Hi Jules,hope you enjoyed jigsawing with your grandson, they are so precious arent they. We have a 3 yearold grandaughter and she really is the light of our lives and very exhausting!!Regarding my nails I have acylics...gave up trying to grow my own a while ago!

Well unfortunately today was the worst day yet, Mums pain is even worse, they have upped her drugs but to avail except that when I got to her bedside she didnt recognise me initially, that really upset her. I had a word with the nurses who basically just said thank goodness tomorrow is Monday and the Drs will be able to investigate. One nurse said to me that Mum had seen a Dr today and Mum got very agitated saying she hadnt seen a Dr (she had been told they were too busy) but the nurse wouldnt have it and poor old ma was in a dreadful state as she felt they thought she was losing her marbles and it turned out in the end that Mum was right.

Mum is at the end of her tether with this pain, again saying she would be better of dead than like this and she looks almost manic at times, I take it that could be a side effect of the morphine ,today I could feel myself shaking with emotion or stress or something, it all seems like a nightmare with no end..a bit Groundhog day. I dont know how she can be in all this pain without anything really being done and we still havent had the final diagnosis. I feel truly helpless and fairly useless too....just horrible.

Well thanks for letting me get that off my chest, I can feel a sleepless night ahead but hopefully I am wrong.

Take care.

Jacci xx

Just had lung cancer nurse on the phone , she went to see Mum today and could not believe how downhill she has got after last few days. They have got some of the results but not all of them and Mum asked if it was cancer and the nurse told her it is. Apparently she got upset but said that she knew it was bad as she is in so much pain. The nurse bless her rang to apologise as she knew I wanted to be with my Mum when they told her.

She advised me they will try harder to keep Mums pain under control and also said that as she is so frail now the chance of any actual treatment for the cancer is well, no chance really. TBH I knew that was probably going to be the case. They dont know what type of cancer it is but she reckons they will know by Weds. I would be very surprised now if Mum does actually come out of hospital.

Take care,

Jacci xx

Hi jacci, I am so sorry about the news that your mum

Has cancer, I really hope and pray that they get your

Mums pain under control, it's surely is not nice watching

Someone you love in pain. Takecare Hun keep us updated.

Xxxxxx

Hi Jacci

Reading your update it seems that both you and your Mum are unsurprised by the news but its still not what you wanted to hear.  My hubby was pleased he was alone when he got his diagnosis (chose for me not to be there for that particular appointment!) and now that you have spoken to your Mum's lung nurse and assuming your Mum is aware of that chat, it may make it a little easier for her when you next visit  as she will not have to break the news herself.  I really hope they can make her more comfortable but its a difficult journey nonetheless.   The forum is here in support whenever you want to let of steam.  Sending big hugs. Jules xx

Worse night ever, pain is a bit better but she is on so  many drugs she is unsteady and wobbly mentally and physically iykwim. She really wasn't expecting the cancer diagnosis and she still thinks there will be some treatment for her. I cannot think of any thing more evil than this I really cant. She sobbed when I left but I couldn't stay as visiting time had finished. I felt awful leaving her , how do people cope with this I really don't know .

Jacci xxx

Just changed the title...waiting to find out what type of cancer it is.

Take care,

Jacci xx

Hi Jacci,

Have just been reading through your posts and just wanted to say how sorry I am for what you and your Mum are going through.  This terrible disease affects not only the patient but all those who love them, and to watch somebody suffer with cancer is indeed beyond cruel.  I lost both my parents to cancer within 5 months last year and I can appreciate the suffering you are going through at this moment.  I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better.  Sometimes we think we can't go on anymore but we do somehow find the strength from somewhere. Wishing you strength.  Hope23 x

Hope, I do not know how you coped  but in the end we have to dont we I suppose, I know I will cope for my Mum because I have to be strong for her I am all she has really.I have 2 sons, 21 and 25 and hubby is going to tell them for me, the eldest doesnt live at home so I havent seen him since xmas as Ive never been around and my youngest Ive hardly seen as I  have only been at home to try and sleep. They do both know their Grandma is very poorly but they dont know quite how bad things are. They will probably come and see Mum this weekend, that will be emotional for everyone. 

Well I will go and see Ma tonight, if I had my way they would put her into an induced coma, I hate to see her like this, she is frightened, confused, pathetic ( and I really dont mean that in a horrid way), well all I can do is be there for her but it really doesnt seem enough somehow.

Take care ,

Jacci xx

Hi Jacci

I don't think anyone here knows how they cope but somehow we do.  With my Dad is was hard knowing I was to lose him (nearly 6 yrs ago now) but quietly reassuring that he would no longer be suffering and he was so comfortable in the hospice for the last two weeks of his life and they were so supportive of the whole family.  I do hope that your Mum can be kept comfortable and whilst  I have  no doubt that the visit with your sons will be emotional for everyone, you are doing it together and having two children myself who went through this  you will help each other  through. When my hubby had full diagnosis facts we called the children round and broke the news together to them, cried together andnow continue to takestrength from each other.(unbelievably nearly 2yrs have passed since then and we hope for more).   My thoughts are with you as this is an emotional period to traverse through but with your family/friends and the forum around you please do not try coping alone.

When my Dad was unable to chat much my Mum read poetry and did her crosswords as she found it hard sitting doing nothing  (mind you she was in her early eighties and more spritely then than now.

Sending virtual hugs along with a virtual shoulder to lean on.  Wish I could offer more.  Jules xx