Firstly, I’m so sorry you’re in this situation however please know it is temporary. No man should treat you this way so I’m glad you know your worth. Get onto your local housing association, explain your situation and I am sure they will help you as a priority. You should get housed with your children to allow your treatment to continue. Also, make contact with universal credit who will assess your financial situation and get a plan in place. You may not have it all right now, but you will be better off. Do not give him the satisfaction of seeing you hurt. Hold your head high and put plans in place. People will help you, maybe reach out to local charities who could support you. You do not have to do this alone xx

Thank you so much for your reply . I have  spent weeks if not months being upset about it all and now I just feel numb to it tbh and today I woke up and decided I didn’t want this life no more it’s making me feel suicidal . I am receiving help from my local mental health team . Everybody says to me to be strong but sometimes it’s so hard . I told him today it’s over and he agreed he isn’t bothered in the slightest . I don’t want to lose my kids but he knows I can’t offer them anything and won’t be able to give them lifts anywhere etc because I don’t have a car . I’m going to contact my council this week and I have been on a website called entitled to which regarding finances has put my mind at rest . He has said to me a few weeks ago whichever way I go whether I leave or die he is going to replace me straight away . Everything just seems so hard and undoable at the moment . How can somebody you’ve been with for 15 years treat somebody they r meant to love like this? I’m not upset it has ended ok relived more than anything it’s just not that easy to walk away when you have nothing 

Hi Laurajs, 

The decision you took demanded enormous courage but it is such an important step towards finding happiness again as you mentioned you haven't been happy for years and even if you are feeling understandably very stressed at the moment, there is help available so don't hesitate to reach out. You are going through cancer treatment so this is a time when you need to feel protected and concentrate on yourself and your wellbeing. 

What I think you should do as soon as you can find a moment alone is ring the National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247 - you can call in confidence 24-hours a day and if you are in an emergency, call 999. The good news is there is help available with housing and they even have a page on Help with Housing  for victims of domestic abuse which I suggest you read carefully. By ringing the helpline you will be offered expert guidance and support on what to do and what housing options are available to you. The page mentions that "it is important that you do not tell anyone who may pass information on to your partner where you are going." You can in the first instance seek a refuge place and do mention when you talk to the adviser on the helpline that you have children too as you are allowed to also take your children with you. Another option mentioned on the Refuge website is to contact your local authority and make an emergency homelessness application. It is mentioned that "the local authority is likely to have a legal duty to re-house anyone experiencing domestic abuse. In the majority of cases, you will be considered ‘unintentionally homeless’ under the law." The third option listed there is to go to a property your partner doesn't know - "this may be the property of a friend or family member in another location, away from your perpetrator, where you can stay for a few days to have space to consider your options." So read all the information carefully that is given in the Help with Housing  section of the Refuge website and try and find a safe moment to be alone and ring their Helpline on 0808 2000 247 as they will be in the best position to guide you on what would be the best thing to do in your situation - remember, they have a lot of expertise in situations like yours and have (sadly) talked before to countless people who have been in exactly the same position you find yourself today so they will be happy to guide you and help you find a safe space for you. Make sure you tell them too that you are currently going through cancer treatment as it is important they are made aware of this so that they can point you in the best possible direction. 

Don't feel stupid about what happened in the past with that man, none of this is at all your fault and it is important that you remember that - I just wanted you to know we are all here for you; you've taken a very brave step but I just wanted you to know there is support available so do ring the helpline as soon as you can. 

We're thinking of you Laurajs and we are here for you and wanted you to know you are not alone. Do talk to an expert as soon as you can and keep in touch on how things develop for you. It's an incredibly difficult time for you but we are all with you to support you and comfort you every step of the way.

Best wishes,

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Wow Thanku Lucie , in tears reading your reply . Do you think it is domestic abuse ?he has only been violent to me twice it’s more what he says . I feel a little silly ringing them wen there’s people out there that really need the help 

Hi Laurajs, I just have to say something about this. Domestic abuse is not just physical. You must put yourself first right now because you really need help, more than most, especially with your treatment being so important. Your Macmillan nurse should be able to help, and there are helplines. Don't think about other people, there's a time and a place for being selfless and this isn't it. You need to get better and have the freedom to enjoy your life without that man. I'm sending you a cyber hug and my best wishes for your treatment x

Thank you Beepa . I will find the courage and make some calls this week . My cancer nurse is aware of what’s going on she has been in contact with my mental health team . Jus hard to ask for help when your constantly told your the problem and your confidence is on the floor

Beepa really said it so well and is totally right. In fact, the Help with Housing information I just gave you specifically says under the 'Seeking a refuge place' section that "a refuge is a safe house for women and children escaping domestic violence and you do not need to have experienced physical violence to go into a refuge and you do not need to have children. There will be expert, female staff at the refuge who can provide a range of emotional and practical support."  So there is also as Beepa said emotional abuse, not just physical but you mentioned he has been violent to you twice too and this is twice too many times really and is unacceptable and so don't feel shy about ringing the helpline - you certainly need their support and expert guidance. 

Keep strong Laurajs - we're all here for you.

Lucie

Thank you Lucie . You honestly don’t know how much your advice means to me right now . I know deep down I don’t deserve this treatment from him or how he has been isolating me from people . I’m so frightened of what the future holds but I need to get out of this place , im already alone so actually being alone shouldn’t be so hard should it ? 

It'll be better. The best thing you've done. I know it. You deserve happiness and you won't get that until you break free. Good luck.

Thank you Beepa . Honestly you guys on here are amazing you’ve helped me so much . Seeing my consultant tomorrow morning but as soon as I get back and it’s safe to do so I will be making some calls and enquiries xx