Hi everyone its been a long time since Ive been on AGAIN because the computer has been playing up AGAIN and its made me very  . could do with a new one but this time of year its an expense we can't afford! I've been reading back a few posts but it will take me forever to catch up so wondered if you could all just update me on how you are all doing!! Its lovely to be back in the community I've been on a bit of a rollercoaster last two months and am waiting for the straight jacket to arrive lol!! Seriously does anyone else get really angry!! My anger has been uncontrollable at times with me even smashing a wall and it has really upset me!!

Please be intouch

LOTS AND LOTS OF LOVE TO YOU ALL

Louise

Hi Louise

Sorry to hear you are having problems with your computer and your emotions.I dont get angry because I find it just leaves me feeling worse in the long run,plus my last treatment has damaged my heart so at the moment I cant get stressed.Waiting to see the heart specialist in 2 weeks and when he gives me a magic pill I will be fine.You have been through so much for so long.Can you have some sort of therapy or a massage or reiki treatment to help?Being on here should help to unload so rant away and let us help.No more wall hitting!!!

Stay strong

Rose xx

Hi Runningdrums, I personally think it takes a very special kind of person to pull off fancy dress wigs and funky scarves and unfortunately im not one of those people, i dont like people looking at me when wearing scarves and feeling sorry for me,whilst wearing the scarves i think it makes you look like a cancer patient, during summer months i wore funky little skip hats from monsoon, i must admit i spent a lot on little hats, good on your partner for having the guts to do it. Colly x

My darling Sara, I know how you feel and no ammount of reassurance will make you feel more attractive and confident at this moment in time, all I can say to you is ....it will pass. and you will get stronger I had such beautiful long blonde thick curly hair before the dreaded chemo and now as you see by my photo Im simply an egg head! however this last week 7 weeks after finishing chemo I have noticed a soft baby like growth covering my head and my eyelashes and eyebrows are just starting to come back, it feels like your a stranger to yourself when you look in the mirror and you worry that people will take pity on you incl your partner, when all you want to be is that strong confident beautiful woman that you once were, but guess what ? we are the ones that have got it wrong, when you look at my picture what do you see, so you see a bald ugly woman with no eyebrows and stubby eyelashes and a wonky boob looking back at you...No! ..Why when that is what I see when i look in the mirror... do you pity me? or do you admire my strength.....what Im trying to say is how you feel about yourself is not how other people see you, I for one think you are amazing and your kindness and warm heart just leap out the page at me everytime I read your messages noone this beautiful inside could possibly be ugly on the outside..IMPOSSIBLE. you are entitled to feel down from time to time but ...not for long.no because you need to start seeing what we see then you will find the strength to get through this and get through this you will, that you can be sure of.

Im sending you as much positive love as I can,

lots of love lee xx  

Colly

Im so excited to hear your hair is coming through you must put a picture up when you have a funky haircut after christmas, you know whilst this has probably been the worst year of my life I can honestly say I feel truly blessed to have found you ladies and gents, you have all helped me through my dark times and made me smile when things got too bad, I just want to take this opportunity to thankyou all so very much from the bottom of my heart.

Lots of love Lee xx

hi all

Just to chip in with the current thread  Sara dnot be so hard on yourself we all worry about our looks but think about it we all stressed out before not realising how lucky we were !!

Lee is so right how u see yourself is really not how others see u i went to work do last week i was so self conscious by time i left i felt realy good everyone was so complimentry and caring

focus on other area get family and friends to get u some nice make up or smellies or face cream for christmas (there r loads of offers out there it really does help

look in the back of your make up drawer and find that eye shadow palette that u never used and try some new colours ! this is a time we can do what we want !!

we r all so with u on this

girls on selfish note although i have 2 more chemos my hair seems to b growing a bit its furry and too much grey for my liking but should i shave it so that it better quality later ?i am scared in case it itchy ??it looks very very odd when it does come back i will be coluring it as soon as able !!

i so agree u lot r such a life line we are all very cool people we can do this

love and hugs xxxxx

nina

ps tryin to be brave goin to black tie xmas party 2nite long dress the works very nervous about it !1but i am going to do this!!wish me luck will let u know xxx

Right back at you Lee You have given so much lovely advice on here,I can remember your first post and you have never failed to be a constant source of help and lifted everyones spirits time after time.Some people touch our lives and some touch our hearts and you are certainly the latter.

Thank you for being you

Rose xx

Hi Nina

in truth i dont know what to advise about the hair, as you still have two more chemo's left I think you may aswell leave it alone and see how it is at the end of it all, the soft fuzz it what I have now but I believe it is just part of the growing process and dont believe that it will grow any faster by shaving it off, but that is just my opinion,do you have a wig cap ?its like a pop sock for your head, it helps a lot with the itchy feeling you can buy them online or from any reputable wig shop, good luck for your black tie night Im sure you will look stunning.

Lots of love lee xx

God bless you Rose, your words humble me xxxxxxxxx

hi rose

what a scary time it must of been. so glad you are feeling better now. bless the nhs n your husband. so thankfully you can breathe better but have you seen your heart doctor? is he happy with how things are now or is that another appointment? do you still need this magic pill? so glad you are ok! bring on that christmas din n pud n a wonderful christmas for you all.

treated myself yesterday, eyelashes for christmas! its so strange after such a long time. didnt realise you cant get them wet or get cream on them. this might not be as easy as i thought.

little boys been poorly for weeks but got worse again this week. its horrible isnt it? bloody asthma on a tiny chest is so wrong. my eldest turned 14 this week also. oh my god, cant believe ive had kids for that long. typical, none of his birthday pressys turned up so that ended up costing more. still havent arrived the poor thing.

i think  we will all meet up next year when everyone is well enough. i'd like our tony there as im sure we all will. im cornwall anyway ladies. been thinking of you all with that snow, especially you in scotland. dont know how you cope with the cold.

lots of love leonie xxxxxxxx

Hi Lonie,

Breathingbetter now thanks no need to see the original doc as the emergency treatment has hopefully sorted it all.Really wierd watching your heart being sorted while you sit there but I like things like that so it was a fascinating experience.

My brother used to get terrible asthma,itis really distressing.He was taken off all dairy and given goats milk which really helped but it is a hard one to pinpoint.

Must have been so annoying for you when the prezzies didnt turn up when you try so hard to get things right for them .Are you able to walk better now?You had terrible side effects but always battled through ,you need a string of good luck now.We shall all arrange a day and time over Christmas and raise a glass to all of us for 2011

Take good care lovely girl

Rose xxx

Hi Colly and Sarah. My lowest moment was when i lost my hair, eyebrows eyelashes etc but now i look back and realise my hair loss was one of my defining moments. I tried the wigs but like you say they can get itchy, i wore a lot of scarves, cheap ones from Primark or off the market and didn't tie them too elaborately - that can look a bit like 'I've got cancer' A lot of people thought I was just wearing scarves as a fashion accessory and had no idea that I was having chemo or had no hair. Have a look at my album called My Hair Journey in these photos only one picture is of my real hair, even the black hair is a wig (a £7.99 party wig at that!!) As for the cost of chemo chic, well as I said I bought all my stuff from cheap shops at no more than £2 for a scarf, which meant I could have lots to match all my outfits. I know you say you can't afford make up, but have you heard of Look Good Feel Better? It's a national charity supported by the cosmetics industry, they run workshops at most hospitals and you get to have a complete makeover and experiment with loads of products. they hlep you to make the most of your new look and at the end of the day you take home about £400 worth of cosmetics all free! This photo is me after my makeover,

I had no eyebrows and only one or two lashes but felt like a million dollars. That was the only time I wore my scarf plaited round my head but I still think I looked great and I know I felt wonderful. We all need a confidence boost, so have an experiement at Chemo Chic and try a few things out, you might be surprised and like me find that you quite like your new look!! If you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask me as this is a real passion of mine - I've been there, I know how it feels but I know that I overcame it too. Hope it helps and lots of love xx

[[]]

Hi Colly and Sarah. My lowest moment was when i lost my hair, eyebrows eyelashes etc but now i look back and realise my hair loss was one of my defining moments. I tried the wigs but like you say they can get itchy, i wore a lot of scarves, cheap ones from Primark or off the market and didn't tie them too elaborately - that can look a bit like 'I've got cancer' A lot of people thought I was just wearing scarves as a fashion accessory and had no idea that I was having chemo or had no hair. Have a look at my album called My Hair Journey in these photos only one picture is of my real hair, even the black hair is a wig (a £7.99 party wig at that!!) As for the cost of chemo chic, well as I said I bought all my stuff from cheap shops at no more than £2 for a scarf, which meant I could have lots to match all my outfits. I know you say you can't afford make up, but have you heard of Look Good Feel Better? It's a national charity supported by the cosmetics industry, they run workshops at most hospitals and you get to have a complete makeover and experiment with loads of products. they hlep you to make the most of your new look and at the end of the day you take home about £400 worth of cosmetics all free! This photo is me after my makeover,

I had no eyebrows and only one or two lashes but felt like a million dollars. That was the only time I wore my scarf plaited round my head but I still think I looked great and I know I felt wonderful. We all need a confidence boost, so have an experiement at Chemo Chic and try a few things out, you might be surprised and like me find that you quite like your new look!! If you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask me as this is a real passion of mine - I've been there, I know how it feels but I know that I overcame it too. Hope it helps and lots of love xx

[[]]

You should enter that photo into a contest!

Hello

As you have probably guessed by now, I am having a really hard time at the moment

Sara.... I do know how you feel honey, no matter what anybody tells me, I feel like a total freak, my hair is short (I know I'm lucky to still have hair) I have two horrible scars on my chest where my breasts should be, one side i have a dent and the other side is swollen and the hospital keeps fobbing me off...... I got so low that the doctor has sent me for counciling.... I've only been twice, but they made me realise that I am allowed to give myself a break...

Allow yourself to cry Sara, allow yourself to feel sorry for yourself.... you have been through so much and it's taken a toll on your mind and spirit as well as your body.

Breast cancer seems to take away our femininity, and we seem to spend all the time trying to find a way to feel feminine.......... the most feminine thing we can do is sit and cry,.... let it all out and things will seem a little better... only a little better at first...... but better none the less...... crying is the most girliest thing we can do..... You don't always have to be strong..... run a nice hot bath, put some lovely bubbles in, light a few candles, go and soak and cry your eyes out for what you have lost.... it works.... trust me, I've spent alot of time in the bath recently.

I am having a lot of personal problems at the moment which I will explain when I understand them myself

I am at the hospital tomorrow and this time i am going to get some answers...... if this was my daughter this was happening to, and 12 weeks after a double masectomy she suddenly got a swelling on one side, and the doctors said, we dont think it's anything to worry about and we don't think it's worth scanning and then sent her home... I would hit the roof and demand answers........ So why cant I do this for myself...... So tomorrow I hit the roof and demand answers

I am worth it too

I will come back and let you all know what they say

Hello to everybody else............ sorry I've not been around much, but I will be from now on

Love caz xxx

Dinky,

Absolutely stunning...I just looked at the facebook gallery and you look great...As an ex skinhead, I have a thing for ladies with shaved heads which some may think is a bit weird but hey each to their own. Those wigs are amazing too! My hair as a bloke has started to fall out although not so you would notice and I would love to know what to do...I tried a baseball cap on the other day but it just didn't look right so will have a look about...I cant see me wearing a wig.

Lee,

I love your photo, never got round to telling you that but I have now x

Leonie,

Yes I am certain I would be most offended if you all met up and didn't invite me along too...I live in Matlock but now I have a new sporty motorbike will make the excuse to go anywhere for a bit of a trip!

Caroline,

You really are struggling darling...imagine us all around you giving you a big group hug soaking up all our energy and making you feel better...make sure you comeon here and talk more so we can try and help you through this.

Much Love to all you stunning ladies out there...

Tony xxx

Hi Everyone

Firstly I would like to say I am glad we have heard from you Caroline, I was so worried as you have not been on for a while and you always use to post on here. I am so sorry you are going through a bad time I know you have not had it easy, if there is anything I can do please let me know as we are all here for you to rant at if that is what you feel like doing. PLEASE let us know how you get on tomorrow. Like Tony has said imagine we are all giving you a VERY BIG HUG.

Tony glad to see you are writing on here again, I was getting a little worried about you, how are things going I do miss our chats lol.

Dinky you look fab in your photo the scarf really suits you, I would never of been brave enough to put a picture on here as I was really down when I lost my hair, eyebrows etc but now they are all coming back as I finished Chemo in October but I do understand how we all feel when we have lost it as it is what we think makes us as a woman.

Well I have had to contact my breast nurse today as over the weekend I was really down just crying for no reason, I think now that my treatment has finished it has finally hit me and what with my marriage break-up during my treatment it was like I have had a double wammy so I think it may be time to speak to somebody, wish I had done it sooner really. Just sitting here I could cry and I know they say it's a good thing to do but how much can you do it but not feel any better. I will let you know how I get on as it might help a few other's who knows.

Well take care everyone and speak to you soon

Love to you all

Littlesis

love the photo very chemo chic

Hi Dinky

You look amazing in the photo an insperation to every one.

Thanks for sharing it

Luckyus

beautiful, truly beautiful and I have loved looking at your gallery, your an inspiration to others.

Lots of love

lee xxxx

Dearest Caroline

my heart goes out to you, you really are so brave and kind, finding time to wish others well even though you are struggling yourself, your journey has been a difficult one but these hard times will not last forever and your right...go get some answers! I am amazed these doctors havnt been more helpfull.

Sara my sweet, take comfort in the fact you are not alone, there are literally thousands of us out there feeling the same way and a good old cry does you the world of good, but remember when you have finished...wash you face, put on a bit of lippy and pat yourself on the back because you are an amazing woman...and thats a fact!!

I would like to wish you all boys and girls a wonderful christmas and lets make 2011 OUR YEAR

All my love

lee xxxxxxxxxx