Hi I'm 45 and just found out that a lump I had on my breast is cancerous, I had lump and lymph nodes removed last tues, so I'm now waiting to hear what treatment I'm going to need, My consultant has said most likely 8 sessions of chemo every 3 weeks, so 6 months in total and then radiotherapy mon-fri for a month, so i'm kinda in the unknown zone at the moment. Not looking forward to the hair loss, terribly vain i know, but my hair is very important to me like most women, I colour it blonde which will obviously have to stop. As far as I know my chemo will be given intrevenously, so my hair will most probably fall out. I am going to look into getting a real hair wig as I dont think i've got the guts to go au natural, I've also picked up a couple of bandanas to wear about the house. My partner says it doesnt matter if my hair falls out, as long as i'm here. Luckily I've found the lump very early by self examination whilst on holiday and my consultant is very positive about me getting better. I'm very wary about the next 9 months but feel quite determinded that chemo is a wonder drug and will make me better. My girls are 22 and 20 and are amazing, they have read stories in magazines about Kylie, sally from corrie etc and are determined I will just do what the doc says and get better, my partner who ive only been with for 2 years is the most wonderful guy ever, dunno what I'd do without him, he's been with me every step of the way. I was worried about losing my breast, but fortunately I had a lumpectomy which looks amazing. my consultant says put your life on hold for the next 6-9 months get better and you'll never look back, oh yeah sounds easy, but im trying really hard. I hope I'm still this positive whilst I go through my treatment (def not I hear you say) lol, but I'm a determined ***!

Hope to chat to others in the same situation xx

hi colly

just had my lump and nodes removed thursday (12th Aug) so will know my treatment shortly. I am expected to have radiotherapy and chemo but i thought radiotherapy came first, seems on here it is the other way around - perhaps I wasn't listening. I'm feeling a bit daunted at what comes next but more so for the effect it will have on the family - i worry too about not being the glamourous vital woman i was and will that change my realationship with my partner and so on. Although we are planning to get married. So much to talk about! it would appear you will be going through treatment at around the same time as me, so if you would like to stay in touch and discuss our good and bad days, please do !!! my email is simplysara1@hotmail.com

wishing the best of luck to you

sara

Hi Leonie, thought the spelling was too good for you lol, only joking babes, thats lovely of Jon to type your message for you. Glad you had a lovely time with your friends and relatives, its nice to just chill out and not think of whats happening to yourself. Im feeling fine and yes i need to take one day at a time. The new ladies are such an inspitation to us too, worrying about hairloss all the things that we were all worried about, hairloss to me was the biggest hurdle to cross and to be honest still is, i feel so unattractive, just cant get into the wig but i'll have to if i want to go out and about as seeing my scalp may put people off their dinner lol, at the mo still wearing the scarves in the house and my skip cap when im out at shops etc. I still have quite a lot of hair and nurses are amazed how much ive left, but its thin and wispy, a bit like a babies hair where you can see their scalp and when they wake up in the morn its all sticking up lol well thats my hair. Anyway i'll get away and tidy up a bit. Hope everyone is well. Col xx

hi col

feeling how you are is normal. half way through chemo i felt awful n each one made things worse physically n mentally i was in such a dark place. youre left in your own pain thoughts n feelings n thats a lonely place to be. by that time i could hardly move n you wonder about the end of treatment. thing is there are no answers cos chemo should of done its job n they dont scan to make sure you are cancer free. you just have to check yourself n listen to your body n thats not very comforting is it. mamograms yearly but it doesnt check the rest of your body does it. it made me realise its never gonna be over. do you remember my post when i asked about the all clear? you just got to believe in the meds youve been given n raise money for cancer research so they can find a cure. a good way to spend time n energy i think. when your minds in a better place everythings easier to cope with.

as for feeling unattractive, thats the way it is for us women. we dont make it easy on ourselves either do we. ask your john n he finds you as lovely now as he did when he met you. we look a bit different thats all. i just didnt look in the mirror. i couldnt wear makeup cos my eyes were stinging all the time. now i cant wear mascara cos ive hardly enough lashes to put it on! eyebrows are coming back with a vengance n my hair is growing but not all over yet. it will get better.

caroline, if you are on benefits you will be able to claim petrol money n parking fees for any hospital app. so ask for a petrol form at the reception of your app n then you go to another office n they give you your money back. also macmillan give out grants so speak to your cancer nurse about it. hope that helps.

charly will be home in a min so better get off. its took me an hour to write this, thats why jon typed last night! hope some of it helps you colly but know its also scary what i wrote. try not to worry too much, we cant change any of it. day by day ey.

lots of love leonie xxxxxxxx

Hi Leonie thanks for replying, your post brought tears to my eyes, it is very worrying that we dont get a scan after everything we've been through. I know im blessed to have caught this early and should be grateful im alive. Just cant help worrying, anyway im going to try and not worry, ive not lost my eyebrows or eye lashes, maybe thats still to come i dunno.S Anyway i think im just a born worrier lol. Speak soon. Col x

Hey all,

my daughter of 16 just split with her fella and she's all tears. my front tooth fell out today. I messed up my neices face book by accident and nearly lost her her job. oh deep joy.

anyway all sorted. I had my hair cut three inches. I am going to buy a wig next friday ready for the chemo - and to choose a couple of others for when cash allows so i can have a change. I was very tearful at the prosepct of losing my hair after taking 5 years to grow it from 7 inches to 17. However, i have found WIGBANK. if you ladies (and gents) are having a few money issues, (cancer is expensive!!) have a look at this site. Before I realised I could afford at least one (cheaper end) wig, i found this site and cried with relief.

It hit me then afterwards, that if I felt this, but had a partner who said me being bald with no eyebrows or lashes and a false tooth could still love me, what about those who did not have such support. I have written to wig bank to see if they will help me set up something in my area, and I am going to learn how to attach false eyelashes and draw on eye brows. I am going to learn how to use subtle makeup to enhance ladies who need a little confidence, tlc and pampering. It will be a free service but they will pay for any makeup or lashes wigs etc that they want.

I also decided I couldn't do much about losing my hair - it will be out of my control, therefore how do I turn this into an advantage? Well, I always wanted long hair, sometimes I like it curly, sometimes I don't. So why not have two or three wigs of the same colour with straight, wavy and curls? I can change according to my mood and each style will just look like I have done soemthing different. I can even have the hair of my dreams for my wedding. Let's just hope the tooth on a plate that comes next week is better than the nanny mcphee look I've had since monday!!!!

Yes i am annoying and sound so positive right now, and i know i won't feel so great when the radiation and chemo start, but you've all been so lovely to me, I hope that some of my positive feelings right now will rub off on some of you.

i too get my sentinel node biopsy results next week and i am a bit nervous - it may mean more nodes need to be removed and possibly more from the breast. I share your fears with how it all pans out. So for those of you who have wine - god i would love a glass but pay day is next week and i can't get any till then. do me a favour and slug that gorgeous nectar around and have a glass for me - a BIG one!!! Love and best wishes to all

sara x

Hi Leonie,

Lovely to hear from you.You really are being greedy with these side effects !! You are determined to have them all We shall all have a bottle of wine ready to celebrate when you finish treatment.I cant believe the horrible time you have had and you always seem so cheerful and lovely. Colly,it is normal to feel as you do but it will get better.Keep in there sweetheart. Hello to all the other girls on here.I wish you all the luck in the world. Rose xxx

Hi sara,

You are far from annoying and it is lovely to read up beat posts,it helps us all.that is a lovely idea to pass on tips about hair and make up.I will send some sites that i have come across tomorrow.Here in sunny Wales we have a Maggies center and they have workshops for make up and hair and it is great to have this help and to get together with people in the same situation as ourselves,

Roll on next week,that wine will taste all the better for the wait :love:

Rose xxx

A big hello to everyone

I have been reading the posts and felt quite - well overwhelmed I guess. You are all so warm and welcoming, caring and supportive when you are probably in some ways at your worst. thank you all so much for making me feel so welcome - and taking away that terribly lonely isolated feeling.

sara xxxxxxxx

Hi Ladies

It's good to hear from you all

Lonie, Thank you for the advice about petrol and parking... I didn't realise that you could claim expences back.... that is a huge weight off my mind, and I have got a appointment with the Macmillan benifits officer next wednesday... so I am calming down a bit now.

I was watching a film yesterday and when it finished I just left the television on, and another film came on called "Matters of life and dating" And it was all about a woman called Linda Dankin (Played by Ricki Lake) and it was based on a true story...... And it's all about a single woman called linda who finds out she has breast cancer.... It's a very moving story about how this woman coped with finding she has cancer, having a mastectomy and her recovery and how she got back to work and back into dating..... I laughed, I cried but I most definitely related to the film..... It is so inciteful that I thought there muct have been some serious research gone into making the the film..... but as you get to the end of the film you see that the whole film was made by a poet friend of the lady in question "Linda Dankin" who was also in the same cancer support group as Linda having undergone a mastectomy and chemotherapy herself.

A fantastic film that I could recommed to anyone going through breast cancer..... She had so many of the same worries and fears that I have myself...... it's definitely worth a look

It's called..... Matters of life and dating.

Love Caz xx

Hi guys

so sorry Its been so long, but I have been reading all your posts, Hi to Sara and Caroline sorry you have had to join us, but Im glad the chats have been helping you, I myself have found so much strength from these wonderful ladies, Tues I go for my 3rd Chemo ....so sorry you havnt been feeling to good Colly and you too Lonie your previous post made me cry I wanted so much to just give you a great big hug.

Rose Im glad your not returning to work too soon, thought Id update you on the bald front lol, trying to see the bright side .....quicker showers! no need for an umbrella, money saved on shampoo etc etc.

Have been feeling great these last 2 weeks and have joined the gym again, but am aware that come tues I will feel like pooh again for a few days, still almost half way there ...roll on christmas hey!!.

Much love to you all

Lee xxx

Hi lee well don't you look fab without hair. You have a lovely face which obviously helps. I feel so much better but like yourself I know come wed I'll feel rubbish for a few days then back to normal. Hope everyone is well. Col x

Hi lee well don't you look fab without hair. You have a lovely face which obviously helps. I feel so much better but like yourself I know come wed I'll feel rubbish for a few days then back to normal. Hope everyone is well. Col x