Had really bad news today. I have extensive spread in nodes and the cancer has also metastasized to my brain. Gosh this is scary - hubby and I are numb! X
Hi Lorraine (sorry to barge in on your thread Max - keeping you in my thoughts as always lovely lady).
Sorry to hear your weather been so bad - sounds like kiddies paradise for snowmen but nightmare for anyone else. Roll on Spring for you. How are you doing just now? Best wishes Jules xxx
Hi Jules, I'm actually not feeling that badly right now physically, but emotionally, I'm stressed about what's to come. I see my lung surgeon in June and my urologist around May. Neither doctor was very optimistic when I saw them last. The lung surgeon said she can't do anymore surgery on my lung and has no doubts that the cancer will be coming back there. The urologist said I would have my bladder out in the not too distant future. That surgery is huge for women as they have to take pretty much everything out of the abdominal area including the uterus, tubes, cervix, part of the vagina, and part of the colon, along with the bladder. I did speak with one woman who had the surgery and she is much younger than I am and she said it took a lot out of her. If I was only looking at the bladder removal, I likely wouldn't be as concerned, but to go through that surgery and then have the cancer come back in my lung, doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. I'll have to take a good long look at that one before I decide.
That's my dilemna right now, but enough about me; how are you managing these days Jules? I know it takes a long time to readjust your life after the loss you've had, but I hope you can at least see a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course your life has changed forever and you never fully recover after such a loss. My wish for you is that you are able to find peace and contentment on your new path, even though you will take that journey without your life partner. Take care my friend and perhaps after we dig out from all this snow, (80 cm) I'll be a little clearer on decisions that I will have to make in the not too distant future.
It must be emotionally exhausting after such a long journey to still be facing 'what are the options' conversations but really do hope that when you have your next appointment (one decision at a time!) the outlook may be a bit brighter. The surgery keeps knocking the stuffing out of you I am sure but in the end your heart will rule your head (it so often does) and I know you will go a long the road that will bring you the best quality of life.
As my thread says my journey continues - its a different life for me now but one I need to get the most from. Have the joys of the grandchildren and still working part time and am looking foward to the better weather. Am not one for sitting around indoors so have got into a routine on the days when I am not working which takes me out for a couple of hours walking in the local area. Am continuing my social life with great friends support and am lucky to have both my children living locally so am around if they need me (all dealing with the grieving process in our own way but very much mutually supportive). Next small hurdle is in a couple of weeks which would have been hubby's birthday but on the positive side have five day break with the family to Dorset during the Easter hols to enjoy. Like you say hoping better weather brings a brighter outlook. Take care and sending supportive hug.Jules xx
As I was posting to Lorraine on your thread just wanted to wish you a peaceful weekend and hope the sun shines for you. Am sure all the family being kept busy with wedding plans and hope your latest round of treatment is not causing too many yucky moments. Sending hugs.Jules xx
Hi Bill ......... How fabulous to hear from you, I often wonder how you are!!! Thank you for your kind words, it was such a shock to receive this news back at the end of last year but I have come to terms with things a lot more since that time. In February I had cyberknife treatment to the brain tumour and time will tell if it has ablated it. The scans cannot differentiate between dead tissue and a tumour apparently but the brain swelling had gone, plus the area was no bigger, so the surgeon is hoping that is a good indication at this early stage. I feel a lot better too which is also a good indication - conversing verbally was becoming quite difficult, as was dealing with noise generally. I am now due to have more treatment on 2 liver tumours - so I am hanging on in there and still having the chemo, generally I feel okay which is good.
Life must have been pretty difficult for you and your family since losing dear Carrie. How are you doing Bill and how are the family and grandchildren coping? Cant tell you how pleased I am to hear from you - and just wish they still had the private messaging facility on the site, a lot of us miss it! Take good care of yourself my friend x
To me Max you truly are in every word a inspiration to me and I believe so many others on this site and wish you only the happiness and good health you truly deserve. I am as you enquire still very raw as far as emotions and have good days and bad days but in general I have survived as they say.The grandchildren are doing ok Max under the circumstances and their has been no disruptions in their school life etc which I was worried about in truth.My life has changed forever Max but I am so thankful Carrie was part of my life and the time we shared together when here as those sentiments are shared by so many others who have lost a loved one.I will speak with you again Max and like yourself have had you in my thoughts and will continue to do so.
After all you have been through - I think inspirational sums you up pretty well Bill! I am so glad you have 'survived' as you say and can only imagine how difficult it must be to adapt to your 'new normal'. I too am glad the children have coped well and it must be wonderful to be with them knowing that they are a part of Carrie. To hear you are having good days as well as bad is a comfort to me Bill and you know that I and many others here send you much love and strength to help you cope over the years to come. Drop in now and again to say Hi - and take good care x
