Hi,

I am sorry to butt into your discussion but just wanted to wish you all well.

You all seem like tough cookies and am touched, truly.

I am currently waiting, I have my breast clinic appointment on 27th oct and really nervous, not eating or sleeping much to be honest but then I don't eat much anyway lol.

Really don't know what to expect with this appointment just that I will probably be having an ultrasound as I'm only 24.

The reason I went to the GP was because I have bloody nipple discharge and a rather deep dimple. I can't help but think the worst but do understand there are benign causes for this out there. Just glad my GP took me seriously.

Do you mind if I ask how you ladies felt at this stage? Am I insane or am I being normal?

Best wishes everyone

Kylie xxx

No Kylie,

You are not insane..... first let me say you are very sensible to see your doctors immediately.... you would be surprised how many think they are too young so don't bother.

I know this is a very scarey thing to try and come to terms with... and the waiting is the hardest bit.... If I had to discribe how I felt when I was waiting for appointments and tests then I think the only word I could come up with is....LOST... Very emotional and scared to death.... but I now know that all these feelings are perfectly normal.

If you are worried about what to expect, why not ring up your breast clinic and ask them.... they are normaly really good and have no problem explaining what you should expect.

When my doctor refered me to our local breast clinic, I was examined by a lady doctor, then I had to have a mammogram and an ultrasound scan..... I would suggest you take somebody with you... maybe your partner / Mum / friend just for a bit of moral support.... but I have to say that the breast care unit and all it's staff were brilliant and really did well to calm all my fears.

If you have any questions at all, please feel free to come here and ask, there is always somebody who has been in the situation you are in and able to offer help and advice.... we are all here for each other.

Take care honey... and try not to imagine the worst (easier said than done)

Love Caz xxx

Caz,

So glad that at last people from the professional world are listening and that you are getting the support that you so rightly need.  But it's not right that we have to stand up and scream and shout  or end up an emotional blubbering wreck to be heard. You have certainly been through the mill and hope that this is now the beginning of the end of your turmoil and hope that your experience will make some of them sit up and take note, if only for the next person who has problems.  Hope you are feeling stronger soon.

Patricia x

Hi littlesis, nice to hear from you, my radio starts on 26/11 and finishes 7/1, how's you're hair coming along, what length is it now? Caz glad things are starting to sound better, hopefully you'll be feeling better and breast nurses will get you sorted with new boobs, Patricia, youre hair is looking thick, how long did it take to get to that length? Lee good on you getting back to the gym, I must admit ive been lazy and need to get back into it, but think i'll wait till after my radio. Leonie where are you this week, hope you and your lot are well, and tell me about your hair and eye lashes lol. I can wear a wig but not a lot i can do about bottom eye lashes lol. Hi to everyone else, harry sara and anyone else ive missed. Ive done most of my xmas shopping, john off friday so doing a bit then and hopefully that will be me done. lots of love. Col xx

Hi Col,

Yeah, the new me! I finished my chemo on 8th June and by the 9th September was brave enough to go without a bandana, it was extremely short though and needed a hat/cap on occasions because it was cold.  I had gone to London for a week, so knew nobody, which gave me a great boost to my confidence by realising that actually nobody even noticed me with hardly any hair!  The rest is history, as they say, came home and just carried on.  In fact everyone I know has told me to leave it as it is now as they really like it, and this is from people I can trust to tell me the truth and not say what I want to hear. Had the neck area trimmed a few weeks ago, but it needs a slight trim all over now just to tidy it up.  It is still very soft, bit like fur, which means when I've washed it, it's a bit like a puff ball but soon settles down.  Also have aquired some wavy bits at the back, looks a bit like its been 1920's crimped.  LOL   So today's hair has taken me about 6 months, which sounds a long time but in reality it wasn't.  The eyebrows and eyelashes came back fairly quickly, and it just didn't seem right to be pulling the eyebrow hairs as they were growing back!

Patricia x

Hi Leonie,

So sorry to hear that you didn't quite have to holiday you were hoping for, although I'm sure that getting away will have been of some benefit.  Also congrats on your 3rd wedding anniversary, hope you had a lovely evening.

So sorry to hear that your son Charly is asthmatic, my youngest had problems when he was young was really bad especially when he got a cold but as he got older he got better and now has no problems at all and hasn't had an attack or an inhaler for years. Fingers crossed that Charly also gets better.

My son has to go and see an endocrinologist end of December, his bloods came back with a bit of an imbalance of hormones so has been refered.  We both breathed a sigh of relief when they said it wasn't cancer and are now not trying to let the latest news worry us.

I'm now offically on holiday.  My last certificate finished on 9th November and was given a note to return to work.  Had a meeting with my employer on the 10th November to discuss my phased return.  Can't remember how the conversation cme round to holidays but the up shot is my holiday year goes from 1st Jan to 1st Jan and so I have a year's worth of holidays to get in, this takes me to 29th December. LOL  I will return to work on the 4th January 2011 (can't go back 30th and 31st December, no-one there!) and probably phased return then. LOL  Don't know why but eveyone seems to want to give me there Christmas card and shopping lists!

I am quite glad I didn't go back to work this week as I'm now smothered in a cold, it would have been sods law! Sitting here feeling a tad sorry for myself, although not in the same league as when going though chemo etc. in fact don't know what I'm wingeing about! LOL

Also didn't have a great day yesterday.  Helped my mum take my dad (who is virtually disabled and can't walk without a frame) to hospital for an appointment for a check-up at the eye clinic. He ended up being admitted as they discovered he has a detached retina and will need an operation!  So as you can imagine was a bit shell shocked yesterday.

Right need to go and buy some lemons and honey etc. why is it you never have to right things in when your not well?

Patricia xx

Hey Littlesis,

So sorry I have not responded - I have really been slacking on my duties on here - I will have a proper catch-up and get back into the swing of things over the next couple of days!

Catch up soon.

T xxx

hi all,

i found another blooming lump Monday evening. But, i phoned my breast care nurse on Tuesday morning and saw a consultant today 9am - very good. Anyway, i wasn't overly worried about the lump having had the mri show jusst one area which was removed. The ultra sound revealed a cyst - not only usually common but extra common after surgery. i was so impressed with the speed of the appointment so the team could reassure me. But for me, it wasn't fear of the lump, it was the awful feelling of sitting in the areas that remind me of the diagnosis and i jusst find i can't settle when i am there. whilst i was waiting to go into the ultra sound room, the lady before me had to havea core biospy as they had found something and i felt really sick. I wanted to cry thinking of this poor lady and how i was some couple or so months ago. i was obviously relieved that nothing sinister was going on in the wonky globe of fat i call my left breast so at least for me today there was good news. Then later today i went and picked up my new wig - HURRAY - and it was far better than all my expectations, a little fringe trim and i'm away. I suddenly feel i can be normal again, but i am finding my hair thinning a little and odd stray hairs in the washing machine and over my shoulders and getting the wig was becoming a real issue for me.

i coped so much better after finding the lump Monday thanks to knowing I have so many friends here who understand my feelings. I didn't panic or go into over drive and stay up all lnight. Well, that's a lie, i did stay up till 5am this morning, but thats becasue me and my lovely old man had a giggle fit and a heart to heart about everything under the sun. It was lovely.

i am wishing you all well, I think about you often. we have such complex lives at the best of times but always, here, there is someone who takes the time to show they care. So thanks again to all of you for helping me on my journey.

xxxxx

Thanks Patricia, my hair grows very quickly, so hopefully it will come through thick and fast. Hope your dad is ok, glad nothing sinister is wrong with your son. Take care xx

OMG  hair is falling out all over the place. Although I knew this was going to happen - not only did i have plenty of warning and time to sort of get used to the idea - but i am suprised at the range of emotions. Part of me wants to keep running my fingers through to see how much comes out, another part wants to go cut it get it out of the way, another part wants to hang onto it til really desperate. Part of me keeps crying and i feel - strange, and someone i didn't know came to my house today with my son in law and i felt like it was inviting tickets to the freak show. Part of me says - well, this is it, the changes are happening so chemo is doing its stuff and now i can shop for all sorts of wigs and be who i want to be without having bad hair days.

i wish i had saved last month, as weird as it sounds, i feel like shaving the head, putting on the wig and a heap load of makeup and aparading my stuff. Guess this is the identity crisis and confdience part of such major changes.  Thanks for listeneing.

love to all xxx

hi Sara

I felt exactly the same when hair started falling out i sat on couch running my hands thru it till i realised i had a huge pile on about the 2/3rd day it looked patchy so i got someone to cut it to about 1/4 inch

It was really itchy and sensitive at first so i didnt want to shave it. it was really weird but i am usedto it now I still have this sort of thin soft downy stuff it reminds me of those potatoe head things we used to put on window sills and it grew grass!!

i still have my eyelashes(altough a bit thinner i think) and i have my eyebrows i have been wearing more eye make up . it is really weird as i have very big eyes and have spent most of my life trying not to draw anymore attention to then as evryone always comments . If i lose my eyelashes i will scare people like some mad eyed moody !! i have lovely wig and many many scarfs (charity shops great for scarfs ) i dnot mind it so much but i would like to ask yhe other ladies should i shave this  skin head stuff i have i was just worried it would be more itchy it would probably look bit better smooth iam not sure advice pleas ! the family and friends have been great about it they keep saying i have a nice sheped head whatever that means. the chemo gets tougher but u tick them off having my 4th on monday. but the week before i am almost my old self (except bald obviously )

dnot let it get u down it is part of the process and proves that horrblr stuff does somthing ! i must say showering is much much quicker

i hope u ok enjoy your week end everyone hope evryone doing ok

lots love and hugs nina xxxxxxx

Hi Sara,

It is a wierd time,I couldnt stand the tickling on my pillow all night and shaved it all off,my wig was better than my hair and no hairdressers fees !!As I have said before I thought I would look like Sinead O Connor but looked like Matt Lucas from Little Britain The good thing is it will grow back eventually.Go with the flow and dont let it get to you,You dont want to get depressed now when you are doing so well.But a santa hat to keep you warm!!You are such a positive person but will get off days as everyone does,keep some gooey ice cream ready and indulge on these days.Remember as Christina Aguellera sings "you are beautiful in every single way" and you are so much more than hair.

Stay strong,you WILL get there.

Rose xxx

Hi Sara,

It is a wierd time,I couldnt stand the tickling on my pillow all night and shaved it all off,my wig was better than my hair and no hairdressers fees !!As I have said before I thought I would look like Sinead O Connor but looked like Matt Lucas from Little Britain The good thing is it will grow back eventually.Go with the flow and dont let it get to you,You dont want to get depressed now when you are doing so well.But a santa hat to keep you warm!!You are such a positive person but will get off days as everyone does,keep some gooey ice cream ready and indulge on these days.Remember as Christina Aguellera sings "you are beautiful in every single way" and you are so much more than hair.

Stay strong,you WILL get there.

Rose xxx