Hi Col,

Yeah, the new me! I finished my chemo on 8th June and by the 9th September was brave enough to go without a bandana, it was extremely short though and needed a hat/cap on occasions because it was cold.  I had gone to London for a week, so knew nobody, which gave me a great boost to my confidence by realising that actually nobody even noticed me with hardly any hair!  The rest is history, as they say, came home and just carried on.  In fact everyone I know has told me to leave it as it is now as they really like it, and this is from people I can trust to tell me the truth and not say what I want to hear. Had the neck area trimmed a few weeks ago, but it needs a slight trim all over now just to tidy it up.  It is still very soft, bit like fur, which means when I've washed it, it's a bit like a puff ball but soon settles down.  Also have aquired some wavy bits at the back, looks a bit like its been 1920's crimped.  LOL   So today's hair has taken me about 6 months, which sounds a long time but in reality it wasn't.  The eyebrows and eyelashes came back fairly quickly, and it just didn't seem right to be pulling the eyebrow hairs as they were growing back!

Patricia x

Hi Leonie,

So sorry to hear that you didn't quite have to holiday you were hoping for, although I'm sure that getting away will have been of some benefit.  Also congrats on your 3rd wedding anniversary, hope you had a lovely evening.

So sorry to hear that your son Charly is asthmatic, my youngest had problems when he was young was really bad especially when he got a cold but as he got older he got better and now has no problems at all and hasn't had an attack or an inhaler for years. Fingers crossed that Charly also gets better.

My son has to go and see an endocrinologist end of December, his bloods came back with a bit of an imbalance of hormones so has been refered.  We both breathed a sigh of relief when they said it wasn't cancer and are now not trying to let the latest news worry us.

I'm now offically on holiday.  My last certificate finished on 9th November and was given a note to return to work.  Had a meeting with my employer on the 10th November to discuss my phased return.  Can't remember how the conversation cme round to holidays but the up shot is my holiday year goes from 1st Jan to 1st Jan and so I have a year's worth of holidays to get in, this takes me to 29th December. LOL  I will return to work on the 4th January 2011 (can't go back 30th and 31st December, no-one there!) and probably phased return then. LOL  Don't know why but eveyone seems to want to give me there Christmas card and shopping lists!

I am quite glad I didn't go back to work this week as I'm now smothered in a cold, it would have been sods law! Sitting here feeling a tad sorry for myself, although not in the same league as when going though chemo etc. in fact don't know what I'm wingeing about! LOL

Also didn't have a great day yesterday.  Helped my mum take my dad (who is virtually disabled and can't walk without a frame) to hospital for an appointment for a check-up at the eye clinic. He ended up being admitted as they discovered he has a detached retina and will need an operation!  So as you can imagine was a bit shell shocked yesterday.

Right need to go and buy some lemons and honey etc. why is it you never have to right things in when your not well?

Patricia xx

Hey Littlesis,

So sorry I have not responded - I have really been slacking on my duties on here - I will have a proper catch-up and get back into the swing of things over the next couple of days!

Catch up soon.

T xxx

hi all,

i found another blooming lump Monday evening. But, i phoned my breast care nurse on Tuesday morning and saw a consultant today 9am - very good. Anyway, i wasn't overly worried about the lump having had the mri show jusst one area which was removed. The ultra sound revealed a cyst - not only usually common but extra common after surgery. i was so impressed with the speed of the appointment so the team could reassure me. But for me, it wasn't fear of the lump, it was the awful feelling of sitting in the areas that remind me of the diagnosis and i jusst find i can't settle when i am there. whilst i was waiting to go into the ultra sound room, the lady before me had to havea core biospy as they had found something and i felt really sick. I wanted to cry thinking of this poor lady and how i was some couple or so months ago. i was obviously relieved that nothing sinister was going on in the wonky globe of fat i call my left breast so at least for me today there was good news. Then later today i went and picked up my new wig - HURRAY - and it was far better than all my expectations, a little fringe trim and i'm away. I suddenly feel i can be normal again, but i am finding my hair thinning a little and odd stray hairs in the washing machine and over my shoulders and getting the wig was becoming a real issue for me.

i coped so much better after finding the lump Monday thanks to knowing I have so many friends here who understand my feelings. I didn't panic or go into over drive and stay up all lnight. Well, that's a lie, i did stay up till 5am this morning, but thats becasue me and my lovely old man had a giggle fit and a heart to heart about everything under the sun. It was lovely.

i am wishing you all well, I think about you often. we have such complex lives at the best of times but always, here, there is someone who takes the time to show they care. So thanks again to all of you for helping me on my journey.

xxxxx

Thanks Patricia, my hair grows very quickly, so hopefully it will come through thick and fast. Hope your dad is ok, glad nothing sinister is wrong with your son. Take care xx

OMG  hair is falling out all over the place. Although I knew this was going to happen - not only did i have plenty of warning and time to sort of get used to the idea - but i am suprised at the range of emotions. Part of me wants to keep running my fingers through to see how much comes out, another part wants to go cut it get it out of the way, another part wants to hang onto it til really desperate. Part of me keeps crying and i feel - strange, and someone i didn't know came to my house today with my son in law and i felt like it was inviting tickets to the freak show. Part of me says - well, this is it, the changes are happening so chemo is doing its stuff and now i can shop for all sorts of wigs and be who i want to be without having bad hair days.

i wish i had saved last month, as weird as it sounds, i feel like shaving the head, putting on the wig and a heap load of makeup and aparading my stuff. Guess this is the identity crisis and confdience part of such major changes.  Thanks for listeneing.

love to all xxx

Hi Sara,

It is a wierd time,I couldnt stand the tickling on my pillow all night and shaved it all off,my wig was better than my hair and no hairdressers fees !!As I have said before I thought I would look like Sinead O Connor but looked like Matt Lucas from Little Britain The good thing is it will grow back eventually.Go with the flow and dont let it get to you,You dont want to get depressed now when you are doing so well.But a santa hat to keep you warm!!You are such a positive person but will get off days as everyone does,keep some gooey ice cream ready and indulge on these days.Remember as Christina Aguellera sings "you are beautiful in every single way" and you are so much more than hair.

Stay strong,you WILL get there.

Rose xxx

hi patrica

so lovely to hear from you! feels like a long time. really missed this page n my friends, hopefully my internet will be as good as before all this mess.

honest, to have your phone line cut off when you havent requested it yourself is not good. but to be told your daughter called cos you had died is something else. then to find out it was a mistake but your phone company wont except responsibility n are still tryng to charge me for line connection fee is discusting. but thats how it is.   then came the holiday, after the chicken pox scare. 30 miles on way to airport what could possibly go wrong, only the car dying. luckily we were close enough to swap cars n managed to get on the plane with a little encouragement from my dad bless him. then my older boys gave charly tap water and consequently diarrhea for a few days. oh and the contsant charly screaming for the first five days, and the liam leaving his psp and brand new mp5 player on the coach back to the airport, consequently lost, it has not been a great time! still nice to have a week in the sun but never again until charly is at least five!!!!!!!

still struggling with side affects and my arms are so sore, but until i finish the herceptin and avastin, it looks like i'm stuck with it. been to see a lymphodeama nurse for a massage as my breast and arm still feel sore and swollen. Apparently got lymphodeama in my boob. Should of seen me i still wore my bikini on holiday. Just got lot's of side effects still ongoing and i haven't felt that well.

I will write some more tomorrow can't think properly again sorry. Colly that picture that's up is 3 months after Chemo i have alot more now and i will update soon. Eyelashes are growing but still too short to use mascara. Be back soon girls dylan finished off for me.

Love leonie xxxxx

hi all,

thank you for your messages, I am going to get through tomorrow by cutting and styling the wig, and getting rid of as many loose hairs as poss and then decide whether or not to shave it! I have heard by the way that keeping it shaved to about 3-5mm helps the hair grow faster and thicker. I can't say for sure because this is new to me too, but apparantly it is like shaving your legs, the hair needs to work harder and so it does by becoming thicker and more active. Anyway, i would never have got through without the support from you all, and knowing you have been there. It hasn't been as hard as i thought, although i expect tears when its all gone. part of the healing process.

And Leonie - my word you have had a very busy and trying time. i am amazed how this horrible thing changes us all and the way we cope with things. We should be proud of ourselves for learning growing and still having huge hearts and empathy. My son in law bought me a bottle of wine (maybe beacuse i threw a wobbly) and i intend to have a glass tomorrow and either cheer myself up or cry until it is out of my system.I hope i can look as good as the other ladies here, I am truely inspired now by the way you all cope (yes we all do have our moments) but also by the way you look. beauty may come from within, by my word some of you are just so lovely on the outside too.

i have decided to do somthing completely mad. I am going to get my daughter to paint my head and face like a drag queen - just for the giggle, i promise to post the pics in the hope that out of this horrible side effect i can raise a smile.

Love to you all

saraxxxxxxx