Hi everyone I just needed some help. Ever since my mum passed away I have been dreaming each night about the night she passed away. I sometimes wake up crying or having hot sweats. Is this normal? X
Sorry for the short reply yesterday but maybe I can offer a little more help today.
Having lost my Dad last year and experienced many dreams about him it sounds to me that the dreams you are having are perfectly normal. In fact it was only a couple of days ago that I dreamt Dad and I were having a drink in a pub to celebrate him finishing his treatment and being told that he no longer had cancer. Of course I woke up to the reality of him being gone and then felt just as bad as the day he died.
Your profile says that you lost your Mum recently and I am guessing you loved her very much so in all honesty I wouldn't worry about these dreams and waking in the middle of the night at all. Losing someone so close is a very difficult thing to deal with and we all cope in different ways. Just take things one day at a time and I am sure that in time your dreams will become less frequent although you will still miss her very much.
Please keep in touch and update us on how you are doing. Also come here and write your thoughts and emotions as it really does help.
Sorry I didn't reply last night, I was so tired. I am glad that Garf has responded to you for he too knows what it's like to lose someone.
I think my answer to your question is when we lose someone we love, there really is no normal. For to be honest, life will never be quite the same again and losing someone leaves a big hole in our lives. We all react differently and try to deal with our loss in any way we can. Don't be afraid of crying for it's natures safety valve that allows us to release the emotions that naturally build up inside us at time like this. With regard to the dreams, I think it may be that the loss of your mother has had such a big impact on you, and is probably a result of the fact you are constantly thinking about what happened.
As Garf has said, please keep posting for we all are in need of support at times like this.
Thankyou Brian and garf. I do think about my mum all day so it makes sense that I'm going to have dreams like this. I find things are becoming much hard as more time passes as its so evident my mum is no longer here. Thanks again for the king words love Jen x
Sorry to hear that you lost your Mum to this awful disease. For me it was my Dad a little over a year ago. Just wanted to say I can totally relate to your post. For me I did not have night 'nightmares' about my Dad, but more images and scenes circling endlessly round my head - making thinking straight during the day or concentrating on work or anything else pretty difficult. The only way I could get them out was by writing them down (this site was great) and speaking about my Dad to anyone who would listen (I also went to the GP and got a course of antidepressants as I felt pretty low for a while). I think losing someone to cancer is very traumatic and my theory is that until you can get past the trauma you experienced (and for me lots and lots of anger at this disease taking your parent away), you cant move forward to just missing someone you loved very much. Anyway, I am no expert, this is just how it felt for me. I do hope you can get a better nights sleep soon. Kathryn
How are you doing now, a few days on after your post? I would say that what you are experiencing is very normal. Since losing my Mum in May, I have found that the nights are the absolute worst times. During the day, there are things to distract you and keep your mind from constantly thinking about your loss (not that it ever fully goes away of course). I have often described to people how I feel I have a protective barrier around me that stops the grief ripping me apart. But I do not sleep well either, and often if I do get to sleep, I will jolt awake in the night and find that barrier has disappeared completely and just feel so awful. I have never been a panicky person, but the only way I can describe what I feel is like a panic attack, where I just feel a flood of emotions and my heart races with the pain of not having Mum anymore. Normally, by the morning it has eased again, but it is horrible whilst it lasts.
As horrible as it is, I suppose I just accept that this is all part of what we have gone through and is another form of grief that will eventually find its place along with all the other emotions. I am not an expert on grief, but I think it comes in so many forms, and have accepted that I do not know what the next stage will feel like, so am just trying to go with whatever it throws at me. I am not sure if I can give you any advice, other than that when the worst thoughts are going through my mind, I do find it helps to try and refocus my mind on happier memories of Mum. I also try to tell myself that as horrible it is not to have her, that will never change the fact that she was my Mum and loved me and I her etc. I find these sort of thoughts comforting and they do help beat back the horrid ones.
Take care and I hope your bad dreams stop soon, and that you can get some more restful nights.
Hi Katherine, it's funny I had the best night sleep last night and didnt dream about my mum. I did feel guilty about this. Things are starting to sink in more now. I was crying all day Saturday and couldn't snap out of it. It also is upsetting as two of my best friends haven't contacted me since mums funeral which was three months ago. I feel so alone as my mum was my best friend who I could talk to about anything. I do have cousins but they live far away. I'm trying to stay positive but sometimes it's hard especially in work sometimes when I hear someone complaining about their mum. Or my partner calls his mum and I miss just picking up the phone to have a chat with her. Sorry for waffling xxx
Hi Jensterf, I have spoken to you on another thread of yours before and you have also posted on my thread
I do understand about the dreaming and hot sweats, it has been similar for me. I wondered where your Mum passed away as for me it seemed to make a difference. After my Dad passed away 5 months ago I had vivid images of the night he died. He actually died at home peacefully but we had to wait 6 hours for an on-call doctor and I sat with him, that was followed by the undertaker taking him away. I kept thinking about that image and the empty hospital bed the following day. When Mum was diagnosed I was boardering on hysterical at the thought of going through it at home again, and whenever a hospital bed was mentioned I burst into tears. Mum actually went into a hospice the day before she died, the image of seeing her there was totally a different one, the hospice was very peaceful, but then I had to contend with the fact that I hadn't actually been with her when she passed (had gone home that evening). The hot sweats are basically like panic attacks and I have had them too. Basically I think it is our bodies just going into overload, the thought of starting another day is enormous.
Everybody tells me time is a great healer and I'm sure that is true, so I am just going with whatever emotions turn up whenever they turn up, I'm not blocking anything out. I have found an old hypnotherapy relaxation tape which helps me. Sorry I'm probably waffling on but what I'm trying to say is that I am sure what you are experiencing is completely normal, grief is different for everybody, we just have to try and find ways to relax inbetween the waves of emotions. Take care. Hope x
You appologised for waffling! Never appologise for waffling on here! I think it's a rule written in the small print when we register here.
I am glad you have been able to get some sleep although you mustn't feel guilty for it. It is just your mind's way of helping you heal although it is a very long process. It is sixteen months since Dad died but last Saturday I was crying like it had only been a week so don't feel bad about the times that you don't feel bad - if that makes sense. You will have good days and bad days but but your love for your Mum will remain constant.
I also understand how difficult it is when you say your friends have not been in touch since the funeral. Just give them some more time as they simply may not be sure how to behave around you at the moment and don't want to upset you. In the meantime you have friends here who are always willing to listen and help if they can.
