Hi everyone I just needed some help. Ever since my mum passed away I have been dreaming each night about the night she passed away. I sometimes wake up crying or having hot sweats. Is this normal? X
How are you doing now, a few days on after your post? I would say that what you are experiencing is very normal. Since losing my Mum in May, I have found that the nights are the absolute worst times. During the day, there are things to distract you and keep your mind from constantly thinking about your loss (not that it ever fully goes away of course). I have often described to people how I feel I have a protective barrier around me that stops the grief ripping me apart. But I do not sleep well either, and often if I do get to sleep, I will jolt awake in the night and find that barrier has disappeared completely and just feel so awful. I have never been a panicky person, but the only way I can describe what I feel is like a panic attack, where I just feel a flood of emotions and my heart races with the pain of not having Mum anymore. Normally, by the morning it has eased again, but it is horrible whilst it lasts.
As horrible as it is, I suppose I just accept that this is all part of what we have gone through and is another form of grief that will eventually find its place along with all the other emotions. I am not an expert on grief, but I think it comes in so many forms, and have accepted that I do not know what the next stage will feel like, so am just trying to go with whatever it throws at me. I am not sure if I can give you any advice, other than that when the worst thoughts are going through my mind, I do find it helps to try and refocus my mind on happier memories of Mum. I also try to tell myself that as horrible it is not to have her, that will never change the fact that she was my Mum and loved me and I her etc. I find these sort of thoughts comforting and they do help beat back the horrid ones.
Take care and I hope your bad dreams stop soon, and that you can get some more restful nights.
How are you doing now, a few days on after your post? I would say that what you are experiencing is very normal. Since losing my Mum in May, I have found that the nights are the absolute worst times. During the day, there are things to distract you and keep your mind from constantly thinking about your loss (not that it ever fully goes away of course). I have often described to people how I feel I have a protective barrier around me that stops the grief ripping me apart. But I do not sleep well either, and often if I do get to sleep, I will jolt awake in the night and find that barrier has disappeared completely and just feel so awful. I have never been a panicky person, but the only way I can describe what I feel is like a panic attack, where I just feel a flood of emotions and my heart races with the pain of not having Mum anymore. Normally, by the morning it has eased again, but it is horrible whilst it lasts.
As horrible as it is, I suppose I just accept that this is all part of what we have gone through and is another form of grief that will eventually find its place along with all the other emotions. I am not an expert on grief, but I think it comes in so many forms, and have accepted that I do not know what the next stage will feel like, so am just trying to go with whatever it throws at me. I am not sure if I can give you any advice, other than that when the worst thoughts are going through my mind, I do find it helps to try and refocus my mind on happier memories of Mum. I also try to tell myself that as horrible it is not to have her, that will never change the fact that she was my Mum and loved me and I her etc. I find these sort of thoughts comforting and they do help beat back the horrid ones.
Take care and I hope your bad dreams stop soon, and that you can get some more restful nights.
Hi Katherine, it's funny I had the best night sleep last night and didnt dream about my mum. I did feel guilty about this. Things are starting to sink in more now. I was crying all day Saturday and couldn't snap out of it. It also is upsetting as two of my best friends haven't contacted me since mums funeral which was three months ago. I feel so alone as my mum was my best friend who I could talk to about anything. I do have cousins but they live far away. I'm trying to stay positive but sometimes it's hard especially in work sometimes when I hear someone complaining about their mum. Or my partner calls his mum and I miss just picking up the phone to have a chat with her. Sorry for waffling xxx
