenders can be quite powerful and I have to make a concentrated effort at times to dispel it. I have good friendships with a few close people. When I was diagnosed and through the  treatment they were all fabulous. Now it's as if it never happened?!! I know they care about me but they are all oblivious to the magnitude of cancer and what it does to our minds as well as our bodies. It's why I stay on this site because it's filled with people who GET IT!! 

I think to feel guilty is laying too much on yourself. You are entitled to feel angst. Entitled to feel you need space to think/ rant/be a vulnerable person because of course we all feel like that at times. We aren't super heroes!! 
 

I think more than anything you must focus on being kind to yourself. Step back from helping out all the time. Have time for YOU!! Quality time doing those things that give you pleasure. You deserve that. You have come through a really tough year and it IS only when you are through it that the shock/fear of it all sets in. That's how it was for me anyway. 

I wish you well.

Kebbs 

Hello Kebbs

i cannot thank you enough for your post, it's so helpful to hear someone who really understands what it's like and to put it so succinctly and articulately. I'm not one who can talk easily about my feelings but when I've tried it's been difficult to express and although my family try (bless them) they cannot possibly understand, so reading your post and how you express yourself as actually made me feel a lot better. I can now read this to my family and hopefully they'll get it. It feels good not to feel alone, so once again a huge Thankyou 

kindest regards Debbie 

Hi Debbie,

Glad you found it helpful. It's all true!!

I was diagnosed nearly 3 years ago but I stay on this site. I think some people drift away because they are 'done' with it. Fair enough. I stay on because at times I need to speak out to people who know what having cancer really means. Plus at times I may be able to help someone. It's swings and roundabouts really but I have found it so helpful. 
 

Take care. Life is good!

Kebbs x x 

Hi kebbs

im so glad you have stayed on because you certainly helped me. I do agree it's really only other cancer sufferers that understand. Thankyou once again for you kind help

kindest regards 

Debbie 

Hi Debbie,

I don't think anybody just gets over cancer in a year.  Because it affects you so much mentally as well as physically.  It's scary right?  And it's not like getting over a general illness.  And something others who haven't experienced this will understand.  The fear factor will still be there and that can be draining.  I've been told it's quite normal for the emotional side to catch up with you after treatments.  And it's an individual thing when that hits or how long it takes to feel safe.  

And if your throat is still sore and swollen, that's a constant reminder of what you've been through.

Why not tell your daughter that you want to see your grandchildren but maybe for shorter periods of time until you feel you have stamina again?  And it could be something you can try to work towards, at your own pace.  Good luck!