Hi everyone its been a long time since Ive been on AGAIN because the computer has been playing up AGAIN and its made me very  . could do with a new one but this time of year its an expense we can't afford! I've been reading back a few posts but it will take me forever to catch up so wondered if you could all just update me on how you are all doing!! Its lovely to be back in the community I've been on a bit of a rollercoaster last two months and am waiting for the straight jacket to arrive lol!! Seriously does anyone else get really angry!! My anger has been uncontrollable at times with me even smashing a wall and it has really upset me!!

Please be intouch

LOTS AND LOTS OF LOVE TO YOU ALL

Louise

Hi Louise

Sorry to hear you are having problems with your computer and your emotions.I dont get angry because I find it just leaves me feeling worse in the long run,plus my last treatment has damaged my heart so at the moment I cant get stressed.Waiting to see the heart specialist in 2 weeks and when he gives me a magic pill I will be fine.You have been through so much for so long.Can you have some sort of therapy or a massage or reiki treatment to help?Being on here should help to unload so rant away and let us help.No more wall hitting!!!

Stay strong

Rose xx

Hi Rose, its sat my birthday, but thanks very much. I did mention using aloe vera but hosp really against it, they only want me using simple soap and aqueous creme, until at least 2 weeks after treatment is finished, cant believe how quickly my treatment has went by, im blessed to have been in touch with so many nece people on this forum xxx

hi nina

just wanted to say no 5 was my worst time, n was when i started this page. so glad i did. it might help if you go back to the beginning of this thread. it might help you understand more about the way you are feeling. wish i had a magic wand. or a cure would do!

feeling sad myself n fed up with it all n bit teary. n my chemo finished months ago. roll on january n the end of chemo.

lots of love leonie xxxx

Hi Colly

many happy returns for tomorrow, hope you get to celebrate in style, dont forget to post a pic when you get your first hair cut, its so exciting hearing how well you are doing, and dont feel guilty because this site is not just to share our sorrows, we all love to hear how well people are doing as it gives everyone hope, god bless you and may you have a wonderful christmas xxxxxxxx

beautiful, truly beautiful and I have loved looking at your gallery, your an inspiration to others.

Lots of love

lee xxxx

Hi there Rose

so glad to hear your feeling a little better, onwards and upwards I say!  you really are an amazing lady you give so much strength to everyone even when you are struggling yourself, if angels walked the earth you would definitely be one of them, have a wonderful christmas and a healthy new year.

Lots of love Lee xxxxxx

Dearest Caroline

my heart goes out to you, you really are so brave and kind, finding time to wish others well even though you are struggling yourself, your journey has been a difficult one but these hard times will not last forever and your right...go get some answers! I am amazed these doctors havnt been more helpfull.

Sara my sweet, take comfort in the fact you are not alone, there are literally thousands of us out there feeling the same way and a good old cry does you the world of good, but remember when you have finished...wash you face, put on a bit of lippy and pat yourself on the back because you are an amazing woman...and thats a fact!!

I would like to wish you all boys and girls a wonderful christmas and lets make 2011 OUR YEAR

All my love

lee xxxxxxxxxx

Hi Lee, Thanks babe, going to have a fairly quiet birthday with John, his sis and her husban, just a chinese in house and a few drinks as John on his works night out tonight so doubt he'll be in any state to do much more tomor nite lol. As soon as my hair is cut and coloured I'll post a pic. Merry Xmas and Happy New Year. Colette xx

Lonie,

You do have a magic wand...it is this forum...you started this thread and it is helping us all in their hundreds....thank-you.

Sara.. yes there are loads of beautiful baldies out there, you only have to look at Lee, Tinks and Shents pictures...also remember star-trek, Yes Sinead O'Connor, Demi Moore, Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) and African Mersi tribes woman who's culture is to have a bald head and who look perfectly natural and beautiful (although the disk in the bottom lip is not my thing)... It is the confidence and strength to just say I am Bald and proud, no different to blokes that lose their hair and lose confidence...shave it off I say and just don't have a comb-over... I hope no one takes offence at my words as absolutely none intended, after all I am just a bloke and what do I know...

Scoffy, try a blog...

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Much Love to all,

Tony xxxx

awwww Tony, you cheered me up absolutely no end! I not only looked at my little stubble this mornng but found as mad as it sounds, without so much eyebrow now it actually looks ok. I went to the hospital with my snoody type hat over my beanie - that really was a first - i am never seen without the wig outside my four walls.

I booked look better- but looks like i won't get a place untl March. I am inpatient too, but never mind, i find my inspiration here and i am just so amazed at how we all complain about our appearance. yet, when i flicked back through here today, i saw so many beautiful faces. It made me realise how true what you all say is. it isn't until the superficial is removed- long glorious hair and eyelashes that we see the real person,  and oh boy just as beautiful on the outside as on the inside.

It was snowing at the hospital friday, mike came back in with a white snow cap and did make me giggle. How lovely though to be driving with large blizzard snow flakes reflecting off the christmas lights. shame it causes so much disruption, hope you are all coping ok.

Nina, i comletely understand how you feel, i threw a wobbly today feeling things should be done but hadn't been and then tried doing them myself to prove a point, then woosh back down to resting and exhuastion. dont be so hard on yourself, or those around you, you know how you would be behaving and reacting if you were watching and caring for seomeon in the same position as you. just know we are all here to listen and then kick your backside back into positives just like you do for all of us.

there are so many wishes and personal messages i wanted to say - but i'd be here forever and feel wooshed, so jusst wanted to say thinking of you all, love and hugs

sara xxxxxxx

Hi girls,

Invite for a cyber drink on off topic if anyone wants to join in.

Rose xxx

Hi girls,

Invite for a cyber drink on off topic if anyone wants to join in.

Rose xxx

Hello everybody

Well I finally got some answers.... the reason one side is swollen and one side is dented is.... because the Lobular cancer (right breast) was so deep they removed some of the muscle from my chest wall, if they hadn't done that, both sides would be the same.

I went to the reconstruction clinic yesterday and now have my options.. I have to make a choice but the surgeon has told me that its going to be a very long process with lots of surgeries... but I guess it will be worth it in the long run.

As if I haven't got enough on my plate... My husband is leaving me.... He suffers from severe depression due to losing his mum to breast cancer at the age of 8.... and me having to deal with it all has pushed him over the edge, so he is leaving me... he is staying for christmas (because of my daughter) and he is moving out on 30th December.... so every day is torture at the moment.

I don't know how much more I can cope with.

So Yes Rose... I will join you in that drink.... I think I need it.

I hope that everybody has a brilliant Christmas and a very happy new year

Love always

Caroline. Xxx

darlin caroline

you have so much to deal with al our love and prayers are with u . I know this sounds harsh but if he is weak u r better off without YOU need to be the focus, the centre of attention , u r in no position to deal with his issues. I hope that doesnt sound heartless but sometime s u need to think of yourself. do u have family around ? remember helplines and here if u need to vent any feelings xxxx

not only cyber drink but a great big one xxxxxx

cheers to u love and hugs

love nina xxxxxx

Hi   Rose

I   would love to join you in a small tipple, so I shall raise my glass now to you and all the lovely ladies and gentlemen on this site and wish you all a very merry christmas and a happy HEALTHY new year xxxxxxxxxxxxx   

     Dearest Caroline, words fail me right now, just when I think people can't stoop any lower someone like your husband comes along and does this.

Sadness fills me right now as you are such a wonderful and beautiful lady who deserves so much better.

I pray he will see sense and stand strong by your side and if not then I pray god gives you the strength to get through these difficult times., Im sending you much love and know this! - you have a strong network of cyber friends out here rooting for you and sending you much love and great big cyber hugs.

I shall raise my glass to you Caroline and wish you with all my heart a merry christmas and a happy healthy new year xxxxxxxxxxxx

Caroline, I'm so sad to hear this news, I really hope you're ok babe, youre in my thoughts and prayers, chin up, love to you and your daughter, I hope you have a lovely Christmas for you and her. Sorry don't know what else to say xx

Dear Caroline

I am truly so sorry to hear this news, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your daughter. 

I wish everyone a very happy Christmas and an even healthier new year.

I will raise a glass to you all over the Christmas and you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Much love

Anne

x

OH !!!!!*******++F<>****   This is just too much Caz !!!

Your head must be a total jumble.Words fail me,which as you know is not like me.Stay in there babes,we will always be here when you need to scream and shout.I will make sure yours is a double.

Speak soon sweatheart.

Rose xxx

dear caroline

I just wanted to post you my good wishes as it is surely a hell of a storm that has decended on your head.I chose not to have reconstruction partly because i felt there was a limit to what i could cope with and its not like you cant change your mind further down the line.I hope when your man has had some time away he will realise what a bad choice he is making and how lucky he is to have you and frankly if he dosent you are well rid of him.

caroline,  take heart.  About five maybe six years ago, on losing my dad and having saved a lot of money for a house, i thought i had everything, good man good life and blah blah with just sadness nursing my sister through cancer having just lost dad.  One morning, out of the blue, a day we were going to view the house we wanted, he threw a fit so to speak, accused my son of stealing sseveral hundred pounds out of his wallet and walked out.  The kids and i were devasted. I went to peices. I found out a few weeks later, he had taken personal sentitmental stuff from the house and a huge huge wad from the savings account and there was nothing i could do about it. He hadn't paid rent for more than six months, nor council tax and they were all in my name, but all i was eveer told was that everything was under control and up to date. more fool me for not checking. Anyway, after a period of depression, i came through and had a new outlook.  I really thought i was made up for life and we SEEMED to be so much in love after five years that it took a fair while to get over the emotional stuff.  however, a friend said to me that although i had been treated bad, the second person in my life was better than the first and the third better than the second. She said that we only learn as we progress.  When i was still thousands and thousands of pounds in debt, a single parent with four kids, one with chronic asthma in and out of hosp and one with aspergers, i thought life would never get better. But you know what, i kept plodding on and here i am today with many blessings.  I have a guy i have been with for five years through thick and thin, he drives me mad sometimes but no matter what gets thrown at us, he is there, supports the kids, keeps us sane and focused, and he even went to work to pay my bills! The children grew and went off and did their own things, the asthma greatly improved and my son sorted his life out. I then got beautiful grandchildren.

The emotional feelings - scars, fears, treatments and all of that on top of this awful news must be so difficult for you right now.  But as always out of the dark comes a light, and here you have a whole bunch of people who will help you every step of the way to building a NEW and BRIGHTER future as and when you feel ready to take small steps.  When life gets that bloody rotten, there is only one way to go, and that is onwards and upwards, and there are so many hands reaching to you right now and so many cyber hugs and warm wishes - you must remember that at all times and come talk when you need.

So I don't say merry christmas to you Caz, because I know it won't be no matter how hard you try, but i will say that 2011 will change you and your life, and believe me, it can better and brighter than you ever thought possible as you put 2010 and its crap behind you.

Thinking of you.

Sara xx

Hi to everyone,

Couldn't not sign in today becasue you were all on my mind, just wanted to wish you all a very merry christmas!!!

Lots of love to you all

sara x