Hi Jayjay, I know exactly how you feel - it’s difficult to feel positive when all you can see are hurdles! 
I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in 2020 and whilst I’m currently on chemo for my 2nd recurrence, I’m still here and most of the time I carry on as normal. 
That doesn’t mean that I don’t grieve for the life I thought I would have (though to be honest, before I was diagnosed I took my good health for granted and never thought I would get cancer!) but it has made me appreciate what I’ve got now and to make the most of each day. Reading that back, I probably sound a bit preachy and I don’t mean to be! You will have good days and bad days but as time goes by I think your confidence will return. I had nearly 2 years before my 1st recurrence and ovarian cancer is notoriously sneaky! 
I’ll leave you on a positive note, my sister had breast cancer 15 years ago and has never had a recurrence so I hope that helps boost your mood a little. Take care xx

Hello Jayjay,I am sorry to hear you are feeling so down . It is definitely a very hard journey to go through . I found I had bilateral breastcancer in July 22 , a month before my son’s wedding . I plodded on without telling the family til after the honeymoon. I had the mastectomies and finished my chemotherapy last March ,I felt well throughout and tried to be positive . I am still feeling good ,and I am sure you will too . I see my friends and go out and about . My hair has come back and I have had my breasts reconstructed. You will get through this ,I try not to think about what could happen in the future,but whatever happens I am ready to deal with it . There is a Maggies centre at our hospital, they are very helpful to talk to ,if you have one try and use it . Accept any help you can get . Good luck ,positive vibes xxx

Hello Jayjay, dont apologise for being honest. I think thats exactly why this forum exists as there are few places you can be really honest if you have cancer. I completely understand why you feel the way you do and i think its completely normal. I fell apart a little when i finished my radiotherapy. I was focussed on the practical day to day things until that point. I did a coping with change workshop and that hrlped a lot as everyone felt the same as me. Cancer changes you. They said its like a jenga game where the tower has fallen. We are rebuilding our towers. We will always be people with cancer, not the people we were, but time helps im told. We are lucky that we have grest breast cancer treastments and these are improving all of the time. Im left eith not very nice side effects of treatment too which is hard. All i can suggest is keep talking it out and hold onto the hope that things will get better. Most people who get breast cancer eventually die of something else. That fact helps me a lot and i hope it helps you. Dark days get less and things will get better

Sorry to hear you're having such a hard time at the moment. You have already got through having mastectomy and chemo, which is amazing. I am just starting this horrible journey and waiting for oncology appointment. Will then need mastectomy and radiotherapy too. I can understand how you feel your life has changed forever, I would think many people have the same thoughts. I wish you well on the next stage of your journey. Xx

It was so nice to read your lovely reply to Jayjay. I will be starting chemo soon and it was good to hear that you felt well throughout. Is there any advice you can give, that helped you through this time?

Thanks for your reply. I'm so glad your sister is doing well. You sound like a very positive lady. 

Hi. There isn't a Maggies Centre near me unfortunately.

I find the Macmillan nurses very helpful and have talked to them several times.

 Just feel doomed.

Thank you Pippin. Yes it's the change to your routine that's hard. Good luck on your journey you sound a positive person. 

Yes its very sobering itsnt it. Nobody can tell you how you should feel as only you can know that. I find comfort in knowing other in similar situations feel the same. We can support each other and be honest about what we are going through. Im facing my year 1 mammogram and im terrified. The waiting is horrible.