Hi everyone its been a long time since Ive been on AGAIN because the computer has been playing up AGAIN and its made me very  . could do with a new one but this time of year its an expense we can't afford! I've been reading back a few posts but it will take me forever to catch up so wondered if you could all just update me on how you are all doing!! Its lovely to be back in the community I've been on a bit of a rollercoaster last two months and am waiting for the straight jacket to arrive lol!! Seriously does anyone else get really angry!! My anger has been uncontrollable at times with me even smashing a wall and it has really upset me!!

Please be intouch

LOTS AND LOTS OF LOVE TO YOU ALL

Louise

Hi Louise

Sorry to hear you are having problems with your computer and your emotions.I dont get angry because I find it just leaves me feeling worse in the long run,plus my last treatment has damaged my heart so at the moment I cant get stressed.Waiting to see the heart specialist in 2 weeks and when he gives me a magic pill I will be fine.You have been through so much for so long.Can you have some sort of therapy or a massage or reiki treatment to help?Being on here should help to unload so rant away and let us help.No more wall hitting!!!

Stay strong

Rose xx

Hi Sara I got 6 weeks the last week is a boost week where they concentrate only where tumour was, so you may be ok with 3 as it was about 4th week mine starting getting red, everybody diff so you never know, hope you don't. Good luck. Colette x

hi rose, ladies

thank you for remembering my birthday. you too colly. i did like the idea of a pain free day. im so glad you are feeling better. i will get there one day, hopefully soon. we stayed at a friends for the night minus the little one n ended up getting quite drunk! didnt feel good yesterday at all. serves myself right i know but did have a good laugh with our dear friends.

charly starts back at playschool tomorrow n jon work, so i will start writing again n keeping my eye on you all. been so slack, tired n busy n miss you girls. no news on caz? i do hope she is ok. we are lucky that we have the right man n support from him, cant imagine how hard things are for her.

best wishes tomorrow colly n good riddance to treatment! got flu jab tomorrow, hope its ok.

be back soon. love leonie xxxxx

Hi all

I think it's about time I let you all know what is happening with me now.... first me

I had my first appointment at the reconstruction clinic last month, and it seems like there is a lot more to this than I first thought, I have an option of 2 diferent types of reconstruction...

1st... They insert expanding implands under the chest wall muscle with a tube going under my arm and a little port where they inject saline every few days to expand the muscle and the skin..... when it's expanded fully, they remove the tube and the port using local anesthetic... leave them in for 2 or 3 months to let everything settle and then another operation to remove the exandable implants and change them for proper silicone implants.

2nd option.... they place silicone implants on top of the chest wall muscle then using a sheet of muscle they have taken from my back, they lay that over the implant, and then using some skin from my back they open my scars and insert the skin to make a new breast

If the first op doesn't work they will then do the second one... the surgeon recons I have got a couple of years of surgery ahead of me

I have to go back on the 1st March and make my decision about which option I want

Now to Dave.... well he has gone.... Six weeks after my operation I found messages on his computer between him and a big busted, supposed "friend" of mine where thay were both declaring their love for each other... when I confronted them both, they both swore it was just flirting that had gone a bit too far and they said it had stopped... Dave gave me the sob story about my cancer bringing it all back about losing his mum.... and I believed him, I really did, I felt so guilty because I had got cancer and was causing him all this pain.... Well it has now all come out that they never did stop messaging each other... and he left me to be with his girlfriend.... He lied... he really was a breast man after all.

I am absoloutly devastated, because he has left me when I have all this surgery still to come.... but I think his betrayal has hurt me the most... I really trusted him

I am seeing the doctor regularly and I now have a counciler that i go to see.... every day is a struggle at the moment.......... but I'm still struggling........ and I am still here.

If two differant types of breast cancer at the same time didn't finish me off

Then he's not going to!!

But it really hurts.... at the moment I feel like I am dying inside

thank you all for your concern

Love Caz xxxxxxxxx

Hi Caz, all my love coming your way, you must be devastated by the way your husband has acted, no point in us all saying he's not worth it, but he's not babe honestly, what goes around comes around, just try and stay strong and positive and im sure you will be fine.It will be a long slog re surgery but you'll get there in the end, obviously a big decision as to what procedure to choose, unfortunatley ive no idea, maybe some of the other girls could advise on that.

My treatment finished today, so now its onwards and upwards for me, hopefully try and get back to some kind of normality and back to work in a couple of months. If you have facebook add me and we can talk privately colette jameson (barbour).

Love Col xx

Congratulations Colly ,at last the end is in sight.Take it easy though as it takes a long time for recovery/Hope your side effects all clear soon,some sunny weather needed now to boost your recovery.Well done,you have come through so well and helped so many others on your way.

All best things to you,

Rose xxx

Oh darling Caz,

I really thought he would have second thoughts and change his mind but these revelations are so bad.I cannot even begin to think of what to say to you,you have so much hurt to deal with,but at least I suppose you now know that it is definitely over and not your fault but the betrayal is beyond comprehension. Grieve for him as you would any loss but dont let them destroy your life any more.

I had the first option you mentioned.It is not a very painful procedure and you can choose the size to stop at .I think it will be better that you are having both done together as matching one to a natural breast is not easy and mine are different sizes especially now that I have lost weight.It may be an idea to look at the recons on the other BCCt cancer forum as the girls there have a variety of different ops .

How is you daughter bearing up?She must be such a godsend to you now.

Keep posting sweetheart,we are always here for you.

Stay strong,

Rose xxx

Hi to you all I was going to star a new thread but you all know my situation and probably noticed that I  haven't been on forquite a few weeks. When things are running smooth I tend to not login as much which now makes me feel a little selfish because I haven't been there for all of you and I do apologise for that and hope that you can forgive me!

I will try to keep it short and will just try to bring you up todate bbut you will have probably gathered at the end of it there is a little bit of bad news.

Anyway had a lovely Christmas and Nigel proposed to me on Christmas day it was so lovely and even though we have spoke about marriage unexpected. The ring was tied round one of our dogs necks with a tag asking me to marry him. I was so emotional and all four children were crying and Oliver  said we can be a proper family!! (Nigel is stepdad to Sophie Alice and Oliver after my first husband died nearly 5 years ago) isn't it funny how little ones think things that we don't realise. So a lovely Christmas was had by all and we were away for my birthday and the New Year and were so confident that 2011 was going to be exciting and relatively healthy.

Then at the back of my mind I knew I had my results from I scan I had on the 5 January. I'd had the scan because I had been having a lot of pain in my right leg and they just wanted t check what was happening. Well the results hav shown a change in my liver. The consultants words were a subtle change but in the wrong direction. I have been taking tamoxifen since september and have also had two zoladex injections and when this was started he was confident that he could keep the mets under control for  good time we are only 3mths down the line and already a progression. Iam going to be starting chemo again on wednesday but this time tablet form and side effects are not as intense. Again the consultant is confident that this should do a good job and even though I haven't been given a timescale I'm finding it hard to get back to my positiveness and to get my head round it. I've felt very low and scared and therefore here I am!!!!

I send my love to you all wether you are in a good or bad place and again apologise for not being on giving support to you all. Its made me realise how much I need you all!!!!!!!

Love Lou

n

Oh Lou,

Stop appologising,you were one of the first people to support me on here and its not how often you come here just as long as you do !

Not good news but dont forget the wonderful things happening with these chemos now..On Ovarian cancer Dot had the wonderful news before Christmas that the mets to her lung has gone with her latest chemo so a new blast may be what you need to zap this thing.Not what you want but hopefully the end result will be worth it.You have been through so much I kinow more treatment is daunting but You WILL DO THIS.What chemo will you be on?

Wonderful news about the proposal,thank goodness for these fellas even though we give them a hard time sometimes.

Let us know how thing are and all the luck in the world to you and your lovely family.

Rose xxx

hi lou

like rose said there is no need to apologise cos i am sure you have helped many people on this site and we all need a little time out so dont worry about it and i am sure your positiveness will return, that was a nice touch from nigel with the dog and i bet there wasnt a dry eye in the house so i hope you have a great future together and it just the inspiration you need so once again good luck to you all.

    jeff        hugz to you all x

oh lou im so sorry to hear your news. something so nice happens n then this brings back all the worry again. im glad the tablet form wont make you as bad as the other chemo. but so unfair you have to go through it again. you will have to let us know how long you will have to take it for n how it makes you feel. will you keep your hair this time? im so sorry. good luck starting your new treatment, am sure we all will be thinking of you n wishing you well. congratulations to you n yours, really do wish you all the very best.

love leonie xxxxx

oh lou im so sorry to hear your news. something so nice happens n then this brings back all the worry again. im glad the tablet form wont make you as bad as the other chemo. but so unfair you have to go through it again. you will have to let us know how long you will have to take it for n how it makes you feel. will you keep your hair this time? im so sorry. good luck starting your new treatment, am sure we all will be thinking of you n wishing you well. congratulations to you n yours, really do wish you all the very best.

love leonie xxxxx