hi im 36 mother of 3 n diagnosed dec 23. ive had 2 ops n 5 of 6 chemo n finding it very hard at mo. feel so peed off n cant get rid of that feeling. would love to chat. x
you rant away it is so hard on so many levels. I think it is natural to worry lets face it we dont want to go thru all this again!
i feel bit rubbish 2day had second chemo monday but just tryin to go with it just hope my veins hold out really dnot want a pic line or port.
please always come here when u feel low. It is really hard when u hear of someones eles tradedy not only is it sad but it brings home our own mortality !!
we have friends funeral 2morrow and i am dreading it ,I know people we be asking about me too and that makes me feel guilty a she is no longer here and his family have so much to cope with .this disease affects u so much .
have u heard how Caz got on at oncologist how she is ok
you will be fine u have come so far good luck with endoscopy
What lousy news about your friend.. but that's not you! you are beating cancer, one day at a time!
I think cancer does make us all frightened.... it's made me scared to death.... but I am coping, like you, one day at a time.
Where they have taken the breast tissue away I have now got a massive lump, i was scared to deathe it had come back already, but the told me at the hospital that it's scar tissue..... nobody even examined it.... because it's normal and expected.
Being scared is a big part of having cancer I think.... even a bit of paranoia is expected I think..... but please don't feel bad for having these feeling.... It's normal.
As for your GP.... they expect you to come with every little worry for a while, I explained what I was feeling to my GP... very similar to what you feel, and she told me that was fine.... she told me that I know my body better than anyone else and if something doesn't feel right i should go in and see her..... People that have had cancer do expect it to spread, and she would rather have 10 visits that are nothing, than miss 1 visit that is serious........... Why not go and see your GP and explain your worries, they will at least be able to put your mind at ease.
You seem very down today..... why not treat yourself to a tub of your favorite ice-cream, curl up and watch mind numbing movies and allow yourself to feel a bit down.... as women we feel we have to remain strong and positive all the time.... well b***x to that honey... allow yourself to have the bad days as well as the good, let your family look after you for a bit, I'm sure they wont mind...... i had 3 mad days in a row, I call it my meltdown, because I must have cried solid for 3 days... but I do feel better now I have had it, more able to be strong and positive again.... I think you have to go down sometimes, just so you can come back up again...... you have been through some serius s*t babe..... it's ok to be angry and upset, it's ok to be scared of cancer coming back and it's ok to cry.
Sending loads of hugs and love to you honey...... and may I recommend mint choc chip icecream.... its gorgeous
Hear hear to what the others are saying. I felt a bit down last week and like you started questioning the treatment and is it working, like Caz says I think we all think it has spread at times. Sometimes we just need to focus on what the oncologist has told us, but I know it is hard. But I felt a bit better yesterday and I hope this will help you. I am having the FEC-T cheno same as you have had and my oncologist told me that they have had some amazing results and did not see any reason why I would not come through, they cannot give you 100% results I know, but nobody knows what their future is do they? I felt so much better and more positive. I know friends tell you that everything is going to be ok but when your on doc tells you it makes you feel better. I also met a lady who was having a check up after 4 years, her MRI scan showed up nothing, isn't that great. I left feeling encouraged, I start the t chemo tomorrow and told the on doc that if I am not sick I will bake him a cake!!
Is there a Bosom Buddies group in your area, perhaps you may feel better if you get together with some women in similar situation to discuss your fears, I am thinking of joining our local group. In the meantime rant away on here, we may not all express our fears, but it sometimes only takes one of us to start and we all know exactly why because deep down we have all felt like it, so you are not on your own.
Nina - chin up after a week and you will feel better
Caz - any news on further treatment?
Love to you all and I may not come on here much but at night when I go to bed I picture all of you in my mind and send you my prayers.
very spooky Nina that we were both typing ar the same time.
I went to see the surgeon and Oncologist yesterday and got my chest drained again, but they put a steroid into the space that will hopefully stop it refilling again... so fingers crossed for that.
The results are finally in and I am herceptin negative so I don't have to have chemotherapy of radiotherapy.. but I do have to have Tamoxafen for 5 years and goserelin injected into my tummy every month for 2 years,,,,,,, the goserelin is to bring on temporary monopause..... well as far as I can see, I am alredy having the hot flushes and mood swings, so I might as wel lose the periods as well..... lol.
I also have an appointment in december for the reconstruction clinic.... no operations this side of christmas... but it's the first step on the path to get my boobs back..... I know to some of you that may seem a bit vain.... but I just want to be me again!
I am a bit more upbeat today.... but also very emotional..... I think I will get a tub of mint-choc-chip and have a soak and a good movie tonight.
Yes Im off work at the moment and like you I really dont think I could face it, my days are so unpredictable at the moment and this 5th chemo has been dreadful. I had to go to hospital Monday eve as I was feeling so poorly I just wanted to off myself and I really dont get like that at all, Im usually such a little fighter, but I just felt so low and the fight had left me, it was so scary feeling that way.
I am up and about today but still dont feel my usual self,I look tired and old these days with black circles under my eyes and I feel like Im hanging on by my fingernails telling myself I only have one more to go, just one more!
But then the reality will set in and the waiting, will it or wont it come back? So you see your not alone in your worries, Im not generally the type of person to share these kind of fears with anyone but the truth is I too am scared ...........however I CANNOT AND WILL NOT let it take over my life, I have had therapy for the past few weeks which has helped but the truth is the greatest help I get is talking to you and the other girls on here and for that I am eternally great full Caz dont ever think you are being vain wanting what nature intended you to have.
Just checking to let you know I am still thinking of you all.
Caz, glad you have moved out from under the cloud, the crying for 3 days is exactly what you needed and showed the nursing team that you were truly hurting. Enjoy the icecream, I am off icecream as it was all I could eat when I had my bowel surgery, so the association of indulgence is no longer there...good thing is red wine is still okay and medicinal although leaving off the alcohol at the moment
Colly, hope Monday goes okay, if you are up to it have a look on the screen as it is fascinating looking at your insides, not an every day occurrence and probably I just sound weird as not everyones cup of tea!
I have my last of 6 chemo in 2 weeks time then rest then radiotherapy. Like you I asked the oncologist " so what happens then do we just assume the cancer is gone" He said he could maybe arrange an MRI scan but I told him I wanted a PET scan as all other scans only show cancer once it has formed into a tumor. I did a lot of reading about PET scans which are common in America for cancer patients. PET scans show up 'hot spots' which show there may be some "active cancer" although as the oncologist told me there can be false positives which may cause worry when there is no need. I told him I wanted to take that risk as I can only see myself worrying about it coming back for the next 10 years if Im lucky. Anyway after long discussions - I can be very argumentative - he has finally agreed to my having a PET scan after chemo and before my radiotherapy starts. Some of my family believe I am just causing myself more worry - but I know me best. If they find something else hopefully it will be so early they will be able to get rid of it before it becomes another tumor.
This is very much a personal choice and I know PET scans are expensive and not normally given as a matter of course but its what I want and I believe every cancer patient should at least be given the choice
