Hi Everyone don't knw if you have missed me but I have certainly missed all you lot and have noticed a few new recruits. I haven't had a computer since July it had something seriously wrong with it and it has drove me mad not being able to chat!!! I haven't had chance to do a complete read through everything so could some of you bring me up to date with a few things. I'v noticed all your fab photos though you all look stunning and I hope you are all keeping as well as you can I'v missed you all terribly.

A quick up date on me! I had a scan in August after 3 lots of FEC and 3 lots of pacitaxol and gemcitibine. To cut long story short it has shrunk everywhere and since the scan I have had 2 more cycles of chemo and I'm now on tamoxifen.My consultant has said he is pleased with the shrinkage and now the tamoxifen should keep it at bay, hopefully!!!!! Its a bit scary knowing the poison has stopped think it was my comfort blanket!

I've now stopped wearing the bandanas they have started irritating me and give me a bit of a headache. Once i had gone out without it I feel theres no looking back. I have got a little covering of downy hair that the kids love.

My eldest Sophie went off to dance college, Alice started Comp and oliver juniors all on the same day and guess what I was having chemo!! Little Betsy is walking and is never still shes a little monkey!!!!!

I'm looking forward to not having to be up and down to the hospital and to hopefully tryingto lead a fairly normal life. The kids activities are keeping me busy and I'm hoping me and Nigel can get a little bit of us as a couple back, it has impacted on us so much sometimes I get so upset when I think about what has happened to us.I love all my family so much and sometimes I feel that this could have easily destroyed us!!!

Anyway sorry to go on please let me know how you are all doing and thanks for reading. I won't ever let myself be away for that long again.

Love to you all

Lou

dear girls n tony

cant tell you how worried ive been about you lou, im so glad you are ok n finished the awful stuff. was not a nice feeling wondering all about you for so long but what a great feeling to hear from you again. please dont do that to us again. theres always someone that can get a quick message to us. cor im so glad you are back hun.

tony you made me cry aswell! what a lovely comment. im so glad your life is becoming more normal for you n your family. its also comforting to know you feel like us, you are like a god on here. you have such words of wisdom n time for anybody, its good to know you are human, if you know what i mean.

anne, i still have many side affects from treatment. im not sure what is what. doc did tell me that herceptin can stop you from healing properly. i still have sores up my nose that wont heal n herceptin doesnt help. i put them down to immune system but who knows what does what. you'll be fine the further away you get from chemo.

hope you ladies on chemo are doing ok, feel for you so much. sara im so pleased for you, congratulations hun! unfortunately life still goes on, however mental it gets. think you could have a few years left of this if i was anything to go by! chin up ey.

you know i said about the car accident we had when i was pregnant? well i forgot to say the day i got the money through, was the day i found out i had cancer. it was always planned for family holiday, but took 22 months to get it. we now have the accomadation, flights n passports sorted as of tuesday. what happened wed,.....chicken pox at play group! so we have to keep charly off till next week just incase! would be a nightmare if charly gets ill.

rose im glad you are ok n the family are coping n enjoying that new little bundle. things will never be how they were before cancer, but we have a new ,enlightened life now. each day is an achievement in its self. got to be happy, just wish it didnt hurt so much.

love you all, loads! take care my special ones.

leonie xxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Colly and girls

sorry I havnt been intouch been feeling a bit rough lately and when I read your messages I just think Im being selfish by complaining, so have kept a bit quiet.

You all seem to be coping with much worse than I am and I so much admire all of you.

Colly Im so happy that you have reached the end of chemo, ive truly hated this experience and cant wait for my last one on 26th October, when do you start your rads?

Caz you are such a brave lady, I cry when I look at my false left boob!!! with my other one dangling down beside it looking old and saggy....I truly cant imagine how you are feeling, I just wish I could speed up time so we are all well looking fab and sipping cocktails laughing and smiling at one another..

To each and everyone of you, I send my love and good wishes.

Lee xxxxxxx

Hi lee yeah had my last chemo was Wednesday, so feeling quite rough today and prob be like this for a few days, radio starting in about 5 weeks and will last for 5 weeks then a boost of rads on the 6th week, so hopefully all over and done with for Xmas, I asked oncologist yesterday how I know if the cancer has def all gone as they don't offer any kind of scan which surprises me, she did say the next 2 years are very important as obviously that's when it can return, god I don't know if I could cope again, I just feel I'm not myself, my life belongs to a stranger, she says if I can get past 5 years then I'm on a winning streak, but surely every ache or pain I have I'm going to think I've got cancer, how do we get over this feeling? She advises healthy eating and exercise,s right now I don't have the energy for exercise lol but hopefully after the rads I will. Is this the first time you have had breast cancer or is it a returning one? I've to go for an endescopy on 18th oct as I'm having bad heart burn and the other night I got a real fright when a bit of beef got stuck in my wind pipe for over half an hour, even when I took a drink of water it landed on top and wouldn't shift beef, I was really frightened, eventually I was sick and it came up, I'm now worried that it's something more sinister, oncologist says it's more likely to be the lining of my stomach that has been affected with the chemo but I can't help but worrying. Anyway I suppose I need to think more positively, chemo is over and rads will be starting and hopefully I'm on the road to recovery, hope you gals are doing well, sorry for the rant. Have a great weekend. Colly x

Hi Colly, my heart goes out to you, and I know exactly! how your feeling, unfortunately I had breat cancer feb 2009 whereupon I had a lumpectomy and then rads for 3 weeks, they told me I had got it very early and I was given the "all clear" by December 2009 and then in April 2010 it had come back angrier than ever, this time I had to have a mastectomy followed by chemo and them it will be Tamoxefen for 5 years, Im just taking each day at a time right now and trying not to dwell on what may or may not happen in the future, I try to stay strong and positive but we are all human and worries will appear from time to time, 18 years ago Olivia Newton-John had breast cancer and she is still here today looking fabulous 7 years ago Kylie Monogue had breast cancer and look at her now, There are not 100% guarantees honey the doctors will tell you that, but we are lucky in one way, we have survived it once and that means we a tough little cookies and in my case twice.

Enjoy your life to the full and count every day as a blessing and I look forward to one day meeting you and giving you a great big hug :-> xx

Hi lee thanks for your support, god how do you cope having to go through all this again, so do you not need radio this time round? I too have to have tamoxifen for next 5 years, my oestrogen levels are quite low and oncologist wasn't going to give tamoxifen but she decided she is. Thanks again babe x

hi Lee Colly and all

sounds like everyone has had woobly emotional week.

my hair strarted to fall out monday and now has gone evn though i knew it was goin to happen it was still freaky looks bloody awful but part of process i gues 2 fantastic friends took me back to wig shop 2day and i bought a longish red one (i had short red bob) decided if this gonna happen may as well have a change (but i am scared iam going to look like a drag queen )my husband loves it and they r very honest friends so hope it looks ok i am wearing it at this moment trying to get used to it !!

i was begining to wonder if i should be having chemo (only had one 2nd one monday )as i had no spread to nodes but surgoen said i was fit enough to have everything chemo and radio after so i opted for it all .i hope that will cut chances of having to face all this again . it must be a nightmare to face it again !!

take care everyone love and hugs and thanks for bein there have fun weekend in sunshine lots love nina xxxxxx

Hi Ladies,

I have just got a phone call that has knocked me onto my backside and have come in here for a bit of advice.

I was told by my surgeon that I don't need radiotherapy.... then a week later I was told by my registrar that I wouldn't need chemo...... Brilliant news!

My breast care nurse (Barbara) rang today to see how I was because I was a pile of snot and tears when I went in on Tuesday.

She told me that the surgeon and registrar shouldn't have told me me that I wouldn't be having chemo and radiotherapy because that is not their decision whether or not I have the treatment.... That choice will be made next Tuesday by my oncologist.

So I still might have to have chemotherapy and or radiotherapy.... I find out on Tuesday.

Why do they do that.... why raise my hopes?

I just want to cry again

love Caz xx

Hi Caz,

I was told by my gynae/fertility nurse in March this year that I was the wrong age for ovarian cancer - how wrong was she?! It's sometimes so confusing weeding out the truth from the opinion!!! Ask yourself who you trust more? One person has to make the decisions on the way forward for you otherwise this whole situation is more distressing than it should be. What kind of system do your care team have in place? I have only seen the same consultant all the way, even though he has had meetings about me (MDT meetings) with other departments................maybe the doctors and nurses can do the same for you? Whatever happens I hope everything turns out ok for you and your family. Keep smiling

Yorkie1 xxxxx

dear darlin Caz

you really have had a a **** time of all this .firtsly u are extremely vunerable at the moment so everything they say is hard to take especially when you keep getting different views!

your breast care nurse seeems to be sensible and the oncologist IS the bvest person to give u all the information but ultimately how much if any more treatment will be your descion to make he will advise u and give you best odds (soory i know that sounds harsh )but that is why we all have these horrible treatments to beat the odds of this horrible disease!! and we are all here with u fighting all the way.

i hope u dnot mind (and i actually wrote something similiar on your blog the other day sorry to repeat if u have already read it ) but i want to remind u of something you said to me when i first joined this group. the oncologist said i had no node spread and gave me my chances of survivial with different treatments basicially radio and tamoxefen added 8% and adding chemo another 4% my question was 4% worth all the anx and pain i would put myself and my family thru? lots of people gave me good advice including u and u said when my time comes if i am offered it i would do anything for even a 1% chance . that really helped me because at the end of the day we want to do everything to stay with the people we love u helped me so much make the descion . i am having 2nd chemo mon and yes its tough and yes my hair fell out this week but these things are temp and we can get thru them .

if u do need radio/and or chemo you can do it because you are giving yourself the best chance of beating this once and for all. you dr should not have said that it may be right and you dont need it but if you do YOU CAN do it and we will all help u

i hope u dont mind me going on but you have been thru so much i wanted to help like you helped me

lots love nad hugs nina

Hi Colly

You get through this because you have too, and thats it!! none of us are the kind to just give up, so let the battle commence.

I cant have rads this time round cos Ive already had it just over a year ago in the same place so the scar tissue is too vulnerable at the moment.

Nina it is hard loosing your hair I know it knocked me sideways, but as you have said it is only temporary and you get the chance to experiment with styles that you would never have done before.

Night time is the worse for me, I seem to be taking more off these days than ever before...false boob, wig, eyelashes he he I often wonder how my husband copes with this alien wondering into the bedroom..

Caz I feel like weeping for all the pain you are suffering right now but Nina is right if they come back and say you have to have chemo and or rads then so be it, lets blast this thing once and for all, I wish I had had chemo last year then maybe it would not have come back like it did, they told me I didnt need it and they were wrong so make sure you pin them down and get the answers you need and want. Take a deep breath and put one foot in front of the other noone can ask any more of you. Im thinking of you constantly and send you my prayers for strength and courage.

Love to you all

Lee xx

Hi Caz

I think you have gone through a horrible time, there have been so many changes along the way, you must be feeling very unsure about the professionals that are supposed to be looking after you?

Have you had your pathology report or been told the results and have they told you what grade your cancer was, if so why not do a bit of research before you go to the oncologist and find out what the normal treatment is for your type of cancer, then at least you can question him rather than just be told what they propose.

I think the worse thing is not knowing, once you know you can get your head around it, accept it and get on with it.

All the best

Lots of love

Anne

x

Hi Caz

I think you have gone through a horrible time, there have been so many changes along the way, you must be feeling very unsure about the professionals that are supposed to be looking after you?

Have you had your pathology report or been told the results and have they told you what grade your cancer was, if so why not do a bit of research before you go to the oncologist and find out what the normal treatment is for your type of cancer, then at least you can question him rather than just be told what they propose.

I think the worse thing is not knowing, once you know you can get your head around it, accept it and get on with it.

All the best

Lots of love

Anne

x

hi girl,

Colly, I am so sorry that you are having such a hard time of it honey, I do hope it all settles down for you soon, but until then, please don't suffer alone, come in here and talk to us, I don't knowhow you are feeling, but there are other ladies on here that have been where you are now, they can talk to you and help you get through this tough time.

Thank you to all of you for giving me a much needed reality check, If I need to have chemo or radiotherapy... then so be it, When I first found out I had cancer I said I would fight it and beat it, my daughter is only 14, but said then that I will see her grow up and get married, even if I have to do it with no breasts and no hair.... Well I now have no breasts... and let's face it, at least my hair will grow back..... so if I need these treatments to beat it... Then bring it on.

I really don't know what I would do without this site..... You have all helped make this so much easier to cope with

So from me... a ver big thank you to you all

Dave is taking me out for the day on Monday, so I will come in on Tuesday after I have been to the hospital to tell you what they have to say

Take care

Love Caz xxx

well done caz

have alovely week end and day out on monday .

write down any questions u have for oncologist so u are prepared!

u will be fine because u are strong lady

lots love nina xxxxx