This weather is unforgiving,  I've burnt my feet on the patio and had to leap onto the lawn to cool off.  We haven't even gone out as I love the air con on and he's on a save it campaign as it uses too much fuel, what a load of rubbish, another old wives tale!  We've even had left overs for tea as it's too hot to put the oven on. His wound look better but his toe nails needed cutting, so I got the special clippers to do them, what a ruction he made, the kids were better behaved getting theirs done, so I tell him this and he shuts up.  The saga of everyone coming at the same time gets worse, Lisa forgot she's camping next weekend so can't come until Monday, she's upset that her sister is organising her life as she was coming first.  I call my sister in law. Problem solved they can stay there.  Lisa suffers badly with asthma and is hot and breathless so I calm her down and say problem solved.  I should win a medal for keeping everyone happy, just have to tell Faye she's not stopping here!!  

Hi Caz. .

Just wanted to pop on and say hi really ... seen some of your lovely posts to others ... and l do pop on here every so often to see how your doin .... you know you could turn this into a book sometime ... you have a natural way of writhing and putting feelings down ...

And one thing it seems to be in common, is a love of M & S food ... could never afford it when had all the family years ago ... but now it's my favourite place ... their eggs taste so much better ... in fact everything tastes better ... long may they carry on ...

So any ways Caz nice to vertually meet you ... long may you carry on too ...  Chrissie x

Hi Chrisie,  nice to virtually meet you too!  It's good to look back at what we have achieved because just over a year ago we were a little lost.  I see your help to others on this forum and feel that our experience is all we can offer,  because we've lived it.  We're all on a roller coaster and living life the best we can.  One last word, damn cancer!!  Caz x

Sarah, my new cleaner tells me I can get a carer's card from Durham County Council,  why couldn't some one in authority have let me know this?  So I applied and a week later I have one and am registered as a carer!  Apparently I get discounts in lots of stores, but I can't see M & S on it anywhere,  damn.  I've managed to sort the whole family out, again and everyone seems happy with the arrangements.   It's like walking on egg shells, we are all trying not to upset each other so hubby isn't distressed,  he has enough on his plate.  Today he received a bowel cancer screening kit, it went straight in the bin, with the I've got lung cancer, a prothesis and if I've got bowel cancer I don't wish to know. Ella wants to know if there will be a present on her bed when she arrives, yes I say, is it a comic Grandma,  it's not so I've gone and bought one, we can't disappoint the only girl in the family.  All we can smell is cabbage today, either someone is cooking a casserole or they've put sludge on the fields!  We're having a laid back week, conserving our energy for six individuals landing on us next week.  See you tomorrow 

2 hat a magnificent storm last night, lightening flashing across the front room window,  thunder crashing over the roof and torrential rain, I stand and watch it and think how little we humans  are compared to nature's force.  It cools everything down and we both sleep well.  Today has been a normal day but he's hands and arms are paining him and he's very tired.  I'll make an appointment to see the GP as being in pain is unfair.   I wonder if it's his bloods  again as this is what happened last time.  A friend is off to Jersey and asks if I can go away and leave hubby,  no I won't leave him alone how would he eat, or if he fell over in the night no one would know.  I'm going to see how the tumour is in September and maybe then we will have a better idea of how far we can go.  Every suggestion I make about having a few days away is met with a maybe, that means no!   So I'm afraid everyone is going to have to come North to see us, that's what living with cancer means, a restricted life, but at least it's restricted with my man.  See you tomorrow 

His hands and arms are paining him so I call the surgery at 8.15, no appointment left.  They know me so well by now that they kindly offer to call if there is a cancellation,  this happens and he's just come back but at the moment we are no further forward apart from steroids again.  Joe rings as he was there too, his hands are bad so they've taken bloods, do we not get the same treatment because of the cancer?  We're now waiting to see if a GP can help as we've only seen the practice nurse.  An appointment for the 21st September arrives to see the Mc Millan nurse, he says he's not going if it's just for a chat with someone he hasn't seen for months!  So another phone call and it's for the result of a scan that we haven't got an appointment for yet  I've been finishing Ella's cardigan but I've a feeling she's not going to like it as it's knitted up quite large!  I'm giving up knitting I don't enjoy it like I did and the bigger they get the worse my concoctions look, babies seem to be my fort'e.  I've just put wine in to chill, I need a glass as it's been a pretty rubbish day.  See you tomorrow 

Hi Caz. Not been on for a while as I’ve been pretty rough through this Chemo. Never felt anything like I do before, so weak and low . I read your posts every day and love to feel in touch. It’s such a hard journey but I think you are stronger than you think. I do admire you and I’m sure your hubby loves you even more fore all the wonderful care you give him. Some days are worse than others but none are good at the moment. I’ve got stomach troubles and now got mouth ulcers. Been for Pet Scan yesterday and will know result on Monday . Chemo number 4 is next Tuesday. Just one more to go after that on the 14 th August. Hope then I can start getting stronger and some hair back and be me again. Enjoy your glass of wine. Another thing to look forward to. Can’t taste a thing at the mo. Sorry I’ve rambled on but it’s good to chat. Hoping your husbands arms and hands start to feel less painful soon. Going through enough without that on top. Lots of hugs xx

Well I've cleaned some horrible things up in my time but today took the biscuit ! On Sunday when I was having coffee and my pastry a bird flew through the conservatory door, or I thought it had.  I pulled all the furniture out, inspected the window ledge, down the back of the chairs, nothing, so I put it down to an optical illusion, thinking it had hit one window and bounced off another.  So today I could still smell the cabbage casserole /sludge on the field mix and decided to track the smell.  I found it.  A bird had flown in but had gone between the pictures and it's stand and over the past four days had disintegrated into the wooden window sill.  I'll spare you the gory details but I was nearly sick cleaning it up!!  The surgery has just called and hubby is seeing a GP next week to see if he can have injections whilst he's there having his tennis elbow syringed, the joys of cancer and getting old are never ending.   I've done two hours in the garden today cutting roses back and overgrown plants due to all the sun, it's like a jungle around the chairs and kept getting tangled in my hair!  I'm done for the day, had a lovely shower and resting for the rest of the day. Xx

The steroids are working and he wants to take me to town.  I meet Mary, she looks exhausted and is worried about Joe, he's just had borh shoulders injected and seems a little better.  We're both sick to death of having the, how is he today conversation! !  Mine seems quite upbeat today and holds my hand whilst he drives back home.  I treat myself to a French manicure on both my hands and feet so I feel a little bit more like myself for when everyone arrives.  I've bought Sue some Laura Ashley home goods for her birthday a bargain in the sale!  Lisa texts to say she's hungover from going to the village pub with all the other Mums to celebrate the kids last day at the village school, I ask her if that's allowed, she's her Mother's daughter alright!   Two more days of peace and quuet, before the onslaught.