Probably because I don't know how!  Give me a clue what to do. Caz

Hello again.  I so empathised with you not knowing which of your hubby's feet was affected; I have been in that state where my brain is so frazzled I could not think straight.  I am with you on the "too hot" weather front; it was quite chilly first thing this morning but has warmed up again now.  I got up at 5am to let Muffin out and saw one of the local foxes hopefully hunting among the empty food cartons I put out (they weren't empty when I put them out - but I am sure you realise that.  They eat fairly quickly when I put food out for them).  He looked so forlorn in the early morning I took pity on him (or her) and gave him some of the ham that was in the fridge!  Mind, Muffin does a good forlorn expression when he is hoping to get food and he is certainly fed more than adequately.

I discovered that M&S do some good raspberries; I gave up buying them from the usual supermarkets as they are totally tasteless (I am from the generation where soft fruit was homegrown in the garden).  They are called Sapphire or something similar and are a definite improvement on other supermarket offerings.

Have got an appointment at Guys Hospital for my leg - 26th July - at least I have a date now.  Have just cleaned the car, sort-of; it was really just a quick wash.  I used to get it done by the guys who cleaned cars in Sainsburys car park but that seems to have stopped.  It was MOT'd and serviced yesterday - cheaper than getting them done separately.  It passed the MOT without needing anything doing; mind it had a lot of work last year.  I don't have smart cars; I get older cars and, with good maintenance, run them until they are on their last legs  - never pay more than a thousand pounds.  The last one was a Vauxhall Astra which cost £800 and ran wonderfully all over the country for seven years.  I have a Nissam Almera now.  Cheers.  Annie

Although it hasn't rained my lawn is growing like mad on the bits where grass is actually left so I get the lawn mower out,  drag the garden bin back in and set to..  Hubby comes down amd shouts through the kitchen window how guilty he feels not being able to help.  I shout back at hmi that he can't do it so stop fretting about it,  if it gets too much the gardener can do it, so he makes me coffee instead!  It's really hot and muggy and stupidly I've put savlon on my bitès which are now covered in  grass  making me more itchy, so although I'm washed and dressed I have to shower and start again.  My hair is looking like a Yetti and the hairdresser can't fit me in again, so I'm off to the husbands hairdresser for a dry cut, as she's busy too!  Hubby has gone to see the nurse about his wounds I'm hoping they look better I'm sure he'll let me know when he gets back!  Xx

I have a GP appointment this morning for me!  I have a skin tag on my lower eyelid which keeps getting infected, so I think they will be able to freeze it off, no such luck!  I have to see an eye specialist and a plastic surgeon and could be left with an eye that doesn't shut properly, why is nothing simple!  I agree to see them but know deep down I don't want to go through all of the trauma as I have enough in real life already!!  Hubby has a cough today and I'm hoping it's just the muggy weather and nothing more ominous.  We do live 8n a knife edge with incurable cancer and I can tell he is not happy today.  We ere going to the golf club but first thing he says I don't want to go, which is not like him.  Faye rings and says when is Lisa coming, she knows this but is now trying to come the same week as it's her birthday.   I feel cross that she's pushing me on this, so I call her sister, she's going to do Sunday to Wednesday and then Faye is doing Wednesday to Friday.  I feel I've not been considered at all in this scenario and am feeling tearful.  But I bite the tears down and decide they will all have to knuckle down, nit leave me to it all and I'll see if my cleaner can come and sort things out.  I've just had a large glass of wine and feel more mellow about the plans.  See you tomorrow 

Evening Caz

love yr style girl...wine the answer to all - heh heh. In a show of solidarity I have poured a glass of ....wine ;-) my go to as well caz :-) so cheers me dears :-)

ooh nd took another note out ya book... called t M&S got curry nd rice- in oven now just waiting on my timer binging to demolish with my wine. Have a good evening lass...virtual glass clink sent yr way ️X

Good evening back Sandra!  Enjoy the curry, sometimes I just can't be bothered to cook, as it's so hot!  We've had left over spaghetti bol.  I made him grate the cheese, it's the only work he's done all day!!  I am now going to drink MORE wine to soak the food uphave a great night

So there are two of us following your M&S lead now; I got some more of their raspberries today - a real change from the usual tasteless supermarket variety.  A meringue and a soupcon of brown sugar topped with cream - yes!

The foxes seem to wander around all night, possibly my fault for providing a late night eaterie as much as anything.  Muffin gets very upset at the thought of someone else being given food. I do love them but they are sometimes a bit noisy at night and it wakes up Muffin who decides to go down and see what is happening. 

My ears are full of wax - this happens every few years - and I am accused of not listening to my friend Paul; admittedly I might ignore him even if I could hear him but I now have good excuse.  Still, I have started clearing every day so it should clear soon.

Hi ANNIE,  I know M & S is a little more expensive but I'm worth it!  You're making my mouth water with the fruit and cream.  It's not pleasant here ad the bugs keep eating me and getting in my hair, I managed to get it cut yesterday thank goodness , it's weeks since it was done.  I hope your foot is on the mend and it's a good job you can't hear well with the noisy foxes!  Xx

I sat in the conservatory this morning drinking fresh coffee and watching all the new brood of birds flying between the roses, the hebe and the bird bath.  Some of them are so fat I'm not quite sure how they are taking off.  We feed them everyday and they are getting  through forty fat balls a fortnight,  not to mention  peanuts and special seed!  Hubby comes down after his cup of tea, his toe is still sore so we redress it and it does look a little better.   I pop to see Mary for a drink and we sit out but the pesky harvest flies are driving us bonkers so we go back inside.   Off to Tesco for food and I spot a scooter at a bargain price for the two little ones so I buy it.  We have a specially built scooter park five minutes from our house, the children will love it.  Back home the harvest flies are eating him to death, so we are on lock down,  windows and Doors shut in 25 degree heat!  We're having a laid back weekend before the onslaught of both families.  I'm off for chilled glass of wine, if it wasn't so expensive I'd stick my poor hot feet in it!

This weather is unforgiving,  I've burnt my feet on the patio and had to leap onto the lawn to cool off.  We haven't even gone out as I love the air con on and he's on a save it campaign as it uses too much fuel, what a load of rubbish, another old wives tale!  We've even had left overs for tea as it's too hot to put the oven on. His wound look better but his toe nails needed cutting, so I got the special clippers to do them, what a ruction he made, the kids were better behaved getting theirs done, so I tell him this and he shuts up.  The saga of everyone coming at the same time gets worse, Lisa forgot she's camping next weekend so can't come until Monday, she's upset that her sister is organising her life as she was coming first.  I call my sister in law. Problem solved they can stay there.  Lisa suffers badly with asthma and is hot and breathless so I calm her down and say problem solved.  I should win a medal for keeping everyone happy, just have to tell Faye she's not stopping here!!  

Hi Caz. .

Just wanted to pop on and say hi really ... seen some of your lovely posts to others ... and l do pop on here every so often to see how your doin .... you know you could turn this into a book sometime ... you have a natural way of writhing and putting feelings down ...

And one thing it seems to be in common, is a love of M & S food ... could never afford it when had all the family years ago ... but now it's my favourite place ... their eggs taste so much better ... in fact everything tastes better ... long may they carry on ...

So any ways Caz nice to vertually meet you ... long may you carry on too ...  Chrissie x

Hi Caz. .

Just wanted to pop on and say hi really ... seen some of your lovely posts to others ... and l do pop on here every so often to see how your doin .... you know you could turn this into a book sometime ... you have a natural way of writhing and putting feelings down ...

And one thing it seems to be in common, is a love of M & S food ... could never afford it when had all the family years ago ... but now it's my favourite place ... their eggs taste so much better ... in fact everything tastes better ... long may they carry on ...

So any ways Caz nice to vertually meet you ... long may you carry on too ...  Chrissie x

Hi Chrisie,  nice to virtually meet you too!  It's good to look back at what we have achieved because just over a year ago we were a little lost.  I see your help to others on this forum and feel that our experience is all we can offer,  because we've lived it.  We're all on a roller coaster and living life the best we can.  One last word, damn cancer!!  Caz x

Sarah, my new cleaner tells me I can get a carer's card from Durham County Council,  why couldn't some one in authority have let me know this?  So I applied and a week later I have one and am registered as a carer!  Apparently I get discounts in lots of stores, but I can't see M & S on it anywhere,  damn.  I've managed to sort the whole family out, again and everyone seems happy with the arrangements.   It's like walking on egg shells, we are all trying not to upset each other so hubby isn't distressed,  he has enough on his plate.  Today he received a bowel cancer screening kit, it went straight in the bin, with the I've got lung cancer, a prothesis and if I've got bowel cancer I don't wish to know. Ella wants to know if there will be a present on her bed when she arrives, yes I say, is it a comic Grandma,  it's not so I've gone and bought one, we can't disappoint the only girl in the family.  All we can smell is cabbage today, either someone is cooking a casserole or they've put sludge on the fields!  We're having a laid back week, conserving our energy for six individuals landing on us next week.  See you tomorrow 

2 hat a magnificent storm last night, lightening flashing across the front room window,  thunder crashing over the roof and torrential rain, I stand and watch it and think how little we humans  are compared to nature's force.  It cools everything down and we both sleep well.  Today has been a normal day but he's hands and arms are paining him and he's very tired.  I'll make an appointment to see the GP as being in pain is unfair.   I wonder if it's his bloods  again as this is what happened last time.  A friend is off to Jersey and asks if I can go away and leave hubby,  no I won't leave him alone how would he eat, or if he fell over in the night no one would know.  I'm going to see how the tumour is in September and maybe then we will have a better idea of how far we can go.  Every suggestion I make about having a few days away is met with a maybe, that means no!   So I'm afraid everyone is going to have to come North to see us, that's what living with cancer means, a restricted life, but at least it's restricted with my man.  See you tomorrow 

His hands and arms are paining him so I call the surgery at 8.15, no appointment left.  They know me so well by now that they kindly offer to call if there is a cancellation,  this happens and he's just come back but at the moment we are no further forward apart from steroids again.  Joe rings as he was there too, his hands are bad so they've taken bloods, do we not get the same treatment because of the cancer?  We're now waiting to see if a GP can help as we've only seen the practice nurse.  An appointment for the 21st September arrives to see the Mc Millan nurse, he says he's not going if it's just for a chat with someone he hasn't seen for months!  So another phone call and it's for the result of a scan that we haven't got an appointment for yet  I've been finishing Ella's cardigan but I've a feeling she's not going to like it as it's knitted up quite large!  I'm giving up knitting I don't enjoy it like I did and the bigger they get the worse my concoctions look, babies seem to be my fort'e.  I've just put wine in to chill, I need a glass as it's been a pretty rubbish day.  See you tomorrow 

Hi Caz. Not been on for a while as I’ve been pretty rough through this Chemo. Never felt anything like I do before, so weak and low . I read your posts every day and love to feel in touch. It’s such a hard journey but I think you are stronger than you think. I do admire you and I’m sure your hubby loves you even more fore all the wonderful care you give him. Some days are worse than others but none are good at the moment. I’ve got stomach troubles and now got mouth ulcers. Been for Pet Scan yesterday and will know result on Monday . Chemo number 4 is next Tuesday. Just one more to go after that on the 14 th August. Hope then I can start getting stronger and some hair back and be me again. Enjoy your glass of wine. Another thing to look forward to. Can’t taste a thing at the mo. Sorry I’ve rambled on but it’s good to chat. Hoping your husbands arms and hands start to feel less painful soon. Going through enough without that on top. Lots of hugs xx

Hi love,  you're definitely having a hard time of it and I admire your strength,  the hair loss for Norman was awful, worse than chemo,  so as a woman it must be the final straw, we women love our hair and a bad hair day is not good!  I have bad days but I'm not suffering like you are, I realise this and appreciate that my husband is still here, feeling sorry for myself is not an option. I don't think I would have been as brave as you and Norman, I so hate being ill and I thank God that I can look after him and keep a happy equilibrium at the same time.  Just had  max strength ibuprofen with the wine as I have a tooth annoying me and my face is swollen, know I shouldn't do that, but who cares!  Coming up to seventy rapidly so l make my own decisions. !!  Mind my two girls are coming next week, so best behaviour they watch me like a hawk, talk about reversing the Mother daughter scenarios.   I sometimes think they think I'm in my dotage,  well the older one does!   I've always been in trouble for my wine in take and when they're here its wine even earlier!  Love to chat so keep me updated.   Virtual hugs and good thoughts your way.  Carol xx

Well I've cleaned some horrible things up in my time but today took the biscuit ! On Sunday when I was having coffee and my pastry a bird flew through the conservatory door, or I thought it had.  I pulled all the furniture out, inspected the window ledge, down the back of the chairs, nothing, so I put it down to an optical illusion, thinking it had hit one window and bounced off another.  So today I could still smell the cabbage casserole /sludge on the field mix and decided to track the smell.  I found it.  A bird had flown in but had gone between the pictures and it's stand and over the past four days had disintegrated into the wooden window sill.  I'll spare you the gory details but I was nearly sick cleaning it up!!  The surgery has just called and hubby is seeing a GP next week to see if he can have injections whilst he's there having his tennis elbow syringed, the joys of cancer and getting old are never ending.   I've done two hours in the garden today cutting roses back and overgrown plants due to all the sun, it's like a jungle around the chairs and kept getting tangled in my hair!  I'm done for the day, had a lovely shower and resting for the rest of the day. Xx

The steroids are working and he wants to take me to town.  I meet Mary, she looks exhausted and is worried about Joe, he's just had borh shoulders injected and seems a little better.  We're both sick to death of having the, how is he today conversation! !  Mine seems quite upbeat today and holds my hand whilst he drives back home.  I treat myself to a French manicure on both my hands and feet so I feel a little bit more like myself for when everyone arrives.  I've bought Sue some Laura Ashley home goods for her birthday a bargain in the sale!  Lisa texts to say she's hungover from going to the village pub with all the other Mums to celebrate the kids last day at the village school, I ask her if that's allowed, she's her Mother's daughter alright!   Two more days of peace and quuet, before the onslaught. 

I didn't mean to abandon you and I am sorry about the worries you have had.  I have had people working here for a few days and then I had computer problems - now fixed.  I am glad to have had the work done out the back which was needed but feel stressed and unhappy about the continuing foot problems (sorry, I didn't want to mention them again).  I don't seem to have handling things very well this year and seem to have given up on all manner of things I wanted to do so I was pleased to actually get something done.   My sister and her offspring have all gone up to Sunderland today for a week but I have had to pass as the driving would be beyond me and I would miss my physio .  Also Paul is suffering in the heat with his COPD.   I took a look at Facebook which I haven't done for ages (you have an endless number of notifications - oh dear.)  Also my phone is not working properly - if I am honest it has not been working for ages but as long as I could manage to make calls generally I didn't bother but I need to get it sorted out.  So much for my moans.  I will get over them!  Are you going to abandon the eyelid problem?  Have had a quick run through off your recent posts but just wanted to say hello and I will read them more thoroughly now.  Best of luck with the school holidays!  Annie

I just want to apologise for my self-pitying post when my worries are nothing compared with your own.  (But it does feel a bit better to write things down!). Annie