Hi Carol,

I can't for the life of me think what I have been doing since I last came on here.  It feels like weeks but Imthiink its only a couple.  I've just left a message for Billy on his thread, but told him I would probably have more to say on here.

I loved reading all the messages since I last wrote.  The nun on the bicycle had me laughing out loud.  I was educated at a convent and I can safely say I never saw one of the nuns on a bike.  And the story of you catching  Norman was lovely, too.  I envy people who can stay happy to the end. I was married thirty five years before I divorced my husband and no one understood why I stayed all that time, but there were lots of wonderful times and experiences that I wouldn't have missed for the world and my children had a dad until they were adults.  They are among those that think I should have left years ago, lol! He wasn't a bad man, and when we were young he was lovely but unfortunately he was addicted to gambling and later drinking and when I left I had nothing, despite having worked hard all my life in very interesting and well paid jobs all over the world. But I got out in time and was able to work for another ten years and build up enough to manage, then my lovely son bought me my little bungalow and I have never looked back. If he hadn't refused to come back to our old home town, so I could take care of my sick parents we might still be together, but when he said he couldn't come back, I saw that my parents needed me more than I needed him and sent him on his way!

 I was trying to think what I have been doing since I last wrote on here, I haven't switched my television on since then, either. My daughter has taken early retirement because her health has never improved since she went down with ME, nearly ten years ago.  Hopefully not stressing about work will help her to recover, so I have spent quite a bit of time during the hot weather walking the dogs in the cool shade of the woods near her house, while she takes it easy. Well, that's the reason I do it, but usually when we get back she has been doing some work  It will take a while for her to chill out.

I've been working on the garden, I've done my little path, only finished yesterday, at my age I take my time!  I have finally captured the face of the baby portrait I have been trying to paint, I need to finish off the rest of the painting now.  One of my friends had a seventieth birthday. We are a group of five, who call ourselves the Tuesday at Two girls because, since Lockdown and Covid, we have FaceTimed as a group every Tuesday - at two!  We took the birthday girl out for the day, had a lovely meal early in the evening then to a show.  Then on then Friday of that week she held a party at home for family, friends and neighbours. She lost her husband a couple of Christmases ago, and for her present last Christmas I painted his portrait from a tiny photo on the programme of service at his funeral.  We are only allowed to spend £10 on Christmas presents and we have a secret Santa, and I made sure she was my recipient. I was a bit nervous about giving it to her because I don't know if I caught him as she saw him, but when she opened it she burst into tears and said it was 'just him'

Last Thursday my son's lovely partner came back from a month working overseas. On Friday my son got knocked off his motorbike on a roundabout and has broken his nose, split his chin, requiring plastic work, broken his left arm in two places and broken six ribs. What a good job she wasn't due home the next morning.  She has kept us up to date with treatments etc and all he has said " it's just a few scratches,". He FaceTimed me on Sunday, and it looked like one of those hostage videos to prove he hasn't been executed yet.  He was sitting in a very stiff upright position, this looked like he was propped up. He couldn't smile or talk properly and I think they had put makeup on his face to cover up the scratches and bruises.  His nose, actually, didn't look bad so if it had been a still photo he would have looked fairly normal.  I didn't tell him it looked like a hostage video, I willl save that for when he feels better and has got his sense of humour tuned. I just said I was glad his handsome face hadn't been destroyed.

That's all I can think of to keep me off here for so long, and I think I'm caught up.  I know how loneliness can just creep up on you at the most unexpected times, awake or asleep.  I have found Archie to be a great comfort. My daughter thinks he's got me wrapped round his paws. He will grumble at me when he wants something and I usually get up from what I'm doing, to let him out or to check his water etc. I feel it keeps me moving. I would never take walks every day without him, I would be reading or painting so he's helping me to keep fit as well as being good company. He has just started snuggling up next to my shoulder when I'm reading in bed, then when I put the book or iPad down and switch off the light he quietly jumps down and goes to sleep in my chair in the living room. Then just before my alarm goes off at seven, he jumps on to my bed, lies on top of me and wakes me up by licking my neck!

That's it, Billy will be having something to say about me going on.

Take care.

Christine xx

Hi Christine,

I hope your son mends quick and your daughter at whatever pace she can. Retirement should help with energy pacing. So pleased the baby's face has finally "clicked". What a lot of patience you have with your art. Such a "quiet" month too! Take care now, Christine. Hope you don't run out of books! You want to rest up plenty for a bit. Love Rose xx

Hi Carol,

Hope you're doing okay, sleeping without nightmares. Seems like you've really inspired people! Billy's just posted his love story in 3 parts over on his on his Cancer and Addisons thread.

It's still incredibly tough what you're going through... I've been finding myself waking up with tears oozing out of me for several days following my counselling sessions – and we've really only been skirting around some "big issues". Thinking of you, Carol. Love Rose xx

Dear friends, family have just left so a catch up tomorrow.  Xx

Dear friends, I had a busy time with Lisa, Tugs and Harry but then when I'm all alone again the back cloud descends and I have to force myself to do things.  So this is the first time I've read all the messages.  Firstly Christine I'm so sorry to hear about your son, even though grown up we still worry about them, I know it will be a long haul back to fitness with him and I hope all goes well.  My best friend had a brother who had a motorbike and he would come and pick me up to go to her house, aged 14 years (me not him) on the back I would hop, no helmet and cling onto his slippery leather jacket for dear life, he knew I was scared so would go round roundabouts so my head was about a foot off the ground, I've never been on one since! I read Billy's story but knew a lot of it from our years of chatting, he is so stoical and brave although he would deny that.  Rose, I'm not sure about counselling, it's everyone's choice but I'd rather not go over all the hurt as it just brings it back to the front of my mind again but of it helps you then you're brave to do it.  So I've been up and down to Middleton to help them finish the cottage off, it's taken a year to do because in that time Lisa broke her leg, Tugs Mum died, my Norman died, Lisa had another operation and we all caught Covid, so we're nearly done.  I was taken out for meals for all my help and Wednesday Harry came here and we went to play crazy golf and ten pin bowling.  The crazy golf was crazy to the point of annoying and all in the dark, ultra violet lit, which with my eyes was not good, I fell down steps, stood on a rotating platform that we'd been told not to, all good if it hadn't been the same colour as the path, so off I went in a circle hanging on for grim death to a skull, as this was in the eerie graveyard part, I fell over the painted white stripes as I thought they were flat when they were actually humps that we should have hit the ball over! The young lady who was staff came over and guided me through the rest of it, who the Hell thought this was a good idea needs shooting, even young teenagers with parents were moaning about how hard it was.  Then ten pin bowling, not done that for twenty years.  Smashed a thumb nail to the quick, managed to not chuck me down the runway along with the ball, Harry was very impressed, game over, 89 strikes to grandma and 115 to Harry, well done he says proudly.  Back to the cottage Thursday with Sue, loads of plants from Eggleston Gardens and she and I spent two hours digging holes and planting plants whilst the others worked on their computers.  We did a marvellous job and they were really grateful.  Off we went again to Romaldkirk, glass of wine and some gorgeous ham and houmous and other delicacies (asLisa knew I wouldn't cook when I got home).  Lots of hugs and love as I left, Harry loves it here and he didn't want me to go.  So I drove home to an empty house and knew that that's it now as everyone is back at school and work.  Take care all of you.  Love Carol x 

Hi Carol,

Where do you get the energy to do everything? What a week you've had ... I laughed so much thinking of you playing spooky crazy golf. As someone who frequently misjudges pavement drops, I could easily imagine myself falling over those painted stripes! Not sure I'd have been brave enough to grab the skull ... Thank goodness someone came out to guide you the rest of the way. Doing so well at ten pin bowling after such a golfing fright night, that's definitely a wow! Harry's rightly proud of grandma. Is that the cottage finished now? Bet you'll be finding more to do... I do get it about the counselling. I put it off for ages, but in the end felt I had no choice. There too much pain inside that has to come out, even if getting it out hurts immensely. It's horrid when that black cloud descends with this week likely to be a tough one. Btw you're braver than me going on that motor bike! My parents would never have let me do anything like that. Did your parents know even, guess they must have done if your friend's brother came to your house ... My youth sounds extremely tame by comparison, though I did almost get myself swept out to sea about that age when I misjudged a tide going round a headland and had no choice but to make a dare devil climb up a dangerous cliff. Enough of me rambling. Thinking of you Carol. Take care. Love Rose xx

Dear Rose, when I look back at my youth in Seaton Carew I shudder to think what I would have done if my daughters were as bad as me!  In the early sixties we just went out and no one knew where we were, I'm going to my friends house I'd shout as I left home, OK Mum would say behave yourself.  We would hang around the funfair waiting for soldiers from Catterick Carrrison to pay for us to go on the rides, then we would take off to Hartlepool to dances and live music, the cinema where we would say we were fifteen so we could see the horror movies, we survived obviously but we were lucky to not end up in serious trouble as many did!!  Mum's never knew as we couldn't be tracked like today's children.  I have always fitted in as much as I can in a day, life is too short to not enjoy each day, mind I did ache this morning when I got up but a few stretches and I'm fine.  So off out tonight with Maureen and Debs for her 60th, I'm looking forward to getting dressed up for a change.  Keep smiling Rose you seem to be doing a little bit better now.  Love Carol x 

Dear Carol,

Pleased you got chance to put on glad rags. Hope it was a good do. Your youth does sound lots of fun, Carol. I am doing a bit better, thank you. I didn't realise grief can cause regression, but counsellor says this is normal. Love Rose xx

Hi Carol,

Those we're the days eh?  My teenage years were spent similarly but we didn't have the soldiers.  We did have our local football team, though.  I remember being the star of Christmas one year for getting all their autographs for my brothers.

My son's injuries are turning out to be worse than originally thought.  I imagine he was in so much pain on his left side that he didn't notice pain on the right side. After struggling to get appointment with the orthopaedics, they went private and it turns out his left arm is broken in the two places we knew about and his wrist is in such a state he needs another scan on it for the surgeon to know what to do with it, plus he has also broken two bones in his right foot, only noticed when he felt it crunching as he walked the dog. Now it looks like there is damage to his right arm as well. He is either in quite good spirits or he's a good actor when talking to his sister or me as he is minimising his wounds to 'a few scratches'.His partner says he is sleeping a lot, which is a good thing, I hope.

Busy painting now, completing the baby painting is still hard even though I have captured the features, it's everything else that has to be right, too. Archie is funny, he comes and sits at my feet in my little studio, ready to inform me when it is feeding time. I start getting the evil eye about five minutes before, then the grumbles if he thinks I've forgotten, fine chance!

Sad news about the Queen, yesterday, I abandoned my paints when I heard and watched the television until bed time. That was the first time the TV had been on in a month!

Nothing from Billyboy?  Hope all is well, Billy.  Take care, Carol and Billy and I hope you are feeling better RoseSB

Christine xx

Hi dear Christine . I've been putting some things on my "cancer and Addisons " post don't want to interfere with Carol's post to much. Glad you are getting on with your painting again, definitely some consontration needed. Starting to feel rubbish again on those meds but keeping going with plenty of rest. 

Love Billy xxxx