Stay Strong

I have a busy day and come home to my lovely neighbour mowing my back lawn.  I chastise him and say  I would have got round to it, he knew I was struggling and came in whilst I was out.  These kindnesses make my day.  I think hubby is not looking well and voice my concerns.   Nope he says he's fine but a little niggle tells me otherwise.   I get up this morning and he admits he's not good..  appointment at Doctors and he has another infection.  I am being picked up by a friend to go to Wynyard Hall and gardens, the day is glorious and she has the soft top down,we arrive and I look like Bridget Jones after her ride in an open top car!  We have home made cake and coffee and meander the beautiful gardens looking at the pumpkins, sweetcorn and variety of flowers.  I suddenly spot a flower that hubby and I keep seeing  on our drives and it's driving him insane not knowing its name.  A lady hears us talking, takes a photo, Googles it and walks back to tell me, it's  called the common tansy. People are so thoughtful and kind!  Back home hubby laughs at the state of my hair, saying I look like I have been pulled through a hedge backwards,  charming!!  I tell him the plants name, lovely he says and promptly falls asleep on his sheepskin in the sunny conservatory.   Hopefully the antibiotics will kick in soon, I want my normal hubby back.

  • Merry Christmas everybody.  Hope your Christmas Day is spent with those you love.

    Carol, I will catch up properly very soon.  It's been so hectic.  Love to you both.  xx

     

  • Christmas has passed and we struggled bravely through it all but Norman went gradually down hill and by yesterday morning he couldn't breathe so a call to our palliative care team was made.  Bloods were taken and we were told antibiotics would be to collect from our surgery so Lisa, Harry and I went to see Cinderella the panto and left him in peace.  During the break I checked my phone to see a missed call from our GP.  I rang Norman and he said they'd rang him and said don't rush but we've booked you a bed as your markers are 300 and should be about one to ten.  So we finished the Panto, came home, packed a bag (he said all he needed was a comb!) and arrived at the hospital where he was supposed to have a bed, we sat in A & E for 6 hours being seen intermittently for bloods,ECG and all the other tests,  11.30 pm he was sent for an X Ray, we didn't know why as hisCT scan a few weeks ago had been good.  The doctor came and got us and it turns out the right lung was full of fluid, he also has other infections.  I was exhausted by then and knew he had a bed as he was now on the side ward so I came home after ringing Faye and Lisa to break my heart that Dad had said he thought it was all over.  I was traumatised by it all, what sort of system sends a really ill 75 year old to an A & E ward to sit in agony with all the other people who had just banged a head, sprained an ankle, felt sick and wouldn't wear a mask, it was so hot we had to keep pushing him to the doorway to get some air as he felt he was going to pass out.  The staff were brilliant, one went and got me a sandwich and a cup of tea as I'd had nothing to eat thinking Norman would be admitted to the ward and I would come home.  I crawled into bed at 1.30am and slept badly.  Norman rang me at 10 this morning, felt much better, nothing to worry about, he was fine!!  More tests throughout the day, painkillers have helped his back, not sure what's happened with the fluid so I am calling them now.  Take care, Carol x 

  • I visited Norman yesterday and he was in a sorry state.  No one had done anything apart from put a cannula in his hand, he was hot he had no shirt on and he wanted a clean vest on, he managed to pull the cannula out and blood went everywhere as his heart is now beating too quickly and they don't know why.  He was exhausted and miserable and when he saw me he wanted to come home.  It was distressing for us both.  What can I do, he is so ill now I can't care for him.  I left in tears and drove to the cottage t but it took me an hour.  Harry was so lovely and we ate tea and played a silly game, two big gin and tonics, snuggles and Doctor Who whilst Lisa and Tugs did the pub.  I crawled into bed at 12.45 and was woken up by my mobile, it was Norman, happy new year my darling he said, but he was slurred and back on antibiotics as the fluid has not dispersed.  I stayed with the family until 3pm but just wanted to come home, people think you want others with you, but you don't, it's too hard to think, talk and putting on a brave face is so, so tiring.  I'm seeing him tomorrow but it's a skeleton staff so it's impossible to get any sense of what is happening.  Tuesday I'm calling my cancer nurse for help, we need it.  Happy New year to you all. Love Carol x 

  • Dear carol .

    So sorry about Norman really hope he improves soon, hope he's got whatever he wants in hospital for now,glad you have family around some of the time. And you are still eating and"drinking" .

    Thinking of you and Norman . take care of yourself.

    Sorry didn't text earlier  feeling rough again,head all over the place.

    Love Billy xxxx

  • Dear Carol,

    I was going to start this message wishing you and yours a Happy New Year, followed by an apology for not popping in for so long, but after reading all that has happened since I last wrote I wish there was something I could say to help. I am so sorry that things have turned so bad, you have been heroic in your caring for Norman and keeping yourself sane. Your honesty in this blog has helped others who have been faced with similar situations but feel they have to keep up a cheerful facade.
    The last few months have been bad, here, too, which is why I haven't even looked at the iPad, let alone read anything. I have had thrombosis, now ok, my daughter had surgery that left her quite weak then her beloved dog was diagnosed with cancer and had surgery but, unfortunately, did not do well afterwards and after a few weeks he died. My daughter already suffers with ME and chronic migraines, and Smudge's death left her (and me) distraught. Two days later she tested positive for Covid and has been quite unwell with it, to the extent that her doctor gave her a month's sick note, which ends today and I'm not sure she is well enough to return to work. Her best friend also tested positive and I am sure the only reason I didn't, despite the three of us weeping on each other's shoulders about Smudge,  was my booster jab that I'd had two weeks earlier. I feel we have not had it half so bad as you and many others, so I can only send my best wishes and thanks to you for helping us all to try to realise life is hard for everyone and all we can do is try to get along as best we can, and, if we can, to keep smiling through it all.

    Best wishes to you and Norman.

    Christine, the Sheltie lady with only one Sheltie now. xxx

  • What a horrible time everyone is having and my love and support are in this reply.  Never think that I mind about others troubles as we are all here to support and care for each other.  Things have got even worse as having seen Norman yesterday afternoon and seeing how unwell he is I thought well at least we can have a kiss through the mask and he asked me to show him my pretty face as he was missing my smile but having got home he telephoned me to say that all visits have been stopped.    I'm a Christian but God has abandoned  me in my time of need and I can well understand how people lose faith.  I called the ward this morning but they know nothing until the full team arrives back at work tomorrow, so not a lot of help.  So five days and he is worse than when he arrived, he now can't make it to the toilet and is confined to bed.  Lisa and Harry came over and she had bought me loads of food to tempt me so hot dogs and mustard for lunch which I shoved down my throat to keep her happy!  Harry and I watched The Flight of the Navigator, snuggled on the sofa and he is now going home tomorrow..  Lisa is staying, for me, so I'll have her support.  The worst thing is not knowing what is going on, I have lost control of the situation and it does not suit my nature.  Take care, Carol x 

  • Dear Carol,

    Just wanted to say I'm so sorry to read Norman is in hospital and that visiting has been stopped. i hope you will be able to visit him soon.

    sending my best wishes to you both.

    Nicola x

     

     

  • Thanks for all your wishes and kind words. Norman deteriorates

    over night and was admitted to the medical emergency ward because of breathing difficulties. The doctor thinks his cancer is spreading and Normans of the opinion that he will not get out or see me before he gets even worse. My heart is broken. Xx

  • I'm so sorry to hear this Carol.

    Everyone at Cancer Chat is thinking of you and sending all their strength to you and Norman.

    Our thoughts are with you both at this very difficult time.

    Kind regards,

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Hi Carol

    So sorry to hear about Norman and that you can not visit him.

    This cancer thing never ends it takes over your life and changes you.  Even us lucky ones are never the same.

    You look after yourself.  You know we are all here for you although we can offer no practical help at least you can let off steam and we understand.

    Virtual hugs for you.  River