Hi Laurajs, 

The decision you took demanded enormous courage but it is such an important step towards finding happiness again as you mentioned you haven't been happy for years and even if you are feeling understandably very stressed at the moment, there is help available so don't hesitate to reach out. You are going through cancer treatment so this is a time when you need to feel protected and concentrate on yourself and your wellbeing. 

What I think you should do as soon as you can find a moment alone is ring the National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247 - you can call in confidence 24-hours a day and if you are in an emergency, call 999. The good news is there is help available with housing and they even have a page on Help with Housing  for victims of domestic abuse which I suggest you read carefully. By ringing the helpline you will be offered expert guidance and support on what to do and what housing options are available to you. The page mentions that "it is important that you do not tell anyone who may pass information on to your partner where you are going." You can in the first instance seek a refuge place and do mention when you talk to the adviser on the helpline that you have children too as you are allowed to also take your children with you. Another option mentioned on the Refuge website is to contact your local authority and make an emergency homelessness application. It is mentioned that "the local authority is likely to have a legal duty to re-house anyone experiencing domestic abuse. In the majority of cases, you will be considered ‘unintentionally homeless’ under the law." The third option listed there is to go to a property your partner doesn't know - "this may be the property of a friend or family member in another location, away from your perpetrator, where you can stay for a few days to have space to consider your options." So read all the information carefully that is given in the Help with Housing  section of the Refuge website and try and find a safe moment to be alone and ring their Helpline on 0808 2000 247 as they will be in the best position to guide you on what would be the best thing to do in your situation - remember, they have a lot of expertise in situations like yours and have (sadly) talked before to countless people who have been in exactly the same position you find yourself today so they will be happy to guide you and help you find a safe space for you. Make sure you tell them too that you are currently going through cancer treatment as it is important they are made aware of this so that they can point you in the best possible direction. 

Don't feel stupid about what happened in the past with that man, none of this is at all your fault and it is important that you remember that - I just wanted you to know we are all here for you; you've taken a very brave step but I just wanted you to know there is support available so do ring the helpline as soon as you can. 

We're thinking of you Laurajs and we are here for you and wanted you to know you are not alone. Do talk to an expert as soon as you can and keep in touch on how things develop for you. It's an incredibly difficult time for you but we are all with you to support you and comfort you every step of the way.

Best wishes,

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi Laurajs, 

The decision you took demanded enormous courage but it is such an important step towards finding happiness again as you mentioned you haven't been happy for years and even if you are feeling understandably very stressed at the moment, there is help available so don't hesitate to reach out. You are going through cancer treatment so this is a time when you need to feel protected and concentrate on yourself and your wellbeing. 

What I think you should do as soon as you can find a moment alone is ring the National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247 - you can call in confidence 24-hours a day and if you are in an emergency, call 999. The good news is there is help available with housing and they even have a page on Help with Housing  for victims of domestic abuse which I suggest you read carefully. By ringing the helpline you will be offered expert guidance and support on what to do and what housing options are available to you. The page mentions that "it is important that you do not tell anyone who may pass information on to your partner where you are going." You can in the first instance seek a refuge place and do mention when you talk to the adviser on the helpline that you have children too as you are allowed to also take your children with you. Another option mentioned on the Refuge website is to contact your local authority and make an emergency homelessness application. It is mentioned that "the local authority is likely to have a legal duty to re-house anyone experiencing domestic abuse. In the majority of cases, you will be considered ‘unintentionally homeless’ under the law." The third option listed there is to go to a property your partner doesn't know - "this may be the property of a friend or family member in another location, away from your perpetrator, where you can stay for a few days to have space to consider your options." So read all the information carefully that is given in the Help with Housing  section of the Refuge website and try and find a safe moment to be alone and ring their Helpline on 0808 2000 247 as they will be in the best position to guide you on what would be the best thing to do in your situation - remember, they have a lot of expertise in situations like yours and have (sadly) talked before to countless people who have been in exactly the same position you find yourself today so they will be happy to guide you and help you find a safe space for you. Make sure you tell them too that you are currently going through cancer treatment as it is important they are made aware of this so that they can point you in the best possible direction. 

Don't feel stupid about what happened in the past with that man, none of this is at all your fault and it is important that you remember that - I just wanted you to know we are all here for you; you've taken a very brave step but I just wanted you to know there is support available so do ring the helpline as soon as you can. 

We're thinking of you Laurajs and we are here for you and wanted you to know you are not alone. Do talk to an expert as soon as you can and keep in touch on how things develop for you. It's an incredibly difficult time for you but we are all with you to support you and comfort you every step of the way.

Best wishes,

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Wow Thanku Lucie , in tears reading your reply . Do you think it is domestic abuse ?he has only been violent to me twice it’s more what he says . I feel a little silly ringing them wen there’s people out there that really need the help