Hi,

I am sorry to butt into your discussion but just wanted to wish you all well.

You all seem like tough cookies and am touched, truly.

I am currently waiting, I have my breast clinic appointment on 27th oct and really nervous, not eating or sleeping much to be honest but then I don't eat much anyway lol.

Really don't know what to expect with this appointment just that I will probably be having an ultrasound as I'm only 24.

The reason I went to the GP was because I have bloody nipple discharge and a rather deep dimple. I can't help but think the worst but do understand there are benign causes for this out there. Just glad my GP took me seriously.

Do you mind if I ask how you ladies felt at this stage? Am I insane or am I being normal?

Best wishes everyone

Kylie xxx

No Kylie,

You are not insane..... first let me say you are very sensible to see your doctors immediately.... you would be surprised how many think they are too young so don't bother.

I know this is a very scarey thing to try and come to terms with... and the waiting is the hardest bit.... If I had to discribe how I felt when I was waiting for appointments and tests then I think the only word I could come up with is....LOST... Very emotional and scared to death.... but I now know that all these feelings are perfectly normal.

If you are worried about what to expect, why not ring up your breast clinic and ask them.... they are normaly really good and have no problem explaining what you should expect.

When my doctor refered me to our local breast clinic, I was examined by a lady doctor, then I had to have a mammogram and an ultrasound scan..... I would suggest you take somebody with you... maybe your partner / Mum / friend just for a bit of moral support.... but I have to say that the breast care unit and all it's staff were brilliant and really did well to calm all my fears.

If you have any questions at all, please feel free to come here and ask, there is always somebody who has been in the situation you are in and able to offer help and advice.... we are all here for each other.

Take care honey... and try not to imagine the worst (easier said than done)

Love Caz xxx

Hi Sara,

Dont know how to make a broom as I usually just buy one :-) As for MV I know the area well as used to live in Rickmansworth a while a go, know loads of people still around that area....I would love to bump into some of you guys and the amazing thing is we may even walk past each other in the hospitals...I am going to a well know east midlands cancer hospital.

Anyways up all last night with a chemo side effect so I need to get to sleep!

Night Night all and remember....just be careful out there!

Much Love

T xxx

Hi everyone

sorry its been so long but ive been in hospital for the last week with a very bad chest infection, had a wonderful birthday so thankyou to everyone for their good wishes but I guess I paid the price, lots of people about with colds and virus's and pubs were so busy, anyway  Im back now and have been busy trying to catch up with everyone, Caz im reaching out to you with all the warmth and strength I can muster, Sara my hair came out around the 3rd session eyelashes are still there but very very short, Tony I do hope you feel better soon and I just thort Id leave you all with this poem that I keep by my bed, It helps me when I feel like giving up and I hope it can help you too xx

When things go wrong

As they sometimes will,

When the road you're trudging

Seems all uphill,

When the funds are low,

And the debts are high,

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit-

Rest if you must, but dont you quit.

Success is failure turned inside out -

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,

And you never can tell how close you are,

It may be near when it seems afar,

So stick to the fight

When your hardest hit.......

Its when things seem worst

                        That you must not quit !     

Hi Lee,

Sorry you had to go to hospital,I,m glad you are recovering.

that is a very apt poem,although it is hard to be positive all the time we must try.You always know how to lift spirits.

Keep getting better.

Rose xxx

Hi all,  sorry you were so unwell Lee, what a shame there is the cliche about sexy young female nurses and none about the male ones. Maybe we should complain about the lack of eye candy I'm sure some hot to trot wonderful bedside mannered male would make us feel better. Watch the wiggle when they walk and all that.

I just spoke to my sister and we were saying how living with  this disease you become a different person, and for all the crap i think i have become a better person and i have NEVER met people as warm and wonderful as all of you here. Please remember about unused wigs and scarves - already i have someone in Kent with a poster going up in two charity shops and the Macmillan centre tomorrow for collections. I have also had a lady ask if i can find her a short dark blonde wig. Funny thing was, i have one my aunt gave me so I rang her and asked if I could send it on. She agreed and for about £3 this lovely has a wig on its way to her tomorrow - duly washed and disinfected. The emotion in her voice at the releif of being able to have a wig before her nhs one comes throughand not costing her money she doesn't have made me feel very humble. I am glad I have decided to do this, I need as much support as I can get to make this BIG and widely available.

Anyway, the weather might be crap but hearts here are always warm. I have had such pleasure in helping someone this weekend it has lifted my spirits no end. My love to you all. xxxx

Hi lee, sorry you haven't been too well, hopefully on the road to recovery. Have you had a date when you're radio has to start? X

Hi Colly and everyone, Im feeling much better now and once I have finished my course of antibiotics I am going back to the gym,   I wont  be having rads as I had them 18months ago when I had my first bout of cancer so cant have it again will start taking tamoxifin tues for the next 5 years and hopefully all will be well   glad to hear your hair is growing back so quickly Colly I keep checking mine in the mirror but nothing yet!. and dont forget girls and guys maybe next summer we can all meet up for a well earned drink and toast our good fortune to have found each other xx

lots of love Lee x

Hi lee, glad you're feeling better. I do remember no you did mention before you've not to have radio. Think ive to start tamoxifen on first day of radio. My hair is coming back in, feels spiky lol. I still have a sore neck but breast doc thinks I just need to be patient and let chemo get out of my system, so hopefully it will get better soon. How are your nails? Mine are a mess x

Hi girls and Tony,

Thank you so much for the lovely messages... I can really feel all the love and warmth you are all sending me.

Colly... Yes honey, anybody with cancer can get a macmillan grant, ask your macmillan nurse (from the hospital) to get in touch with the Macmillan benifits advisor at citizans advice burea and they will call you in... you can apply for anything you need, I got the money for a new mattress and some clothes... but it can be for anything you need, whether it's help with a bill, a new washer or just some clothes... also, the macmills benifit advisor will inform you of what benifits you are entitles to... just take proof of all your household income.... It's definitely worth an ask.

Lee.. I am so sorry to hear that you have been back n hospital.... I do hope you feel better soon... and I am so glad you had a good birthday honey.

And as for all you other ladies, good luck with your treatment.

I am back at the hospital tomorrow as the infection has come back AGAIN the right side is lovely, all dried up and everything, but the left side has swollen again almost to the size my ariginal breast was, very strange, it's like my boob is growing back.... but I have been throwing up really bad and it burns to touch, and i have a raging temperature and feel grotty in myself... So Dave is taking me back to the Jasmine suite tomorrow and he's said he is going to kick off untill they sort it out as last ime I went, they just told me to go home, and said it would sort itself out in time and gave me an appointment for 7th December... so tomorrow he is not taking no for an answer...... this infection has been going on for 6 weeks and its worse now than it ever was..... It's not even as if I have an infection in my scar, My Scars are both fully healled, the problem is inside.

I will come on here when I get back from the hospital and let you know what they said

Thank you so much for all you support ladies and Tony

I would be a pile of snot and tears if it wasn't for all of you

Thank you

Love caz xx

Good luck tomorrow Caz,it is so annoying that this is still going on and pulling you down all the time.

Hope you get some good results.

Rose xxx

Hello Ladies and Tony

Hope this finds you all well, sorry I have not been on for a while but had a lot going on espically with the recent problems with my soon to be ex-husband. Well I am not going to depress myself or any of you with that update as I will just start ranting and will never stop.

Caz how did you get on today as I have been following your story on here and you have been through so much, I hope your husband helped you sort it out up at the hospital.

Colly, I have now started my radiotherapy I had my 6th one today so 12 more to go, so far so good just following all their advise about the creams etc as I know you are around the same stage in treatment as me. How are you getting on with it all, have you had any dates given yet for radiotherapy? Let me know how you are doing. My hair is really growing back now it's about 2 - 2.5inches long but has come back dark underneath but grey on top so have bought a healthcare dye for it so will let you all know how they work lol.

Tony how are you, I did reply to you about how things were with myself and husband but was unsure if you managed to read it the other week. Anyway what have you been up to and I must say your pic was great. Are you still at work and how are the family? I t would be great to hear from you.

Lee I was sorry to read that you have been unwell but glad you had a great birthday. I thought I had not read anything from you for a little while as I missed all those words of wisdom you give to everyone they always bring a smile to my face and at times I have needed that believe me.

Keep well all and speak to you soon

Littlesis

Hello Ladies and Tony

Hope this finds you all well, sorry I have not been on for a while but had a lot going on espically with the recent problems with my soon to be ex-husband. Well I am not going to depress myself or any of you with that update as I will just start ranting and will never stop.

Caz how did you get on today as I have been following your story on here and you have been through so much, I hope your husband helped you sort it out up at the hospital.

Colly, I have now started my radiotherapy I had my 6th one today so 12 more to go, so far so good just following all their advise about the creams etc as I know you are around the same stage in treatment as me. How are you getting on with it all, have you had any dates given yet for radiotherapy? Let me know how you are doing. My hair is really growing back now it's about 2 - 2.5inches long but has come back dark underneath but grey on top so have bought a healthcare dye for it so will let you all know how they work lol.

Tony how are you, I did reply to you about how things were with myself and husband but was unsure if you managed to read it the other week. Anyway what have you been up to and I must say your pic was great. Are you still at work and how are the family? I t would be great to hear from you.

Lee I was sorry to read that you have been unwell but glad you had a great birthday. I thought I had not read anything from you for a little while as I missed all those words of wisdom you give to everyone they always bring a smile to my face and at times I have needed that believe me.

Keep well all and speak to you soon

Littlesis

Hi all,

I rang the hospital and they told me to go straight in and see Miss Rogers... She said there is definite swelling and there was some fluid, but when she tried draining it, there wasn't very much fluid there at all... and it was clear again.... She sent some of the fluid away for tests and also sent me for some blood tests... She now thinks that I have an infection inside the tissue now and has put me on some heavy duty antibiotics.

I think I have turned a corner too.... I rang my GP this morning and cried down the phone at her and told her everything and i asked for help.

I have an appointment for friday to see her, and she will change my anti-depressants and sort out some psycological help for me.. and she wasn't very impressed when I told her how the breastcare nurse was with me....... an hour later the breast care nurse rang me, and arranged for me to go in on Thursday and have a proper talk and also get fitted for some proper silicone fake "breasts"... hopefully the weight and size will be better than these softee's (at least i wont find these on my shoulders)

So I think I have turned a major corner now..... Just need to get this stupid infection sorted.. My scars are fully healed, no sign of infection on the outside... its all inside.

Thank you so much for all your help and support

Love Caz xxx

Caz,

So glad that at last people from the professional world are listening and that you are getting the support that you so rightly need.  But it's not right that we have to stand up and scream and shout  or end up an emotional blubbering wreck to be heard. You have certainly been through the mill and hope that this is now the beginning of the end of your turmoil and hope that your experience will make some of them sit up and take note, if only for the next person who has problems.  Hope you are feeling stronger soon.

Patricia x

Hi littlesis, nice to hear from you, my radio starts on 26/11 and finishes 7/1, how's you're hair coming along, what length is it now? Caz glad things are starting to sound better, hopefully you'll be feeling better and breast nurses will get you sorted with new boobs, Patricia, youre hair is looking thick, how long did it take to get to that length? Lee good on you getting back to the gym, I must admit ive been lazy and need to get back into it, but think i'll wait till after my radio. Leonie where are you this week, hope you and your lot are well, and tell me about your hair and eye lashes lol. I can wear a wig but not a lot i can do about bottom eye lashes lol. Hi to everyone else, harry sara and anyone else ive missed. Ive done most of my xmas shopping, john off friday so doing a bit then and hopefully that will be me done. lots of love. Col xx

Hi Col,

Yeah, the new me! I finished my chemo on 8th June and by the 9th September was brave enough to go without a bandana, it was extremely short though and needed a hat/cap on occasions because it was cold.  I had gone to London for a week, so knew nobody, which gave me a great boost to my confidence by realising that actually nobody even noticed me with hardly any hair!  The rest is history, as they say, came home and just carried on.  In fact everyone I know has told me to leave it as it is now as they really like it, and this is from people I can trust to tell me the truth and not say what I want to hear. Had the neck area trimmed a few weeks ago, but it needs a slight trim all over now just to tidy it up.  It is still very soft, bit like fur, which means when I've washed it, it's a bit like a puff ball but soon settles down.  Also have aquired some wavy bits at the back, looks a bit like its been 1920's crimped.  LOL   So today's hair has taken me about 6 months, which sounds a long time but in reality it wasn't.  The eyebrows and eyelashes came back fairly quickly, and it just didn't seem right to be pulling the eyebrow hairs as they were growing back!

Patricia x

Hey Littlesis,

So sorry I have not responded - I have really been slacking on my duties on here - I will have a proper catch-up and get back into the swing of things over the next couple of days!

Catch up soon.

T xxx

hi all,

i found another blooming lump Monday evening. But, i phoned my breast care nurse on Tuesday morning and saw a consultant today 9am - very good. Anyway, i wasn't overly worried about the lump having had the mri show jusst one area which was removed. The ultra sound revealed a cyst - not only usually common but extra common after surgery. i was so impressed with the speed of the appointment so the team could reassure me. But for me, it wasn't fear of the lump, it was the awful feelling of sitting in the areas that remind me of the diagnosis and i jusst find i can't settle when i am there. whilst i was waiting to go into the ultra sound room, the lady before me had to havea core biospy as they had found something and i felt really sick. I wanted to cry thinking of this poor lady and how i was some couple or so months ago. i was obviously relieved that nothing sinister was going on in the wonky globe of fat i call my left breast so at least for me today there was good news. Then later today i went and picked up my new wig - HURRAY - and it was far better than all my expectations, a little fringe trim and i'm away. I suddenly feel i can be normal again, but i am finding my hair thinning a little and odd stray hairs in the washing machine and over my shoulders and getting the wig was becoming a real issue for me.

i coped so much better after finding the lump Monday thanks to knowing I have so many friends here who understand my feelings. I didn't panic or go into over drive and stay up all lnight. Well, that's a lie, i did stay up till 5am this morning, but thats becasue me and my lovely old man had a giggle fit and a heart to heart about everything under the sun. It was lovely.

i am wishing you all well, I think about you often. we have such complex lives at the best of times but always, here, there is someone who takes the time to show they care. So thanks again to all of you for helping me on my journey.

xxxxx

Thanks Patricia, my hair grows very quickly, so hopefully it will come through thick and fast. Hope your dad is ok, glad nothing sinister is wrong with your son. Take care xx

OMG  hair is falling out all over the place. Although I knew this was going to happen - not only did i have plenty of warning and time to sort of get used to the idea - but i am suprised at the range of emotions. Part of me wants to keep running my fingers through to see how much comes out, another part wants to go cut it get it out of the way, another part wants to hang onto it til really desperate. Part of me keeps crying and i feel - strange, and someone i didn't know came to my house today with my son in law and i felt like it was inviting tickets to the freak show. Part of me says - well, this is it, the changes are happening so chemo is doing its stuff and now i can shop for all sorts of wigs and be who i want to be without having bad hair days.

i wish i had saved last month, as weird as it sounds, i feel like shaving the head, putting on the wig and a heap load of makeup and aparading my stuff. Guess this is the identity crisis and confdience part of such major changes.  Thanks for listeneing.

love to all xxx

hi Sara

I felt exactly the same when hair started falling out i sat on couch running my hands thru it till i realised i had a huge pile on about the 2/3rd day it looked patchy so i got someone to cut it to about 1/4 inch

It was really itchy and sensitive at first so i didnt want to shave it. it was really weird but i am usedto it now I still have this sort of thin soft downy stuff it reminds me of those potatoe head things we used to put on window sills and it grew grass!!

i still have my eyelashes(altough a bit thinner i think) and i have my eyebrows i have been wearing more eye make up . it is really weird as i have very big eyes and have spent most of my life trying not to draw anymore attention to then as evryone always comments . If i lose my eyelashes i will scare people like some mad eyed moody !! i have lovely wig and many many scarfs (charity shops great for scarfs ) i dnot mind it so much but i would like to ask yhe other ladies should i shave this  skin head stuff i have i was just worried it would be more itchy it would probably look bit better smooth iam not sure advice pleas ! the family and friends have been great about it they keep saying i have a nice sheped head whatever that means. the chemo gets tougher but u tick them off having my 4th on monday. but the week before i am almost my old self (except bald obviously )

dnot let it get u down it is part of the process and proves that horrblr stuff does somthing ! i must say showering is much much quicker

i hope u ok enjoy your week end everyone hope evryone doing ok

lots love and hugs nina xxxxxxx

Hi Sara,

It is a wierd time,I couldnt stand the tickling on my pillow all night and shaved it all off,my wig was better than my hair and no hairdressers fees !!As I have said before I thought I would look like Sinead O Connor but looked like Matt Lucas from Little Britain The good thing is it will grow back eventually.Go with the flow and dont let it get to you,You dont want to get depressed now when you are doing so well.But a santa hat to keep you warm!!You are such a positive person but will get off days as everyone does,keep some gooey ice cream ready and indulge on these days.Remember as Christina Aguellera sings "you are beautiful in every single way" and you are so much more than hair.

Stay strong,you WILL get there.

Rose xxx