Hi Jensterf,  I have spoken to you on another thread of yours before and you have also posted on my thread

I do understand about the dreaming and hot sweats, it has been similar for me.  I wondered where your Mum passed away as for me it seemed to make a difference. After my Dad passed away 5 months ago I had vivid images of the night he died.  He actually died at home peacefully but we had to wait 6 hours for an on-call doctor and I sat with him, that was followed by the undertaker taking him away.  I kept thinking about that image and the empty hospital bed the following day.  When Mum was diagnosed I was boardering on hysterical at the thought of going through it at home again, and whenever a hospital bed was mentioned I burst into tears. Mum actually went into a hospice the day before she died, the image of seeing her there was totally a different one, the hospice was very peaceful, but then I had to contend with the fact that I hadn't actually been with her when she passed (had gone home that evening).  The hot sweats are basically like panic attacks and I have had them too.  Basically I think it is our bodies just going into overload, the thought of starting another day is enormous.

Everybody tells me time is a great healer and I'm sure that is true, so I am just going with whatever emotions turn up whenever they turn up, I'm not blocking anything out.  I have found an old hypnotherapy relaxation tape which helps me.  Sorry I'm probably waffling on but what I'm trying to say is that I am sure what you are experiencing is completely normal, grief is different for everybody, we just have to try and find ways to relax inbetween the waves of emotions.  Take care.  Hope x

Hi hope, my mum passed away at her home she was adamant she didn't want to go back in hospital. It all happened so quick one minute I was downstairs drinking tea then my auntie shouted me up as my mums breathing became very erratic. She began to rattle. The nurse come but didnt seem too concerned as she had a dose of morphine a couple of hours before. My mum didnt open her eyes until her last breath and just looked at my brother and myself. It's funny because my partner was in the room at the time and has to tell me what happened as I can only remember bits. It's funny how the mind can block things out. I have had a few nights sleep where I've had 8 hours but most nights I get around 4. I'm just trying to stay positive and remember my mum isn't in pain anymore. How are you doing? Xxxx

Hi hope, my mum passed away at her home she was adamant she didn't want to go back in hospital. It all happened so quick one minute I was downstairs drinking tea then my auntie shouted me up as my mums breathing became very erratic. She began to rattle. The nurse come but didnt seem too concerned as she had a dose of morphine a couple of hours before. My mum didnt open her eyes until her last breath and just looked at my brother and myself. It's funny because my partner was in the room at the time and has to tell me what happened as I can only remember bits. It's funny how the mind can block things out. I have had a few nights sleep where I've had 8 hours but most nights I get around 4. I'm just trying to stay positive and remember my mum isn't in pain anymore. How are you doing? Xxxx

Hi Jensterf, I hope your sleeping improves, it is really the same for me too, sometimes I'm so tired and exhausted I fall asleep downstairs on the settee but when I go to bed I usually keep waking.  It is still early days, funeral was only Monday and this whole year has been so traumatic.  Everybody tells me to be kind to myself so I'm tryng and hope you can do the same.  At least your Mum got her wish of not returning to hospital and as you say is no longer in pain.  It is such a surreal feeling isn't it?  I'm not entirely sure I've really accepted it yet. I guess all our feelings/experiences are just normal parts of grieving. Take care and keep posting. Hope x

Hello Jen,

Your description of the last time you saw your Mum has reminded me of when my Nana died from breast cancer.  I was only about eight years old but although I wasn't in the room with her when she died my sister and I were called into her bedroom to see her for the last time.  I remember that she opened her eyes and looked at me but she was so full of morphine that there was no recognition in her eyes.  Also my sister was with my Dad when he died but unfortunately I was travelling to the hospice when he started to deteriorate and I was still two hundred miles away when it happened. She has never spoken about it and to be honest I think it would help her if she described what happened like you just did.

Your sleep pattern will improve in time and you are right to keep reminding yourself that your Mum is not in pain anymore.

Sleep tight.

Garf.